What does “Men need to learn how to express their emotions” actually mean?

Neat_Lingonberry8010 · 2022-03-27T01:55:29+00:00

Cry in private. Be sad in private. Don’t carry it in public. No matter what society says they expect a man to be a rock. They expect men to run towards danger and not be afraid; to go to war and return like it was a trip to the mall; to not be impacted by loss or hardship. Grey rock them all. Carry it. They don’t count. Women who say men need to show emotions are toxic.

Halafax · 2022-03-26T23:53:13+00:00

Sounds like a shit test. Many women tell men to express emotions, but in my experience, most react very negatively.

killcat · 2022-03-27T02:06:00+00:00

"Act in a way that feminism says is acceptable" see also "toxic masculinity" and "internalized misogyny".

thehumbleguitarist · 2022-03-27T00:04:37+00:00

Stoicism helps many men understand how to better assess and control emotions. This goes against what most women expect. Still it works for many men who seek a mental health aid in their daily lives. In a world where any emotion could make your life harder, it is a beacon for some. I consider myself to be emotional but would never share it. I might cry over a loved one during a car ride but the tears are gone by the time I step out. I carry eye drops and napkins in my car for such events. People think those items are for work or food.

Separate_Natural_368 · 2022-03-27T02:40:48+00:00

My heart is broken because my ex left me after I expressed how I felt. I regret expressing myself everyday and I wish society didn’t push this express yourself crap because I learned the hard way that no one cares. I had to learn to cope with my feelings independently. Maybe I’ll find someone new and I won’t make the same mistake

RecidivistMS3 · 2022-03-26T23:21:18+00:00

It means “you’re too difficult to control, so we’re going to shame and coerce you into behaving in a way we deem proper and easy to dominate.”

babyshark8 · 2022-03-26T23:07:48+00:00

I would assume so as a women. I do think thats what people imply when they say that phrase.

goodfoobar · 2022-03-27T02:16:42+00:00

Male and female methods of processing emotions is different. There is overlap. Female methods tend to be easier to spot such as talking or crying. Male methods tend to be harder to spot and often involve doing something. Doing something is often seen as avoiding emotions instead the processing that it is.

TitanicPat · 2022-03-26T23:00:32+00:00

A lot of demands really boil down to "be more maliable"

Heavy_Grand2526 · 2022-03-27T00:46:23+00:00

It means “men should act more like women”. Which is the wrong thing to do. Men don’t have to be just like women. Men are their own unique beings and should always be themselves!

Iceman_Hottie · 2022-03-27T06:04:35+00:00

It's comes from projection. This is one of the reasons I try to make people look at where their thoughts come from in politics, etc.

Here is the gist: Men and women have different reactions to the same stimuli and men tend to act based on emotion less (indicating a higher degree of control over rather than absence of emotion). There are situations where each of those can be advantageous and a critical disadvantage in others.

The women that say that phrase project themselves onto men, without realising that they are different. When men do express emotions and share concerns, women most often dismiss them as they are not what they would feel, and are later used to mock and abuse these men either because they can, because they find it funny, to win an argument, or to hurt when they get caught up in their own emotions. The issue is that it causes irreplaceable damage to men's mental health and trust.

Another problem with this is that it is part of female nature (as per question) to act this way - our own mothers will do it to us, let alone spouses/girlfriends/any other woman in our lives. There are very few women who control themselves enough not to do this, I would estimate that overall

On a societal level this is exacerbated by large swathes of population implicitly accepting (often by ascribing to an ideology that is based on something that accepted it) Russeau's framework of society vs human nature (along the lines of the noble savage idea).

Let me know if you want to go into detail on it.

InannaXanthus · 2022-03-27T02:02:24+00:00

most of the narrative nowadays tell you this,and i don't consider that expressing your positive and negative emotions is something bad,i even think it is cute and authentic,but, for most people it is a "red flag" for men. It makes them seem like "not masculine enough". They tell you to open yourself only to discard your emotions and experiences,because a man who cries or is sensitive surely is either a puy or gay, or an emotional burden,or "women have it worse,man up". I can't criticize enough how i have been discarded many times by guys and girls because expressing my emotions is a "turnoff" for them,because I'm a puy. Only for them illustrate me about toxic/fragile masculinity,the sickness of male supremacy and their effect in men's mental health and the need to create "New/Non-Orthodox Masculinities".

_Last_Man_Standing_ · 2022-03-27T08:08:42+00:00

It comes from Hegel.

Feminism is one of the branches of Hegelian Religion or "Philosophy" that Hegel himself called "Science".
This specific example is based on Hegel's Master/Slave Dialectic.
It's proper complicated to explain but in short lines goes something like this:

- Society is a God not aware of it self
- to become aware and enter Utopia Society needs to solve all of the Contradictions
- Men and Women are in Contradiction to each other in a Master/Slave Dialectical Struggle
- Men as Masters live in a Masters world (Patriarchy)
- Women as Slaves also live in Masters world (Patriarchy)
- because of it Women have more Insight because they have 2 perspectives
- their own = Slave / Historically Oppressed
- the world they live in = Masters / Historically Oppressors
- because Women have more Insight they will know how to solve the Contradictions
- so "Men should sit down and listen" to Women
- in practice it looks like:
- making Women more like Men
- and making Men more like Women
- until we are perfectly Equal
- when we are perfectly Equal there is no more Contradiction
- Society becomes aware of itself as God
- and we enter Heaven/Utopia

It's proper mad shit once you start digging deeper in the topic.If you are interested here is a good place to start: Hegel, Wokeness, and the Dialectical Faith of Leftism by James Lindsay @ New Discourses

auMatech · 2022-03-27T06:34:31+00:00

“Men need to learn how to express their emotions like women do”. Is my assessment correct, or am I way off the mark?

Precisely, or to express them in an "acceptable" way. They also don't want you having emotional outbursts like a child (like when they say 'men need to cry'). They don't want you expressing anger, despite the fact that it's a legitimate emotion, because it makes them feel 'unsafe'.

In the end it's nothing more than emotional manipulation and control.

The other side of this dogwhistle is: "men need to learn to express themselves towards other men". The unseen part of this is the part that screams "don't burden women with your emotions or problems".

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2022-03-27T07:00:15+00:00

Men need to learn how to express their emotions” actually means “Men need to learn how to express their emotions like women do”. Is my assessment correct, or am I way off the mark?

You aren't way off-the-mark.

But I think it doesn't mean exactly that way.

Society will never accept men who express their emotions the way women do.

The evidence is all around us.
Look at the way society treats men who come forward about being raped by a woman.
Or men who complain about bias in family courts.
Or men who complain about MGM or conscription.

"men should learn to express emotions" means men should learn to behave the way society prescribes men to behave.

Men are allowed to behave in a narrowly defined way. What society (and by extention feminists) deem to be an appropriate behavior.

Any deviation from this is 'toxic masculinity'.

That phrase is a way to control men. To take away man's freedom of expression and autonomy.

Something that the so-called 'patriarchy' achieved so flawlessly.
The gynocentric feminist society is struggling to gain that control back. The phrase is a desperate attempt to control men's behavior.

Kindly-Town · 2022-03-27T05:19:23+00:00

This means to copy the way women express emotions which doesn't work because men are biologically different and men can't manifest emotions without going through reasoning phase first.

trug_bl · 2022-03-27T10:03:51+00:00

Basically they want you to open up to them so they have more ammo to hurt you with.

Potato-with-guns · 2022-03-27T04:09:46+00:00

Not exactly, though you are a bit off the mark. What it means is “Men need to learn to express their emotions in a way that is convenient to me”. Which is why people will both see men as being too stoic and also tell them to “Man up” when they think men shouldn’t react.

XandogxD · 2022-03-27T02:10:57+00:00

Men and women experience life in all kinds of different ways. A mans world and a womens world are both different.

So how they each express their emotions are going to be different as well. Men have never been bad at expressing their emotions, they have just been better at keeping control over them than women.

2022-03-27T06:18:07+00:00

As a man, if you're dealing with emotions, and you're thinking about opening up to someone, you have to ask yourself "will this person be able to help me?"

Sometimes they can help give you advice on how to solve a problem you're struggling with. You're more likely to get this kind of help from another man, like a good friend, especially someone who has dealt with similar problem.

Sometimes they will be able to give you emotional support. If you need this, then it's best to get it from a professional. They get paid for their work, they have experience, and you can always leave when you feel it's not working.

If you think they won't be really able to help you, it's better to keep your mouth shut to avoid making things worse.

gruden · 2022-03-27T11:06:09+00:00

It means those men need to get better at hiding their emotions

Neppy_sama · 2022-03-27T03:34:27+00:00

First reject society when it comes to vent your emotions. Have a pet dog or any species ofcourse plants can be there too, start venting atleast they won't give meaningless advice back.

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2022-03-27T12:19:30+00:00

It means that a woman wants a man to undo everything he’s been taught in life from the time he was a little boy to be vulnerable with her. But, smart men learn that when a man is vulnerable to a woman she never really looks at him the same again and may use what he has shared against him in the future. Women have to learn that men are not women and stop having this unreasonable expectation. If they want someone to “share” with them then they need to go talk with one of their female friends.

OctaviaPinfold · 2022-03-27T13:36:45+00:00

It means men should express more of the feminism-approved set of emotions that revolve around making women feel better about themselves; like be excited all the time when a woman thinks of something to do; show sympathy when a woman feels down, but not too much sympathy, don't ever take away the spotlight; show remorse if a woman thinks you made a mistake, doesn't matter if you did; be happy that you can be in a relationship, that's all that you should need even if you're abused in said relationship; etc.

NeoNotNeo · 2022-03-27T17:21:11+00:00

It’s means sociopaths are not satisfied manipulating men as a substitute for working and paying their own bills. It’s better when you can defer your responsibilities and tell the slaves even what they feel is wrong.

Without fail every time I hear a woman explain that men don’t express their feelings I hear a woman who wants a man to acknowledge her feelings as means of controlling him.

Go to work. Pay your bills.

yaxome6 · 2022-03-27T08:09:26+00:00

It's often a shit test. Expressing emotions can be a sign of weakness that makes women feel insecure and thus disgusted. Men are expected to be stoic, disposable and self sacrificing. Emotionally incontinence should be reserved for women and children.

Whitified · 2022-03-27T10:44:30+00:00

"submit to me"

Jimmy-T094 · 2022-03-27T13:29:47+00:00

I completely agree with this I have psychosis and in my experience when I try to express my emotions I get told " now's not the time to say everything you feel" when I do she isnt ready to hear it nobody is and I'm left to feel guilty for having psychosis

ajomojo · 2022-03-27T13:40:56+00:00

Guys, guys, don’t allow society to tell you to express or to not express emotions; rather, be in touch with yourself. Emotions are physiological markers that inform us what is wrong, or right, with us. This is not about “women” telling you about being “emotional” it is about not turning sadness into substance use, anger into high blood pressure, isolation into depression and suicide. Masculinity is about being comfortable into your own skin, express your emotions appropriately according to your own gender ideology. Be a friend to other men. PTSD is not “weakness” rather it is men making themselves personally responsible for the negative outcomes of war, it is survivor quilt, it is a direct result of caring. That doesn’t make you less manly it makes you just human. Men experience emotions just like everyone else, but men also are able to hold them in balance, not being ruled by them but for what the moment requires. The mutual support and solidarity among men is a feature of humanity which has allowed humans to survive and it is organized by emotions men feel for other men in the group; camaraderie

daylight_stalker · 2022-03-27T03:18:01+00:00

Welp I do think guys (not all guys) do infact express their motions in a negative way such as being violent, hitting things, yelling, trying to be dominant, ect.

But on the contrary I seen women be just as toxic when angry too but in more feminine manners. Ever see two chick's fight? Hair pulling, biting, ect.

So no it's not just a man's problem but humans in general. I think feminist fail to see faults of their own.

DeddestNash · 2022-03-27T09:15:58+00:00

There are alot of women that also deal with emotions with anger I feel, or I've experienced. But obviously there are slightly more men prone to it, I'm guessing because they were brought up and shown to "be a man", or obviously that can be a more personal choice.

My take is that anger isn't the nicest expression for others around you to deal with, if it's that big of an issue you have, then anger is quite justified. I think that when around friends or partners you should try a calmer approach to emotions since it's easier to deal with for everyone and yourself.

In general the saying should really be saying that letting issues manifest into anger or anything else, isn't really healthy. If you have this problem yourself I'm sure there are some good websites, where there are good techniques that can just be with yourself, because frustration isn't a good feeling and maybe you should try to change it for yourself.

If you feel like that's a women's approach then who cares, its your choice to change and when you do, you should do it mostly for yourself or to make it easier for those around you to understand you and what you're going through.

HogOfHyper · 2022-03-27T11:13:12+00:00

I would but I find crying for 5 minutes exhausting, I don’t think I could do it all day

Aran82 · 2022-03-27T16:25:09+00:00

Men need to be feminine and take up housework because we can’t really compete with them in large sections of the employment market and we want positions of high pay and status so that we can then complain their are no men who are “ambitious” and “financially viable” as partners.

FactsArentHate · 2022-03-27T16:59:50+00:00

"Make yourself vulnerable to me so I can blackmail you with it."

Eedoryeong · 2022-03-27T01:16:24+00:00

It sounds like a version of use-your-words, which is fine in itself.

In some sense though it seems odd in that many women explicitly do not want men who share feelings the way a lot of women do. Bill Maher summed it up aptly (while discussing a different but related subject) when he started with the phrase, " no amount of training will turn us into your favorite Twilight character" in last Friday's New Rules bit "Make America Grind Again" on youtube.

Darkwolf90 · 2022-03-27T03:46:57+00:00

It's an illogical manipulation tactic that can be summed up in the phrase "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." You can attempt to point out their personal inconsistency or you just ignore them, Why attempt to play a game you literally cannot win at?

2bUsedbyFemales · 2022-03-27T04:30:12+00:00

I had a girlfriend who said the same thing. Her parents had a lot of health problems, and basically she had a lot of sad and terrifying shit happen while we were together. She expressed her anger alright! Every possible thing she could bitch about, having to do with whatever just happened. One day she was in the middle of going on and on about the hospital doing something wrong with her dad and , then this, that and the other. I just looked at her and it was suddenly so clear, she just needed to say how fuckin scared she was that her dad would die. Her mom passed the year before, she was in her early 20s and still figuring life out. Understandably, she was so sad about her mom being gone and terrified she'd lose both parents in a year. Didn't mean to make this so damn long, but my point is that I think getting out your anger and frustration is very important, and healthy to do. But that's only part of it, ya know? Many women just get frustrated and say "all men", when they mean "all men I've dated". Anyway, you said when you express yourself how you do, your gf wouldn't like it. I think she probably wanted to know about any other things you were feeling. Eh, dunno if I really made sense or not🤷‍♂️ I just lived with an old friend from high school for a couple years, a dude I'd known 20 years.....dude is angry. Clearly has some real problems, and anger was the ONLY thing he ever expressed, literally. It's hard to explain, but I learned so so much about feelings and anger. Guess everything in life needs to be balanced. You only do one thing or overdo it and it's not gonna work out, just like if u never ever get angry(see- "anger management" w/Adam Sandler)

ewalsh666 · 2022-03-27T13:45:31+00:00

It means you need to express every emotion your girlfriend likes and repress and Bury the rest, because that's healtier

pennywise1235 · 2022-03-27T13:59:19+00:00

It means whoever is telling you that is a colossal moron and doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

Basketballjuice · 2022-03-27T14:51:15+00:00

what it means is

"I want men to stop bottling up their emotions, but I don't want to put any effort into helping them do so."

stunspot · 2022-03-27T14:51:27+00:00

You are 100% on the mark. They have convinced society that women's ways of processing emotions are the only appropriate way to feel them. You ever hear a woman exhorted to "get in touch with her masculine side"?

chankletavoladora · 2022-03-27T14:57:49+00:00

It’s right on the money. Everything a woman sees is through her lenses only. They are very solipsistic.

Noob_master_slayer · 2022-03-27T14:59:49+00:00

Don't worry about it. It's good ol' virtue signalling. Women saying "men need to be more emotional" is just their way of sounding virtuous.

AdAcademic4290 · 2022-03-27T17:11:56+00:00

For 6-7 generations now, males have been taught that expressing emotions is a 'female ' thing, aside from anger and frustration, which people have been trained to see as a 'male' thing.

Almost all humans have similar in- built abilities to experience and express all emotions.

We have simply been trained to hide, repress and subvert emotions to fit a social mould.

This training takes the form of social engineering, cultural conditioning, suppressing some emotions, encouraging others.

This is done through shame, violence, exposure only to ' acceptable ' models of behaviour through media.

Now, of course, some measure of emotional self- control is necessary for a functional individual, for a functioning society.

Too much emotional suppression/ repression, or a warped model for behaviour, leads to damaging fault lines, and even earthquakes and volcanic explosions in terms of personal and societal disintegration.

If someone experiences overwhelming emotions, but has no healthy way to deal with them, it can lead to depression, violence, substance abuse, suicide....

We need a new and better model than 'males / females only allowed to feel and show certain emotions, but not others' .

Z0mb13z_0f_54nd · 2022-03-27T17:15:42+00:00

Mmm... I don't think you're wrong, but I think your assessment is a little inaccurate. I do agree that generally speaking, the "men need to learn to express their emotions" like is covert for "men need to express their emotions more like women."

I also think, genrally speaking, anger and frustration are secondary emotions. They're most often used to cover up pain and vulnerabilities. There's nothing wrong with this, mind you, as long as you're self aware enough to recognize this and don't use the anger as a scape goat to avoid taking responsibility for the way you actually feel.

As a whole, though, in my experience the "men need to express their emotions more" line is used as shaming language coming from women because they don't understand that men process emotions differently than women.

sunrisemae · 2022-03-27T17:20:29+00:00

There’s more emotions than just anger and frustration though? Anger and frustration are just the “acceptable” emotions for a man to display because for whatever reason they are considered masculine. Does this stifle any other emotions you have? Like sadness or pain?

Archangel1313 · 2022-03-27T18:04:27+00:00

It means you need to learn HOW to express your emotions in a constructive, and/or positive way.

eldred2 · 2022-03-27T21:45:12+00:00

In a large portion of cases it means, "I want men to express the emotions I want them to express, regardless of how they actually feel."

SpiretRaider · 2022-03-27T03:14:29+00:00

It means that men should learn to use other ways that are more healthy to express their emotions, because anger is the only socially acceptable one we use because if we show we’re sad people may think we’re soft. Men in society should be allowed to feel what they feel without being judged for being human, and they shouldn’t be told to man up when they’re going through trauma, Because if anger is the only way they can deal with negative emotions can have a large impact on their life

TesticalDefibrillate · 2022-03-27T07:15:35+00:00

It means give women ammo to destroy you in my experience.

Men learn to bottle it up by being betrayed when they don’t.

KYbebop · 2022-03-27T04:26:45+00:00

Women want this but it's a thin line between sharing your emotions and being a little bitch, they decide then line.

Ok_Afternoon8581 · 2022-03-26T23:13:40+00:00

Honestly i as a male cry all the time. I mean im an emotional person. Sees song, cries . Sees movie, cries Sees anime, cries. They say many men dont express their emotions. Trust me i see alot of men do. I mean men in their 60s 50s dont express emotions because they have backward mindset. smh

Huge-Theme6774 · 2022-03-27T09:58:48+00:00

Most people don't know how to express their emotions. Learning nvc (nonviolent communication) changed my life

Rol9x · 2022-03-27T08:02:41+00:00

It means that some women are not able to understand how men express themselves.

Foreign_Nose1348 · 2022-03-28T00:44:25+00:00

Do you express ALL your emotions with anger and frustration? Also, how do you express your anger and frustration? Raising your voice? Etc There could be many factors why women respond that way. It may be more of a you specific issue, than a men issue in general.

Title	What does “Men need to learn how to express their emotions” actually mean?
Author	Interesting-Eye-5464
Upvotes	282
Comments	95
Date	March 26, 2022 10:48 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/tp6n36/what_does_men_need_to_learn_how_to_express_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-does-men-need-to-learn-how-to-express-their.1110105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110105

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