Would the arguments that work against high n-count women work against high n-count men as well?

i_cri_evry_tim · 2020-01-17T18:04:53+00:00

All of those negatives also apply to men.

The one that doesn’t, and in reality it is the only one that matters is:

Seeing as women are the gatekeepers of sex, men with high counts prove proficiency, women with high counts prove low discerning ability.

Whether proficiency in that field is a positive trait in a man is for each woman to decide.

Low discerning ability in a woman is inherently a bad trait. It takes no skill to spread your legs and get pumped. It takes no effort or ability that one develops. You are an easy lay and the fair assumption is you don’t have the chops to fight through the hard parts of life because you can’t discern whether what your man gives you is worth sticking to it through the hardship.

It’s not that you are a bad person for having had multiple partners, it is that, on paper, you are a bad investment likely to go wrong, and the cost is high.

WIA20XX · 2020-01-17T17:39:51+00:00

Yes, but not for the same reasons.

If you're running through hoes, you bounce at the first sign of fussing, which happens early when there is little to no investment.

Low tolerance for female shenanigans isn't conducive to a long term relationship.

Most girls aren't happy if they have to walk a tightrope. To hear them tell it, a man having standards is tantamount to abuse.

And if the chick ain't happy, she'll use that as a ploy to control her dude. If you run through these hoes, you see through fake tears as well.

A dude has to be willing to pay the price - comprising his deeply held beliefs - and it takes a while for the perceived value to match the cost of self.

Some dudes miss it altogether, player for life, but not by choice.

reluctantly_red · 2020-01-17T18:29:07+00:00

[deleted]

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-17T18:16:54+00:00

Sure. Women en masse need to stop having sex with high n-count men. Hold them accountable. I can dream, anyway.

Aaren_Augustine · 2020-01-17T17:37:03+00:00

I've had friends throughout my life that fucked everything that moved. They were all incapable of being married and eventually destroyed their marriage.

One just never told his wife he was fucking prostitutes in Europe. One was fucking other married women then fucked his wife's cousin and that wife then decided to be an ex-wife. One gave the "love of his life" herpes because he intentionally didn't bring it up because he didn't want to have an adult conversation. Got another friend that's a swinger with his wife.

...I need better friends, except the swingers. They's alright. I don't think they'll be married in 5 years though.

Bright_Itempas · 2020-01-17T17:37:46+00:00

Yep, all the arguments apply for both.

I even argue that the pair-bonding issue is even more a factor among men. This is why TRP says to spin plates in the first place - it ensures men aren't getting attached to the women who they do fuck. It prevents and cures oneitis.

Same with cheating. More sexual partners was found to be associated with later cheating - and men cheat more often than women. By the time men are in their 50-60s, some 35% of men will have cheated on their wives - more than the number of "Chads" that actually exist.

PlainSlim · 2020-01-17T17:49:31+00:00

I don't think you can try to logic the N Count thing. Fact is a lot of guys just find it unappealing. What it comes down to is will people actually reject an otherwise good match due to N count? I think it's definitely not as pronounced as guys on this sub make it out to be, but guys are more prone to 'walk the walk' in this area.

And yes a lot of women find it unappealing in partners too. But when the most desirable guys are also high N guys, fact is most women choose the high N desirable guy over the less desirable low N guy. All else being equal, yeah the Low N wins. But as soon as other things come into play, N count tends to be the last consideration women have.

Also a lot of high N guys, here especially, don't care about being LTR material. If their high N count rules them out as an LTR prospect, who cares? They'd rather be fwb or ons material.

2020-01-17T17:50:36+00:00

Who cares? Women can't keep their legs closed for high N guys so the rich keep getting richer.

petrichordium · 2020-01-17T17:55:35+00:00

It absolutely applies to me! I have spent my entire adult life dating only twentysomething sexually open nymphomaniacs, most of whom helped me set up threesomes and orgies. When the passion dies down we pack up, stay friends, and move on. This is a GREAT system but it makes me skeptical about truly lifelong commitments bc my experience is that stuff sounds great the first three years and then implodes.

Anyway. It’s not even conceivable for me to date women who have anything close to typical sexual attitudes or hangups, etc. I simply wouldn’t know how to date them for longer than a month. Also most of those faults apply to me. One of my ex girlfriends is literally a successful porn performer! I cannot help but compare subsequent partners to prior ones.

Differences: On the other hand if i were FORCED (actually forced) into a marriage i would just fuck hookers on the DL. Very easy and simple. And in my experience it will make me more enthusiastic about my main relationship bc it will feel less limiting. It’s harder for women to fake sexual connection with someone they’re totally underwhelmed by.

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-17T18:33:53+00:00

Ruining marriage outcomes is the only one on the list that is statistically supported, that I've seen, and the statistics were specific to female n count. The studies were done by the Institute of Family Studies which look at trends that break up families/marriages, among other things.

I think that high n count for men and women seems likely, but I remember seeing that for women, anything over 10 partners starts to increase the probability of divorce. The impact was not as pronounced for men but to your point, it probably has some impact as well.

mistresswhat · 2020-01-17T18:54:57+00:00

I mean, they all apply to men in the sense that they're all bullshit with the exception of the last one. Even for the last one, STIs are both more preventable and less of a big deal than people think, so whatever.

The "pair-bonding" concern is the dumbest fucking pseudoscience the terps push, I swear.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2020-01-17T17:34:02+00:00

Because men can be Chads and women can't. Duh /s

prodopro · 2020-01-17T17:41:37+00:00

Yes it does. Anyone who swings their genetails everywhere is disgusting IMO.

gimpgirl555 · 2020-01-17T17:47:36+00:00

No. Man with high N-count = successful, high status, desirable, and so on. Compare with male virgins vs female virgins.

saltlamp67 · 2020-01-17T18:11:46+00:00

Honestly, I think it’s more attractive for men to be with many females prior to settling down with one. On the contrary, it is significantly more unattractive for a woman to be with many men before settling down. I think this is because there are more evolutionary and sexual benefits to men being with other women before settling down.

Something that comes to mind for me is sexual ability. It is acceptable for women to be “virgins” or close to it — a bit inexperienced in bed. However, this is much less acceptable for men and they are expected to preform. How else would a man become good in bed, besides practice?

Also, it is easy for women to sleep with lots of men. It is more difficult for a man to sleep with lots of women. Sleeping with many women may indicate that this is an alpha male who knows how to play the game.

I also think number of sexual partners CAN be separated from being unfaithful later in life. My boyfriend has slept with a good amount of attractive women before myself, but he is more faithful than my friends who have never had the same success.

Edit: by more attractive, I mean as compared to a female with a high count. Thanks.

shalomanioleh2 · 2020-01-17T17:33:49+00:00

Yes women shouldn't chase Chad, thank you for stopping by this Ted talk.

rus9384 · 2020-01-17T18:02:33+00:00

It shows poor impulse control

It breaks the women's ability to "pair-bond"

Constantly comparing them to other partners

It ruins marriage outcomes

It increases the chances of getting STDs/STIs

But where is "It hurts muh feelings and self-esteem"?

As for these arguments, yes, they mostly work on high N men as well.

NeedingAdvice86 · 2020-01-17T18:43:44+00:00

It is a usually a sign of severe emotional\mental issues much like drug addiction\alcoholism.

Much of it rooted in the need for constant validation as a sign of worth more than the enjoyment of the act itself or the feelings of intimacy which drives more healthy personalities.

And it is a niche group much smaller than those who seek relief in drugs, alcohol and other addictions.....

The average number of sexual partners is still quite small for 90% of the population.

BertTheWelder · 2020-01-17T18:55:15+00:00

It’s never been my experience that my high n-count partners couldn’t pair bond with me. My experience is that they wouldn’t let go. My own count is somewhere in the thirties and I have no issue bonding with a woman. When you find someone who you connect with on enough levels, you bond. I think the “can’t pair bond” thing is what people tell themselves when they keep getting dumped. Maybe I’m wrong.

With respect to other partners? Some were a little cuter than others, some were a little tighter than others. But overall, I’ve never had sex that was so bad it would disqualify a relationship. (Other than a couple of girls who wanted to be seriously demeaned or physically abused during sex. Nope.) When I get bored with a partner, I don’t fantasize about past lays. Truth is, I don’t remember sex from months or years ago enough to fantasize about it. Instead, if I’m bored with my partner I’ll just watch some porn and “mix it up” that way. The interest usually comes back in a couple days or a week and all is fine.

As far as impulse control? I’m worried more about WHO she slept with and whether protection was used than how many she slept with. A girl who has fucked three ex-cons with drug problems worries me way more than a girl who has fucked 25 Nobel Prize winners. Here’s a hint: if you’ll fuck someone who I wouldn’t want to sit next to in a bar, you’re not someone who I want to fuck. Intent also matters to me. If a girl was banging guys just for fun, ok, I get it. If she’s been through a lot of serious relationships, such as three fiancées or two marriages, that’s a bad sign.

If you’re going to fuck without protection, get tested and share results. And be faithful to each other.

dylang92 · 2020-01-17T19:25:59+00:00

I have truly found that n counts don’t mean anything for someone in a relationship. Maybe I’m just a weird anomaly and this my life makes no sense, but I’ve had LTRs with women with high n counts and they all were loyal to me, and women with low ones that straight up cheated on me. There are no rules and n-count doesn’t determine anything.

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saltlamp67 · 2020-01-17T18:03:18+00:00

I’m a newbie. What is an n-count?

Edit: I know it’s about sexual partners, but what does the “n” specifically stand for?

GreenSatyr · 2020-01-17T19:20:15+00:00

none of the arguments apply to anyone or anywhere because the arguments are wrong

Pola_Lita · 2020-01-17T19:24:35+00:00

Outside of STDs/STIs, I don't think any of these are true. It's not poor impulse control unless the individual doesn't want to follow the impulse. Do you have any links to studies backing up the other ideas?

Even just theoretically though, I can't see a reason if one sex is affected, the other wouldn't be as well.

sparklingscott · 2020-01-17T20:40:28+00:00

This would require women to have standards that go beyond the superficial. It is a pointless argument.

janestnycrk4 · 2020-01-17T20:40:52+00:00

Yes women are aloud to have standards.

LotBuilder · 2020-01-17T20:58:12+00:00

I think the arguments are equal. Each new partner erodes your ability to pair bond. I’m at 100+ and can have sex with zero emotions involved. None. Been that way for a long time. I’m sure girls are the same. Pair bonding is for people with less than 9 total life partners.

thowaway_throwaway · 2020-01-17T21:18:34+00:00

Would you invite RooshV to meet your parents?

2020-01-17T21:27:22+00:00

It doesn't work because women value all of those things (otherwise they wouldn't be fucking him in the first place)

Christian_Kong · 2020-01-17T22:24:11+00:00

All of these apply to men:

I know plenty of slutty women and a significantly smaller amount of slutty men. Pretty much all of them have cheated on their marriage partners and SO's.

ElGupo1978 · 2020-01-17T22:28:09+00:00

The regular things involved with the age old double standard. It’s just so much more rare for a guy to sleep around that he probably has good traits that override the negative. The men who sleep around a lot slightly edge out the women because it’s only the most desirable men who actually get a an opportunity to do it , the women just have to be willing to do it

YveisGrey · 2020-01-17T22:30:08+00:00

I agree there is this theory that men with high n counts are necessarily attractive. Yea they could be or they could be creepy sexual assaulters, johns banging hookers or men who have extremely low standards and have sex with less than attractive women. It really depends on who they attract not simply how many women they have slept with. I also do think well adjusted women have an aversion to "player" types, when these high n count men do settle down it's usually with women like themselves not Church virgins. So while there may be a little more leeway for men in this department it is often way overstated.

DubsPackage · 2020-01-17T22:39:46+00:00

No because men and women are different.

Men don't branch swing, they might cheat, but they won't leave their wife to go marry someone else. In that sense men "pair bond" very effectively regardless of n-count.

Men are actually pretty loyal by default, it's just our nature.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2020-01-17T22:59:45+00:00

Nope.

Because sex is easy for women to get and difficult for men to get.

If sex was as easy to get for men as for women, your hot takes would apply.

Initial_Machine · 2020-01-18T00:12:02+00:00

It has to do with paternity risk. If you have had a lot of extra marital sex (premarital sex is extra marital sex), then you are a greater risk to have extra marital sex after you are married. I'm sure this is true for both men and women. However, where as a woman always knows if the baby is hers, a man who has been cuckolded can never know that the baby is his. Paternity is very important to any man.

vicistvic · 2020-01-18T08:35:23+00:00

Some women believe that men with a licentious past make substandard fathers.

acron5n5 · 2020-01-18T09:07:14+00:00

The only part that works is STD.

Men generally want to be exclusive while women want to be with the most desired man, the breeder bull/inseminator archetype. The real equivalent of high N count woman is low N count man

something is wrong with him if so few women chose him
Likely inexperienced in bed
Doesn't know how to maintain relationship (and since women's ultimate dream is being passive this is critical)
You [as a woman] are below those who rejected him
Likely has health issues and low sex drive, hence is overall less dominant and ambitious in life, a boring loser happy with what he gets instead of constantly striving to put every other man down

TheJim66 · 2020-01-17T18:10:11+00:00

The main difference and reason we don't like sluts is that men have a deep-rooted disgust to commiting to sluts.There is no such thing for women.Quite the opposite actually.

Now about the logical arguments.There is definitely a correlation with cheating/divorce and high n but I'm pretty sure that's because high n men are more attractive and have more options.

However I think the main problem men face with monogamy is FOMO not lack of pair bonding or being too demanding of their wives.Pair bonding isn't an issue,if anything we pair-bond too easily.So I think it's pretty much impossible for attractive men to stay faithful if they havent experienced many women before getting married so that they get it out of their system

blackedoutfast · 2020-01-17T18:50:30+00:00

no bc men and women are different

hammerhaunts · 2020-01-17T17:32:35+00:00

Obviously not.

Redslif · 2020-01-17T18:01:42+00:00

For the most part, yes.

The only difference i'd say is that men are slightly better at not catching feelings and seeing the casual sex as a mere conquest.

Title	Would the arguments that work against high n-count women work against high n-count men as well?
Author	Dora_Bowl
Upvotes	12
Comments	115
Date	January 17, 2020 5:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eq3esv/would_the_arguments_that_work_against_high_ncount/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-the-arguments-that-work-against-high-n-count.311863 https://theredarchive.com/post/311863

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