For the women and non binary people on this sub

Tiara02 · 2026-02-28T10:46:29+00:00

The whole epstein files thing. I want people to know that they were also very much interested in little boys too

Katastrofiaines · 2026-02-28T11:02:18+00:00

I'm a trans woman so growing up I was subjected to a lot of the harmful gendered expectations that men have. Growing up not wanting to conform to those expectations was not a fun experience. Then, when I came of age my country tried to conscript me, because of course we have "universal" male only conscription. Thankfully I got out of it because I don't even want to imagine what would've happened if I didn't.

I've been living my life as a woman for pretty much my entire adult life, but I'm still undoing some of the damage. Then I turn around to see people unironically thinking that growing up being treated as a man is some kind of privilege and the whole world just feels absurd. Black is white. Now granted, me being trans might've complicated things a little, but I still wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Nobody should be forced into rigid, harmful gender roles.

DylansStripedPants · 2026-02-28T15:00:07+00:00

I know male victims of abuse that have been dismissed as victims of SA and DV solely because of their gender and I find that despicable.

Riksor · 2026-02-28T17:10:06+00:00

My brother and I played video games like Call of Duty religiously growing up, so I have more masculine interests, and as a lesbian I could relate better to men in many regards than straight women. So, I've always had far more male friends than female ones. Hearing about their struggles, and loving them all, makes me naturally want to help them.

It's surprising to me that more women and trans people aren't antimisandry. Another large factor is just empathy. Growing up female was tough in a lot of ways. Sexism is bad. I want less sexism in the world. So why on earth would I /not/ support ending sexism in all forms? So many victims of misogyny and discrimination decide to hate men labeling them 'their oppressors,' it's illogical, stupid, and backwards. If you're trying to end oppression, but only the forms of oppression that directly impact you, I really don't trust your advocacy or moral character. It's selfishness.

ChargingMyCrystals · 2026-03-01T04:31:41+00:00

I’m a PhD student investigating the consequences of child abuse and neglect using population level data. Males are doing worse on every outcome we have looked at (divided by sex assigned at birth). When there is child abuse and/or neglect, the outcomes are worse for males, even when we compare statistically similar females. I’m appalled at the lack of outrage and attention this has garnered from my state and federal government.

Beautiful-Act-8639 · 2026-02-28T20:23:18+00:00

I'm an AMAB nonbinary pansexual person. Over time I've used labels like gender queer, bigender and bisexual as I explored my sexuality and gender identity. I've dated men, women and nonbinary people. When I dated men, I had some of the same experiences with men that feminists complain about; combining this with discovering my own gender identity, for some time I became a feminist. Most of my early dating and relationships were with men, and that shaped my view of things significantly.

I saw a lot of misandry aimed at men in the bisexual community ("I'm attracted to 99% of women and one man" and "I can't believe I'm attracted to men, ew lmao" type stuff), and it bugged me, but it wasn't enough to turn me against feminism or care about Men's Rights. MRA was villainized and I didn't want to associate with it. I believed that feminism was for everybody, and I still believed that men were largely the problem.

As I started dating women I came out as nonbinary/gender queer. For some context, my gender identity is some mix of masculine and feminine, but not quite male or female. I noticed that all of the things I complained about dating men also existed while dating women. It was pretty much exactly the same experience. That's why I think it's important to point out to feminists that most of their critiques about dating men have nothing to do with men, but instead are about choosing bad partners, which at that point requires going to therapy or "doing the work".

I also began to notice that I would be treated very differently depending on if I was perceived as masculine or feminine. If I was perceived as feminine, I would be accepted and even lovebombed. If I was perceived as masculine, I would be ridiculed and lectured to, even on things that I knew very well (for example, things like racial equality, socialism and other things I've spent my entire life diving into, exploring, and being involved in; but for women any of my knowledge would evaporate or be unacknowledged because they perceived me as a man, and so they would feel right to lecture me, regardless of any context; if I said anything, like even "yeah I know this already", suddenly I was "mansplaining").

In fact, the way an individual perceived me would change from moment to moment, and so the way they treated me changed drastically according to how they were perceiving me in that moment. If they perceived me as a woman, they'd talk about how much they hate men, talk about wanting men to die/be killed, and just the most insane shit. Then they would perceive me as a man and take out their misandry on me. The way they perceived me was dependent on whatever was convenient for them at the time. For example, if we got in an argument, suddenly that must be because of my male socialization or something along those lines.

I also started to think more about the implications of the "men are dangerous" and toxic shame rhetoric, and I realized just how dangerous it all was for boys, men, and so many other people.

Are we just supposed to expect boys, literal children, to grasp the nuance of "men!" ("but not all men" being unspoken)? Since children are so famous for being good at parsing nuance! /s No wonder boys grow up hating feminism, having mental health issues, underperforming in schools etc. They're treated like monsters! And what about trans boys/men specifically? How many of them stay in the closet because they don't want to be perceived as a monster for their gender identity? What about people like me, nonbinary, genderqueer, agender etc. who either identify as masculine in whole or in part, or who might just be perceived as masculine? Like the Women and Nonbinary clubs that treat nonbinary people as women-lite, and punish the ones who don't just present as alt-women. Or what about the trans women who experience all of the misandry aimed at them before they transition? Or misandry aimed at them if they don't "pass"? Or what about the cis women who just happen to seem a little masculine?

The list just kept growing. That's when I realized how important men's issues were. The mistreatment of men is bad enough, but it ends up reaching out and hurting almost everybody. Men's rights are human rights. Women's rights are human rights. LGBTQ+ rights are human rights. You can't walk all over human rights and claim you're progressive in any sense.

From there I just kept noticing how full of hate feminism was. I tried to hold onto some notion of a "good feminism" in opposition to the "bad feminism", and I wanted 4th wave intersectional feminism to be that. But even there the misandry permeated everything. So eventually I just gave up, and I eventually found this sub.

The one thing I think can be done to get more people to care about Men's Rights is to show them how misandry hurts everyone. It's primarily a men's issue, but it is not only a men's issue.

It sucks that you have to reach people by appealing to their selfishness (i.e.: "this hurts you too!"), but it's an effective method, and we can work on peoples' overall compassion and empathy later.

Specific_Detective41 · 2026-02-28T10:32:59+00:00

My brother was in an abusive relationship with a feminist, watching the Depp Heard Trial made me critical of feminism. I don't see feminists as anything more than a hate group, and I am quite cynical as to whether they are able to change their mindset from hating men.

In all honestly, I have a very low opinion of them.

ashen-dawn_7980 · 2026-02-28T16:18:19+00:00

I am a trans woman. I was given little option but to identify as male for 30+ years. While I have substantial memory gaps and some of the things that happened to me sound too riduculous to be true, I want to make it clear that this is not about me and what I was put through while forced to live as a man (and not forced even exclusively by men, despite being trapped in a "Christian" fundamentalist group, and what's more, it was the fundamentalist women who were openly radfem who insisted on keeping me trapped in the malesuit others defined for me the most!)

But this is not about me. I mainly speak up when I do because I want people to see how bad misandry is and how it circles back around and affects us women too, trans or otherwise, but that's not even the point. The point is, misandry is hatred, and deliberately and cheerfully endorsing hatred disgusts me, whether the hatred of so many feminists or the hatred of so many politicians who revel in the slaughter of men and boys they label "enemies, terrorists, animals".

I'll say this as quickly as I can: as advocacy for men and boys gains some momentum, as more men and boys tell their stories, a lot of you out there are going to get uncomfortable, and this is good in my eyes. People must get uncomfortable. It's how we move forward and change what needs to be changed. But I'll conclude by saying that I strive to be excellent to the men in the community around me, even those I do not know personally. Kindness, decency, and genuine empathy and the actions stirred by it, even if seemingly small, can save a persons life.

No-Discipline-7957 · 2026-02-28T18:17:00+00:00

I despise the fact that I was born female and have always gotten along easier with men so I’m more sympathetic to their side. I also see a lot of women be very unfair to their male partners, holding them to higher standards than they hold themselves to.

Men have also been historically easier for me to talk to than women. Even as a child I felt that I could just hang out with dad, but with mom I had to be careful what I said not to offend her.

Global-Bluejay-3577 · 2026-02-28T11:14:14+00:00

I identified as a cishet guy for the vast majority of my life, so I still hold those experiences as being treated as a guy, despite being nonbinary now. And as of now I just present as a cishet guy too for a multitude of reasons (especially right now in the US), so I'm often grouped in by default

Even if someone knows I'm nonbinary and doesn't know I present as cishet I think I'm often lumped in with men

Either way, I'm for gender advocacy for everyone

ThinkPossession8580 · 2026-02-28T10:49:11+00:00

It is not about man or woman, it is about love and forgiveness. I am a Christian myself who is on my journey of nunhood. It may not be in favour with some people when they hear Christians. But the thing is we are meant to love, and be kind. Forgiveness, and be open. The same dogma people judge about Christianity is within other perspectives of human, no matter it is the issue about woman, about man, about atheism, and about religion. If people don’t let go of ego and fear, no matter how the form change, they will build up a new dogma. The key is empathy, let go, and be loving. If people love and be open to each other, take care of others and love them unconditionally, there is no human rights issue, and no conflict, because all the dispute will be leading to a most loving solution when people see everyone as valid and beloved.

downvotevillain · 2026-03-02T08:43:01+00:00

Just want to say thank you for all the women and nby ppl here, we need you <3!!! Where so many people are bind, thank you for seeing the truth.

DunyaOfPain · 2026-03-03T03:04:41+00:00

im a nonbinary person and honestly I have always been against double standards.

ive also been abused by more women in the way people fearmonger men, than I ever have been by men. ive been harmed by both but every time I talk about my female abusers, they get all the excuses. they did more harm to me than any man has, but they also have every right to have done those things because… their genitals? idk. always seemed like flawed logic to me.

PetitChiffon · 2026-03-02T19:19:33+00:00

I know this thread is 2 days old but I wanted to share my perspective on this.

I am a woman who grew up with an incredibly sadistic woman as a mother. I wish people understood that the way we discuss women as always the victim and never the perpetrator harms both men and women. Growing up, I witnessed my mother violently assault her ex, call the cops on him, lie and reverse victim and aggressor. When she wasn't in a relationship, I became the target of her abuse. Sleep deprivation, bloody violent assaults, isolation, smear campaigns etc. While some abusers are abusive to only one person, most tend to be abusive towards more than one person - a person who is violent with their spouse for example will be violent towards their children, other family members etc. This phenomenon is well understood in male perpetrator, and it is the same for women.

While I know that my experience is anecdotal, as someone who always had both female and male friends, in my experience the ratio of abuse has always been pretty much equal between both genders, and I've personally witnessed much more heavy violence from women than from men (that includes from my male and female friends families, exes etc). Regardless, I see that women perpetrators do not get the same treatment as men perpetrators. People find them excuses and theoretical frameworks to absolve them of accountability and shift the focus, will pressure victims to admit to wrongdoing to make it as if it was "both sides" etc.

All of this had a massive impact on me, as a woman. Due to my mother's chaotic lifestyle and antisocial behaviors, I went through so many shelters and woman spaces where literally no one questioned my mother's behaviors or were ever suspicious of her stories even though there were many massive red flags. She even used woman advocacy lingo to manipulate her way out of everything. It made speaking up and asking for help almost impossible. A lot of the time, the people who have seen through her lies and tried to help me were men. But they were discarded, their motives were scrutinized, and they were always given the worst possible intentions. One of my mother's ex lost everything trying to defend himself against her, even almost lost his own children's custody.
What I went through was coercive control, and social etiquette reinforced and allowed this to continue. If I had been born and raised man, I can't even begin to understand how that would have affected my self-image and view of the world.

I have pushed myself to defend most feminism advocacy in my adult years and put behind me what I went through, thinking my life was just an odd one in a million thing. I kept calling abusive women when I saw it, but then saw these cases as "fringe" as to not question everything else. When my friend recently had his coming out as trans (FtM) and then started having nightmares about being assaulted while not being able to explain how he wasn't abusive and had done nothing, that was pretty much the spark that made me reevaluate everything. At the same time, the story of a man who's (now deceased) ex sexually abused him came out in my local medias. That woman was my boyfriend's ex.

Then I also realized that an entire generation of men had been raised being constantly exposed to the vitriolic "feminist" content online such as "all men" and "man or the bear" type of so-called advocacy. Adult man I think can to a certain degree compartmentalize those discourses, but realizing that a whole generation has been exposed to this from their preteen years to adulthood... I can't stand behind this anymore. I think this explains in huge part the skyrocketing amount of young boys and men falling for far right influencers like Tate and such. When these discourses are literally all you know about woman-man relationships, that can't be in any way a good thing.

Chronon49 · 2026-03-04T15:08:26+00:00

How casually sexism against men is flung about boggles my mind. It's thankfully rare in my country, but I do little things like pushing back against sexist "jokes", using gender neutral language when talking about DV/rape/childfreedom, and not generalising men (or any gender).

It's probably not as impactful as actually volunteering/donating to help male victims though, which I really ought to :/

Anonymouscat24601 · 2026-03-02T04:57:57+00:00

My brother and I grew up in an abusive household; my mom and I took the brunt of it because my dad was a massive misogynist. But my brother definitely suffered too. I was also raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment, so really I had very few positive male figures in my life. Fast forward, I had a lot of bitterness towards men. My brother one day opened up to me about how much my comments about men hurt him, even if they weren’t directed at him. It was a huge reality check for me.

I really, massively respect my brother for pushing back against the environment he was raised in. He was getting misogynistic messaging on the regular, and he could have let it define how he approached women, but instead he’s one of the best people I know. He recently had a son, and I love that little guy with my whole heart and never ever want him to feel like he’s done something wrong simply for being born a boy/man/etc. So yeah, I’ve worked hard to not only change my behavior, but also start advocating against misandry. Young men like my brother may already be facing terrible situations (misogyny hurts them too), why contribute to that? I’ve also made several close guy friends through the years, and have seen the impact it’s had on their mental health and that’s only made me double down. I’d rather support and build up the people like my brother and my friends then expend energy tearing them down just on the off chance they’re like my dad.

HuckleberryTrue5232 · 2026-03-01T16:53:44+00:00

I have sons, this increased my interest in perspective-taking.

But also, when the whole concept of a “pick me” started, I was confused. What is a “pick me”? While I could certainly see some behaviors as egregious, ie joining male friends in making fun of a specific woman, the “pick me” criticizers were also attacking women who “participate in things they don’t really enjoy to please men”- eg playing video games. And I could immediately think of a number of things men in my life participate in for my sake that they might not share the same level of enthusiasm for. I thought “why is this behavior that I believe is generally normal under attack”.

Also, my mother was… suboptimal. So the thing where women are awarded child custody by default in divorce was disturbing.

Also, for whatever reason, I have always gotten along well with men. I’ve had female friends, and I prefer them, but I really can’t follow conversations about people well enough to make friends with the majority of women. At the same time, as I’ve grown older I’ve been made acutely aware of the common shortcoming of many/most men.

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Infidelchick · 2026-02-28T21:40:44+00:00

True it is that you are welcome to talk how you want. It was an answer to a specific question about the current perception of the movement.

Infidelchick · 2026-02-28T14:39:34+00:00

As the feminist mother of a young adult son, I’m interested in freedom from gender strictures for everyone. I’m here, among other places, to listen to the issues that concern men. I have always subscribed to the kind of radical feminism that considers the dismantling of conventional gender roles and power structures to be beneficial for both sexes.

As to building empathy, tbh stopping the incessant bitching about women/“feminists” would be a great step. Before people come for me, sure there’s probably some of the same on my side of the fence, but in actual feminist discussion groups it’s generally with either a sense of humour or a sense of nuance. The vibe in the men’s rights spaces I’ve been reading is so vitriolic I have to constantly reset my defenses to consider what legitimate analysis underlies it. Eg when discussing who are the more common victims of assault, it IS relevant to mention that most assailants are also men. Same with shelters - it’s relevant to discuss the grassroots activism that led to shelters for women. Getting polarised and seeing men only as underserved victims is gonna get up the nose of women who have worked for these resources and reforms.

Anyway, that’s a little snapshot. If we worked together, we could do a lot of good, but I’m not interested in supporting men who blame women for all wrongs in the world.

Ok-Assistant-4556 · 2026-02-28T23:46:50+00:00

Children. We all start out as children but socialisation and patriarchy divides and hurts us all. Too often my experience shows men are far more likely to push patriarchal values and weaponise advocacy to reinforce gender essentialism which hurts women and children. Too often we only centre trans women but trans men's voices are lost entirely; Im not ok with that disparity at all.

ERDAON0410 · 2026-02-28T13:20:56+00:00

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