Please stop dating in reverse.

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2020-12-05T03:29:34+00:00

I will say this nothing wrong with movies and chill with your boyfriend, this is not exclusive to a spouse but it is exclusive to a BF/Spouse. However, before exclusivity no women should be going to a man's home or the opposite (him coming to yours). We (women) need to stop giving spouse treatment to boyfriend/potential. Which is a bigger issue in my opinion . Some are:

No sex without condoms
No buying a home together
No kids
No moving to another state or country for him
Cooking for him everyday

Wkndwhorechata · 2020-12-05T03:27:11+00:00

The ONLY silver lining I've had while dating (in reverse) is that by date 5 when we're both way too comfortable with each other, relaxing on the couch, arguing about driving to pick up food and then ending splitting the GrubHub bill for Burger King... I'm like woah, I'm living in the future. This is what we'd look like in 5/10/25 years... AT BEST. * Slaps self * I need to get out of here.

AyemHerself · 2020-12-05T03:23:35+00:00

If he knows you'll settle for walk dates and coffee before you're committed, why would he up that energy later? He's already getting everything he wants!

Splatzy19 · 2020-12-05T09:25:07+00:00

As someone tentatively on OLD I also notice a lot of men saying they are looking for a 'gym buddy'. Am I correct in assuming this is potentially a red flag on several levels? If they want a woman who is physically fit they should just say so.

hopelesscanary · 2020-12-05T05:21:44+00:00

Unfortunately, a lot of women crave the intimacy you get in relationships, and as a result are willing to rush the dating process and get overly comfortable too soon with someone who hasn't earned it. They like to brag about first dates that are activities you'd do as an established couple. Like, NO I am not going to have a home cooking date, hike, watch movies at home with takeaway, or get mcdonalds with a guy I barely know romantically! Where is the common sense?

romantickitty · 2020-12-05T03:41:45+00:00

I'm curious since I've never gone out with what I would consider a HVM (possibly one but we were so incompatible it was hard to tell)... what are some of the best dates you've gone on where the man "curated the experience"? I've gone on enjoyable dates where I picked the activity/setting but rarely the reverse.

Aocwannabe · 2020-12-05T03:16:44+00:00

This is also called “hustling backwards.”

thinktwiceorelse · 2020-12-05T10:56:36+00:00

I think dates are something you'll think about once you're old. It should be special. You won't remember that Netflix and chill day. All the memories would be blurry, if you spent them like this

vmuzondi · 2020-12-05T05:43:54+00:00

Honestly I’m sick and tired of women even considering the former as dates. Anything outside of a romantic gesture is not a date me. I can take walks with a friend, I can watch Netflix with a friend, and I can get coffee with a friend. Even in a long term relationship I don’t want those kinds of “dates” because I think they foster complacency. I feel like there needs to be a clear difference between dates and quality time because once those two get smushed, men think any time you spend with them is a date so they stop putting in effort.

stg21987 · 2020-12-05T15:03:40+00:00

This is exactly what I think! I’ve told “men” no to their same dumbass requests of coming to my house to “hang out” at 10pm. Like I know exactly what the fuck you want to do with me if you’re coming over that late! I’d express my frustration with their backwards thought process of dating. Didn’t phase them one bit. I’d explain that they are not my boyfriend and I don’t find hanging out at my house an appropriate “date”. I can’t even wrap my brain around these dudes thought processes. It’s disheartening.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2020-12-05T03:12:25+00:00

This. Finally.

HappyCoconutty · 2020-12-05T15:14:51+00:00

I feel like a lot of these things are what you do in addition to a date. Like adding earrings adds on to the outfit but doesn’t replace the outfit itself. Grabbing a coffee after the date itself or taking a walk to walk off the desert from the dinner date are the things you tackle on, like earrings. They do not replace an actual date.

2020-12-05T05:29:46+00:00

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lalalalaika · 2020-12-05T03:53:52+00:00

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2020-12-05T18:09:40+00:00

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oscine23 · 2020-12-05T17:27:20+00:00

What do you do during COVID tho? I'm not comfortable eating indoors, it's too cold now for eating outside or lunch in the park.

2020-12-05T07:44:54+00:00

So if I don't want to get married ever, what do I then? I mean, you can do those activities with your boyfriend as well, but not with potential boyfriend

finance_lady · 2020-12-05T22:33:57+00:00

I am OK with chain restaurants for early dates though some people here might disagree! I won't do fast food or places a step up from fast food where you order at a counter and then sit down (Panera, Chipotle, etc) early on, but I don't mind chain full-service restaurants with sit-down service. Anything from Applebee's (lol) all the way up to Morton's Steakhouse is fine with me for chain restaurants as long as it seems thoughtful and like he put in the effort not only to plan dinner but plans before/after dinner as well. I am looking for a dinner date at the minimum, and won't do walk/coffee/Netflix & chill dates as the OP said. <3

Title	Please stop dating in reverse.
Author	Eveeeer
Upvotes	878
Comments	54
Date	December 5, 2020 2:21 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k6z4wl/please_stop_dating_in_reverse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/please-stop-dating-in-reverse.635745 https://theredarchive.com/post/635745

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