If you're wondering what this has to do with purple pill, this is about my experience as a sexually frustrated man in his mid-twenties and how blue-pillers often throw platitudes (i.e. condescending pieces of advice, without understanding a person's situation and what barriers they may be facing or what they may already be trying to do to help their own situation) at incels and people like me. One of them is "just get a therapist", others include "just be confident", "just get a job", things like that.

Ok, so this will be unpopular with some especially since a lot of people (incels especially are notorious) show resentment to therapy and the justification is not always legitimate. Admittedly, I only have limited experience with therapy myself and don’t know a lot about the discipline itself. But it seems to me in a nutshell most therapy techniques with a typical patient are geared towards curing the client of mental afflictions (such as stress, depression, anxiety, etc.) by changing their outlook of the world, so that they demand less from the world and everybody else and become content with what they have, etc. For example, somebody stressed out from trying to climb the corporate ladder at work, while he might not be outright shamed as a narcissist or told that he should stop striving for more, a therapist might be tempted to gently push that person to look at what they already have and what they already achieved and be content with that.

The therapist might explain to that person that while it’s ok to have goals and ambitions, they should also not judge their inner worth by what they have (or don’t have) but instead by who they are as a person. Similarly, an incel who goes to a therapist might be pushed towards being content with who they are as a person and the relationships they do have (close friends and relatives) rather than judging themselves about the fact they can’t get a woman to see them as sexually attractive or romantically worthwhile. The belief is that, we can be happy by changing our perspective of the world and that our happiness is not in fact determined by the cards we’ve been dealt with.

In fact, it might even true but here’s where my real resentment of this kind of approach kicks in. Maybe “happiness” and “self-esteem” are over-rated. Maybe I don’t want to feel happy and content with myself if I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror to see a yellow grin smiling back at me because I couldn’t be bothered to practice basic hygiene or I couldn’t afford toothpaste or something. I don’t want to feel complacent in the fact I can masturbate myself to sleep rather than get out there and find a real woman. I don’t want to feel self-esteem because cheap margherita pizzas are an affordable convenient alternative to getting out there and making myself actual money I can make to end up with a worthwhile lifestyle. Maybe for some people, happiness is not actually their first priority and maybe that is not the “unhealthy” attitude a lot of therapy and self-help theories make it sound like.

Personally I know what I want and it’s not a shallow materialistic lifestyle either. I much prefer the idea of fulfilment. When I’m older and I’m lying in my deathbed, I want to smile and feel contented because I feel like I actually achieved something and contributed to the world in some way shape or form. I want to know I engaged in a passionate profession of mine that not only made me a very wealthy man and extremely desirable to many beautiful woman but it also gave me a sense of purpose, something to look forward to every morning. I want to know I brought beautiful children into the world that will go on to share my sense of enthusiasm and dedication to making the world a better place. I want to know that I actually had ambitions and that was something I not only was willing to suffer for but something I was actually successful in realising (and even if I hadn’t realised those ambitions, at least there was something so beautiful to me in my life that I was willing to suffer for). With my limited experience and knowledge about therapy, the conclusion I have come to is that action is what’s needed to live a better lifestyle, therapy not much. If we really need a plan that badly, why go to a therapist? Why not try a life coach or a personal trainer or a careers consultant or whatever it is you think you really need help for at that stage in your life?

If you think you have mental health issues or you really want to see a therapist for whatever reason I’m not here to detract people from getting the help they feel they need, like I said, I’m not particularly knowledgeable about therapy (I know there is a difference between CBT and psychodynamic therapy and understand a bit about CBT but that's about it). I just don’t get why it’s thrown around like this magic advice – “go see a therapist, that will make all your problems disappear” when it’s not necessarily even the best or most efficient (time or money if you are American) strategy. There’s loads of great alternatives, especially for single frustrated men like me, I don’t really see how therapy is such a great assistance.