Don't ever "sext" a man, even if it is only messages. Because if that man ever rapes you, he will print out those conversations and show them to police, and the police will dismiss your rape as "consensual"

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-02-17T03:55:02+00:00

These are the same men parading around how “false rape accusations” are so common. NEVER date or even be friends a man that does that. Yes Kyle, I’m talking about you. Fuck you. You’re probably a rapist too.

Lala00luna · 2021-02-17T05:25:29+00:00

Sorry for the wall of text: I had a similar situation happen to me in University. A guy that was friends with some of the men in my dorm would come over often to visit his friends and that led to me me talking to him on occasion in those hangout groups. He was definitely flirting with me and I flirted with him as well but that was as far as it went. I never once invited him to my room or suggested we hang out alone together. One night I heard some guys in my hallway outside my room being a bit loud. They sounded drunk. I opened my door (my dorm was small, we all knew each other) to see that guy helping one of my dorm mates as he was drunk. They stopped and chatted with me and again, no invites were exchanged but about 15 minutes later I heard a knock at my door and it was that guy again. He had dropped off his drunk buddy and now he was asking me how I was and just chatting. I didn’t let him stay in the hallway because I didn’t want to create any noise that would disturb my neighbours, so I did ask him to come in as we spoke. It wasn’t long after I invited him in that I got the sense he was looking for more than a chat. I tried to tell him that I needed to go to bed when he pushed me onto my bed and began kissing me. I remember telling him no and to leave but he didn’t stop. I immediately became very frightened at what could happen next so I said loudly and firmly that if he didn’t get out of my room I would scream so loud that I’ll wake everyone on my floor up and the RA was in the room right beside mine. He got up and left immediately once he realized he would get caught. I reported the incident of course and when the cops interviewed him, he told them that we were “seeing” each other and that we were flirted heavily, that it was implied that I wanted it. The cop informed me of this and he asked me, did you two flirt, exchange anything that would lead him to believe that you wanted more and I couldn’t say no because we did flirt but I reminded the cop that I said no several times. The cop asked me, well, didn’t you allow him into your room and then I realized that no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to be believed. The cop also told me that I could be charged for making a false report. Recalling that memory brings back a lot of anger and resentment and it also reminds me why victims don’t step forward with their assaults. It’s almost impossible to show that you were attacked if you knew the person and they can say you were friendly with each other previously. I have always hoped that this mindset changed but seriously, I wouldn’t make a false report and then ultimately become a pariah of my dorm (he was friends with the people at my dorm) just to create drama. It ruined my remaining year at University and contributed to me dropping out due to the shame.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-02-17T05:56:51+00:00

Listen here and listen good; the cops are not your friends. At least 40% of them are domestic violence perpetrators. And we all know that the number is much higher, because it's underreported, due to how much power and discretion they have. They will, and absolutely will use anything against a woman to prove her "guilt". If you were drinking, they'll use that against you if you were a victim, saying that you put yourself in "that position". If the male was drinking, they'll use that against you to say he "wasn't in the right mindset and didn't know" what he was doing.

Do not send him nudes, sexts, absolutely nothing. The cops are friends of the scrotes, because most of them are scrotes.

ThoraFriganza · 2021-02-17T06:55:40+00:00

First of all, I am terribly sorry that happened to you. I would also advise you to consider disabling your inbox messages. Unfortunately, I have had to disable all messages to my inbox because deranged men were sending me hateful messages after I made a post criticizing the normalization of violent fetishes and pornography. It's sad that I cannot receive messages, but I value my peace of mind.

I would also like to say that I agree with you about the dangers of "sexting". Unfortunately, I can empathize because a very similar thing happened to me a little over a year ago. I had been "friends" with and casually dating a NVM. We didn't exactly "sext", but we had flirtatious text messages between us. He kept pressuring me to invite him over to my apartment for several months, and the night I finally invited him over, he violently assaulted me. I still struggle to use the word rape because I was a virgin, and I still have a very difficult time acknowledging the full extent of what happened that night.

I didn't tell anyone what happened to me for two full days. I just tried to pretend it didn't happen until my friend came over, and I broke down crying and told her what happened. She wanted to take me to the police immediately, but I felt mentally exhausted and embarrassed because I grew up in a conservative family that never talked about sex. So, I waited until the next day to visit my gynecologist, and I told her what happened.

To make a long, depressing story short, I sought legal advice with the assistance of a sexual assault advocate. I was told that I had no realistic legal case because I had a "history" with this man that included sexually suggestive text messages, I had also invited him over to my place, and I did not contact the police immediately after the assault.

For anyone reading OP's post and my comment, I realize that the rapists are 100% responsible for what they did. In no way am I placing any blame on rape victims. However, it is extremely important that women understand that we are NOT protected adequately by the law in regard to rape. Please note that "sext" messages or even sexually suggestive messages can and will be used against you if you are raped and want to pursue legal action. Please be very wary of the men you consider to be your "friends" and be extremely careful about being alone with men you don't know extremely well.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-02-17T05:05:11+00:00

When I reported my rape it was also implied to me that because I was dating him he had a free pass to do whatever the fuck he wanted to me. All the men agreed. This was after he confessed to raping me.

I'm sorry you went through something so similar. So many of us have.

LevellingUpTime · 2021-02-17T06:37:55+00:00

I'm so so sorry that happened to you

A sext is not consent. A sext is not written consent. A sext is not an invitation to sex. A sext is not the prelude to future sex. You did not deserve to have your rape invalidated by the police at all, let alone over a sext

We can make lists and lists of things we have to do correctly in order to be taken seriously by the police in rape cases. We can do everything right by the book (non seductive clothing, not out late, explicitly say 'no', don't date the rapist, don't sext or flirt, 'fight' instead of flight or freeze reactions) and still they likely take the rapist's side. But these onuses shouldn't be on us - the police need to do better. Our society needs to do better to help rape victims

thewetdog_ · 2021-02-17T03:13:32+00:00

Im sorry this happened to you. You couldn’t have prevented it either then nor in the future. Only men can prevent rape by not raping. You did more than your best and you’re very brave.

That said, I believe you’re right and probably a year ago, when all those cases of guy killing girls during “rough sex” were coming out, someone mentioned either here or ig or I really don’t recall, about texting a guy or posting everywhere that you do not consent to any sort of violence or choke play or dangerous whatever during sex. I doubt it will deter them though.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-02-17T07:54:06+00:00

I am so fucking angry that we live in a world where if you send a kinky text message to a guy, according to law enforcement you've basically just given him a blank check to do whatever he wants to do to you sexually, forever.

Law enforcement is completely under the patriarchy's thumb, serving patriarchy's interests. Curtailing women's rights since forever while allowing rapists to walk free.

You've all heard it or read it:

-don't walk alone at night

-don't even dare to be out at night

-don't drink

-don't text

-don't open your door etc.

-just...don't...

Because if you do, it's all on you, according to LE. So you see, we restrict our rights and our freedom of movement, we restrict ourselves so they can walk free and push until it gives.

They restrict a woman's right to make up for lousy civil service.

Why doesn't LE tell them not to rape?

You stay at home locked because we don't care about your safety, that's your job. Let the rapists roam free because it's your job to not get raped, right? Fuck all this. I'm tired of hearing"get home safe, sweety" or "text me when you're home and that you're ok". All this fear, all this anxiety, all this hypervigilance.... we're like rabbits, always expecting a predator to pounce on us. And what is even more disgusting is the fact that they play nice until they're in our homes, before our closed doors, to unleash their predatory motives.

Rape is not about sex. It's not about kinks.

It is about power and control over another human being. It is an infringement of their rights.

Even touching someone without their permission should be considered a violation. You know why because we're not there for the taking. We aren't objects to be touched or pawed at.

It makes me sick that 90% of the women I know have been through some form of sexual abuse in their life, be it molestation, sexual harassment at work, rape by a boyfriend or a family member, unwanted sexual advances from a person in a position of authority, blackmail, revenge porn.

And when I hear *not all men... it makes me puke

malibooyeah · 2021-02-17T06:00:31+00:00

If you're an angry male reading this congratulations you're probably a rapist.

FabledAngryVillager · 2021-02-17T03:31:13+00:00

Wow. Men like that are why I would ever to go to prison.

I'm truly sorry he was never held accountable and for the pain and injustice of it all.

2021-02-17T03:16:45+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Bravo for going to the police anyway, that takes strength. I wish there were true justice in this world, all rapists would be put down... reading your story made me feel so angry and helpless too

LilithWon · 2021-02-17T07:12:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Throwawayrightaway28 · 2021-02-17T04:53:27+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s going to be alright. We’re all here for you and the very fact you could share this to empower and protect other women shows you’re healing. You’re overcoming. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s normal and sane to hate those who want to harm you. You keep on healing.

2021-02-17T04:24:21+00:00

Sending love your way. I'm also livid mad for you, this fucking world!

Starsuponstars · 2021-02-17T12:51:37+00:00

I feel this so much. I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Back in my youth, my 17-year-old roommate got gang raped. She was very innocent and naive. The rapists slipped a date rape drug into her drink. She was awake during the assault but couldn't move. One of the rapists was a boy she liked, the rest were friends/acquaintances of that boy. He later tried to break into our room and, though I am not physically powerful or skilled in self-defense at all, I single-handedly fought him off out of pure rage. I wish now I'd done him more serious injury.

She would have bled to death if I hadn't taken her to the hospital. After hours of surgery they managed to save her life. Then the fucking cops came and bullied her out of pressing charges. As they left, one of them said, "That should teach her a lesson." Yeah, it taught me a lesson too: cops are bastards. They hate, rape and abuse us as much as any other men, if not more. They side with rapists because THEY ARE RAPISTS.

2021-02-17T05:35:35+00:00

I am so sorry that this happened to you it is so brave of you to post this.

Kylie_Fan · 2021-02-17T07:47:08+00:00

I'm so sorry that this rapist piece of sh|t put you through this!! (I consciously refuse to say "this happened to you" because it's not some natural catastrophe that has no perpetrator, like getting hit by lightning or something).

You did everything right by reporting it and you were so brave!! It's bullshit that sexting for a while equals "consent for any and all sexual acts until the end of time" in the mind of those POS police officers, way to fail at enforcing the law! What if it's someone you slept with before or were in a relationship with? It doesn't matter if you are dating or expressed attraction towards someone, that can't be used as an argument to dismiss an investigation! And there were signs of violence on your body, that should have carried a lot of weight !

You have done nothing wrong. Nothing you could have done or said justifies or explains his vile actions. You trusted him by letting him into your home and he used it against you, he is beyond despicable.

It's normal to trust and invite people into your home, it's part of social code and normal interaction and you should not have to think "what if he's a rapist" every time a guy comes over. So what if you let him in? That is not permission to do whatever he wants. He was an animalistic opportunist that broke your trust and social code in the worst ways.

Rowbloks · 2021-02-17T12:20:22+00:00

I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

I feel like a lot of misogynists view sexual assault as THE golden opportunity to get back at women. They're jealous of women's power to attract and control others with their bodies so there's a part of them that's sickly happy to hear stories where a woman's feminine assets are a cause of suffering for her and not a source of (what they view as) "privilege".

In their idiotic minds, they think about the free drinks or the free meals or any sort of help that they assume that you've received in life thanks to your femininity and it makes them so jealous that they decide that, to make things fair, your body should become a guy's property the second that you've slept with him or flirted with him or used your feminine charms on him in any way. They know that guys are willing to sacrifice a lot to gain access to a woman's body, so if you still get to say "no" after saying "yes" to a man, they feel like you have too much power. That brings out the resentful, jealous sociopath in them.

In other words, to them, you either have to be a pure little virgin or you have to be a woman who's body no longer belongs to herself, anything in the middle makes them rage with jealousy and a sociopathic desire to put you back into "your place" or even lower. They don't care that rape is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and they take for granted all the ways in which men are privileged, they just see that you sent him naughty texts (aka permission to own your body forever) and you have "fEmALe PRivilEGe" in general so, in their eyes, rape's just a thing that's gonna happen to you sometimes and you'll have to deal with it, it's only fair.

These misogynists are garbage, pure garbage, and if they had a life and meaningful accomplishments they wouldn't sink this low to strip a woman of her basic human rights out of sheer jealousy and sociopathy. Or they would, because they're just irredeemable garbage that's rotten to its core, incapable of empathy, wild animals in human form.

In any case, the way they treat you is a reflection of their low EQ or their sociopathic apathy to women's suffering, it says nothing about you. Every woman needs to repeat this to herself like a mantra. Every woman needs to avoid losers like her life depends on it because if a loser isn't satisfied with the amount of control he has over his own miserable life he's gonna want to have control over yours.

BlondeNhazel · 2021-02-17T06:46:16+00:00

Lord. Sounds like you'd have more luck suing him for assault. He might not got to jail, but at least you could make him pay. Unfortunately, the statute of limitations has probably passed.

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-02-17T12:56:15+00:00

What happened to you is unfair and infuriating, always remember that your ex and the police in this case are 100% at fault. I'm sorry this happened to you.

The normalization of violent kinks is the last straw. Even when victims have skull fractures the rapists' and murderers' defense lawyers try to pass it up as a sex game gone wrong. I have seen several articles of kink "practitioners" (who coincidentally always have a book they just wrote, a BDSM shop or other kind of practice) say how unfortunate it is that the law can supposedly convict someone for leaving a bruise even if the victim consented. They are trying to change the law, arguing that kink is unfairly "stigmatized".

Princess_kitty14 · 2021-02-17T03:16:42+00:00

Thanks for your wisdom sister!

LadyGrimes · 2021-02-17T12:27:39+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear about what you went through. That's awful as fuck, no woman should have to deal with that.

Sometimes police just won't even take shit like this seriously. I've my own bad experiences with them living in a big city back in the day. A few particular incidents I can recall was calling them when my roommate was obviously over-medicated and not acting like herself. The police came and told me she was fine, I knew she wasn't because I had been scared enough to lock myself in my room, and what happened? They threatened to take me away for evaluation instead just because of my record of depression.

The second time I was being harassed by a creepy ass old man. Called police after being hesitant for several days but just the same, scared to leave my apartment. I caved and called them and just as expected I wasn't taken seriously because the guy I was complaining about was an "old man" I got such responses as "he's harmless" blah blah, yeah that's also what people thought about Albert Fish (don't look him up if you don't want to be scarred for life) I wasn't just concerned for my safety but for any women or girls living in my building at the time. I was positive that old man had some kind of record and because of HIPPA laws, I wasn't allowed to know. Cause I checked sex offender registry for my building's address and everything, and didn't find shit, and I knew it wasn't the first time that man had harassed someone. He had a record, the police were protecting his ass.

drunkenwithlust · 2021-02-17T15:21:25+00:00

Wasn't marital rape only banished in the 90s in America? Disgusting. We've been property for so long.

I hate that this happened to you. I also wished I'd known this shit in my teens. It brings me to tears how much of my body I shared with shitty grimy men. Young women, take note. Keep yourselves safe.

soundslikeautumn · 2021-02-17T14:19:33+00:00

SO FUCKING IMPORTANT, LADIES!! Be MASSIVELY careful with what you put in writing!

xiao_sabiha · 2021-02-17T11:37:40+00:00

I'm so, so sorry. I don't even know what to say except I believe you, I'm fucking angry for you, and I won't forget your story.

AyemHerself · 2021-02-17T14:27:22+00:00

Edit: to all the nasty scrotes in my inbox, this includes you. Yes, you. You're probably a rapist too.

If they're more concerned with calling out you than your rapist, they absolutely are.

therealdildoexpert · 2021-02-17T05:03:42+00:00

Happened to me when I was 21. He even admitted to r@ping me, paragraphs of how sorry he was. The police wrote a report and it was the filing office who dismissed the case because the detective got a warrant for my facebook messages, which talked about our dominant and submissive dynamic. They said that the rape, and him admitting rape over text was apart of a domination scene....even though that was never apart of our relationship. Our dom/sub dynamic only included spankings. That's it. I'm mad to this day but I did get a restraining order and he did take a plea deal after he bought a firearm after he wasn't supposed to. Either way sexting can be safe, with the right person. But for me, it was the wrong person and I've been diagnosed with PTSD ever since.

Sadplankton15 · 2021-02-17T09:37:39+00:00

God I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve managed to take healing steps, I can’t even imagine how awful and dehumanising it would’ve been. Thank you for sharing, sending you a lot of love and support 💕

buttercupcake23 · 2021-02-17T15:28:57+00:00

I'm so angry for you. I want to string up every last piece of shit that was involved in this travesty. Society is a fucking joke.

buzzkillyall · 2021-02-17T17:29:59+00:00

What a horrible betrayal to endure. It is good of you to warn others. So many of us had no idea (in our youth) how evil men can be.

Delilahh12345 · 2021-02-19T02:26:43+00:00

What the fuck??? Do the stupid fucking police really believe all rapists break the freakin door down?? Do they not fucking realize 90% of rapes are committed by men the women know?? I'm so angry. I have so many friends who have been raped. The story is always the same. They were hanging out alone with a guy they THOUGHT was their friend or even a guy they had a crush on. And then they got raped. And none of them EVER EVER got justice. It's beyond infuriating. There are no words. JUST BECAUSE YOU LET A MAN INTO YOUR HOUSE DOES NOT MEAN YOU CONSENTED TO SEX. Why can't those dimwits get it through their fucking head??? Just look around at the statistics. They should know these things.

Don't let men into your house. It shouldn't have come to this, but apparently that's the way it has to be if you are going to be safe. I hope they enjoy it. They brought it on themselves.

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