What was your "it's really over" moment?

Riff_Raff1 · 2025-11-25T03:10:41+00:00

When she told me, in front of our kids, she didn’t respect me, and that I had to earn her respect — this after 20+ years.

81Ack5mith · 2025-11-22T22:22:31+00:00

emotionally, literally 10 minutes after we said "yes" in our wedding ceremony. the reason is, she was pissed about behaviour of a guest and literally lost her mind screaming at me like crazy when we went to backstage room. those minutes felt like hell and killed lots of feelings in me.

she promised to not to do that mistake again. 3 months later, she did it again, called her and my parents in the middle of the night, packed her bag and left home. it was that literal moment she stepped out of the door that i knew we were never getting back together. I didn't accept any of her attempt to sit and talk. and now we're divorcing.

of course lots of problems in between these two moments made me think that this is not going anywhere but you can't forget some moments like this.

tdacct · 2025-11-20T21:09:09+00:00

2023 she told me she didnt love me. I kept trying with requests for counseling, date nights, etc.

July 2024 we went on a trip to DC and busch, just the 2 of us. No conversation, no contact, no emotion... we were strangers sharing a room and car and meals. Walking near each other at the museums, usually not even that much. Thats when I knew without any doubt it was dead.

Oct 2024 she started refusing dates, and refused any more counseling / therapy.

Jan 2025 she moved out.

distractyourface · 2025-11-22T02:02:46+00:00

My spouse made up a fabricated story and attacked me when I denied it. Knowing it would be my last straw I shut down and now informs everybody I ended the marriage because I shouted “we’re done”…

oh then immediately texted my mother and brought her to live with us against my wishes to try make me seem mentally unstable unfit for two.

Now conned her own father to drive over 1000 miles to live in the house to make her feel “comfortable “ for the past 30 days.

We have a 5 year old Son or I would of been out minute one :(

coasti33 · 2025-11-21T19:11:23+00:00

When she told me she think she's a lesbian and not attracted to me. We still carried on 8 more years and her then turning to evangelical Christianity was the end.

Character-Change-507 · 2025-11-21T18:10:18+00:00

My friend messaged me and told me he was concerned about my ex. I was in denial fighting her over it for months. Seeing someone else recognize her actions and it wasn't me. He helped me see through her gas lighting

Factastical · 2025-11-21T14:47:53+00:00

It wasn't when I found out about the cheating. It wasn't when I found out about the non stop lying. It wasn't when she ran for the bank and cleaned me out. It wasn't when I ended up in a roach motels, sometimes sleeping in my car while having the ability and the backing to avoid the squalor. It often felt like I was punishing myself. The constant panic attacks that ended in a bathroom leaning against the door, my eyes like a hydrant without much thought to cause the floods.
It was when her own family told me everything else I was missing. And today her family goes through me to see the kids. I was a fool. I was blind. I would have forgiven again and again. I was saved by the most unlikely people. Her own flesh and blood. She is a sick monster. The kids don't know just yet. They know she lies often. They don't judge her yet. But I dread the day that they will. Because I think it will mess them up to have a compulsive liar for a mother. And I don't know how to fix that. There is no way to fix it. I tried to hide it from them. I did so well. Until the silver bullet process and alienation started in year 4. That was hard to hide and now the kids understand all of it. I hold the courts and system accountable 100% for allowing lies with complete impunity and billing 500 hourly for that privilege.

BreakGrouchy · 2025-11-21T13:49:42+00:00

Found out she was using hard drugs and willing to do anything To get them .

whistful1 · 2025-11-21T03:38:06+00:00

When she drunkenly told me I was a “nobody worthless loser” - still stings. I knew that there was nothing I could ever do to “win her back.” Not to mention the drinking, gaslighting, and cheating…

ExcellentCup3100 · 2025-11-21T03:29:47+00:00

She literally told me she didn't love me.

balanced-asymmetry · 2025-11-21T02:50:55+00:00

Edit: I totally misunderstood the assignment, but I'll leave this up.

I already had retained a lawyer but was dragging my feet. It came down to one day when she was yelling at me in front of the kids and I calmly told her that the kids could hear us and that we shouldn't argue in front of the kids (as our couples therapist told us numerous times) and she said she wants them to hear it. I knew them that I was teaching the kids to be aggressive like her or to be passive like me in relationships, and that I needed to leave to not subject them to it anymore and demonstrate boundaries.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-11-21T01:25:52+00:00

When she changed her FB profile picture that was always the 5 of us, to a picture of just her and the kids. About 18 months later she told me we’re divorcing. So that’s when I felt the moment of shift, though I tried to prove my worth to her and our family ignoring the shift and the she just ended it randomly one night. Household felt “normal”, no major fights, still intimate , said ILY daily with a kiss, date nights every month, went away for a week to Mexico and long weekend to a casino in CT, and I had such a fun time and boy it felt like she was have a blast as well… but then it was just over over.

Complex_Sympathy1078 · 2025-11-21T01:03:56+00:00

She left 3 months ago, divorced finalized a couple weeks ago. She cheated on me with a woman. We have 3 kids. I’m an idiot and am in shock and still can’t accept it’s really over.

fiddsy · 2025-11-21T00:48:53+00:00

When we had an argument over our dead bedroom and she said:

' I lay on my back for you for over 10 years when I didn't want 2 '

That was that. While she said it out of anger and wanted to hurt me - there was no coming back from that While already emotionally, physically and sexually disconnected.

liquid-icee · 2025-11-20T22:47:19+00:00

The week before we separated when after a fight she left and then told me she was 45 minutes away (“coincidentally” in the same town her “friend” lived) and lied straight to my face saying she was alone. 3 months after we finalized they were married.

IAPiratesFan · 2025-11-20T22:26:00+00:00

When I walked out of the courtroom. I never thought she’d go through with it, she said the same wedding vows I did “for better or worse, till death do us part.”

It felt in that moment like that the wedding vows meant nothing to her.

jimsmythee · 2025-11-20T21:52:25+00:00

It was when she was fresh out of jail from yet another great big DUI crash. Kids were in the car when she crashed while driving high as a kite. She did her jail time and had $7500 in DUI fines plus a $300 loan for a DUI atty from her parents.. She refused to work.

She and her mom were there, with their hands out, demanding that I either work a second job to pay it. Or I borrow money from my mother to pay it. I told, “we are bankrupt. My mother isn’t going to give us $10000 for your DUI!” She said “don’t tell her it’s for that. Tell her the kids are sick or something. Damn you’re stupid.”

That was when I knew it was over. I filed for divorce the next week. No salvaging this.

123flocko · 2025-11-20T21:33:26+00:00

I can't even tell. I thought it was over so many times and I kept going back. I kept trying. I thought it might have been my fault (and I'm sure some of it was). At this stage, it doesn't matter. It's done.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-11-20T21:32:43+00:00

After a year of doing the pick me dance, doing all the inside and outside house chores, school pickups, paying for everything and cooking. I found out she has been texting various other men the whole time. That was the final nail in the coffin. From then onwards all I wanted is for her to get out and away from me.

Slowloris81 · 2025-11-20T21:32:06+00:00

When she assaulted me in front of the kids. That was a red line that was crossed and there was no turning back from there.

Commercial_Song_7595 · 2025-11-20T21:22:34+00:00

Last year we were at a large house party I tried to get handsey and she blew up and yelled at me infront of people… took another year but were separated now. I wish I would have just left that night

Ok-Republic2530 · 2025-11-20T21:15:42+00:00

when she would tell our kids that dad needs to get over it …now she hates me because I never took her back

jayjb25 · 2025-11-20T20:38:41+00:00

In marriage counseling when my ex was unable to shift from relentless venting and complaining to actually working on our marriage.

Very much for the best I'm not with her, but equally hard to find a companion at age 57 notwithstanding that I am in great shape and have an equally great career. Have found that most attractive women my age want empty nesters. I'm still actively parenting.

survivingtheyellowbr · 2025-11-20T20:31:08+00:00

When I asked her who the other guys was on the phone she was talking to and she just stared at me, lied about it to my face, and then left the house because "im crazy" and making up stuff. That's when it was really over

Key_Display_4189 · 2025-11-20T20:19:12+00:00

I know it's going to sound crazy..... We've been divorced for 4 years..... We have been close since with a strong co-parenting bond..... Really looking out for each other....until...... In July she told me she was with somebody else now and it had been going on for a while....... I'm not sure where I lost it more.... At the original divorce conversation or the conversation that she has somebody new or at least newer..... That's when it was really over and had that moment

AssistantActive9529 · 2025-11-20T20:14:03+00:00

“Your company is exploiting you by asking you to work more than 8 hours a day”

I’m a senior manager in my company make great money. Her new guy is a forklift driver barely making 39k, but he works exactly a 8 hour day. She hasn’t gotten the rude awakening just yet, but it’s coming.

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-11-20T20:06:54+00:00

The look in her eyes when she told me she couldn’t stay with me any longer. Completely checked out, cold, detached, robotic responses. I knew then. Didn’t mean I didn’t try to persuade or fix it, but I knew then.

Any-Original-1775 · 2025-11-20T19:10:56+00:00

My wife packed a bag and walked out, I was shocked. We were having issues. I never realised the gravity until that moment, which is fine, it often takes 2 for it to fail.

I asked to speak to her after 2 months of no contact. She got her mom to come and tell me I was being manipulative.

10 years together, apparently expecting a conversation when we have children was manipulation.

That was it for me, I saw the evil and emotional gymnastics she had performed in herself. Zero compassion, zero loyalty... I stood by her when she said some incredibly destructive things during our marriage. I realised my loyalty to her was one sided.

Title	What was your "it's really over" moment?
Author	Significant-Name-132
Upvotes	19
Comments	48
Date	November 20, 2025 5:56 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p29yzc/what_was_your_its_really_over_moment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-was-your-its-really-over-moment.1567002 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567002

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