What are the problems with dating apps?

nsfwthrowaway6996 · 2026-02-21T04:53:16+00:00

The app definitely pushes profiles that get a lot of engagement. That usually means conventionally attractive/muscular guys get shown more. Those guys also tend to have more options so they ghost more. It’s not that only muscular guys are on there just it’s that they’re amplified.

Most guys on dating apps assume women are talking to multiple matches at once. So they don’t invest too hard early on. That can look like ghosting but sometimes it’s just low attachment.

Anonymous profiles and no face pics will cause a lot of men to assume bot or “not serious.” Apps have trained men to distrust profiles that look too good or too hidden. Some will disengage early because they assume it’s fake or low probability.

Apps have trained men to distrust good matches. A lot of men assume attractive profiles are fake, beautiful women are bots, “No way she’d match with me.”, “This is probably a scam.”

Dating apps aren’t necessarily “dying,” but they are fatiguing. People are burnt out on them.

aslfingerspell · 2026-02-21T06:39:47+00:00

App Specific Comment: I'm surprised you haven't complained about unicorn hunters. I've tried Feeld and it is mostly a sea of poly people or couples looking for thirds.

General Comment: Dating apps are clearly predatory and have become worse over time. Years ago I could get some matches even using the free versions but on premium my match rate is around 0.25%.

I think the ultimate issue is just that women are not into men as men are into women, and that even if men and women desired each other equally, they want different things or (even if "just sex") enjoy sex in different ways.

The bottom line is that no matter how you try to get people to meet, heterosexual dating is incredibly difficult by nature. Men don't get much attention, and women don't get the kind of attention they want.

The only dating app that is actually, inarguably successful for the average user is Grindr, and it is because it is almost entirely gay/bi men looking for other gay/bi men. All the supposed "difficulties" of dating apps from a straight perspective basically disappear once we are talking about gay/bi men amongst each other.

For example, I hear that women get "choice paralysis" or something like that from getting a lot of matches, but I have never heard of gay or bi people on Grindr complaining about this, nor have I ever heard of a man outside of an actual harem anime complain that he has too many women attracted to him. It seems like women simply not liking that level and kind of attention the way men would.

Grindr works because it has gay/bi men on it, every other app is a failure or disappointment due to having straight people. No algorithm, user interface, or marketing gimmick will make up for both sides of the market being almost the same and wanting each other at a very high intensity. I am aware that there are some divisions and subcultures among gay culture (i.e. "tops" vs. "bottoms") so ratios will probably still exist depending on the subculture, but the bottom line is that an average guy can in fact reliably get a massive amount of sexual attention there.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-21T03:54:40+00:00

the gender imbalance

there literally is an 80/20 rule to it

like 80% dudes

Due_Appointment_1188 · 2026-02-21T09:17:31+00:00

Now imagine your issues, all on top of a foundation of only getting like 2 matches per month. In a world where a lot of matches lead nowhere, the average joe is never finding his person on the apps.

That's one of the biggest problems with them.

Then there's also the selection bias issue.

Most women are in a position where if they really truly want a relationship, they are so spoiled for choice that they can and will be out of the apps very quickly. Same applies to the "top" men.

And who does that leave? The serial daters of both genders that like the abundance way too much to give it up, and the people that don't get any traction, which includes a lot of girls as well, a much smaller portion than men, true, but it still exists and it goes by unmentioned most of the time.

I'm so bored of going out for coffee with girls that go on dates for sport. I'm not saying there aren't any good people out there, cause of course there are, I'm just saying that even when you get a lot of matches, when you start filtering for your person, they drop like flies. Apps made it so much easier to sleep around, you don't ever have to cold approach anyone, but they didn't really do much for relationships.

I'm convinced the root cause of everything is that it's not a 50/50 ratio of men and women. The 80/20 rule sits below everything else, and creates a lot of negative consequences up the chain. It wouldn't fix the selection bias issue, which can't and shouldn't be fixed anyway, it's proof of the system working / people finding relationships, but it would fix everything else.

Wanna save the apps and you're a girl? Consider signing up.

Wanna save the apps and you're a guy? Consider not doing it.

Kingcrow33 · 2026-02-21T03:56:25+00:00

Dating apps have ELO. It will push the top profiles to you. Lot of men are stopping using them.

The other issue is the men you are picking.

N_Count_Council · 2026-02-21T06:12:29+00:00

My main issue is that a lot of women want some unrealistic romcom first meetup, like after we've been texting for a week and think it isn't gonna be awkward

_hephaestus · 2026-02-21T06:57:56+00:00

At the crux of it, the problem with dating apps is that they're there to give you the experience of meeting people outside your social bubble, but there's usually a reason why you have that social bubble. I met my partner on a dating app, it's not that they can't work, dating is just a hard problem and apps aren't magic.

Muscletov · 2026-02-21T12:15:38+00:00

Dating apps aren't the issue, they just exacerbate the underyling one, namely that men are into women at much higher rates than vice versa.

projecteddesperation · 2026-02-21T06:08:04+00:00

You're pre-screening guys in a shallow manner based on a couple pics and a couple sentences and then hoping for quality. You need to take it easy on the pre-screen and look for quality in a less shallow setting like on an actual date. It's a dating app, not a talking app. Go on dates with guys that want to go on dates with you. You can now select based off reciprocal interest in addition to much less shallow things that you discern on the dates. Even if their profile seems average or boring, you won't really know for sure unless you go on a date.

SpicyTigerPrawn · 2026-02-21T04:05:10+00:00

We all know the base filter is going to weed out less attractive guys but any guy who looks too skinny, short, skinflint, autistic, or introverted is going to have little reason to bother with dating apps at this point. Sure, if they're not hideous they might land one or two dates in a year but you can't perform well when that's all the experience you get.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-02-21T15:10:34+00:00

There's no problem with dating apps, every issue is top down from culture.

Keepora · 2026-02-21T17:39:13+00:00

What I’ve seen in the comments from you is in addition to your heavy screening of men and very low distance you allow. You’re also poly and already married.

That may be another big problem for you as well. Men that are well rounded, have good personalities and aren’t muscular aren’t usually going to want to waste their time talking to or dating someone who’s already married. Probably over 2/3 of men aren’t into having a girl they’re talking to or dating getting fucked by other men. So you being poly probably further screens these men. Also, most men don’t read profiles they just swipe so they probably start chatting with you, realize you’re poly and married and then just say “fuck it. Waste of time” and ghost.

Specialist-Ring-3974 · 2026-02-22T05:18:13+00:00

Ghosting is the problem. You could have been in the process of building up a huge connection to someone, and really getting close, and the next thing you know the last message ever sent is "Good morning" from you

midnight_blue77 · 2026-02-21T06:00:29+00:00

That's it's a god-damned app and not a real person in front of you? You may as well watch porn and play video games, it's less taxing on your mental state.

ScruffleKun · 2026-02-21T06:37:27+00:00

Do you people think that dating apps are dying because they have already screwed the modern dating culture too much and left too many people soul crushed?

Dating apps usually rely on a subscription based service- both the two you listed, Feeld and Hinge do. One picture summarizes the problem with these apps- the incentives from the apps side NOT to create successful relationships- which trickles down into every feature of the app.

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Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-02-21T12:37:44+00:00

The apps are designed to make money. The app devs figured out that just like a casino, the best strategy was to just “keep the players playing” even if this meant letting the algorithm NOT give the best matches up front, or hide one in the middle of a bunch of random posters.
And they figured out that men were the most likely to pay, so they pushed marketing hard on the men to “buy premium services” even if there was no evidence that it actually helped them get a decent match.

So the quality of the service is being sacrificed for profits. Which app devs are ok with- thier got bills to pay.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for some. It didn’t mean “they are evil”, it’s just think of them as fast food. It’s quick, it’s not the best quality, and they keep trying pull you in for more, and the service isn’t great.

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Gravel_Roads · 2026-02-21T04:15:02+00:00

Many people don’t use dating apps in good faith.

That’s not to say some people aren’t legitimately looking for a relationship (I do know a few couples who met through OLD), but I feel like a majority use it more for vanity.

They want to see how attractive they are, who they “could” get, to either stroke their ego or help them play out a fantasy.

And some people are just looking for spank material. They have no interest in meeting, they just get off on talking to someone while they masturbate either physically (mostly men) or emotionally (mostly women.)

Ok-Ninja-8165 · 2026-02-21T14:08:00+00:00

Problem with dating apps is that those things filter for specific subset of photogenic players and for desperate losers with infinite free time. Basically dating apps are totally useless.

matthedev · 2026-02-21T18:45:31+00:00

Online dating apps aren't useful for dating; they're not fit for purpose. "Swiping into the void" gives you no idea what if anything you're doing wrong, and I prefer the more immediate, visceral feedback of interacting in person; plus, I can't really get much a feel for a person besides thinking they look physically attractive from photos and a short text bio alone.

I think, in my area, I've more or less aged out of the apps being useful as people tend to marry and have children young around here, so the dating pool of women around my age is "picked over." The attractive twenty-something-year-old women who show interest offline would probably never even see my profile online, if they're even on the apps (because they're filtering by age, for example).

Some people claim men have to hire a photographer to follow them around, taking action shots of them doing all the exciting, manly things they do all day. Then they have to do A/B testing of their photos and bio text. Once they've done that, they need to do an Elo reset of their whole profile with a new e-mail address, phone number, and device. There's just no way I'm doing all that for something that may barely move the needle.

The only thing the dating apps offer is the ability to swipe for a few minutes when you have a little downtime or are waiting in line, but it's still all but pointless if swiping doesn't lead to actual dates offline.

I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY · 2026-02-21T20:24:15+00:00

I think the biggest problem (for me at least) is that having a big giant list of potential partners makes it hard to emotionally connect with any single person.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2026-02-22T02:36:43+00:00

They're too focused on profits

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-02-23T07:20:07+00:00

I havent been on dating apps in a long time, and when I was, it was short ending aswell, like testing them out, see what's new. I know that the women became really rude immediately and you didn't have to do anything but exist on there or say hi. The apps became really terrible as time went on and the users I could match with were also even more points below my level.

The apps aren't only fatiguing, or a waste of time for a guy, but also some of the most unrealistic perceptions of your own value in real life. It's really like this to me, do I want to cold approach for a 7 of 10, or go on dating apps to date 2-4s of 10 because that is exactly what will match online vs in person. But the 3rd element is just how RUDE they are on them apps.

I think I'm actually just posting here for a question. What exactly is ghosting, I mean I think I know... they just stop replying so we give a word for it? What is it defined as really. Your not required to keep engaging with someone you don't like ? You find out more about them and they aren't what you are looking for? Whats the context of ghosting, really. Whats the 15 ghosting guys thing about? There's not a lot of info on that.

WebNew9978 · 2026-02-21T08:05:05+00:00

The ratio of men to women on these apps is way off. There’s way more men than women. The concept of paying more money for access that honestly should be free from get go. The fact that there are so many fake profiles, bots, women who’s only interested in getting your money for OF. It’s no secret that most men on there are getting 0 matches and 0 likes. I know this won’t get liked on here but the 80/20 thing is legit. Especially now as women have more sexual freedom and fun.

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-02-21T20:32:12+00:00

Being ghosted like that is essentially women’s version of being rejected on dating apps, meaning that you are likely aiming too far up in desirability, for better results you’d need to lower the desirability of men you are trying to match with and that would include how much you specifically would desire them.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-02-22T01:08:20+00:00

You are being matched with the most valuable men to the app’s algorithm: men who pay for the app.

Their time is valuable and they would rather move on to women who are quick to set up a date and are less work.

Title	What are the problems with dating apps?
Author	Derfelkardan
Upvotes	3
Comments	157
Date	February 21, 2026 3:45 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1ragsfo/what_are_the_problems_with_dating_apps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-the-problems-with-dating-apps.1573923 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573923

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