Do you think attraction is mostly looks?

platinirisms · 2022-11-08T00:06:02+00:00

do you think attraction is mostly looks

Yes. Nothing even comes close to it besides being very high status or incredibly rich.

Ask any ex-fat person how people treated them before/after losing the weight and it’s night and day, ask any anorexic to muscular person the same thing, they all say the exact same thing, people treat them so much nicer afterwards and were more interested in them.

My dating life flipped upside down once I became attractive too, going from a nerdy skinny kid who never got any compliments to a muscular handsome man who receives regular compliments. I went from an incel shitposting online to several women having crushes on me and another trying to sneak a kiss (twice) despite knowing I’m already in a relationship.

I want to emphasise nothing about my personality changed, I’m still the same old nerdy kid I was 7 years ago.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-07T23:42:49+00:00

Depends.

Attraction based on an initial meeting or two? Yes, primarily all physical.

But attraction that builds over time isn't.

VeliVoy · 2022-11-07T23:41:55+00:00

We basically still have simple monkey brains, so physical attraction is very important, possibly to the point where its the only thing that truly matters. Whether we all like it or not, a woman with large breasts and a large ass will beat women that lacks those traits, while a tall man with broad shoulders will beat men that lack those traits. There are those that can do it, but they're the exception to the norm and are more than likely an extreme outlier such as being exceptionally attractive despite lacking those traits.

warramite · 2022-11-07T23:54:53+00:00

Women care alot about social perception (status) as well when it comes to attraction.. for men its almost entirely about looks then behaviour

For women its about perception/status which can be enhanced if you have good physical attributes

A woman may pass a guy daily on the street, she may not even notice the guy but when a friend says he's really attractive, thats the first time she notices him...

If 6 of her friends say it, then she'll be very turned on by the guy even if those feelings have never been there before the discussion with her friends

Once he's been assigned as higher value than average, he becomes attractive to the woman.. until then he's just a background character at best and a nuisance at worst

Think Danny Devito on Tinder without the fame (4'11, Obese, the outcome is clear)... now imagine him on Tinder with the fame he has (he'd get more matches and interest than 99% of all Chads)

Magnito-was-right · 2022-11-08T00:04:36+00:00

Similar style is a big influence for me. If they dress in a style I like it boosts their looks.

Impressive_Sport_975 · 2022-11-07T23:55:23+00:00

Yes. 80% atleast

bloodthirsty_emu · 2022-11-08T03:26:20+00:00

Looks are the first and often only thing that get considered.

It's repeatedly been said that looks get your foot in the door and personality etc. can keep it open.

What people refuse to admit is that if the door gets slammed on your foot because you're a below average looking / different looking / "ugly" man, then no matter what you do or who you are it isn't going to open later. Not in a world where there is no shortage of opportunities to meet other guys who have the looks to get their foot in the door.

KlingKlangKing · 2022-11-08T09:43:14+00:00

Yeah but that's assuming the guy is already confident. Confidence is a requirement for men. If you don't have it, you ain't gonna get shit no matter how good-looking you are

Johnny_Autism · 2022-11-08T12:45:14+00:00

Women in this thread: “I’d totally date a 7 over a 9/10 providing he had the most amazing personality”

thetruthishere_ · 2022-11-07T23:58:25+00:00

It isn’t for me personally, no. For me, looks are what loads the gun, but personality has to pull the trigger. Looks alone won’t do it. The guy has to be within the physical range of someone I could be attracted to, but if we don’t have chemistry as people, if he doesn’t turn my brain on, I will feel no lust towards him, no desire, no true attraction.

I’ve gone out on many dates with men I definitely think are good looking and would be wild about if we clicked as people, but we didn’t. So I just couldn’t feel any desire for them whatsoever. On the flipside, I’ve become stupidly in lust with men who didn’t knock me out with looks at first glance but who I had incredible personal chemistry with.

Not everyone has that attraction style, of course. Some of us do though. I think it’s more common in women than men.

oyxyjuon · 2022-11-07T23:54:42+00:00

My dorm roommate in college was a swimmer, muscular, tall, chiseled, blue eyes... definitely a 10 for girls.

However, he was the spergiest dude you'd ever meet. He talked and laughed like a robot, had zero humor or personality.

Most his interactions w/ women I observed... Smart women quickly discounted him, realizing he was a complete autist. He did well with drunks sluts however.

jacked_degenerate · 2022-11-08T00:07:20+00:00

A good looking guy will catch my attention, but I'll have no sexual interest in him until we interact. Visuals do not turn women on like they do men.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-11-08T01:33:59+00:00

No. It obviously helps but I find men attractive who are not the classic “handsome” guy because they are brilliant, or talented, or have some other quality that I like. Most of all it’s how they make me feel. I would rather date an average guy that makes me feel like he really “gets” me than a male model I can’t relate to.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-11-08T01:57:58+00:00

No, not for me personally. I also need to be attracted to his personality, we have great conversations, etc.

Some people here dont seem to get many need more and just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're actually attracted to them.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-11-08T02:17:22+00:00

I swipe left on men I find physically attractive all the time when I'm on the apps.

A man I find hot may not be childfree like me (automatic swipe left for me).

If he has something that's a red flag or just not compatible with me on his profile, I swipe left; it doesn't matter how hot he is.

So while looks are a huge part of attraction, they won't guarantee it.

Doesn't matter if someone is perfect for me in every other way and the hottest person I've ever seen, if they want to get married or have kids, I'm swiping left.

riceweight · 2022-11-08T02:27:11+00:00

I just want to add another point that as an average girl, the men that turn me on the most are my looksmatches, plus they have very mature, no nonsense personalities. I can acknowledge hot guys, but they’re like paintings or sculptures in a museum — everyone agrees they’re handsome, but I wouldn’t want them in my home. I like the art that speaks to me alone. Give me the weird, the thoughtful, the flawed in the beautiful.

Another woman already explained the gun and trigger metaphor, and that’s definitely true. Just wanted to expand that attraction is mostly looks, specifically the look that is most appropriate to you.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-11-08T04:31:19+00:00

Yes definetly,

A woman needs to be physically attracted to you in order for there to be "chemistry"

But things like money, status, prestige for a man can offset that

another-banned-acct · 2022-11-08T07:15:43+00:00

If I recall correctly, tall men earn more money, and people associate attractive faces with good qualities (honest, trustworthy, hard working) and unattractive faves with bad qualities.

So it's not just attraction & dating. Humans are terribly superficial in pretty much every domain. Thus con-men will wear lifts in their shoes and put on nice suits... because it works.

SolidPuzzleheaded984 · 2022-11-07T23:40:07+00:00

Yes.

BurnaAccount1227 · 2022-11-08T00:02:39+00:00

It all starts with looks. Everything else is a pretty distant second. People will put up with a frightening amount of crap from someone if they're hot enough.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-08T00:30:05+00:00

That's usually the perception that girls have when they come across a very handsome man. They usually judge a book by itself cover. So Chads, Tyrones, Pookies/Ray-Rays and other men who are just as handsome have the same advantage with girls over most other men. It's their version of pretty privilege. Although looks aren't everything it definitely would have to be what mostly contributes to as attraction. As far as confidence goes, its very important when it comes to going about attracting women but just like looks it isn't everything. The most aesthetically attractive men just have it easier than all other men. If you look like a male model you're in there. All women don't really want an average man. They'll settle for an average man after having hit the wall and not having been able to lock down a very handsome man for marriage. This is what incels who are blackpillers gripe or rather complain about. Genetic elitism and whatnot.

Ag116797 · 2022-11-08T00:16:33+00:00

Yes looks is king sexual attraction is 100% looks for both male and female.

VeliVoy · 2022-11-07T23:36:27+00:00

Thank you!

FightMeCthullu · 2022-11-08T00:50:09+00:00

Depends on the person.

I’ve said this before - my biggest celebrity crush is John Oliver, who looks like a muppet that became a human and just decided to make the best of it.

I find my attraction is primarily based in personality (ETA: I’m not trying to sound pretentious or anything, this is just how my brain works! No judgement to those who feel a stronger looks based attraction, we’re all made different), I appreciate the aesthetic appeal of a person and can recognise they are objectively nice to look at, but to be actually attracted to them?

Yeah no. I need more than that.

EDIT: before anyone tells me I’m lying…… There’s a difference between noticing someone is attractive and BEING attracted to them in my eyes. Noticing a person is attractive is just ‘oh! They look good!’ And being attracted to them is ‘oh I would fuck them.’ I can notice someone is attractive and BE attracted to them, I can just be attracted to them, I can just notice they’re attractive. Also if I find their personality unattractive, I no longer consider them as looking attractive which is a whole thing.

Attraction is nuanced and hard to define, and what someone finds attractive is so personal. There are broad things many people agree are attractive, and the context counts as well.

I saw this great TikTok where someone said that they weren’t attracted to Henry Cavill until they saw him talking about video games and suddenly they were super into him, because of how excited and animated he was talking about his passion, and I’d say that’s kinda where I fall! Like to me, a hot person might look hot, but I don’t find them hot until I figure out more about them?

Again, no shame to anyone who operates mostly off physical attractiveness first! Really don’t want to sound condescending or pretentious, just trying to add to the conversation with my experience.

GhostofCamus · 2022-11-07T23:47:12+00:00

I have as many partners in a year as the average man has in his life, and I'm rated a 2/10 on photofeeler. I'm not charismatic, wealthy, or exceptionally hung either. Not sure what everyone else is doing wrong.

VeliVoy · 2022-11-07T23:48:30+00:00

personality influences the perception of physical attractiveness. Of course, looks matter but men cherry pick. The bad news is that personality traits are generally stable, and you can still be disadvantaged by neuroticism or introversion

meteorness123 · 2022-11-08T01:48:54+00:00

No and everybody who has set a foot aside know that it isn't. You see "average" looking couples all the time. Anybody who's had roomates have heard their average looking roomate and their average looking partner fuck loudly everynight and being all lovey dovey with each other.

Also, compatibility is a big factor. Which is heavily dependant on intelligence, education level, humor, similar upbringing. A decent looking woman will not be attracted to a "Chad" who is not intelligent. After he opens his mouth, it's over. She will be attracted to an okay-looking smart guy.

EmeraldsFaure · 2022-11-08T02:08:12+00:00

Women give more leeway than men when it comes to looks. I’d choose a man who’s a 7 in looks IF he’s intellectual, witty, and nice, over a hot 9 or 10 Chad. From experience, I was in a relationship with a hot, athletic BF who although very sweet, was decidedly not intellectual. We’d pass by a bookstore (I’m a voracious reader) and he’d recoil like he was allergic to books or something. Forget about stimulating conversations, I couldn’t interest him in news/ current issues let alone topics of interest to me such as science, philosophy, languages, and the arts.

Men OTOH, are too responsive to looks alone. The amount and extent of cringey messages I got during my short stint on 2 dating apps were reflective of it. Stuff like ‘the workday couldn’t end fast enough so I could go home and see that face’. Huh? You saw my photos, you don’t know me nor have we spoken yet. But you’re already planning our home life, which apparently involves me waiting at home for you.

prizefighterstudent · 2022-11-08T03:20:36+00:00

The looks threshold is king and every woman has her threshold. What isn't talked about as much here, and I've noticed through my life, is that the more attractive you are, the higher your threshold tends to be, especially as a woman.

I've seen very attractive chicks with non-panty-droppers -- they still looked decent. I've also been with girls I knew I was punching above my weight with lookswise -- I knew I was just handsome enough, and something else carried me through.

Looks are quickly becoming the dominant factor for success in a world where all our basic needs are taken cared of [therefore, status and money get put on the backburner].

Setihwetah2 · 2022-11-08T05:45:01+00:00

YES GOOD LOOKS ONLY MATTER

No-Virus8736 · 2022-11-08T10:24:40+00:00

I think the only people that believe this are devoid of personality

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at--at-- · 2022-11-08T00:23:59+00:00

Initial attraction from males to females is absolutely driven by looks. Undoubtably.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-08T00:43:41+00:00

Yup and there's nothing wrong with that, doesn't mean that you can't be attracted to their personality, intelligence, status, Whatever Gets your gears going at that particular moment, but if they're not stiffening a man below the waist or getting a woman into a puddle, friend zone it is

classicliberal1 · 2022-11-08T01:52:42+00:00

Do you think attraction is mostly looks?

Attraction is almost entirely looks. Unfortunately, relationships are almost entirely based on looks as well today. It used to be more balanced in the past when women had to trade off looks for other considerations like commitment and provisioning. And yes, this gender asymmetry applies only to women because only women form harems.

Harems kill monogamy, the marriage market, and the well-being of children. Men do not form harems. They cannot. Women form harems by sharing "high value" men where "high value" may very well be evolutionary obsolete criteria. The only difference between harems of old versus the harems of today is that women have more than one "baby daddy" today. The effect is the same.

Children are raised without fathers, the total provisioning provided by men is less, taxes are needed for welfare, men drop out of the labor market or minimally participate, dating becomes miserable for both genders, and the happiness and stability of families plummets.

Harem forming is bad for society. It is bad for men's happiness. It is bad for women's happiness. It is bad for the children's happiness. It's the tragedy of the commons, a race to the bottom. And once that Nash Equilibrium is reached, it's damn near impossible to get out of it. Unfortunately, it's already too late to do anything about it. The best you can do is embrace the decline and make the most of your life in this meta.

Ok_Cake7513 · 2022-11-08T02:18:42+00:00

It's all about looks unfortunately. When you see it happening with your own eyes there is no denying reality.

Nonchalantmanhood · 2022-11-08T03:06:05+00:00

For men, yes but for women not so much

do_a_kickflip · 2022-11-08T03:13:55+00:00

Looks is the most important to me, however the bar is low (just don't be ugly), the rest is personality. I think many people think like this

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-11-08T05:15:25+00:00

We make assumptions about the other person based on looks (leftover from monkey brain when we had to decide fast if it's danger or not). Then when we interact with them some assumptions are approced and sone dissaproved. Then dealbreaker tend to pop up.

I have seen many attractive people whose attraction instantly pluneted when i heard how they talk.

rrrattt · 2022-11-08T06:22:45+00:00

I think there are multiple levels of attraction.

First there is base level, I wanna fuck this person level. If it was purely looks, then I would want to have sex with anyone who I found attractive, but I definitely don't. I find a lot of people attractive and I want to have sex with very few people. Obviously looks play a big role, but there has to be something else. Chemistry, spark, some kind of chemical pheromone match up, I'm not really sure what. That's the initial first level of attraction, they are hot and you feel chemistry, you feel a tingle or magnetism, you want to be close to them and touch them. That's enough for a hook up, you don't have to actually like them as a person, but your body likes them enough to enjoy sex with them. Probably based mostly on unconscious evolutionary shit in our genes. But there are some things like fashion choices or being a good dancer, stuff like that, that can also have an influence. You can probably start forming the beginnings of romantic feelings at this level, more like infatuation than real love, but I've known people who will seriously fall in love at this level and it doesn't make for a very healthy relationship lol.

Then the next level is a deeper attraction, being attracted to the actual person and wanting a relationship of some kind vs just wanting sex. That's where personality compatibility comes in, namely being able to have pleasant conversations and having a similar sense of humor, enjoying enough similar things to want to spend at least a little time with each other even when you aren't having sex. That's enough for casual dating or a long term FBW situation. I also think this can exist without the first level, and turns into friendship, it's basically just being attracted to their personality with or without physical attraction. But I think you need the first level as well if you want a healthy relationship, unless you're asexual or ok with some kind of nonsexual relationship. You can definitely fall in love at this level. You can have a healthy relationship at this level, but it might not stay a happy healthy relationship forever. It could be fairly healthy, if both people are committed and work on it and are best friends, but the spark will fade and it will turn into more of a partnership. Sex problems might crop up eventually though, as the first level of attraction fades more.

Then the final level is long term attraction, being very close and open with each other in a way that makes you feel deeply emotionally connected. I definitely think there is a level of luck to this. No matter how much work you put into a relationship, I don't think you're guaranteed this level. If you have all three levels you're more likely to find them attractive even if they get older and their looks fade, because you have a deeper connection that influences your body's physical reaction. This first level might be pretty faded at this point, but if all things go right you will probably still feel sexually attracted to them at some level. I think most people in long term relationships never get to this level. It's that rare level where you see a happy elderly couple that still flirts and can't keep their hands off eachother, even if they both look like they escaped from a crypt. Some people just luck out and find one person they have a true deep connection and compatibility with, and both people put in the work to keep the relationship healthy. I think it's pretty rare.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2022-11-08T09:07:23+00:00

I have no idea if other women feel the same way I do.

For me, attraction is much more than just looks. Looks are necessary (not in a 10/10 way, just has to pass my personsl threshold), but don't do anything on their own. Seeing a good looking guy without context is like seeing a good painting. You recognize it looks good, but you don't want to fuck a painting.

I am 100% attracted to my boyfriend, he's even conventionally attractive. If he was to switch bodies with some random, boring or mean person I don't think I'd be attracted to his original body, as his mannerisms, energy, personality, intellect etc. wouldn't be there.

In conclusion, looks are important, but personally aren't enough to feel attraction to someone.

vindictaisracist123 · 2022-11-08T09:58:04+00:00

I know below average looking people in really long term relationships...

Treacle-Flimsy · 2022-11-08T20:42:56+00:00

Absolutely. I would even go as far as to claim that a personality isn't such a valid factor despite many women claim it be.

Title	Do you think attraction is mostly looks?
Author	VeliVoy
Upvotes	34
Comments	146
Date	November 7, 2022 11:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yp4rnp/do_you_think_attraction_is_mostly_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-attraction-is-mostly-looks.1139454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139454

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