Here is what I did to stop developing crushes

MisterShogunate · 2021-01-02T15:38:44+00:00

I wouldn't even go that far. The more non-reciprocated thought you invest into a girl, the worse off you are.

Just taking action keeps your interest from developing into an obsession. If you like a girl, talk to her. If she doesn't reciprocate move on to the next. There won't be a need to think of her fucking another guy since you are just concerned about whether they want to talk to you.

Other people may be different but simply compartmentalizing my interactions with women really keeps me from developing crushes since I only invest effort if she invests, no more no less which creates a habit of avoiding over-interpretation since your conditions for indications of interest are clear cut.

STD_Tyler · 2021-01-02T08:47:24+00:00

Lol , it reminds me of the threads where the guy asks "This girl has been giving me mixed signals for the last 6 months". While at the same period she fucked 34 different guys....

blck_bstinson · 2021-01-02T13:09:16+00:00

I’d add on watch yourself on following influencers. I don’t care that she’s hot and has 40k followers what do I gain from watching her dance to Megan thee stallion?

SnipeScyth · 2021-01-02T13:19:57+00:00

Fuck u and take this upvote

Ur_X · 2021-01-02T13:45:06+00:00

Hahah thanks I hate it

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-01-02T13:41:48+00:00

Yeah crushes are corny lol. You like a girl, you hit on her if she’s not receptive move on.

You’re right though. I tell cats all the time. ALL THESE GIRLS ARE FUCKING

Yes even the “shy” cute girl at your job that you discuss pop culture with at the water cooler who tells you “I’m not really seeing anyone right now hehe”. Yeah ok, she’s banging some dude right now and you know what? I bet you dude looks no better than you. Or if he does it’s close or you have certain advantages over him. Like you have a better job, or you’re taller etc.

So it’s like, if he can get laid why cant you? Maybe not with that specific girl but the guy who is in your ball park has shown ability to get laid. A lot of men have a come to Jesus moment when they realize a lot of the girls they think are cute are dating dead ass average or guys or dudes who are straight up bums. The lightbulb finally goes off and it’s like oh shit.

There was a seduction guy on YouTube who said his come to Jesus moment was when he was a 25 year old virgin in a bar and was chatting with some geek he knew in HS. The geeks wife came to pick him up and she was hot. Dude was like wait a minute, this dude is getting pussy but I’m not? Oh hell no lol and that’s where it started

SmartPuppyy · 2021-01-02T13:08:29+00:00

This got me cracked up. Good one mate.

kweefer_sutherland · 2021-01-02T19:17:28+00:00

Here’s the thing: while this is mostly true, because we can’t know for sure if your specific crush is getting banged out, by the simple virtue of how much easier it is to get dick than pussy, it’s just not as great. The world is a free dick buffet for women. From their perspective, it’s just causal sex which is great but it’s just being a woman. Also, a crush is the idea of that person. It’s not real because you don’t really know that person. You may like them more or less after you do get to know them.

I understand the intent of this post which is to divorce yourself from your feelings that are quickly misplaced, but ultimately it’s a toxic thought that will eat at your core and demotivate. Instead of focusing on the toxicity, work on yourself. Play your numbers and meet new people. Grow your world. You’ll increase your chances of finding a crush that is a better match anyway. Just get to work.

Anim4ls · 2021-01-02T15:41:16+00:00

Man, I was 100% expecting this to be dope advice like “Don’t let your feelings fester into fantasy. If you get rejected call it a day. Treat your crush like a human being who farts sometimes instead of some goddess you worship.”

Instead it’s just (paraphrased) “remember boys, she’s gettin dicked down right now because ALL GIRLS ARE SLUTS.” Why is this getting upvotes? Y’all are weird.

honeynut_beerios · 2021-01-02T19:28:35+00:00

Yeah. 98% of guys don't have game. there aren't millions of Chads out there.

It's funny cause theres this girl at work who has a crush on me like this. I always see her car parked right next to mine and then when im coming back from lunch, if she's in the parking lot she will race toward the door so we can interact.

One time we were in an elevator together and she was talking with her friend and I just stayed silent to myself, but I was smelling pretty good ( I'm a fragrance collector ) and right after I got out of the elevator on to my floor, I here just start giggling hella loud with her friend.

There's a lot of women out here crushing on dudes in the way you mentioned. That's why guys can make themself more attractive to where women are drawn toward you instead of being bummy, rank, and smelly and wondering why no women want you, Then you'll notice more attention from women.

If you make yourself more attractive ,you don't have to work nearly as hard.

poetic-cheese · 2021-01-02T16:55:58+00:00

This is the most bitter horseshit ever. It may be true but the best way to avoid having crushes is to talk to your crush about it, they'll say they're seeing someone or not interested and you can move on. Don't torture yourself with other thoughts about them.

jgamez6 · 2021-01-02T15:40:58+00:00

What sucks is, in the dating world at least, girls have it a lot easier. I hadn’t realized it before but you’re right, the girls around me are probably all more sexually active than any of the single guys including myself. It’s depressing knowing I’ll probably never get that kind of experience.

2021-01-02T18:55:30+00:00

Lmao this post is not it. Just pouring salt in the wound.

redrum0666 · 2021-01-02T14:33:57+00:00

You ain't wrong, HOWEVER lol, girl I had a mad crush on a bit ago was "asexual" and NOT interested in sex. Or really anyone. Except for our other co worker after a while lmao. Which was pretty obvious after a bit. Anyway, she's like strict Christian and is "asexual" from past experiences. Whole point is not EVERY single chick you like is fucking another guy. Though yes, I do agree with some of this mentality cause it IS pretty typical to happen and much more realistic a lotta times.

FalconVita · 2021-01-02T11:57:47+00:00

thanks

Aloredia · 2021-01-02T15:04:54+00:00

You are either living in a very bad area, or you keep crushing on the wrong girls.

pro_man · 2021-01-02T10:36:37+00:00

Totally the truth.

Artichoke19 · 2021-01-02T14:33:42+00:00

I learned this a long time ago.

It’s sad in a sense because you have to give up on any romantic idealism that movies and TV has hoodwinked you into believing.

Don’t believe them if you ever run into them again weeks/months/years later and they say that they had a crush on you at the time and wish you’d done/said something because it’s usually just a sadistic, narcissistic lie. They know damned well they weren’t attracted to you back then - they’re just angry and offended that you didn’t chase them overtly enough to give them the explicit opportunity to reject you. So they take it as an insult that you didn’t try and want make you feel regret and like you ‘missed out’. Dodged a bullet, more like.

Reminds me of the scene between Domhall Gleeson and Margot Robbie in the movie About Time - his character waits until the last day of her character’s 2 month long summer visit to his family home to confess his love for her. She rebuffs him, but she also says she wished he’d said something earlier in the vacation because maybe that might have meant things would have happened differently. Inspired by this, he uses powers to time-travel his consciousness back to his past-self’s body a month earlier, goes to her room to profess his love again - exactly what her future-self had wished he’d done - except she still rebuffs him and asks him to ask her again on her final night. He runs into her again years later in London and she seduces him. He does the right thing, leaves her at her hotel door and goes back to his GF but if it were me I’d have just shagged her, stolen the cash in her purse, put her phone in the microwave then blocked her on all social media.

sbp1991 · 2021-01-02T14:48:26+00:00

Yup, I have been doing the same.

Fiercequeen · 2021-01-02T19:53:23+00:00

What stops you from inviting her out, expressing your feelings and moving things forward? If it doesn't work out, you move to find your next crush.

Boxgineer111 · 2021-01-02T20:09:59+00:00

Great post. I want to add something for all those who struggle with approach anxiety. You might feel like you are doing something "weird" by approaching, but almost all women get approached daily. And many of those approaches are weird, out of nowhere, non-calibrated, et cetera. So basically you're worrying that going up to a girl and saying hello would be weird, while she frequently gets texts like "I want to suck your toes" from guys she never met before.

mykneescrack · 2021-01-02T23:41:49+00:00

Good job dude; you’re famous. This post genuinely ended up on r/niceguys

xlxreneexlx · 2021-01-02T16:15:41+00:00

"she's definitely more sexually active than you because she's a girl"

That's a bold statement and most likely untrue. Women face the same insecurities and fear of rejection that men do.

Franreyesalcain · 2021-01-02T16:20:41+00:00

Same with dudes lol

Morganafreeman · 2021-01-02T17:33:12+00:00

Lol this can't be a serious post, good one if its bs.

SrnoldAchwarzenegger · 2021-01-02T17:51:12+00:00

Haha the men in this rubreddit are pathetic losers. It's easy to tell you guys live in a bubble and have barely any real life experience regarding girls. Bruuuuuuuuuuuh.

UnluckyRaise3141 · 2021-01-02T19:48:39+00:00

The thing about my situation is, theres this one girl I have a crush on. She is probably the girl of my dreams, a perfect combination of charming, cute and sexy at the same time. I met her 5 months ago and she is a part of my social circle, we all go out once a week. In my opinion, if I tried escalating and asking her out few days after we have met, she would probably refuse and the whole game would probably die there. Ever since I ve met her im kinda subtly flirting with her, and trying to build attraction/increase my sexual market value over time. It seems like its slowly working out for me since she initiates texting me ofter and doesnt want the conversation to die out. Im planing to ask her out soon and we will see how it goes.

shathecomedian · 2021-01-02T20:23:02+00:00

If you can help it, its best not to have a type. you'll have a lot less options and it'll be harder to move on. I'm trying to broaden my tastes more

JOSEPHDEPTH · 2021-01-02T21:29:41+00:00

Fax you need an abundance mindset.

amirk365 · 2021-01-02T20:13:22+00:00

I admit, I used to think like this. And it helped me a lot too. But then I realized that I'm only using this as an excuse so I don't get rejected. But you know what, rejection happens and you learn to live with it. Can't please everyone but cherish the ones who have your back, platonic or otherwise.

GetsBetterToday · 2021-01-02T14:25:24+00:00

Or you could just avoid looking and flirting with women and then you won't develop crushes... Y do I have to picture someone banging her????

dixxiepixy · 2021-01-02T19:17:51+00:00

It’s really weird you have to tell yourself basically « THIS GIRL DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU AND SHE FUCKS OTHER GUYS » to get over her .

crispydeluxx · 2021-01-02T19:20:35+00:00

Gotta keep this in mind. Especially the whole “she probably doesn’t even think about you when you’re not in front of her part.” Gotta stay off clown hours out here.

EE__Student · 2021-01-02T20:32:41+00:00

Man what the fuck is this cucked incel shit? Just go ask a girl out cause you want her. What she does when you're not showing interest doesn't matter.

subaw0067 · 2021-01-02T18:34:06+00:00

Damn I wonder if every dude who has crushed on me with this mentality knows I’m gay

EBGOnReddit · 2021-01-03T05:06:18+00:00

So...instead of you fantasizing about your crush, you're fantasizing about the many ways she is some other guy's girl? Well, I'm happy you've found a way to stop obsessing over a girl, but swapping a happy fantasy with a sad fantasy is still fantasizing. It is why we have an entire sub-industry focused on the 1000 ways a decent man (or woman), can lose someone he/she loves to someone else. It's a really hot topic because (somehow) this is a legit fetish, like feet and stuff.

Anyway, I only see that thought process as the 'nuclear option'. I mean, if you really don't want to think of someone highly, but that's a really dangerous tactic. It can affect how a man views women in general.

Why is it hard to just say, you don't know what the girl is like until you talk to her and ask her yourself, when you're comfortable of course? I mean, that is easier to deal with, imho. If she is not quite how you picture her, okay. Move on.

Otherwise, just tell yourself it's not worth it because you're not interested enough to learn about the girl. But beating yourself up, in my opinion (because thinking about someone you care enough to dedicate a part of your brain for, being with someone else, is really that) doesn't help in the long-run. If aything, you might just become a bitter, and possibly violent individual. As you noted, it does sound like a thought an incel would have.

Honestly, as you get older, you'll be bitter about other things, whether you like it or not. Life is chalkful of disappointments. So why try to pre-empt it? That's just my two-cents.

Arshad96 · 2021-01-02T20:36:23+00:00

LMAOOOOOOO you gotta complete against people like this in the dating world it makes it so much easier for me👌👌👌👌

trntkzlk · 2021-01-03T00:29:04+00:00

This might be the one post that convinced me to unsubscribe from this subreddit.

Pringles__ · 2021-01-04T17:22:16+00:00

This is just you evading the problem instead of tackling it. You develop that kind of crush (oneitis) because you don't have the balls to approach her and ask her out, so you start imaging scenarios that will never happen.

I advise you to read this post I made a few months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ip011c/stop_developing_oneitis_and_start_being_authentic/

cochino20 · 2021-01-02T15:29:03+00:00

Legit advice my guy

Anim4ls · 2021-01-02T18:07:59+00:00

Bro I lost my virginity to this 18 yr old 2 weeks ago, who has like 2-3 fuckbuddies, and has much more experience. First time couldnt get hard, second time we met fucked her for 1 minute lol, went to throw the condom out and saw 2 condom wrappers at the top of the trash - so I know she probably doesn't think about me, but this hits spot on. I just don't get exactly what you did lol ?

0heisenberg0 · 2021-01-02T14:19:30+00:00

fuck you brother, fuck you! :((((((((((((((((((((((((((

now i want to kill myself.

Rushtush · 2021-01-02T16:24:54+00:00

Such an empty feeling knowing you're an incel, no sexual experience at 25 despite having the looks, the personality and what not. I'll give it a few years, if it doesn't work out I'll end it.

YouAlright_Boah · 2021-01-02T13:51:51+00:00

theres no hope for the average man

caveatemptor18 · 2021-01-02T21:59:57+00:00

Play the field. Love is everywhere. Forgive and forget. Stay motivated and enjoy your life. ❤️

shrubed · 2021-01-02T22:08:53+00:00

If a girl is doesn’t show interest, don’t give them the time of day. Move on, have some self respect

Masaizli · 2021-01-02T22:24:28+00:00

Crushes kept me sane during junior high. Now I’m friends with all my old crushes. I get your point but when you get old like me you don’t get crushes at all...I wish I did but now I just have girlfriends around the planet. Nothing serious or emotional. Sigh...I wish I could get that feeling back.

RoseNTheGiantLilypad · 2021-01-02T23:31:29+00:00

The only reason why this comes off as uncle-thinking is because of the focus on the girl.

You should put it in a more self-focused way: I’m not going to see this girl a year from now and she will be irrelevant to my life UNLESS I make a move.

The way you put it sounds slightly accusatory and gives the wrong aspect of these thoughts power and is ultimately what makes you suffer in the long-run of these types of situations.

gotme356 · 2021-01-03T00:19:08+00:00

There's nothing wrong with having crushes. You've just desensitized yourself because you don't always seem to get what you want, even when you don't go for it.

So the whole attitude here is, "there's no point in crushes." I only half agree with you in that, some crushes just don't really go anywhere, but there is youthful innocence in it and it seems like you are letting that fall off.

telegrafony · 2021-01-03T00:25:59+00:00

Me thinks this advice is way too aggressive. The way i did it was to develop other interests in my life to stop thinking about her. Secondly, i think about how these fantasies I'm making aren't real. I daydream about talking to her, taking her out to the beach, having fun with her and making her smile, then i realised that these things are making me catch feelings for her but they've never even happened. I don't even know this girl yet I'm falling over her without even double checking her personality but just falling for her looks

DJGammaRabbit · 2021-01-03T00:54:43+00:00

This is aweful advice in principal that you definitely don’t want to imagine your crush fucking countless other men, let alone imagine she really enjoys it.

Just move on.

allblackGBC · 2021-01-03T01:31:44+00:00

This is your brain on porn

ProCatMasseuse · 2021-01-03T01:38:10+00:00

Yeah I mean that can help with discouragement but I just like to remind myself what is really going on which is I'm projecting my future wife (my ideal woman) on her. The feelings I have are for my future wife, not this chick i just met or am talking to. They are false. The intensity of the emotional aspects of attraction take years of rapport to build. (I dont have much experience with relationships but I'm sure it works similarly to trust) Reserve your intense emotional interest for someone who truly deserves it.

Shioriko_ · 2021-01-03T02:16:09+00:00

I wouldn’t go as far to assume that she is fucking a dude. She might be studying her ass off for the test

WeedWizard69420 · 2021-01-03T04:26:47+00:00

If anything this just puts me in a negative mindset, so yeah this is likely a reality with most girls you interact with but I don't see how it's helpful, it doesn't make me positive it just makes me more nihilistic and also think "well shes just gonna go back to the dude she's already fucking who isn't giving her any attention"

Like how does this help you when you approach / chat with girls? This would just put me in a negative, uphill mindset and not make it more relatable that hey, she's really pretty but maybe she hasn't actually gotten laid in a while just like me, and we're not so different, as opposed to, she's fucking all these other dudes and I'm not fucking other bitches, she's above me --> pedastalizing

putcoolusernamehere · 2021-01-03T05:04:32+00:00

I don't think this mindset is necessarily healthy. A harmless crush doesn't hurt. Just don't crush on only one girl, or you'll get oneitis. I personally don't mind a daydream or fantasy to fall asleep about a crush. Even motivates me somewhat.

babnick · 2021-01-03T08:15:11+00:00

Finally, someone who gets it

Nostophobic · 2021-01-04T18:41:45+00:00

Maybe instead of going straight to "She's fucking tons of other people and doesn't care about me" you could rephrase it to, "she isn't interested in me, it wouldn't work out. I should respect her decision and move on." this type of mindset sounds awful and can really put down everyone including yourself and the women you happen to like. Just because a woman doesn't like you doesn't mean she's going around fucking everyone- a woman's identity isn't based around the sex she has. Maybe she's having a tough time with money, family, covid, education, or to put it simply, just isn't interested. It doesn't have to lead right to "she's getting dicked down"

Title	Here is what I did to stop developing crushes
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	691
Comments	165
Date	January 2, 2021 8:43 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kou5jc/here_is_what_i_did_to_stop_developing_crushes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/here-is-what-i-did-to-stop-developing-crushes.1507974 https://theredarchive.com/post/1507974

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