Need advice, feel like giving up on dating

annedr3ww · 2021-12-07T19:42:50+00:00

He’s telling you already how he feels. I wouldn’t drop dating … I would drop him. Don’t trick yourself into trying to prove yourself worthy to him. I promise you the instant he runs into someone he has a “spark” for … he will drop whatever relationship investment he had with you. OR worse case scenario- if you guys make the distance- could have an affair. Drop him now when your own investment is low and before he drops you. Might be hard now but it will be excruciatingly painful later on when you pour more of yourself in.

JulyParade · 2021-12-07T19:57:39+00:00

He told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He told you he doesn't want to marry you. His feelings won't change. He's chasing a high and you're not looking for an addict to support. Block and delete. Move on to the next. A real man won't leave you feeling confused after four months. Also, 7 times in 4 months? That hardly sounds like dating to me.

subgirlygirl · 2021-12-07T20:10:53+00:00

I stopped reading when he said he was unsure if you're The One™. The second either of you feels that way, the relationship is over. No harm, no foul... just done. Thanks and bye 👋 Get your stuff and leave.

Oh, and you don't have sex with someone hoping to feel a spark. That's a dick move.

donttextme_k · 2021-12-07T19:42:20+00:00

🚩🚩🚩🚩ghost him He doesn’t want a relationship, he just wants company and a woman to give him the benefits of a relationship.

If he ever makes you doubt his feelings about you, no matter how much he tells you he likes you, run. I don’t know why men do this (take you on dates, tells you how much he likes you) but turn around and say there’s no spark or still need more time. You’re doing yourself a disservice and wasting your time on him

GlitteryMoss · 2021-12-07T20:01:57+00:00

I'd block him. He should not have slep with you if there was no spark.

Take a break from dating to recharge and spend time on yourself...

bearded_dragonlady · 2021-12-07T20:05:04+00:00

If he was truly into you he wouldn't have let multiple weeks pass without seeing you. You need to view this as a valuable learning experience to vet guys better in the future. The second they show any sign they aren't 100% in (like allowing weeks to pass in-between dates), then let him go immediately. Don't let it get to this point where you're devastated over a guy you've seen 7 times.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-12-07T20:07:07+00:00

Get your head in the game. He's messing with you to get all the gf benefits while setting the stage to never reciprocate or give you what you want. He's manipulating you, you've only been on 7 dates with him—he's a stranger. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, RUN.

Efflights6 · 2021-12-07T20:12:30+00:00

Why are you sleeping with him after 7 dates?

aquietsword · 2021-12-07T20:28:18+00:00

He's chasing a feeling he probably doesn't even really understand. That's stuff you do in your teens. You weren't the problem, you're just dating someone immature.

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-12-07T20:13:19+00:00

Like another poster said, you don't have to give up dating, just drop this loser like a hot potato. He just wants to use you as an option. Get out now before you become a forever gf. It's not your fault this guy's a sociopathic loser. Oh, and did I mention he was a loser?

Catz10000 · 2021-12-07T20:18:30+00:00

If he wanted to, he would.

Automatic_Bet_8932 · 2021-12-07T19:40:53+00:00

With all love, this is why we vet. Never take what a man says at face value before you sleep together. Don’t waste time and energy to understand what he meant by “spark”, clearly it was last minute bs he made up from the top of his head as an excuse to sleep with you. Women try so hard to understand and rationalize the excuses men make for their awful morals/behavior. I feel like you’re still idealizing him in this post, so try to look back and see any red flags you may have missed before you continue to date.

gigi577 · 2021-12-07T20:37:40+00:00

Thank you everyone for the kind words, straight up words too lol! I needed this! I thought I found my high value man. I guess thank u next haha

SpiritualGanache7608 · 2021-12-07T19:32:11+00:00

He’s one dumb fuck for doing that. Red flags for me are his description of a „spark“. I think it’s weird to want to be obsessed with you. I think he wants you to feel unattainable. It’s probably one of those cases where he chases you like a HVM until you sleep with him 🤦🏼‍♀️. I’m curious if there were any red flags previously?

elainejay82 · 2021-12-07T21:40:57+00:00

The big issue I see here is sleeping over after only 7 dates. Too soon. It sounds like he landed what he wanted out of the bedroom, got what he came for, and wanted to move on. Be careful with getting too physical too soon. It usually doesn't end well for us.

frustratedanon123 · 2021-12-07T21:41:17+00:00

Please leave this man. He will use this spark as an ever shifting goal post just outside your reach until you leave because honestly, he isn't interested in you as a long term partner, or probably any other woman. Being with a guy like this will drag you down and destroy your self esteem because no matter what you do, or how innately amazing I'm sure you are, it will never be quite enough for him.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-12-07T22:20:23+00:00

Four months and you have only seen him seven times?! I think this guy has a roster. He's already putting you on the backfoot so you try and "earn" that spark. Block and delete sis.

aeorimithros · 2021-12-07T21:56:51+00:00

Absolutely block and delete but to add

We have only seen each other 7 times.

send I miss yous

Love bombing

By the 5th date he brought up wanting to be exclusive

Had you ever mentioned not sleeping with a guy unless you were exclusive?

After dinner I slept over

He then says he has doubts

Did you sleep or put out? If the latter he was only putting in the time in order to get laid.

miwamus · 2021-12-07T19:58:31+00:00

He said that he doesn't think you're the one and he doesn't feel a spark. That's how he feels about you. Many men will use women and continue to hang with us for what we provide them (company, giving a shit, cracking jokes, planning fun trips, and so on).

It's hard, but block and delete is the only way to go.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-07T23:25:51+00:00

If you had sex when you slept over: he got what he wanted and he’s a LVM who loses interest when there’s no thrill of the chase

If you didn’t have sex when you slept over: he realized you’re not an easy target and he’s a LVM who is incapable of being in an emotionally fulfilling relationship

To be clear, I’m not shaming you regardless of what happened. You’re a HVW who can make your own decisions! I’m just throwing out probably explanations.

Lastly, he is a LVM who uses BS words like “spark” and “marriage material” (7 DATES IN) instead of just being honest. Ghost him.

vforvendetta87 · 2021-12-07T23:38:48+00:00

Typical actions of a manipulative-asshole. It’s so obvious. He loved-bombed you, made you believe you both had something special, got what he wanted and then discarded you. These are not intentions of a healthy-man. He’s done this before.

souadezz · 2021-12-07T23:53:12+00:00

I'm sorry for what happened

you should block and delete this guy and be positive about this situation, you just avoided a master manipulater and a user .

I personally won't have sex until after marriage only with the man who deserves me because of LVM like this one and for religious reasons. but I can promise you that not giving it up is the best way to filter the scrotes and players.

gigi577 · 2021-12-08T00:15:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

souredskittles · 2021-12-08T00:24:59+00:00

My advice: time to drop him. He’s told you hes not really into you. He’s verbalizing it so that if you guys do continue dating he’ll not feel guilty for leading you on. Scrote logic

Also I would drop the exclusivity phase, either your in a relationship, or you’re not.

I would keep dating though

Platipus6 · 2021-12-07T23:05:47+00:00

his ex and says he felt the spark before he knew anything about her, but she didn’t have the qualities like I have to be long term partner ( even tho they dated for two years Lmao)

Madonna/whore right there.

the spark is his sexual lust. The opportunity to gratify himself and self-permission to do depraved shit to someone he perceives as dirty. Nothing more. Fuck him off. Be glad he's not sticking around with you, his perceived Madonna. He'd start mindfucking and manipulating you, trying to turn you into a Whore. Or making you feel like shit for something you've done wrong, when this has nothing to do with you.

Title	Need advice, feel like giving up on dating
Author	gigi577
Upvotes	104
Comments	44
Date	December 7, 2021 7:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rb76v4/need_advice_feel_like_giving_up_on_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/need-advice-feel-like-giving-up-on-dating.1088113 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088113

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