How to stop obsessing over one girl?

vardarac · 2022-06-06T03:05:35+00:00

Meet more women.

I can't guarantee your feelings will change if she's genuinely a good person, I still have a very favorable opinion of an ex -- but they will certainly be much easier to deal with and your situation much easier to accept.

The_Dark_Knight_888 · 2022-06-06T03:35:39+00:00

Had the same problem for a long time. Basically the problem lies in the fact that we tend to idolize the person we like/love. We put them on a pedestal and think of them as perfect. In my case, I kept telling myself that she was 'the one'. And you CANNOT truly move on if you keep thinking of them as 'the one' in your head.

It took me years to realise that she is just another girl with flaws and that I'm actually a better human being than her. I realised that I'm in no way lesser than her and that I had unnecessarily put her up on a pedestal all these years. And once I realised that she may NOT be 'the one' , it got a whole lot easier for me to move on (which I had thought was impossible)

Moral of the story -

Realise that she is not this perfect soulmate that you have made her out to be in your head. There IS no such thing as 'the one'. Stop putting her on a pedestal and realise that she's just another girl who does not see your value. For whatever reasons, it didn't work out but you're no lesser than her. You have just as much value as a person as she does. Realise this and moving on WILL become easier.

P.S. - Mainting a distance and taking a break from constant communication helps in taking her down from that pedestal.

playboy32 · 2022-06-06T03:36:57+00:00

A man without Purpose prioritize a women !! Figure out some Goals and work towards them. You won't even think about girls !

artofmajic · 2022-06-06T03:19:42+00:00

It took me blocking a person on all social media for me to stop obsessing over them. Cause I always was looking for clues if they thought of me once, like if she was wearing some gift jewelry I gave her or if her story quotes was bout me and all that stupid shit and it worked. She came to a friends cookout with her bf I didn’t have no feelings toward it or her.

jackedsoon · 2022-06-06T02:16:35+00:00

Cut her out and talk to more women

NineteenAD9 · 2022-06-06T02:30:23+00:00

You're basically beta orbiting unless you move on and talk to other women. Loving someone who doesn't feel the same will eventually become unhealthy for you.

focus_flow69 · 2022-06-06T02:47:10+00:00

You talk to other women and preoccupy your life with other people and things. She becomes an after thought once you do this and realize how silly your infatuation was to begin with.

TempAcc64 · 2022-06-06T06:34:19+00:00

Easy, get to know more women. Can't focus on one if you're spending time on several

Hard, actually get to know her. Nothing takes the rose coloured glasses off faster then actually getting to know someone. Then you'll either lose your attraction or gain a genuine friend

burncushlikewood · 2022-06-06T03:16:10+00:00

There's nothing wrong with catching feelings, being obsessive can become a problem when she doesn't reciprocate those same feelings. Women yearn to get married right, so that's always in their mind, but just try and keep her out of your head and interact with other women. You'll soon find out as the saying says, "there are plenty of fish in the sea"

gangweedsavedme · 2022-06-06T06:13:19+00:00

Accept you can’t have her. Either that or you end up pushing her away.

Johnny_Kilroy · 2022-06-06T06:36:47+00:00

Meet someone else. You don't need their friendship. If you're being honest you probably mostly want to be friends just so you can leave the door open for getting together later.

I distanced myself, met someone new who was awesome, and pretty soon I never thought about the ex. That's the way.

Accomplished-Camp339 · 2022-06-06T06:48:49+00:00

Happened to me twice. What helped me- - imagine her as some girl whom you don’t like or don’t have feelings for. Try to match their behaviors and character - cut all contacts and meet more people (not necessarily women) to keep yourself busy. Focus back on new interests, etc - if you are not able to cut all contacts, just say whatever you want to, fight with her and let her real self come out when you share you real self. Good chance is she will block you. You think that she is a goddess and she will be fine with whatever you say but that is not the case. She is a human too. If you feel you will lose a great friend, that is again a creation of your mind. If she is a good friend, she would realize what you might have been through, she would come back and you would not lose her (let me be clear here- come back as a friend). - realize that you should care about how you feel rather than what others feel about you. You are the most amazing person for yourself. If you get yourself back by others not respecting you or thinking you as a jerk- I would say it is worth it. You would find many others such friends

oiamo123 · 2022-06-06T05:44:29+00:00

Turn off your phone, go to a different city for the weekend with your buddies and party it up. Have some fun and meet some people.

Chances are social media isn't helping you whatsoever and turning off your phone will help with creating some distance.

You're too emotionally invested in someone that isn't on the same page as you and it's gonna keep picking away at you until you create some space or pursue someone else.

Keezymac34 · 2022-06-06T06:04:56+00:00

Talk to more women. Your mind will eventually stop prioritizing her. You think shes special cause your not interacting and dating mutiple women. Once u had back to back dates you stop caring about any one woman’s opinion of you. Its like working at a retail store and having mutiple customers at your checkout line by the end of the day you wont remeber the first person you rung out.

baddog992 · 2022-06-06T06:27:41+00:00

Like others have stated start dating other women. I'm not gonna say cut all ties but treat her as if she was a guy and do not pursue her. That's the worst possible thing you can do. I had a situation like this happen to me and I finally had to cut her from my life. She wanted favors from me like helping her move but when I needed a friend she was unavailable for me. It wasn't easy but I moved on with my life. Good luck.

-Tea-Bee- · 2022-06-06T08:04:57+00:00

Neil Strauss talked about this and called it a "Oneitis". I had the same issue in the past and I followed his advice and it worked for me. It was to meet as much women as I can. I may also add to get some distance from her and overload yourself with work and activities, always good to have a distraction.

ksmith11011 · 2022-06-06T15:29:54+00:00

First of all your feelings for her are elevated because she seems just out of reach. Recognize that.

Secondly understand that any neediness being displayed will push her away 99 times out of 100 especially in a situation like this.

Knowing those two things won’t change your feelings immediately but if you keep reminding yourself of those realities it’ll change your choices which will change your feelings. Hers will likely change too as yours do, there’s a good chance she’ll want to be exclusive if you genuinely start to move on.

What you can do to strike at the core of this is start going on what I call practice dates. Get on the dating apps and start talking to women in public. Go on dates with women you aren’t necessarily sold on but who seem enthusiastic. Start practicing your game on whoever is available. Merely having these interactions and thinking about your dating life outside of her will change everything for you internally.

akuma12345 · 2022-06-06T06:07:13+00:00

Cut her out of your life and find another girl. I was the same way. After cutting her out of my life I found another the girl that broke my heart. Now im not as depressed about the first one.

Personal_Way6717 · 2022-06-06T02:27:42+00:00

Let all your best friends fuck her. You'll automatically start disliking her ass. Don't give more than what you're getting.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-06-06T05:15:28+00:00

Obsession is unhealthy and you need to get a grip. She’s not into you, move on.

bahadurJoe · 2022-06-06T08:40:47+00:00

Find more hoes.

“On to the next one, more fish in the sea

Girls are like buses: miss one, next fifteen, one comin'!”

-Gucci Mane

TheCultOfGrogg · 2022-06-06T11:35:01+00:00

A dude, honest truth here. Dating today is messed up. If you come to like someone, truth is you will get attached. It’s normal, it’s healthy. God forbid a close relative die, but you will be sacked by their passing. That’s healthy, that’s normal.

This is why I don’t date. I’ve been screwed over, seen guys get screwed over, and so forth…and I’ve seen these attitudes on both sides of the fence. Bud, dating isn’t about love or companionship. It’s about mating. It’s somehow the only thing we make light of innocent people being victimized. Like? Just start fucking over people in your everyday life, and people will call you a dumbass and shame you. Yet, cheat on your boyfriend and it’s all of a sudden funny…like, he’s the loser? Cheat on a person who has been solid for your and that all of a sudden validates you? It’s stupid to me, which is why I don’t date.

But I’ll tell you this, when you don’t get attached, you defeat the purpose of love. The fuck is the point of providing for and protecting, being around someone you can’t give a shit about? Like, if you want a genuine connection, you have yo be vulnerable enough to find and build one which is why you need to CAREFULLY CHOOSE WHO YOU FALL FOR. Take it from me, I think I was exposed to the capacities of women by my ex and it all but absolutely turned me off to women. Dudes will call me weird for it, but if I’m supposed to die when called upon, for a person that is literally with me on the pretense that I am their best option, which means they’re trying to replace me and can’t, I don’t know how the fuck you catch feelings for that….especially when they require you to be and sacrifice so much on top of it.

But yeah, that’s my advice. IF you are going to date; you have to remain open for it even to matter…so be careful who you let in. Please do. I can’t stress this enough…I will never trust a woman again even if I want to because I let, apparently, the wrong one in. That’s actually what turned me into a player shortly after we split.

Mundane_Natural5131 · 2022-06-06T03:09:19+00:00

Talk to multiple girls bro if you have 5 100 dollar bills you wont obsess over one of the bills out of the 5

zeklux10012 · 2022-06-06T09:38:52+00:00

Listen to Future, you need some of that toxic abundance.

MrBlack__ · 2022-06-06T06:59:10+00:00

Call her everyday, tell her you love her and can’t live without her… you’ll never see her again, obsession sorted 🙂

fsdklas · 2022-06-06T03:29:22+00:00

holy shit i needed this!!

abhishekneer · 2022-06-06T17:29:08+00:00

One thing that helped me immensely was this mindset of "I want her but I don't need her".

I dont need her to be happy, to go out with friends and have fun, to watch movies, travel, go to bar or whatever. I still can have fun in life and run towards my ambitions. Probably it would have been better if she was there, and that's also the best case scenario, but I don't need her to make myself and people are around me proud and happy.

I feel this is the most powerful thing that I have acquired from this sub actually, this also helped in abundance mindset, meeting more people and every other thing suggested here.

yourlittleman01 · 2022-06-06T05:19:19+00:00

Find more fishes, and you will forget about this fish.

blu_thunderhum · 2022-06-06T08:54:21+00:00

you are just putting her on a pedestal, you have taken the best traits of her and just created the best version of her and now have fallen for that perspective. Literally just tell yourself that.

And go and meet more people, act and live as if you have already moved on.

KrikoryanG · 2022-06-06T13:35:44+00:00

It's okay to be in love. Acknowledge your feelings. Give it time. Tell her that what she is doing is hurting you. Meet new people and slowly move on. (girl here)

Similar-Box-9172 · 2022-06-06T19:49:51+00:00

This has worked for me every time. If everything you've tried has failed like dating and meeting other women and so on, filling your time and occupying your mind and body is the way to go.

You have to go to the extreme end of that.

By that I mean you have to fill your day OUT, so much so that you're exhausted at the end of the day. So that you don't have the energy to be obsessing over her.

Get a training program, make a meal plan and meal prep, start training and STICK to it.

Focus on your studies and work a 100%.

Hang out with your friends and BE THERE a 100%.

Spend quality time with your family and BE THERE a 100%.

Dive into something new, a new or a few new hobbies and really DIVE INTO it. You'll learn new things.

And meet other women while having no expectations (very important). Don't compare and see the person as their own person

All of this is to occupy yourself while upgrading. You'll be more healthy, more interesting, more sociable etc.

This isn't going to happen tomorrow but trust me you won't even have the time to think about her and in time you'll see yourself rise above it. The sense of pride that comes with your accomplishments is worth every hardship you had to endure.

Whether you'll like it or not, want it or not, this whole thing is going to reshape and mold you. It's not going to be easy but gets much easier over time.

And remember, hardship creates character.

I hope this helps, my friend. Good luck.

Visual-Guide5473 · 2022-06-06T04:13:37+00:00

Get yoself a harem of models

Neo-Rio · 2022-06-06T06:44:27+00:00

I think the best way to handle an unhealthy obsession is to write down the process that you go through - both emotionally, physically, and mentally - as you begin to start obsessing over someone. Write it down in excruciating detail. What do you begin thinking about... when does it happen, how your body feels, how it interrupts your train of thought.... all of it. In detail.

For you to actually do this, you will have to drop yourself into a mental state where you can recall all these feelings, and in doing so it's probably going to make you start obsessing again.

Now for the fun bit - we're going to go a bit meta and start turning the tables on her.

Next time you see her, you can start to talk to her about "your friend" (I can be your friend if you think you're going to be lying to her), who you had this interesting discussion with about being obsessed over someone. Anyway you then start describing to her what it's like when you get obsessed with someone and include all the details you wrote down. And then you ask her "Do you remember what it's like when you begin to get all obsessed over someone?" and then key in some pacing of the ongoing situation. "Have you found yourself just getting wildly obsessed over someone by just talking to them?"

The net effect of this should end up making her feel completely obsessed, especially given all the graphic detail I asked you to write down - and since you're the only one in front of her while you're having this conversation - it should lead her into getting obsessed over YOU. You will have then dropped her in a mental state where she begins obsessing.

And if that doesn't work, she probably has no sex drive and I would move on anyway.

meta_is_murder · 2022-06-06T11:23:11+00:00

By giving liberty unto thine eyes;
Examine other beauties.

rhofire · 2022-06-06T03:19:32+00:00

She's also a key motivator for me to just do better in life so it's just hard to see my life without her

You need to speak to a good therapist. Other than that, if you can accept that you have no self-respect maybe you can figure it out.

At some point, you’ll have to focus on meeting other women. The sooner you do it, the better.

Jerbear3454 · 2022-06-06T03:19:27+00:00

Cut ties there is a lot of fish in the sea

TheZimboKing · 2022-06-06T14:07:20+00:00

Focusing on your purpose ain't gonna make you cum. Get more girls. Create a harem. Then go focus on said purpose.

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-06-06T07:22:05+00:00

If you're life have troubles without her sry to say that but you're life wasn't completed even without her. Girls wanna be a part of your life not your whole life. There's a saying that goes like if you're fine on your own you're winning at life. I still stand by that. You gonna be fine with her and without her too. As long as you can get girls no girl gonna fundamentally change your life

Skill-Additional · 2022-06-06T09:25:28+00:00

Decide that you are only going to be friends and be OK with that. Nothing wrong with having fantasies in your mind but just make sure you know the difference. Write down the qualities that you like about this person and what you are looking for in next relationship. It may change over time depending on where you are in your life.

ImLostInLife1 · 2022-06-06T11:39:18+00:00

Meet other women, find a hobby and most Importantly, be patient. Trust me it works

Supernova_v2 · 2022-06-06T12:01:41+00:00

Find another

supercd84 · 2022-06-06T12:09:34+00:00

I had the same thing not long ago. When I realized exactly what you already did realize, that she is not actually into you and that this won’t be changing, I just had to wait some time to move on. For some time it seemed impossible to move on, but then it happened naturally.

WanyCaleb · 2022-06-06T12:30:52+00:00

Bro, cut her off completely and block her everywhere. It's not healthy for your mental health if you keep on interacting with her. Life is too short to be stuck in that loop. Thank you and good night!

Honest_Inevitable632 · 2022-06-06T13:38:54+00:00

We as humans tend to want someone/ something we can’t have. Don’t put your eggs in one basket.

TheZimboKing · 2022-06-06T14:06:42+00:00

Focusing on your purpose ain't gonna make you cum. Get more girls. Create a harem. Now go focus on said purpose.

Moejason · 2022-06-06T14:58:36+00:00

Others have advised on meeting more women and so forth, so I won’t repeat that here.

It’s also important that you spend some time to genuinely come to terms with your feelings for this girl. Burying them and repressing them is only going to make it more difficult. I’d instead recommend sitting with these feelings, maybe through meditation, just to allow yourself time to reflect on how you’d like to go forward in your relationship with this girl and others.

It sounds like you’ve already started to come to terms with it to some degree - such as recognising the value she brings to your life as a friend. The feelings of infatuation will fade over time, but for now try to use them productively and learn to accept them, rather than resisting them.

bela137 · 2022-06-06T15:12:36+00:00

Google oneitis

mrgenuinelazy · 2022-06-06T15:16:16+00:00

Literally just sleep with other women Make sure you can fulfil your needs with any girl apart from the one you're putting up on the pedestal. Once you realise that you are merely in control of your animal needs, it'll be easier to accept rejection, rejecting someone and dating in general

Chewbaccafruit · 2022-06-06T15:27:08+00:00

I don't always have the time to patrol actual places for dates, so I use apps a lot. I cleaned myself up and put effort into good quality pictures and a bio. Now that I get more matches, I neither obsess over them, wonder why any one has stopped talking, nor do I worry about taking risks when talking to them. There's always more.

Independent-Welder-3 · 2022-06-06T16:21:20+00:00

It is hard to forget someone if she is a good person, if its a bad person, like she didnt text you back then yea f** this girl man, also talking to more people would help doesnt matter if it man or women, just go out meet people, be cool and stay cool 🥰 good luck

tagd48 · 2022-06-07T01:00:19+00:00

Have more then one option- pretty simple

willgo-waggins · 2022-06-07T02:13:39+00:00

Work at being objective and see her as human and flawed.

No matter how wonderful a person any of us is, we all have flaws and human shortcomings. It’s just the facts of life.

There must be something about her, some behavior or shortcoming of personality that you actually don’t accept or like but are just ignoring or overlooking to support your own job of fooling yourself that there is “something there”.

I am living some of this right now and have finally found a healthy place where I can go along and enjoy my life, interact with and date other women and be ok even though I love her and I know and she tells me that she loves me. We are both just in a place of not being ready for a serious commitment- partially because we also both are working on ourselves and know that committing to each other is going to be a permanent thing.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-06-08T01:07:48+00:00

1

I know about the abundance mindset, I know better is out there for me out there

It's easy to know this logically. But if you do not have a social life which exposes you to new people on a regular basis, it will be difficult to impossible for you to actually feel this in your bones, which is a whole different matter.

What does your social life look like? How are you meeting new people? And how often?

2

but I really can't help myself with this one in particular. We had a fling but She's only viewing me as a friend now

Think this through a little bit.

Is it really a turn-on for you, the thought of having casual sex with someone who doesn't want it?
Or the thought of dating someone who doesn't like you for who you are?

These are rhetorical questions of course. But the point is this: If you know that she only sees you as a friend, that should actually be a turn-off for you. A pretty big one.

The fact that you're not processing it that way, might mean that you're struggling to hold on to something that isn't there anymore.

This kind of thing typically involves allowing your mind to wander on this girl, when you should be stepping in and debating with yourself about why you should be into someone who isn't into you.

3

and while I'm elated that she wants me in her life....

It's good to have good friends. But you may also need a little bit of time and space from her. At the very least you should make sure that you're meeting her in ways that minimize how intimate it might feel for you.

Like don't meet her one-on-one, but rather meet with her as part of a group.
And find other things in life to do. Don't meet with her that often.

Title	How to stop obsessing over one girl?
Author	Simp4Rukia
Upvotes	165
Comments	72
Date	June 6, 2022 1:44 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/v5rv1a/how_to_stop_obsessing_over_one_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-obsessing-over-one-girl.1257840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1257840

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