I just can't anymore.

eatchickpeas · 2020-06-11T02:07:42+00:00

my cousin's in laws worshipped her like a goddess until she got married, then they crossed every boundary when she gave birth. they insisted the married couple live with them, she never got to raise her children how she wanted and she was treated like a handmaid. shes now divorced and working as a lawyer. dont fall for manipulative men and their families

edit - just wanted to add that she worked from the very bottom, she was cut off completely both financially and emotionally from her family. my parents helped her but she really worked hard to put herself where she is now. her ex husband moved back with his parents and the children are with her

troubleseemstofollow · 2020-06-11T02:39:27+00:00

Annnnnd this is why I changed my last name to my mom's maiden name when my parents got divorced. He was an absentee LVM father and I didn't want anything to do with him.

ThrowRA-NWI-Region · 2020-06-11T03:40:01+00:00

It makes more sense for people to take their mother’s last name. If the child came out of the woman, there’s no denying that it belongs to her. Whereas with the father, it has to be proven with a DNA test.

Women pass on unique antibodies and mitochondria to their offspring that men never will.

Mitochondrial DNA has been the same down the female line and has been inherited from mother to offspring in all humans. This means you have the same mitochondrial DNA as your mother, as well as your great-great-grandma, and so on.

A mother passes her antibodies to her offspring in the placenta to help protect the child from infections. There’s also evidence that breast milk helps improve a child’s immune system.

Women are pretty special 💕

Equipoisonous · 2020-06-11T01:04:35+00:00

I had a coworker who was a single mom before she met her husband. Her son had her last name from birth. When she got married her son was 6 and she told us that he cried learning he was going to have to change his last name. It was over the summer and he was worried nobody at school would know his name anymore when they went back to school. This broke my heart to hear, I don't understand why her husband couldn't take her name since he was joining an existing family and spare this poor child an identity crisis he doesn't understand.

N3wY34rN3wM3 · 2020-06-11T00:48:33+00:00

It's not just the men, it's ALSO their families! I can't stress enough to the young childless women on here: Be very very wary of overbearing parents and family of the man you intend to marry and have children with. They WILL try to stomp all over your boundaries and undermine your decisions as a mother, since they tend to see a woman's child as "property of the patriarchal clan". They see the mother as "our son's incubator".

helppleasekk · 2020-06-11T02:41:34+00:00

Not just that, my sister spent 20 hours in labor just to be sent to a c-section to save her life..and she let her LOSER BOYFRIEND name the child AND keep his last name.

FUCK

THAT

gfcacdista · 2020-06-11T06:10:18+00:00

In hispanic culture you get 2 last names : one from each parent.

And in portugues speaking coutries the mother's name go first.

Since I am closer to my mother and her family, I use her last name more.

ChoiceMarionberry8 · 2020-06-11T02:41:42+00:00

I'm vehemently against automatically giving a child his or her father's name. Considering how many children are raised without their fathers in their lives anyway, it makes no sense whatsoever.

imgoingmadz · 2020-06-11T03:01:55+00:00

My children will have MY last name. Lol. End of discussion.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-06-11T08:17:22+00:00

Never thought of this before, but how fucking true! I was thinking again today about how men always act like women are the ones who desperately want kids, and force them to have them. But in reality a lot of men do. Because they want to pass down their genes and name, and say “look what I did!” Without putting any actual effort into anything besides the conception. Which was probably not that great for the woman these days with all the Porn sick men out there. Ugh.

RegularStatus5 · 2020-06-11T04:14:39+00:00

I, strangely don't have an issue with surnames, because there is another one I take more offense at. In my country, children take their grandparents names. The first two children take the paternal grandparents names and the next two the maternals'. I took ,as first, my paternal grandmother's name and my sister my maternal grandmother's. Then later my mother's younger brother got married,had kids and named his son,first kid, after his father. When second kid was born, girl, my aunt decided that since my grandmother already had a granddaughter with her name she would name the new baby after her own family. Apparently there was a big fight and I am still mad on my aunt's behalf. She want to all the trouble of making my cousin and then she wouldn't get to name her? She was the only person that wasn't being unreasonable in that situation. I don't particularly like my parents names, I find them too common, but if my husband ever told me that we would use his family's names after I did all the work I would also be mad

devilooo · 2020-06-11T06:45:16+00:00

My father took my mother’s last name because they both agreed it would be a better name to have. I am so glad to have my mother’s last name in my current situation.

Knackered_Hubcaps · 2020-06-11T09:21:21+00:00

Egyptian ladies’ middle name is her father’s first name. So beautiful first name, then male middle name and fathers family name. Patriarchy for millennia...

radical__daphne · 2020-06-11T03:30:57+00:00

It's my opinion that fathers should never be considered equal parents to mothers under the law because they aren't. He didn't grow it inside of him, he didn't birth it, he didn't breastfeed it, and he probably didn't even take care of it. A good portion of fathers don't even care enough about their children to make sure they get healthy food.

dizzerdessert · 2020-06-11T12:00:19+00:00

I still have my mother's maiden name because my dad wasn't there to sign his name on the certificate when I was born. They literally could've gone back to the hospital at any time within the year to make the change too, but they never did. When I was 9 or 10 he started guilt tripping me about taking his surname, but I'd have to change all my documents and update my school records etc which just made 0 sense to me. Like y'all had all this time to get it done bro, I do not care anymore lmao

cherthemusical · 2020-06-11T04:41:41+00:00

And imagine living your entire life and then when you get married the man's like "btw delete your last name, you're now mine and will be known as Mrs. John Smith." F that, this is my name for life.

catsuramen · 2020-06-11T04:42:07+00:00

In my culture, the women keeps their maiden name. The child gets their fathers. However, I've brought it up that since I will be giving birth and makes more dough, it would be fair if the baby gets my last name.

He said of course I deserve the baby to take on my last name ✌️

lluviaazul · 2020-06-11T07:27:15+00:00

Where I’m from you take both of your parents name. Mexico. It’s nice like that.

ButterYourNiceToast · 2020-06-11T12:54:02+00:00

As someone who is into genealogy I can tell you that the whole last name thing really makes it difficult to track your female ancestors too. It just gets confusing, especially with Nordic cultures and their "so and so's daughter" being the format of their last names. It's also an erasure of them and their history in my eyes.

pinkisredding · 2020-06-11T07:05:03+00:00

its ALWAYS about the men. and their fragile ego. i got my mum's last name and being an Indian that's extremely uncommon. so many and i when i say that i mean 99% of the guys i dated, were baffled at that. when you tell them 1. you won't change your last name after getting married and 2. your kid will get your last name (if you decide to have one, which is not the case for me anymore) - they lose it and that's when you show them the door lol

nymphaetamine · 2020-06-11T12:51:01+00:00

This is why my son has my maiden name.

Also, WTF is up with "maiden name"? That's so weird. Like getting married is what changes you from a maiden to a legitimate woman or something.

Signal-Commercial · 2020-06-11T07:44:00+00:00

This is why my kids have my last name. Even before I realized their father is a piece of shit, I knew it was bullshit that the woman does ALL the work yet the guy stamps his last name on the kid like he did something special. Fuck that.

rinabean · 2020-06-11T13:17:10+00:00

Yes! I used to think it was fair because of how women are the real parents. So it was like a consolation prize, so they could feel more involved.

So women have to have the baby and then also basically give the father a little treat so he doesn't feel left out. Like how some people give a present to a birthday child's siblings...

Men aren't interested in making biology "fair". I don't think it can be done, anyway. So why did I think it was so important?!

allthatglitters22 · 2020-06-11T06:24:55+00:00

This. So fucking unfair. The father of my children abandoned me for 2/3 pregnancies. I was left to fend for myself. Fortunately my family stepped up and helped me. I hate myself for allowing them to have his last name instead of mine.

ifragbunniez · 2020-06-11T13:10:59+00:00

This is a great response/rhetoric to men claiming marriage is of no importance, but still want kids.

Sure thing, but they get my last name, as “to have and to hold” pertains to vows that we do not share because of lack of importance. 🤷‍♀️☺️

Danttyllew · 2020-06-11T02:25:41+00:00

My partner and I had a kid when we had only been dating for a year (birth control fluke) and I insisted my son take my last name. I made a lot of mistakes leading up to that point but I’m still proud of that decision.

grand_tiremaster · 2020-06-11T15:21:35+00:00

I have a very unique and not so common lastname from my dad and I would like my future offspring to have this lastname also. Future husband will just have to git gud.

Koofy11 · 2020-07-20T14:56:02+00:00

Ain’t that when they’re married?

Title	I just can't anymore.
Author	Myplummms
Upvotes	1125
Comments	69
Date	June 10, 2020 11:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/h0mw4b/i_just_cant_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-just-cant-anymore.691866 https://theredarchive.com/post/691866

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