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inshanester · 2021-10-08T19:22:09+00:00

Something I wish I knew when I was in my 20's: Some people flirt because they like your attention way more than they are ever going to like you. I have a freind where that was the nature of our relationship, pushing for a relationship you aren't going to get is probably going to emotionally exhaust you.

This sounds like that.

cannibalstreudel · 2021-10-08T19:54:03+00:00

I read some other comments.

Why are you giving attention to a girl who's rejected you?

It seems like you're hyper-focused on getting this girl despite her not being interested.

If you stick it out, there's a 5% chance she'll change her mind.

But you could have hit on 100 more girls and swiped on 1,000 and gotten 3 hot fwb with the same effort.

I get how hard rejection can be. The hard truth is we're men, and as men it's expected that we make the first move and risk rejection.

Learn to embrace it. Rejection means you get to move on and focus on finding girls who won't reject you, and won't make you guess whether they're into you or not.

A girl who's into you will kiss you back the first time you try, or at the very least the first date you have. And if you're chill about it, a girl who likes you will probably fuck you the first time you meet, or at the very least the 2nd or 3rd.

Why waste a month of your time and energy trying to change a girl's mind?

Why not put your energy into finding a girl who'll kiss you back the first time you two hang out and fuck quickly after?

Therocksays2020 · 2021-10-08T17:09:16+00:00

There’s only one way to find out. When are you going to make your move?

AelfredRex · 2021-10-08T21:00:02+00:00

Means nothing. A married woman who's a friend of my wife and I did that to me in front of my wife when I cracked a good joke.

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-10-08T18:56:45+00:00

1000 percent is a really good sign... if she is initiating contact she is into you... look for flushing of the face and hair touching (hers not yours). These are also dead giveaways. These are established female mating behaviors.

bemore_ · 2021-10-08T19:00:50+00:00

Could be worse but just being in this mindset of "is that a sign" is game over imo. Sure it can still work fine but it's gonna be a trend. You have to bring the killer, the "I want you". Wondering if somone is flirting is a lot of effort

taranBolt · 2021-10-08T18:12:35+00:00

Same thing happened to me. We worked at the same clothing shop. We first became good friends.She had a boyfriend but he was a dickhead. He worked there too. One day I took some courage and asked her number and messaged her. After that day she messaged me every night. She told me everything about him. I really thought it was going somewhere but nope, she told me she's just wanna be friends.

Like you I kept trying, thought maybe she'll change her mind. But you might get too close and get hurt instead like me.

Just wait if a response comes from her and if don't move on. Girls are so hard to predict man.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-10-08T21:41:50+00:00

Look at it this way. Women crave emotional connection. Physical connection enhances or adds to the connection. Don't forget that a woman touching you is an ioi. (LMAO! Autocorrect wanted to say "idiot") But yeah, touching is a good sign, but you need a few more ioi's to get to her real intentions.

hipothic · 2021-10-09T01:30:06+00:00

Coming from a woman, I brush/touch/slap (kindly) people I genuinely care for. But it definitely can sometimes be flirtatious, however the woman may not even realize or intend it to be that way until attention is brought to the matter, then it’s awkward. Body language is weird lol

tehrealdirtydan · 2021-10-09T08:05:12+00:00

Well as a guy who has grown up around females, has had mostly female friends my whole life and works with mainly females, yes and no.

A lot of girls, when they're comfortable with you, will touch your shoulder or your arm or something, maybe even lean against you. This doesn't necessarily mean attraction.

The touching arm COULD be flirting and interest, but I wouldn't take that as a certain IOI.

bigbootynopussy · 2021-10-08T18:55:41+00:00

it’s subjective. She Cpuld like you or u could just be funny. Pay attention to how she acts with other guys and compare

Lord_Augastus · 2021-10-09T00:02:10+00:00

Yes...to both.

You can shit test girls attraction levels. Stupid jokes, getting her to talk to you, see her reaction when you outwardly push, say direct sexual joke at her expense and see her reaction (obviously personality focused, right person right tool)

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-10-08T17:58:15+00:00

It’s a completely neutral gesture, don’t read too much into it without a lot more info

Internet_Frank · 2021-10-08T18:41:01+00:00

Touch her arm back! See if she wonders if you're flirting with her.

SalamanderFinancial7 · 2021-10-08T20:19:11+00:00

Depends, how many Mississippi’s did you count? Anything more than 3 and she’s into you.

medievalbitch · 2021-10-08T22:36:45+00:00

I think yes. I personally don't want to be physically close or touch anyone I don't like.

TheBurningStag13 · 2021-10-08T22:42:06+00:00

I would say Yes...

Unnnnnless she’s a touchy-all-the-timey kind of person.

Good luck mate.

Edit: didn’t see that it didn’t work out at time of posting. Sorry.

mookie1955 · 2021-10-08T22:42:58+00:00

If she touches your groin, that’s a better indication

Rasinsk · 2021-10-08T23:51:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Pastor_Lik · 2021-10-09T00:14:41+00:00

Keep in mind some chicks are very touchy/feely even if they aren't attracted to you. It could simply be a strong level of comfort w/ you or that is just their way of expression.

AggravatingJudge2249 · 2021-10-09T00:36:24+00:00

adrianitoninesixty · 2021-10-09T00:41:04+00:00

Just let it happens bro

Narcan9 · 2021-10-09T01:21:48+00:00

Sorry that's only 478% flirting.

2021-10-09T01:58:26+00:00

generally yes. However in my experience, she is just being friendly and likely isnt interested.

leafhog · 2021-10-09T02:06:10+00:00

Stop slowly trying to mack. Ask her on a date. If the date goes well, ask if you can kiss her.

anoyingprophet · 2021-10-09T03:07:14+00:00

Depends on the girl. Don't ppl are just touchy with everyone. My advice, just observe how she acts around others. If she does this to everyone, it means nothing. But if you notice it's only with you, then she's probably flirting

King-Beefcake · 2021-10-09T03:33:00+00:00

Don’t get your hopes up. Speaking as someone drained from such thought. Make your intentions known. If they back off then move on

KevinABV63 · 2021-10-09T03:51:45+00:00

It can be a good sign or it can mean nothing. Some women who are very friendly are naturally touchier.

Adjustedwell · 2021-10-09T05:02:59+00:00

Lol its probably only bad if you're advancing physically thinking you're flirting but she's touching your arm with her hand.... pushing you away from her..

also, slowly trying to mack means slowly friend zoning yourself

VDKay · 2021-10-09T05:05:48+00:00

2 things

have told her you like her? Or she knows somehow that you don't see her as only a friend? If not, then my bet is that she is just friendly. How do you flirt with her?
observe. Does she do that with other people/friends as well? If yes, it may be part of her mannerism and in that case, I'd again bet that it's only friendly

Hofmannboi · 2021-10-09T06:50:00+00:00

Bro, make your intentions clear, take her on a date or somethin, straight up ask her if she thinks of you romantically or not. Best thing you can do imo.

MrHouseGang · 2021-10-09T07:51:03+00:00

Don’t overthink. Assume the best. The worst that can happen is you’re wrong. The best case scenario she’s happy you noticed and moves forward with more effort

2021-10-09T08:20:20+00:00

Stop overthinking every damn thing

2021-10-09T08:22:21+00:00

Oh my god a girl touched me.. I have to ask reddit right now if that means she wants to fuck me because I’m insecure as fuck!!

SuaveFuck · 2021-10-09T08:29:24+00:00

50:50. no make that 60:40.

40 % she's into you and wants more touchy touchy.

60 % she's just a very warmhearted, tactile person and just enjoyed your company.

proceed at your own discretion.

recyclablebanthas · 2021-10-09T08:51:07+00:00

1

To keep it short, 23m here and there’s a girl I’m trying to get with at my school. Basically we first met as friends but slowly I’ve been trying to mack, it’s been going on for a month basically and I’ve done my flirting due diligence and soemtimes I can’t tel if I’m friendzoned or not.

Have you asked her to hang out one on one yet?

Because that's a necessary first step.

You don't need to spend weeks figuring out before inviting her to hang out. Hanging out what I want is literally how you find out whether she's interested in it's one of the first ways to show interest.

If all you're doing is hanging out as friends with a group of people or at school, then it's too ambiguous and you're in the process of friend zoning yourself

2

However I’ve noticed that she will Slap/touch my arm or shoulder atleast a few times when I make her laugh etc.

It's a good sign at least that she's comfortable enough that she is doing this.

There's no way to say anything more unless you invite her to hang out one on one and make some moves.

3

Opening moves are pretty easy and light. You have to observe her reaction to things like the following:

Handshakes
Fist bumps
Hugs
Sidearm jabs
Any incidental or accidental contact while walking or sitting next to her.

There are three different types of reaction you might see:

Positive: she leans into contact, encourages more contact, or escalates. She met also closed the space or fail to reestablish her personal space bubble.
Negative: she flinches away or pulls away from contact and otherwise discourages it. Given a chance, she will reestablish her space bubble.
Neutral: No clear reaction one way or the other. This is actually difficult to deal with. This kind of reaction necessitates constantly going in for some light contact but then pulling back to give her space and opportunity to give a positive or negative reaction.

Sue__Me__Then · 2021-10-09T08:54:22+00:00

SO!!!

The first answer is that nothing is ever certain. She could like you, she could want you to think she likes you, she could want to associate with people who like you, she could be secretly a part of an underground cabal. Whatever.

The second answer has its roots in adaptive body language.

There is a certain group of behavior types that increase chances of survival, and which I call closing movements. These signify that there may be some physical threat present in the environment, but they also signify the presence of discomfort of any other kind. Imagine the image of a woman who is being terminated from work by her boss. She likely has her shoulders hunched forward, chin tucked slightly down, leaning back minutely. She might also fold her arms across her chest or touch her suprasternal notch (the notch at the base of the neck, between the collar bones). All of these indicators protect her most squishy, vulnerable bits from physical harm, even if she does not believe that her manager means her harm in any physical way. (Interestingly, women who are pregnant and placed into discomforting situations will typically place a hand over the navel, rather than the suprasternal notch; this makes a lot of sense, adaptively.)

The other group of behavior, opening movements, indicate comfort. (Alternatively, you can think of this as a total absence of threats.) These can signify confidence, love, friendship, superiority, etc. This time, consider a dog, tilting its head at you and wanting to play. The dog is not interested in you sexually, nor does it think itself better than you, but it believes that there is no threat presence, and is therefore comfortable tilting its head and exposing its neck and the vital organs therein to you.

Generally, any sort of physical contact initiated by your counterpart will be an opening movement indicating comfort with you specifically. The location, duration, and frequency of contact serve as demonstrations of their level of comfort with you. So if she pats your upper arm, that might indicate a level of comfort of arbitrary level n, but if she gives you a hug that she transitions into a side-hug that she maintains, that might indicate a level of n+50.

It also must be considered that people are vastly more likely to have some sort of physical contact opening movement when they laugh, because laughter has the consequence of a momentary spike in comfort.

At the end of the day, what you experienced were indications of interest during momentary spikes in comfort. My personal advice would be to reciprocate in the same ways, slowly escalating your frequency over the next ten hours of total conversation time. See if your counterpart escalates in duration or location in response, and if she does, slowly walk your way up the ladder of physical intimacy until you feel comfortable escalating socially, or taking her to bed, or whatever your end goals.

2021-10-09T08:56:48+00:00

My advice is to keep trying but at the end of the day look at it like this. Someone who wants to spend time with you will if they don’t even if they are using you for gains on there own part you can spot them.

Never try to be with someone who does not see you as more than you see yourself because at the end of the day like I said she would lead you on and let you going knowing she can control you.

There are billions of people on this planet the chances of getting someone or finding someone that fits what you need / looking for is like 200 to 1 so why wait for her if she has already said no just move on.

Most times the ones that reject stone that could make the building become stronger lose out on a lot more later down the road than they had realized.

Her lose not yours pick yourself up and do better for you.

I myself I have a rule don’t chase someone who shows no interest in me let them come to you lol it has always worked and am not talking about just sex anyone can get a woman or a man for sex that’s easy but for something long term that will last and be productive without the man feeling like he is putting in more work than needs to just to get that persons attention.

But a lot of people are like the woman you said some love the attention but miss the bigger picture because most see a cash cow or even someone to get stuff from without any real investment into a relationship any kind friendship or anything pass that.

A true friend however will stick closer than a real life brother a love will give all to keep you happy and you would do the same for them.

But the world is not perfect finding people like that are hard but yes they are out there.

vinocarlovinie · 2021-10-14T21:30:57+00:00

Need more context

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	184
Comments	108
Date	October 8, 2021 5:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q41zv0/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1274740 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274740

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