Is it really normal to be in your 20s without ever having a romantic experience?

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-05-24T10:22:39+00:00

No advice threads

Eschew_Sloth-232 · 2023-05-24T04:05:52+00:00

Increasingly, yes. 30 from a major city, most men I know get nothing. They are not on reddit or forums, or in mums basement. Regular men with jobs, education, interesting lives, diverse friendship groups who just don't have it and silently persist without any love life. Mainstream society will never talk seriously about this issue until it moves past the entitled, emotionally mature man-child in his mother's basement trope. There are forever alone types all around you, who you would never suspect.

throwaway316stunner · 2023-05-24T04:24:47+00:00

At 21, perhaps not. But once you get past 25/26, and still nothing, then it’s definitely abnormal. So you got a few years left.

Don’t be me at 32, still completely inexperienced.

TejanoInRussia · 2023-05-24T04:22:02+00:00

Pretty normal. I think there’s plenty of guys like this out there but they’re not allowed to come out and say this out loud due to stigma and shaming from friends or the fact that the girls who are potentially interested in them may lose interest when finding out how inexperienced they are.

KayRay1994 · 2023-05-24T04:03:34+00:00

I won’t deny it, being unable to speak is certainly a huge hinderance and it does make things way harder, that being said - there is still some hope, you might have to compensate by really bringing the rest of you ‘up’ and it sure as shit won’t be easy, but if anything, it’ll be worth doing cause you’d improve your own quality of life.

I’ve been single since I was 20, and recently broke a complete dry spell around the time i just turned 28, i’ve been handed quite the shit hand - anxiety, ADHD, BPD, depression - but i’ve put in the work in both my mental and physical health (and still am putting in the work), and frankly i’m happier than i’ve ever been.

I know our situations are quite different and being a mute makes things 1000x harder, but improve every other aspect of your life - you’ll be a lot happier for it even if you remain single.

raldabos · 2023-05-24T04:36:55+00:00

Not "normal" but it's definitely more and more common.

eefr · 2023-05-24T04:28:13+00:00

I agree with you that most people have romantic experiences by the time they're in the 20s, but even so, I don't think your lack of experience is rare, either.

I don't know anyone who has zero romantic experience.

But usually people who do struggle in this area aren't open about it. They may just remain quiet about their lack of experience, or they may even lie. It's quite possible you do know others like you, but you just don't realize it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with such a difficult anxiety disorder. Are you completely mute now, or are you able to have conversations sometimes? Is that something you feel you could change gradually with the right sort of treatment? Forgive my ignorance — I don't know very much about how mutism works.

It sounds like you do have some significant barriers to finding a partner right now, but people can often learn to surmount barriers, so I wouldn't give up and assume it's hopeless for you.

I'm sorry that you've had so many struggles thus far in your life, and I hope things will eventually get easier for you.

screechingfeminazi · 2023-05-24T05:21:26+00:00

I hit 20 without ever having had a relationship, and I'm a girl. I think it's more common for guys. In my case it was undiagnosed autism. I wasn't completely mute but I struggled a lot with normal social interactions and would go nonverbal under stress.

It's maybe not the average, but it's unusual like being left handed, not unusual like being hit by lightning. You probably know people who were similarly inexperienced at your age.

Not to get too personal, but are you getting treatment for your anxiety disorder, and have you considered that there might be more going on? I've never encountered complete mutism without some kind of physical issue.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-05-24T06:47:01+00:00

If you are an average man, yes nad it's getting worse and worse with each day passing by.

HighestTierMaslow · 2023-05-24T04:06:00+00:00

Early to maybe mid 20s is fine because alot of young people are very focused on work and school (as they should be). After that I think it becomes more abnormal.

begayallday · 2023-05-24T04:31:44+00:00

I don’t think it’s super uncommon. Quite a few of my male friends in college were in that situation (back in 1997-1999) and they’re all married or in long term relationships now.

Antisocialite99 · 2023-05-24T04:42:40+00:00

Sadly yes. People these days sometimes have fucked dozens without ever having romance.

DzejSiDi · 2023-05-24T08:15:32+00:00

So is it normal to be in your early 20s and have no dating experience?

This is getting more and more popular in western or some east asian countries like Korea or Japan.

But now you should know, that those things won't come to you by themselves and you need to take way more action, better sooner than later.

No_Cricket_2824 · 2023-05-24T04:13:25+00:00

https://images.app.goo.gl/8xt1owYT7tuQKqSd9

There's a significant portion of men who are voluntary virgins. I'd imagine it may be the availability of pornography and more educated/religious conservatives opting to wait longer especially by the cost of living today. You are only 21, just a kid

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-05-24T04:39:40+00:00

You mentioned you were talking about kisses. Most people have a first kiss on average at 14 or 15 years of age (US). The majority of people have a relationship (bf/gf) before they graduate high school.

That being said, there's still about 15%-25% who leave high school without these experiences. So while a minority still a minority in the company of many millions.

You're part of a smaller sub section but there are still many people in your position, even among your age group. Much less though by the time you hit 25.

Safinated · 2023-05-24T05:44:35+00:00

Is it normal to be severely disabled ?

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-05-24T04:54:26+00:00

Respectfully, I must say I don’t get this idea that if one can’t fit into the neurotypical, able bodied society there’s no other way of living. Maybe it’s privilege of always living in well populated areas, and I’m willing to own that, I’m just painfully aware of disabled circles existing. So I never get why they aren’t seen as an obvious option. Deaf communities are often incredibly welcoming and obviously not speaking would hardly be seen as a hindrance. Was that never an option for you? Where did you get your schooling? are you in neurotypical schools? Your family or teachers never placed you in ASL classes? I have so many questions, I’m sorry I don’t understand how you went through your whole life on 2023 not being surrounded by similar peers? I’m not saying it’s your failure unless you chosen not to surround yourself with your similar peers, I think society failed if you were just shoved into normal high school that didn’t specialize in teaching you. It’s a real shame and I’m sorry if that’s the case, it doesn’t make sense to me.

Isolation or assimilation. I don’t understand why those are the only two options.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-05-24T06:34:48+00:00

No. It is not normal. Life is tragic and you got dealt a shit hand. But you also have to understand that your qualities, while they may not make you a bad person, are intrinsically unattractive to women on a hardwired basis. It is not their fault either. It is just one of life's many tragedies that don't always happen to someone else.

You probably will not ever have a decent sex life or relationship. You can try as hard as you can to be more attractive--not just for getting women but because these are general improvements. This will not, statistically, work. But trying is good. Maybe you will beat the odds.

You need to find some functional compromise between a stoic acceptance so you don't lose your mind and become bitter, but also an attitude that doesn't make you too complacent about trying to beat the odds if possible.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-05-24T06:44:59+00:00

No, it's not normal. By your 20's you should have had at least a couple of girlfriends or sexual partners. You are at a huge disadvantage if you just started dating in your mid to late 20's when most women your age have been dating for 10-15 years. Late bloomer men and women are prime targets for people looking to manipulate and control their partners.

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FakeNewsFredo · 2023-05-24T04:51:13+00:00

It's not unusual. It may not seem this way to you now, but somebody in their 20's is pretty young.

You have a long life ahead of you, and many adventures.

bifewova234 · 2023-05-24T05:00:30+00:00

Maybe you can date a deaf girl

Gtedx · 2023-05-24T05:01:17+00:00

If you don’t work on your speaking problem you will probably be sexless/single your entire life unless you pay for prostitutes. That’s the unfortunate reality.

Yes your family lied to you.

eatfleshdrinkblood · 2023-05-24T05:40:59+00:00

I won’t lie to you OP, yes it is a little rare to make it past age 20 and not have any romantic experience of some sort. But it’s not uncommon. If you go to the forever alone subreddit there are a lot of guys and some women there who have. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better or give you some good advice, but unfortunately I can’t. All I can tell you is even though I have had romantic experiences I really do relate to a lot of what you said and how you are feeling. I’m autistic with severe anxiety am other issues and I feel like I might never have a girlfriend again.

rubberbandshooter13 · 2023-05-24T06:51:19+00:00

I think statistically, it is absolutely normal. If it is any of any help: I also had no experiences like that with 21. I started putting more effort into dating shortly after that, and am in a happy relationship now for almost 4 years. You can PM me if you want to know how I managed to get into a relationship, I don't want to post it publicly here. It might really help you too!

lvlupkitten · 2023-05-24T07:06:45+00:00

Honestly I think it's highly dependent on the group you associate with. I'm only 20, and all of my friends have had sex and relationships, and have been experiencing things in that vein for a few years. But I hang around with a lot of party animals- people who go clubbing multiple times a week, who take recreational drugs, etc

When I just sat at home with no job playing video games all day I had very little social interaction. I didn't have the first clue about how to interact with men. I'm still not very good at it if I'm not inebriated tbh lol

87AudreyHorne · 2023-05-24T07:25:09+00:00

It's not common but it's not hard to catch up on things in your 20ies, I think it will get hard if you neglect it now. You're right that the chances of some girl randomly noticing you despite you not talking or doing anything to get her attention, and then trying hard to get you out of your shell are zero.

It;s not so bad that you didn't have any experiences before, like someone else said, even very normal acting guys sometimes go without until when they're in their mid-late 20ies. That's becoming common. But in your 20ies your behavior will slowly solidify and you're still young and have many opportunities to change some patterns.

You shouldn't look for "the one" or whatever, you should just practice dates and being more normal around girls and more comfortable with putting yourself out there.

obviousredflag · 2023-05-24T07:50:13+00:00

No it is not normal, and it get's even less normal with every further year you go without basic romantic/sexual interactions.

I realize now that a lot of girls probably aren't willing to date a mute, someone who can't even speak to them.

Why don't you overcome your anxiety and muteness with therapy? If you stay this way, your life will be painful.

Freethinker312 · 2023-05-24T07:58:50+00:00

So is it normal to be in your early 20s and have no dating experience?

I would say, yes. When I was 21, I didn't have any experience with relationships/dating either, and same for my brother and sisters. Relationships shouldn't be about quantity (at what age, how many, bla bla), but about quality. A good, sincere relationship when you are older is worth a lot more than multiple superficial relationships in your teens.

Candid_Journalist326 · 2023-05-24T08:36:33+00:00

Hey, it's totally okay to feel the way you do, but I want you to know that having no romantic experience in your early 20s is neither normal or abnormal and definately not something to be overly concerned about. Everyone's journey is different, and people reach different milestones at different times in their lives. Your family may be trying to reassure you that it's okay to be where you are.

It's important not to dwell too much on what you perceive as a lack of experience. Putting pressure on yourself to find romance can actually make it more difficult to achieve. Instead, try to focus on accepting your current situation and being at peace with it. Don't let it define your self-worth or happiness. Remember, there's no right or wrong timeline for dating or relationships.

While it's understandable to desire romantic connections, it's essential to avoid becoming overly dependent on it for your happiness. That doesn't mean you shouldn't desire romance or give up looking for it, but your main energy should be applied to work on yourself, explore your interests, and build your confidence. When the time is right, you'll have opportunities to meet new people and potentially find a romantic partner. Just be patient with yourself and enjoy the journey without stressing too much about where you think you should be

abaxeron · 2023-05-24T10:22:38+00:00

Most top-tier male academic performers I knew in college remained single until their master's program. It's definitely within the norm.

Title	Is it really normal to be in your 20s without ever having a romantic experience?
Author	keebydee
Upvotes	21
Comments	74
Date	May 24, 2023 3:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13qabqq/is_it_really_normal_to_be_in_your_20s_without/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-really-normal-to-be-in-your-20s-without-ever.1220164 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220164

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