Any advice going into my 20’s?

findnbalance · 2020-12-14T00:13:11+00:00

Get smart about your money. Pay off debts - starting with highest interest first. Build a emergency fund. Open a Roth IRA and start building your retirement NOW because compound interest will be your bff. Look into investing, and if you have a career with an employer 401k, contribute what you need to get the match (free money). Always have bail out money in a relationship. Financial independence is an absolute safety net for women, especially because we are 80% more likely than men to be impoverished at retirement age. Build that nest egg now! :)

Macabre-b-ean · 2020-12-14T00:52:32+00:00

Don’t sacrifice yourself for a man - ever. Not for his career, his wants for children, or his wants when it comes the country you live in! You have time! Also, as mature as you think you are, you will grow times 100 in the next 10 years.

gingerwabisabi · 2020-12-14T02:39:55+00:00

Money money money! Get financially independent asap (so that you can live off your investments) and continually read about both that and career advice so you are as smart as possible. You can really hustle hard in your 20s, so take advantage of that. If I'd known then what I know now I'd be a multimillionaire already. Aim for that by 30. But don't talk about it to guys or much of anyone, really.

Learn everything you can about psychology and healthy mindsets and habits. . Take lots of pictures of yourself, because no matter what you think you are gorgeous right now.

Your brain will not mature for another five years. It was super noticeable to me when mine did.

Have fun! and happy birthday!

ravenx1979 · 2020-12-14T00:35:19+00:00

Focus on you. Your money, your education, save...buy a home, start retirement. Date if you want,but its way too easy to get married and have kids...then be divorced and uneducated with no money by 40. I only have 1 friend still married, after all of us being married by 25,and most were stay at home moms (myself included) and now are in school or working low wage jobs. You have plenty of time for marriage and children if that is something you want. Travel, its money well spent. You don't need a closet full of fancy labels or an expensive car. You do need to build personal equity,and keep it yours.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-12-14T01:34:27+00:00

If he can’t or won’t make you cum, he’s not the one.

If you can’t make him cum, he’s a porn addict and he’s definitely not the one.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-12-14T00:17:32+00:00

If you ever want to sleep with a guy you should go home and sleep on it first. Think it over!

Also learn how to drop people quick when they show signs of being creeps and pickmes.

Build good boundaries!

jgtjc · 2020-12-14T01:23:43+00:00

Focus on your education, hobbies, including physical hobbies for your health plus creative/social hobbies, and platonic friendships. If you don’t know what education you want yet, work full time first and save money to later put a down payment for an income property (like a studio condo you rent out).

You need a best friend who isn’t a boyfriend who you can trust like a sister. Do not become overly dependent on a man for any weakness in your life. He can seem like an angel for years and then turn into someone else entirely who seeks to destroy you, whether evidently or with subtle manipulation, if you stand up to him in a way he doesn’t like. Trust is earned over a long period of time. Do not assume someone is good because of the stories they tell you. Those stories might not be true. A man has to prove himself to you for years before marriage. Falling in love and romance are extremely strong feelings, so perhaps write a letter to your future self about the promises you want to make to yourself.

LadyGrimes · 2020-12-14T01:07:16+00:00

Take care of yourself, I didn't in those days and now I'm riddled with all sorts of health issues. Always trust your intuition as well. I should have done that also but I didn't.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-12-14T03:26:18+00:00

Focus on getting yourself set up and what you want in life. Lay groundwork or if you don’t know what you want, try enough things that you at least find a direction to head in. Even if you don’t 100% have an endgame in mind, any movement may set you on a path to find what you want long term. Save money, go to school, figure out where you want to buy a house, or travel or what have you. Don’t go broke trying to keep up with the Joneses.

If you do date, don’t overinvest in it at your expense. Men will want you to drop everything and focus on them and they are not the ones. If you do happen to meet a HVM in your twenties, he should support self improvement and investment and understand you continuing to invest in yourself, not try to derail it. Don’t give up opportunities, or move, or prioritize someone else, even if they promise you the world. No HVM will ask that of you.

Also, don’t date age gaps. When i hit thirty, it’s disgusting looking back on the old ass men that wanted to date me when I was young. The thought of dating a 22 year is revolting to me, they’re so young and still finding themselves, it’s just predatory and gross. Not trying to insult you by calling you young, it’s just a different life stage and you should enjoy being young and not let some old ass predator take your youth.

Striking_Play_1393 · 2020-12-14T12:48:02+00:00

Awww happy birthday!! Something I wished I came to terms with sooner in life: 1. Life is not fair, never will be. No point to dwell on it. Learn the rules and play the best you can, you will come short sometimes but will succeed at the end as long as you try. We adapt or we die. 2. Whenever you worry about someone's opinion ask yourself: do they pay my bills? If the answer is NO their opinion can fuck off. Never take criticism from people who you'd never take advice from. Be bluntly unapologetic, you don't owe anything to anyone. 3. People don't change. This one is a tough one but the sooner you learn how to cut people out of your life the easier your life will be.

honumaluhia · 2020-12-14T03:25:07+00:00

Make sure that you choose a career and invest in it. Don't just taper off and stop working or have gaps in your timeline. Prioritize your career above men. This is how you ensure that you will be financially independent and never have to rely on a man (whether he is your legal partner or not) for rent, bills, car insurance. Additionally, choose a major or career that will allow you to live comfortably and that you are passionate about. Don't be intimidated by the daunting 10 years of becoming a doctor or the difficulty of an engineering degree if that is what you choose. I guarantee that you are smarter and more hard-working than you think.

When choosing men to date in your 20s do not date above 1-2 years. Do your best to stick to your age and 1-2 years younger is perfectly fine (obviously not right now, don't date teenage boys). Older does not translate to more mature. What it really means is that they have more years on you to hone their manipulation and gas-lighting tactics, a higher salary than you so they will expect you to cater to their career and pick up their slack in your relationship because you make less. In our 20s, we have not yet developed our bullshit detector for lies or redflags. Men who are older (even just 3 years older) can have red flags and we won't even see it coming because we don't have those experiences yet that create that suspicious "gut feeling". In your 20s, if a man is more than 3 years older than you, yeet right out of there. If you choose to only heed one of my tips, let it have been the one above.

Do not do "adulting" tasks for any man. No laundry, doing his errands, cooking him meals, teaching him how to deal with his emotions appropriately– these are skills that you can magically surprise him with when you are married. Even then, be wary of taking on the domestic role in a marriage. Women do much more unpaid labor than men in the home. Continuously vet even in a marriage (I know this is likely far off, but it's good to know now).

astycakes · 2020-12-14T01:27:21+00:00

[deleted]

2020-12-14T15:01:23+00:00

IVF is an option, if you want kids.

You being marriage material doesn't make HIM marriage material.

need-to-irl-level-up · 2020-12-14T02:56:11+00:00

Go on adventures, travel, put yourself first and get to love who you are and who you will become. You are never too late to make your dreams come true. With covid, I know you cants really travel right now, but it could be a good opportunity to save money for your long term goals

wishnebulaex · 2020-12-14T05:18:22+00:00

Childs aside; never sacrifice for anyone, never settle, use most of your free time for your pursuits and hobbies; never lose control, take care of your health everyday, write a diary and meditate your emotions so you can cut off the things that bothers you.

Meditate every important decision troughtly.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-12-14T01:19:57+00:00

Open a Roth IRA and if you can, ALSO participate with your jobs 401k. Work hard and focus on saving, both for retirement and to purchase property. I waited until 30 to have children and I’ve never regretted that. I would also suggest getting married first if plan on having children with a partner. And finally, don’t let a man live with you unless y’all are married. It can turn into a forever situation real quick. My ex and I moved in together at 24. We didn’t get married until I was 36. Divorced at 37. Don’t be like me in that regard.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2020-12-14T02:48:13+00:00

Focus on building skills in your career of choice, and developing your own passions and interests. Also on saving money and becoming stable. I'd second others' advice on finding a mentor. Work on your self confidence. Wear clothes that you love and do your hair/makeup/grooming the way you like it. Don't be afraid of making mistakes- everyone does. Everyone's life is different and you're not 'behind' if you don't have a certain degree, house, car, marriage, or kids by a certain age. Taking calculated risks or learning from things that don't work out is part of life and every successful person must figure out how to navigate these experiences.

Inspection-Critical · 2020-12-14T20:43:53+00:00

Drop shitty people sooner.

Don't doubt yourself. Don't be indulgent with second chances (they're earned, not given). The moment someone starts wearing out their welcome, you will know. You'll feel insecure, anxious, irritable. You'll lose money that doesn't get paid back. You'll find yourself surrounded by drama. You'll feel bad about yourself. You'll say yes to things you don't want to do. Pay attention to those feelings and do something about it.

Membership in your inner circle is a privilege. If people aren't earning their keep, boot them. You will be shocked at how quickly better people come into your life once you start issuing parking tickets to the tire kickers.

Don't fall for potential. People don't live up to it.

Ghost_namesake · 2020-12-15T00:21:39+00:00

Having messed up a lot in my 20s, here are the highlights:

don't ever help a romantic partner financially. His problems are his own. Let him solve them
don't make credit card debt. It becomes a problem really fast and will steal your future. I am proud of myself for paying off $25,000 in credit card debt. I have great credit now, but that was a HARD lesson
know what is your responsibility. I have often found myself taking responsibility for solving the problems of others.
never ever, ever, plan your life around a man. I passed up many opportunities and too often made myself a supporting cast member.
the best thing you can do for yourself in your 20s is get an education and start yourself out right financially. Good finances means staying out of debt and building savings. If I had stayed out of debt and been savings minded, I would be in such better financial shape now.
travel and enjoy yourself. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't go on long car trips or travel solo. I was discouraged a lot from doing independent things and I really wish I had travelled more when I had less responsibilities. You can do some pretty inexpensive trips if you research!

Cairenne · 2020-12-14T07:34:38+00:00

All of that ^

I want to add. If you're at all wondering about your mental health or whether you have brain things, go and find out as early as you can. And check out what the symptoms actually are, because they often present differently in women.

This year I found out I have ADHD. I'm 30 now. Here's what happened in my twenties;

Job hopped way more than is wise
Left employment earlier than planned because it "made sense" and "I'd do the exact same thing in 7 months so why wait"
Moved country, twice, for less than stellar reasons
Taste in men? Bwahahahahaha
Went into debt. Tbf this was a huge chunk to do with my now ex, but getting out again has been fun because impulsivity.
Unexpected child

Your mileage may vary, but you know what? Knowing, and having coping mechanisms, have made life a billion times easier. Coffee in the morning means I can focus. Not making decisions when excited OR upset took some adjusting, but it's life changing. Knowing what to watch for and how to handle it makes a difference.

And, I worked hard, did my best, considered myself fairly competent. I was absolutely held back. It wasn't particularly noticeable with me up until age 20-22.

level_up_always · 2020-12-15T00:23:47+00:00

don't waste time in monogamous relationships - my biggest mistake i made in my 20s if i had to do it over again i would date anyone and everyone until i pick the one i want to marry exclusivity is a TOTAL waste of time

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2020-12-14T05:24:29+00:00

Don't let some nice looking young guy convince you that "old lady" advice is outdated, or that it will be different this time, because he is young and kind and couldn't possibly have anything in common with gross old dumpster men.

Also, never take what men say about women at face value. When they know the truth will make them look bad, they lie. There are so many women my age who heard LVM bitching about engagement rings, they decided a ringpop was fine. If Marilyn Monroe came back to life tomorrow, and she offered her hand to the first man who could get to her with a $1000 ring, there would be a human stampede, but nobody in it would bitch about the price of the ring.

2020-12-15T02:09:00+00:00

Don’t rush down the aisle.

Don’t rush to have kids.

Watch out for STDs.

You will be an entirely new woman in 10 years, and will probably shudder at the men you dated.

Focus on your career, credit and finances. That will afford you financial freedom, and financial freedom = happiness (it’s not everything but it’s a big part of it).

Stay out of debt.

Start a 401k.

Don’t smoke or drink a lot. Cute habits when you’re 20 become ugly dependencies.

Resist the urge to feel sorry for yourself. Life is hard. And unfair. But the sooner you change your attitude and practice gratitude for all that you DO have, the better off you will be.

Don’t get in the car with someone that’s been drinking. Drive defensively.

Trust should be HARD earned and easily lost. Don’t take men’s words at face value. They lie. More than you could imagine.

Stop trying to be good enough for them. You already are. They need to be good enough for YOU.

Don’t do wife shit for a guy you’re dating. Or a boyfriend. Wife shit should be reserved for men worthy of it.

Don’t move in with him unless he makes you very very happy (and until you’re married, possibly). It’s harder to break up once you’re stuck living together, and men have a tendency to become someone else once they live with you (messier, less in tune with your wants and needs, more selfish).

Keep your finances separate.

Always have a plan B (literally and figuratively lol). Men will dump you or divorce you faster than you can blink if someone “better” comes along. Happened to me after giving my ex h my name and 6 years of my life. Better to have a plan and not need it than no plan and need one.

Stay in touch with your girlfriends.

Have a life of your own.

Pick up a sport or hobby and get really good at it. I started skating in my 30s and can only imagine how much better I’d be if I’d been doing it since I was 20.

And most importantly: you can do it. Whatever it is you want to do, you can. Just apply yourself. Ten years is a long time to do a LOT!

a-net_ · 2020-12-14T19:52:52+00:00

I amazed you know about FDS in your twenties. I wish I would have read about it. I am 40 though and FDS didn't exist yet 20 years ago. Other than that get wise with investments, you will probably need it at some point in the future.

Saremis · 2020-12-15T09:51:49+00:00

Don't go into a long term relationship yet, just have fun (with worthy dudes) or be single and focused on yourself. It will provably go wrong because guys on their 20s still have to mature a LOT and they will loose you time that you could've spent on yourself. Learn to manage your finances, set your educational and life goals, pick interesting hobbies that you like and cultivate yourself. Also, from my personal experience, in this age friendship becomes unstable as some of your female friends will be making awful decitions. Be for them and help them BUT if someone is close to harm your mental health CUT them. Cut the toxicity from the people and take no bs, even if it's your childhood friend. Other people will come. & be sure to be happy:) and enjoy your 20s.

Ps. Sorry for my english as it's not my first languaje!

2020-12-14T15:02:26+00:00

Also, gloves off: many men will lie for sex, and most men are misogynistic at heart, when not openly.

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2020-12-15T00:39:05+00:00

Don’t invest too much into building / maintaining a relationship , focus on growing professionally and financially. Don’t rely on parents or partners(even if both are well off), have your own money at all times. Too many women I know got trapped into relationships and deprived of any ability to grow or build equity because they dissolved themselves in a relationship/kids, so when it falls apart they have nothing and nowhere to go and zero education. even their own kids grow up and don't care about them. Personal experience: all relationships in your life are temporary. don't get attached and do all the work because you feel like you need to do that. be more selfish.

kfreshhhIN · 2020-12-15T10:09:30+00:00

Being a woman that's 30 flirty and thriving I think this means me.

As far as this subreddit goes. You will be at least 4 different people in your 20s. You will grow and blossom into an incredible independent woman. Here's the thing though, you're not going to/don't want to marry any of the men you date in your early 20s. What you want in a partner will change. (You'll be thrilled when you're 27 and not divorced.) So don't put all your mind, body, and soul into these men, imagining your future with them, because in the end your future is you.

I feel so fortunate to have loved and be loved so many times. It's an amazing feeling. Enjoy yourself, date around. Just remember your most important investment is bettering yourself. You'll find your partner by being the person you would want to build a life with.

Mind-Objective · 2020-12-14T17:45:01+00:00

Maybe controversial? Don’t date till your late 20s early 30s if you are looking for a serious relationship but even that I’m still iffy about. I think the lessons you could learn from a failed relationship are ones you can easily acquire from friendships.

thowawaywookie · 2020-12-15T17:12:31+00:00

Never sacrifice your education or career for a man.

Don't give up your Stanford acceptance or your top residency choice so you can be close to the bf who is attending community college.

Never ever move for a man.

Never play house with a man being his bangmaidmummy. You don't have to audition to be a wife.

Never ever mix finances with a man. i.e using your inheritance or savings to fund his business, buy a house with him, pay his debts, pay his child support. Never put anything in his name. Don't add his name to your house deed, car, or anything of value.

Never date a man who doesn't see his kids.

Lilx20 · 2020-12-14T06:20:57+00:00

Don’t have sex so soon. Let the guy wait for four months at least till you guys know each other. Sex binds you and you will feel emotionally attached. Also first your classes than a guy. Make girlfriends with academic goals and also girlfriends that like to party. It is good to have a mix of both. Make sure they are not mean to others though.

Princesspeach8188 · 2020-12-14T18:13:46+00:00

The advice written here is all so smart and spot-on. I will add one thing - read a lot of books. And prioritize books that you can learn something from - whether it be career-related or just interests. It will just add to all your knowledge you'll be gaining in life during this time.

donttellmeno · 2020-12-14T20:27:18+00:00

Invest in a good skin care regimen (use sunscreen daily). Learn how to budget. Surround yourself with female friends that build you up. Learn to enjoy your own company.

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2020-12-15T16:18:47+00:00

DO NOT DO UNPAID LABOR

NO UNPAID LABOR

DON"T PICK UP AFTER ANYONE, EVEN YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS because it will translate into your relationships

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-12-15T02:20:03+00:00

Buy a house as soon as you can. Even if you plan on moving, you can make extra money on rental income and property values may have times where they dip, but in the long run it’s always a good investment.

And don’t have serious relationships. My biggest regret of my 20’s is distracting myself with male attention so I didn’t have to work on my career and figure out life goals.

dustinq1990 · 2020-12-15T18:21:29+00:00

Be career oriented. The right guy will find you if you're worth finding.

If you focus on dating in your 20s you'll be miserable in your 30s.

motie · 2020-12-15T20:30:31+00:00

Read. A lot. Read broadly and, where the subject excites you, read deeply.

Don’t be in a rush.

Remember that in five years you’ll look back on some, but not all, of your decisions with disdain and perhaps embarrassment. Keep on reading.

Don’t be lazy.

Think long-term but live in the present.

Don’t get married yet.

FDSordie · 2020-12-15T20:48:50+00:00

Stay single. I'm approaching 30 now and have been single since I was 21. I wouldn't have grown into myself and discovered my passions if I were not on my own to do so.

Title	Any advice going into my 20’s?
Author	Chantelmorris345
Upvotes	165
Comments	79
Date	December 13, 2020 11:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kclv1j/any_advice_going_into_my_20s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/any-advice-going-into-my-20s.524831 https://theredarchive.com/post/524831

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