When your STBXW bangs someone else

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2025-08-11T14:22:09+00:00

First off, why are you monitoring your STBXW? Transfer her number off of your mobile account.

And second why aren’t more worried about who you’re banging than who she’s banging?

I’m going to give you tough love here, but there is no tip to make it better. Get ahold of yourself and move on. Call your friends and have a guys night out and stop talking about. She’s your ex. Start acting like it

nosaj-samoht66 · 2025-08-10T14:34:33+00:00

I would post on your Facebook page that you are dealing with a nasty bout of herpes.

Also, depending on the state infidelity can affect the outcome of the divorce. So tell your attorney.

Then I’d recommend drinking a lot and calling her at 2AM.

Mickyfrickles · 2025-08-10T04:06:18+00:00

Something a friend said to me today: The grass is never greener on the other side. My soon to be ex seems to think it is, but she's going to get used and realize how good she had things before. You will have moved on by this time and your grass will be green and lush, all she will be able to do is look at it from over the fence.

maturin_nj · 2025-08-10T03:26:48+00:00

This is what they do. Its their go to becuase down deep they understand it's their primary value. Tips. You ghost. That means you are not in her life. You can't be relied upon for the stuff she relied on you for. Make her a stranger. If you have kids, keep everything short, biz, only. To a minimum. No kids - completely disappear. The longer it goes the more joyous it is. It's over from your point if view.

You detach. Believe it or not once she realizes your aren't an option you become more attractive.

First-Dimension-5943 · 2025-08-10T00:45:38+00:00

Definitely stop snooping—in many cases it’s actually illegal to read your stbx’s messages (state depending). But as many others have pointed out, it’s not good for your health either.

I’m currently in the early stages of my divorce and the best thing I’ve been doing is taking care of myself. Going to the gym, I play pickleball (which I absolutely love), I stay a little later at work, and spend time with my kids every chance I get. Just focus on you, and reignite your own life. It’s the best antidote.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-08-10T00:33:20+00:00

Best advice is to know that you're gonna have a wide range of emotions about this and those emotions are normal. You are processing grief and we all do it on our own timeline.

For me, just woke up one day and I was physically and mentally over it.

steinauf85 · 2025-08-09T23:16:22+00:00

Thank you for posting. This just happened to me two days ago and I haven’t come across many posts with this situation, where we already know it’s over, but it’s not final yet. I don’t know if it’s actually cheating or just the nail in the coffin.

Hit me like a ton of bricks even though I could see it coming. I know so many details (location, iMessage, Face ID, search history, email). She hasn’t logged out of our shared devices, or changed any passwords that I’ve known. It’s almost too easy. I know she knows she needs to do that but hasn’t bothered, either because she thinks I’m that oblivious or wants me to find out.

I realized why I’m snooping. It’s because it’s the only way I can feel connected to her (especially search history, because it’s like a window into her stray thoughts.) also feeling like I have this power of information. But The other guys advice is probably right. Snooping is only hurting me. She’s moved on. She wouldn’t have any remorse for doing it, because she’s done with me and would probably be more relieved that she wouldn’t think she needs to hide it anymore. Calling her out is only going to hurt me more than her.

I need to delete my access. I know enough that it’s cured me of my irrational hope that things could turn around.

Fuck.

l3landgaunt · 2025-08-09T22:22:43+00:00

I was mad at first, but my religion tells me the only valid reason for divorce is cheating. My religion is very important to me. Thankfully I realized that as bad as it hurts, she gave me the gift of freedom because she did the one thing that allows me to pursue future relationships if I so choose

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-08-09T18:13:53+00:00

Mine cheated for the last year and I was getting much better since April when I found out. Today I found out she's been having an affair with her 20 years older boss, too. Sometime in the last 7-8 years, maybe even before we had kids. And God knows for how long.

I am spiraling again with nausea and intrusive thoughts and can't eat again, been laying in bed all day like with a fever, back to square one. I hate that monster that I married. Pure evil, without any remorse, shame or regret. Guys, what the fuck do I do?

Need some words of reassurance.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-08-09T14:53:20+00:00

Go for long walks and focus on your future. Write your goals down and that should be where your attention goes. You’ll be with someone at some point too but become the best version of yourself first

dysfunctionalVET907 · 2025-08-09T14:49:02+00:00

Bro why are you tracking her? Delete that out of your life asap. Your turn is over. Good job on not drinking or bingeing. Focus on a past hobby or do something new that you have always wanted to try. Just force yourself out of your head.

probebeta · 2025-08-09T11:21:41+00:00

Just remember that she's just some chick. And you go bang some chicks too.

Virtual_Pay_9819 · 2025-08-09T05:05:14+00:00

My divorce isn’t yet final, but will be soon. But something I did long ago once we were separated was remove any find my devices or accounts from my phone. For me, those were too tempting and played too many mind games. Once deleted, you can’t go back at least to my knowledge. It only takes one second of courage.

Be courageous. You’ve got this!

Confident_Ask8782 · 2025-08-09T05:04:19+00:00

Worst is over, don’t make it worse Again. Go live and bang whoever you want. Why you care about her ? You were miserable with her.

Content-Class1259 · 2025-08-09T04:41:28+00:00

Here’s the thing, and it took me some time to figure this out….every time I found out something, checked where she was, found stuff I shouldn’t etc, the only person suffering was me. If I’d left it alone, yes, I’d be thinking, but I certainly wouldn’t have been hurting so bad. Like some have mentioned, I would go out of my way to see where she was or who she was with, wondering why her car was parked outside her office at 10.30pm etc etc etc. Even now I sometime think about a drive by to see who might be there, but, the only person who will suffer is me…I’ve learnt to just leave it alone and let time do its work.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-08-09T04:36:34+00:00

The best thing I did for myself was cutting off all communication if it didn’t have to do with the kids. I blocked her from all my social media as well as her family and friends since they were spying. She actually cut off find my because that’s how I found out she was cheating.

You need to understand that it’s done. She’s not worth your time. The more you stalk her the longer it’s going to take you to move on.

Women move on much quicker than men because they have an easier time dating. Get yourself out there when you’re ready and you’ll forget all about her. I go days without thinking about my ex wife. Usually when she pops in my head it’s because something reminded me of how glad I am that I’m no longer with her.

mchop68 · 2025-08-09T03:56:13+00:00

I’m coming out of this as we speak. I’m going to DM you.

Jojothereader · 2025-08-09T03:10:36+00:00

Pass p around

outsideofaustin · 2025-08-09T02:57:40+00:00

The thought processes that helped me... is there are literally billions of women in this world. Many of them I'd love to sleep with. Why think about only one of them?

And, I've already been with her countless times. It is time for something new.

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else (this isn't really true, but I like the saying.)

Key_Display_4189 · 2025-08-09T02:54:12+00:00

Worst feeling in world bro...I'm divorced x 3.5 yr with an12yo....was doing ok until she stared a relationship....now I have OCD...checking Whatsapp....I even drove to validate she was at his place in the middle of the night ...FML everyone says it'll get better....hope so

ReinventingOldDog · 2025-08-09T02:49:46+00:00

The day will come. You won't give a shit what or who she's doing. It sucks. Trust me, I know. But it'll pass. I promise.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-08-09T02:46:15+00:00

Stop following her in any way (social media, GPS, etc.) or giving her any attention whatsoever. Time to live your own life.

I don’t want her back so I really don’t care what she does now.

Substantial-Run3367 · 2025-08-09T02:33:41+00:00

I think that for me at least I choose how I see something like this. I feel bad for the guy with my ex. She's not changed a bit and will eventually drag his life through the mud if he sticks around to long.

Udjebfk · 2025-08-09T02:22:07+00:00

Glad you're not drinking. Sorry for what you're going through. It'll be in the past soon.

thriller1122 · 2025-08-09T02:14:05+00:00

You said it yourself, step one has to be getting rid of the methods you used to learn that this is happening. No good can come from it. No drinking = positive step. Maybe call up a friend? Go see a movie? Get out and walk? Your mind is going to be racing, and since it is something you obviously struggle with right now, a good plan is to try and take your mind off it.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-09T13:32:28+00:00

Escort services provide a more authentic experience.

O12345678 · 2025-08-09T19:57:34+00:00

Mine was banging other dudes for 10 years and probably still is. The upside is that I'm already over it. It bothers me a little less 8 years after I found out, but it's still the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning or am laying in bed and can't sleep.

I think you should focus on yourself right now and not worry about what she's doing.

Title	When your STBXW bangs someone else
Author	jaglio69
Upvotes	33
Comments	37
Date	August 9, 2025 2:09 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mldto1/when_your_stbxw_bangs_someone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-your-stbxw-bangs-someone-else.1559182 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559182

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