Should I Flake More Often?

tabtal · 2021-12-29T02:40:51+00:00

Don't set up a meeting and just not show. This is simply rude and inconveniences others; it also has the opposite effect that you desire. You appear unable to fulfill your obligations and not somebody who is reliable or fun to be around.

The (better) alternative is to appear busy. I don't think this is particularly beneficial in any way, but it's what you're asking about. Instead of being a no-show, have a busy schedule. When coordinating a meetup, go through a couple of options because you have things to do then. Make sure you actually have things to do; or if you don't, be prepared to talk about them with enough detail to convince people that you aren't lying.

raulonastool · 2021-12-29T02:48:54+00:00

Toxic behavior is only going to attract more toxic behavior

MightyEco · 2021-12-29T01:23:20+00:00

ProfessionalWorld527 · 2021-12-29T01:31:28+00:00

Never change urself based on other people. The world would be fucked that way. And u may lose and good one by doing so.

gr3nade · 2021-12-29T02:53:19+00:00

No. Only flake if you become unavailable suddenly and aren't able to make it but make sure to send them a message explaining the situation.

You want to get to a point where you just don't care about flakes. Drop them and move on. You get to this point by having a popping social life and having things to do with friends/dates all the time so each interaction doesn't feel like a big deal. It's a LOT of constant work and making time and it requires sacrifice. Honestly, building and maintaining a good social circle over a long period of time is very difficult and more than that, it requires constant upkeep.

Anyone who has a great social life is putting in that grind/time. Either because they just enjoy it and it's natural to them or because they actively want to have a good social life and put in the effort. Either way, it's work in equals results out.

anothersadthrowaway- · 2021-12-29T01:38:54+00:00

Flaking doesn’t attract them either though

dark_helmt8 · 2021-12-29T02:06:44+00:00

No, flaking is different than not being available. You can just say that you're not available one day but are on others. And don't tell anyone what you're doing so you can remain mysterious. Flakes are like used diapers - utterly useless and belong in the trash.

1hundredeight · 2021-12-29T01:43:02+00:00

Sometimes I think this sub is for lazy people that they just want a quick answer without any effort on their part like your whole thinking process is flawed

Shadow__Account · 2021-12-29T10:20:31+00:00

Im in the same position kind of a lot of the time and I am trying to focus on making sure the women aren’t my priority and my goals and passions are. Everytime I have a good day or period in terms of being occupied with my passions,friends and family and or work I don’t have this problem and I don’t have to fake anything. I won’t read texts for many hours, I’m hard to get a date with etc. I feel like these things should be our main focus and as long as we put dating over everything else nothing will change and even if you fake it you’ll have to keep on faking.

jmacort · 2021-12-29T13:23:08+00:00

Keep your word. If they don't like you because your always there for them that's their problem. One day they will see their error and hate it.

CrystalBlueEyes8 · 2021-12-29T01:31:18+00:00

Yes, please leave the ladies to me.

Mr_Arkwright · 2021-12-29T02:55:14+00:00

They're called women.

ksmith11011 · 2021-12-29T03:01:57+00:00

Every time I’ve thought “fuck it, I’m not going / responding” I thought it would result in the girl not wanting to talk to me anymore but amazingly the exact opposite usually happens.

There are also times where I really DON’T want to respond or go out because I’m afraid I’m being too available but then I think, “Fuck it, just say the thing I want to say”. And that usually goes really well too.

Trust your instincts. It’s ok to mix it up a bit. If you’re always available it’s probably ok to not to be once. If you’re usually hard to get it’s ok to be very forward and available once in a while. Don’t ruin a good thing unnecessarily though.

Here’s another thing that may help you. I tell myself this when I’m tired and anxious or things don’t feel like they’re going well. “no one ever lost interest because the other person did first”

What it means is you don’t need to always be on your game. If things are in a weird place and you want to just do NOTHING ie stop texting and pursuing, you can do that and probably not get bad results.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-12-29T01:50:47+00:00

Unless you have a reason to flake, don't do it. You'll just be wasting your own time.

ExquisiteGrowth · 2021-12-29T03:08:20+00:00

No. Do not flake. What you can do instead is make backup plans in case she flops. It doesn’t have to be with someone, just plan something for yourself so you’ll have a good time either way.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-12-29T10:00:40+00:00

Don't flake. Be a man of your word.

And... make your time and attention both a scarce resource with the purpose of putting your own dent in the universe and not because you should be less available more often.

Delicatestatesmen · 2021-12-29T04:49:52+00:00

Only if a hotter girl wants to see you on the same day as the girl your scheduled to see. Some Women do this shit all the time. Send her your aunts sick or you have a headache to let them get a taste of their own medicine. You can also flake if they try to change the time or day, which is an availability test, ask what you will be doing and say I don’t wanna do that or decide not to schedule the date based on what you have planned.

Yes their are women that date multi guys and gauge what activities each one has planned then book accordingly. You can flake also if your the weekday guy or Sunday guy as well which means your a second class citizen.

Also if she is getting too comfortable with your time, such as being on her phone, showing up late or not being available much.

Never start the toxic stuff unless she starts it first.

ksm6149 · 2021-12-29T06:30:53+00:00

I have had to flake sometimes and I feel like it's accidentally had a positive effect SOMETIMES. But it's only because each time I did, it was genuinely my own fault double booking myself. I owned up to it each time, and if it was someone I was actually interested in, I suggested an alternative time/day. That's how they may show their interest in you and it's a way that you can reciprocate.

Basically, don't do it on purpose. Try not to do it at all because you don't wanna be that guy, but when it does happen it's not the end of the world. It will demonstrate the concept that a lot of folks on here talk about, where it increases their interest in you because you're showing you have a life outside of dates

BijuuModo · 2021-12-29T06:31:42+00:00

It would be better to throw yourself hard into your hobbies, work, or friends. You want to be naturally busy with interesting things, not flaky to try to make yourself seem less available, women can tell the difference.

LilUziSkrrt1 · 2021-12-29T06:35:30+00:00

Being too available is one thing but flaking is completely different. Sometimes being busy shows you have a life outside of her and can be seen as a good thing. Flaking is just down right shitty. Don't do it.

neverknowwhatsnext · 2021-12-29T07:45:47+00:00

Make yourself less available by picking up hobbies of interest and you would not be flaking. It's best to have your own life, anyway. You will find time for a partner, too.

itstherealcloud · 2021-12-29T09:29:48+00:00

Why would you flake? that’s counter productive

shagilkt · 2021-12-29T10:30:53+00:00

Do Intresting shits in life so you don't have to fake it learn to drift cars,boxing, mountain climbing,traveling solo , start a business etc

livs4dietdrpepper · 2021-12-29T13:56:22+00:00

Yeah if you flaked more than one time with a good excuse I’d just move on, deff more agree with the being busy thing, you don’t wanna seem super desperate to pick the first available time possible to see me

surfershane25 · 2021-12-29T16:12:36+00:00

What’s your end goal here? What do you think this will accomplish?

Moejason · 2021-12-29T08:45:13+00:00

What? 😂😂 being available doesn’t make you unattractive - if anything being reliable is appreciated, you’re suggesting a very silly form of manipulation here and it’s only going to waste your time and theirs.

Avoid flaking where you can, but don’t be afraid to if you have to. But trust me when I say, if you flake to try to get someone to value your time more, they are not going to pick up on all the ‘subtle nuances’ you’re giving off - they’re going to feel as though you wasted their time.

TroyCaps · 2021-12-29T10:39:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RPslimjim · 2021-12-29T04:49:49+00:00

If you’re always available then either you don’t have a job or you have zero hobbies.

TroyCaps · 2021-12-29T02:57:41+00:00

Alotta good feedback on this post, really appreciate it.

MikeAlphaGolf · 2021-12-29T05:27:34+00:00

Flaking isn’t attractive. Having an active life with a purpose and interesting hobbies is.

You’re talking about a poor man buying a Rolex on credit to try and act rich. It’s shallow.

namastaybish · 2021-12-29T09:49:07+00:00

honestly recommend reading no more mr nice guy.

kingofprussiasbadboy · 2021-12-29T01:31:02+00:00

Yes, treat them like absolute garbage fam. They eat that shit up.

KKingSR · 2021-12-29T13:05:59+00:00

“Feeling” is your problem. Be a dude instead.

Mundane-Currency5088 · 2021-12-29T03:38:24+00:00

I expect people I make plans with to show up. They don't get second chances. This must be outside of the norm but that is fine because if the person isn't kind, thoughtful of me, and punctual we aren't compatible. I had the worst time with online dating because people didn't understand how to schedule and wanted things to be spontaneous. Well that only works if you are single with a lot of free time.

watergate_boi · 2021-12-29T03:47:37+00:00

Never flake. You won't get another date and it's really not a strategy. Be busy with your life instead, and if someone flakes on you, just send a genuine response (but don't try and set up another date) and pull back. If she likes you she'll come back to you to arrange a reschedule

amyg36819 · 2021-12-29T03:56:38+00:00

my mums been telling this too but does she know bout my boyfriend 👀 nope don’t think so ~~and hope not lolz~~

2021-12-29T04:11:07+00:00

Flaking doesn’t help

ChicoBrillo · 2021-12-29T04:17:05+00:00

This reminds me of some interview or short story by Bukowski. He basically said the reason he had so many romances was because he had time. That’s to say he was a bum with no job, but he was available for all the lonely women at home. Lol anyway no, don’t flake just because you think it’s a good “move”

banana_taco_pan · 2021-12-29T05:52:06+00:00

Just remember the scum of the earth is more in abundance than diamonds. ✌🏼

ORIONFULL23 · 2021-12-29T06:08:40+00:00

No, instead you should get more busy, people will know that your time is valuable and wont mess it up, on the contrary if youre always available people wont see you as a priority instead they will see you as an option more.

HyakuShichifukujin · 2021-12-29T14:19:25+00:00

I just play the same game back because it’s the only way to stay sane and efficient if you’re prospecting large numbers of girls.

I give girls benefit of the doubt the first time and I treat girls well who treat me well, but if they’re flaky with me then I have no problem double booking flaky girls and taking my pick if I have the luxury.

But there’s no need to go out of your way to be a dick or simply not show up, at least text some generic excuse out of courtesy if you need to cancel.

FindingE-Username · 2021-12-29T14:49:40+00:00

Referring to women as 'females' and pretending to be busy... instead of actually just being busy. Work on your own life first

PenissButtt · 2021-12-29T18:58:31+00:00

You would become a huge sentient asswipe if you flake on purpose just for the fun of it.

Visible_Ad_2990 · 2021-12-29T20:20:29+00:00

Flake only if you sense the other girl is becoming flaky. I think they call this a preemptive flake.

Kief-Liege · 2021-12-29T20:53:07+00:00

Dont flake, just turn down the oppurtunity dude

Asclepius555 · 2021-12-29T23:46:57+00:00

In addition to having other hobbies, you shouldn't feel obligated to reveal your plans. I've recently found myself doing this for some reason. Maybe just to keep the text conversation going? Not sure. But I don't think builds any suspense if you do it.

Human-Campaign-7229 · 2022-05-01T20:28:17+00:00

Yes. Women flake on men all the time. It’s time for them to get a taste of their own medicine and do it right back. Also make up a excuse on why you flaked.

Title	Should I Flake More Often?
Author	TroyCaps
Upvotes	41
Comments	89
Date	December 29, 2021 1:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/rqvbzd/should_i_flake_more_often/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-flake-more-often.1270094 https://theredarchive.com/post/1270094

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