Being Sociable

I looked at someone's Facebook account today. It was the son of a woman that I used to work with. I just wondered if he'd made it as a footballer, because he used to be pretty good.

And I was reflecting that, as far as I can see, virtually any guy who is reasonably sociable will do okay with the opposite sex.

I accept and acknowledge that being sociable can be more challenging for some people than others. Not everyone has social popularity thrust upon them, for example.

But it's honestly not that hard to make an effort to develop a social circle, and have a fairly busy and varied social life. Anyone can do it. Especially now with the Internet, unless you're completely isolated, you can join meetup groups, you can do activities in your local area. There are countless things that you can do.

Possibly if you have some form of social phobia then you might have an excuse, but I do believe that you can work through this. However, only a pretty small percentage of the population can claim this anyway.

And, as far as I can see, virtually everyone that makes an effort socially then makes friends, meets women, appears well adjusted socially and normal, and, as I say, does okay with women.

When I reflect on my own life, it's blindingly obvious that I haven't made anywhere near enough effort to be sociable. I should have made far more effort to mix with people, I should have joined clubs and activity groups, and I should have put myself out there far, far, far more than I actually did (ie. hardly at all). I should have done many proactive things on a regular basis that, in fact, I didn't engage in whatsoever.

As soon as you don't do these things, you then have to participate in the 'dating market', which barely even existed 15 years ago. Until then, you were simply forced to meet someone. You were forced to meet people.

And the dating market is more challenging for a variety of reasons. And it's a crap way to meet people compared to doing so via your social circle and activities.

The big problem for me is that I don't want to be more sociable than I am, and I don't have any intention of being more sociable than I am.

And that will be the problem for most guys who struggle. Most guys who struggle will have to concede that this is a fundamental root cause of their problems. If you've been sociable, really made a proper concerted effort to be sociable, and you've struggled, then you have something to complain about.

And I can accept that being sociable isn't easy for everyone. It's not easy for me. But if you haven't tried it, and really persevered with it for a significant period of time, then you can't complain.

I would bet that most people who have struggled with dating, most men in particular, have made minimal effort to be sociable, to expand their social circle, to come into contact with lots of different people, and to have a busy life in which they spend lots of time around lots of different people.

As I say, if you've done that and failed then you have something to complain about. You don't have anything to complain about if you don't get enough Tinder matches.

I can say that I've made absolutely no effort whatsoever to do this. And there's a strange dichotomy for me where I wish I had done it, but then when I actually contemplate doing it, I don't want to do it.

This suggests that the issue is all in my own head. But I honestly don't know. I like having my own space. I don't really like being around people for long periods of time. But then I feel that my life would have been a lot more eventful and fulfilling if I'd made more of a social effort. Or any effort at all.

Anyway, I'm sure most guys who have struggled or do struggle, if they are honest with themselves, will have to admit that they haven't made a big enough effort socially. Because guys who do make an effort are constantly in social groups full of women.

Virtually anyone that I can possibly name that I've ever come into contact with, when you look at who they are today, they have settled into some form of normality and relative dating success. So whatever people go on about on here, it honestly cannot be that difficult.

If you are a man and you have failed, if you're honest with yourself, you will reflect that you haven't made enough effort to be sociable.

If you genuinely have made a massive and concerted effort to be sociable and expand your social circle then I don't see how you could fail.