I met a computer geek coworker, and over the years we talked and became buddies. We'll call him Bob. So when Bob announced he was getting married and wanted to invite me, I felt honored.

The wedding was a lot of fun, but I secretly wondered how much he had spent (blown) on it.

A couple days later we got together for some beers. The topic of his wedding came up, and I mentioned he seemed quite happy.

"Yeah," he said. "We are definitely in a 'honeymoon' kind of phase. We are having sex much more often."

"Oh yeah? Congrats dude."

"Yeah, we are having sex, like, three or four times a month now."

I thought he misspoke, so I gave him a chance to correct himself.

"A month?"

"Yeah."

"You said a month..."

"Yes?"

"Oh."

At this point I realized he hadn't misspoke, and that I had just unintentionally opened a can of worms.

"Why? Do... do you guys do it more?"

"Well... yes."

"How often do you two do it?"

I briefly considered lying, but figured I should level with him.

"We do it probably closer to four or five times a week."

His mouth dropped. "A WEEK?!"

"Yes."

He paused for a moment.

"But... you've been together almost ten years...."

"Yeah. It used to be every day."

He got a bit quiet again and I could tell he felt awkward.

"I've talked to my other buddies, and that doesn't seem common, at all. It sounds like you two are sex addicts or something."

His hamster had started spinning. I just laughed it off.

"Yeah, maybe that's why we've been together so long. Both sex addicts."

He sat there quietly, and I could tell his thoughts were going a mile a minute.

The conversation was already awkward, so I figured I might as well broach another sensitive topic.

"So, your wedding was really nice. Probably cost a pretty penny."

"Yes, it was a bit expensive."

"I hope you didn't spend too much. As long as it wasn't more than your car."

He looked at me sheepishly again.

".... The venue alone was $60,000."

This time it was my mouth that dropped. What. The. Fuck.

Really had no idea what to say at this point. I was at a loss for words. But he asked me.

"How much was your wedding?"

"Well, to be honest not much planning went into it and we didn't invite many people. It was a small wedding."

"Oh," he said. I could tell what he was thinking. Those sorts of marriages don't last. He was hamstering hard.

"So, how much would you estimate?"

"Well, the pastor was about 50 bucks. And her dress was another 200. We probably spent around 400 dollars total."

"And, she was ok with that?"

"Sure. She was just happy it was finally happening."

"Hmmm...."

Here he changed the topic and didn't mention it again.

It's one thing to shit on betas as an abstraction, but when you see a buddy of yours making these sorts of massive mistakes, you feel nothing but sadness for him. You want to reach out, to give him advice, but this would be a mistake. These men have to decide to change for themselves, and any attempt you make to correct their thinking before then will only lead them to resent you. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they will have a long, happy relationship together.

But I doubt it.