On being pedantic

berrylikeova · 2021-06-08T09:38:33+00:00

I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY I FEEL SOMETHING. GET BENT.

Oof. Thanks! Glad I got that off my chest. ;)

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-06-08T09:31:28+00:00

God I love you people

ShittyPianist · 2021-06-08T12:01:55+00:00

I would get this at work a lot on my old team. There was one asshole who I swear, I could say the sky was blue and he'd come up with 50 particular situations where it wasn't, just to prove me wrong.

Thank goodness I swapped teams. Now I get to just be like all the male engineers and write a few sentences and move on with my life.

EveSerpent · 2021-06-08T04:51:26+00:00

Thank you. This trend needs to stop for the reasons you listed and also because it’s a waste of time to have to wade through it so often. Our time is too valuable to spend it this way.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-06-08T07:03:10+00:00

Oh you mean you haven’t considered that he might be autistic/depressed etc, those kind of comments? I hate them, didn’t think we did them on FDS

IAteTheDragon · 2021-06-08T09:51:44+00:00

Yes, I have been doing this some of the times. I got used to being reminded that "not all" this and "not all" that, so I guess I just wanted to skip through these potential remarks by writing a disclaimer 🤷🏼‍♀️

Davina33 · 2021-06-08T10:06:47+00:00

Well said. Sick of people replying to my comments saying they know a man is different. Its Pickmeisha behaviour.

nahradfam · 2021-06-08T08:11:48+00:00

I love that there's little of that here. Every other women's sub is absolutely overrun with it.

Well SOME women like porn

Well SOME women like BDSM

Well SOME women like anal

Well SOME women like being carers for their men

Get in the bin, your creepy likes don't negate thousands of years of patriarchical obligation

LWF3957 · 2021-06-08T07:26:32+00:00

I also think a lot of posts here are fueled by anger and pain at the realizations that the handbook and the posts here show in stark reality. I know when I first came here it jumped my anger levels up significantly. Tearing the pickme blindfold off my eyes is healthy, but also liable to cause higher emotions. Due to that, people are going to have rants, are going to complain, are going to generalize. We want our voices heard, and tone policing righteous anger reawakening is harmful to those first steps.

So many of us reject the lives of our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and yet what we see around us is also not what we want. And so we feel stuck. FDS helps to unstick, and when you do that it's going to hurt. That hurt is translated into comments and posts here. I don't mind it at all. Hearing about others pain helps validate my own. This is a way to support each other.

Muffcakelord · 2021-06-08T13:55:21+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I was beginning to think i was simply going insane or something because men keep asking me to over-explain and defend every single point i make. They can trust me on my word, google the difficult parts themselves or shut up.

haunted_vcr · 2021-06-08T08:22:52+00:00

Yes! Other movements have actually raised this point explicitly, it's not fair to put the burden of educating on the oppressed group.

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-06-08T14:05:40+00:00

Thank you! Otherwise every opinion post would look like a legal contract because you'd have to what, detail an exhaustive list of all possible alternate situations to make sure people know you thought of it? Stop doing what you accuse "sjws" of, "outrage hunting", admit the post was not directed at you and move on.

maidenmatryoshka · 2021-06-08T14:09:59+00:00

I hate this whole aspect of reddit culture in general. Some Person B always wants to point out the one situation or exception to some issue Person A is presenting, and then Person B wants to be like "Checkmate!" when Person A falters in how they would respond to that exception. Saying "Men/women tend to..." Or "Men/women often..." should be enough to show we are talking about a general case, a majority, and that what follows does not apply to the various variations and exceptions that are out there.

I kind of have similar moments with a friend who, when discussing minority issues (she is a minority herself), feels a need to disclaim racism when she gives her opinion on certain issues that do not affect her specific minority. But she's always very left-leaning and the issues are ones she can reasonably relate to from her own experiences. She is the least racist person on earth. When it's just the two of us talking, I find myself saying like, "You don't need disclaimers, I know you're not racist, I know you don't mean literally every single X."

vita_mia · 2021-06-08T13:58:00+00:00

Am I the only one who thought she was such a knowledgeable, woke, radical feminist until coming to this sub and realizing THERES SO MUCH I DIDNT EVEN THINK TO THINK ABOUT.

I swear I come here EVERY DAY and EVERY DAY I learn something new or have my perspective changed.

This post blew my mind — I NEVER thought of this this way. I’m always over explaining for fear of attack from lib fems and “lib” men.

RecentSprinkles5997 · 2021-06-08T14:29:04+00:00

Oh my god I was on the streetwear sub a young woman posted a cute outfit and I think said in the title not sure if streetwear but ... cue scrotes in the comments being like UM AKshulLy that’s not streetwear they will question and tear down women over absolutely anything

LilithWon · 2021-06-08T16:24:43+00:00

Eugh yes. Nearly all of my posts these days are littered with whataboutism even from other FDS members.

Me: "A lot of short men are insecure and overcompensate by being abusive to women"

The comments:

"SOME TALL GUYS CAN BE ABUSIVE TOO"

"PERSONALLY I LOVE SHORT MEN"

🤦‍♀️

smeltsone · 2021-06-08T13:55:04+00:00

HALLELUJAH!!! Thank you for writing this post! I will always shut that crap down with men but am so disappointed when my fellow women pull this shit on me. I appreciate it being called out here!

Hhjjuuy · 2021-06-08T08:39:48+00:00

Is there a way to add what someone may have not mentioned without it seeming like an attack? I often want to build on what a post or comment has said and to me adding these things is in itself a refutation of the idea that every single outlier needs to be pointed out with what we say. Like, we don't need to say every little thing because our audience knows it or because the collaborative nature of things here means that someone else can fill in any gaps for those who are still learning. With that being said I know it can come across as critique because of the constant nitpicking we've had to deal with our entire lives like you said.

Like someone made a really great analogy about misogyny being like free ice cream, I added that at someone point it isn't just free ice cream because they are choosing to ignore the suffering their free ice cream is causing, often right in front of them. I hadn't meant it as saying the ice cream analogy was wrong but I do feel like it's very important to never give men a pass on misogyny. She later deleted the comment and I really hope it wasn't because of what I said cause it was a great analogy, like I'm going to use it when talking to women who are still in the early stages of understanding their oppression. Like when we're trying to get our heads around why men would date women they don't even like, it's because of the ice cream.

Going forward I'm going to make a point to say I'm agreeing with and trying to build on what has already been said and try to make it clear I'm speaking collaboratively not critically but I'm not totally sure how to get that across online. Maybe I'm just too bothered by patriarchy right now and should shut up for a while.

Amazing_Wolverine_37 · 2021-06-08T15:14:22+00:00

It would be super helpful if everyone can just listen.to.women. I'm a person educated in human behavior. To constantly see my own and other women's knowledge and experience questioned for no reason other than patriarchal garbage is, well.... garbage.

MissGalaxy1986 · 2021-06-08T12:30:08+00:00

This is a great point!! Thanks for bringing it to our attention. I am guilty of this sometimes myself. And also where when I write I try to defend every possible comeback even though it doesn’t add much to what I’m originally saying.

alphasquish · 2021-06-08T15:52:26+00:00

I was just thinking about posting something because I have been working through the things that went wrong in my most recent relationship. I just read attached last night and I felt really confused because based on quizzes my ex has a secure attachment…but also incredibly avoidant and lazy in a lot of ways. He had some HV qualities, especially in the beginning.

Bottom line, to echo some other posts…you feel how you feel. LVM isn’t black and white. Some of them have some decent qualities and you may have had good times with them. It doesn’t mean they were good for you or anything you feel was wrong.

I love coming here for support. I may not be able to relate specifically to certain stories, but just seeing I’m not alone is amazing.

butterscotch_cherrie · 2021-06-08T16:06:43+00:00

Kind of like this?

http://www.shakesville.com/2013/08/occams-big-paisley-tie.html

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-06-08T22:15:51+00:00

The devil’s advocate, so overdone by men to try to invalidate our feelings. We do it ourselves even in our safe online spaces.

LilithWon · 2021-06-08T14:25:26+00:00

[removed]

Title	On being pedantic
Author	gcsubthrow
Upvotes	538
Comments	80
Date	June 8, 2021 4:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nuwdzp/on_being_pedantic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/on-being-pedantic.781609 https://theredarchive.com/post/781609

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