Let's talk about how the polyamory glamorization puts a magnifying glass on society's relationship trauma as a whole, and cultural indoctrination. These are observations from my own experience as well as people around me. Definitely trying to hold myself accountable to previous behavior here too.

Observations from my own time attempting to be polyamorous:

-It was spurred at the the-beginning-of-the-end of a LDR with emotionally unavailable pornsick man. "Opening up" allowed me to avoid admitting that the relationship with this man was truly over. It was foolish/passive of me to not just cleanly break up with this man. Instead I viewed my honesty and cOmMunIcAtIon with him as so mature. Pff. I WAS SIDESTEPPING THE TRUTH BY TRYING TO SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP, which women are trained to do

-While holding on to the guise that I was in a highly evolved, open relationship, I desperately sought what had been denied to me through the course of this 2 year relationship: affection, emotional connection, sexual attraction. I was ravenous

-My desperation was justified by the 'progressive' encouragement to explore all and every option that came my way. The poly-lens gave me, and gives many, the perspective that everyone is an option, to an extent, and that all feelings of hormones are valid love options.

-My experimentation with new men led me to swiftly break up with my ex for good, which put me in a place of extreme vulnerability. Even though I had detached emotionally from my ex long ago, breakups are breakups. So here I was in the arms of someone who saw me as an easy target because i was just with someone who starved me emotionally.

-Since I was desperate for connection, I put up with really sketchy behavior from my new lines of 'lovers', because there is so much emphasis on staying cool and talking away your jealousy. I dealt with two abusive RP type men, who I openly discussed my jealousy with. I gave them ammo for traumatizing me later, and they took it gladly.

-Note: THE POLY COMMUNITY IS FILLED WITH JEALOUSY. THE INSECURITY LEVELS ARE SKY HIGH AND EVERYONE IS DESPERATE FOR LOVE TO PATCH UP THEIR TRAUMAS. CAN ATTEST PERSONALLY

-There was zero break from one toxic relationship to the next, because they overlapped! I should have spent a good six months to a year, minimum, to process that breakup.

-Since emphasis on non-commitment is emphasized, there is little need to be discerning. You'll see the repeated message in polyamory mindsets that 'all our needs can't be met by just one person' - FDS definitely agrees with that mindset, but to the extent that we are best when we are happy with just ourselves. When seek out other people to make up for your primary partner's shortcomings, it allows you to put up with your shitty partner, as well as accept shortcomings from others. Women don't need more excuses to put up with dissatisfactory behavior.

-Polyamory likes to imagine that the world of love isn't severely unbalanced by gendered socialization. The point I always return to: since infidelity has been weaponized against women for thousands of years, it will always be suspect for men to seek out multiple partners while claiming devotion to a woman.

-Polyamory aligns with the patriarchal view that our culturally toxic views of masculinity are the norm for sexuality: quantity of partners of quality, emotional detachment, and constant chasing of novelty. It allows men to reap the benefits of a caring woman in their life, while placing his sexual freedom as a top priority. I've never seen a polyamorous woman who wasn't vying for the primary attention of one man in particular.

ADD YOUR POST-POLY REFLECTIONS BELOW