What causes girls to lose interest so quickly?

TheCuriousDude · 2013-02-10T17:34:18+00:00

It's hard to say. You may have been needy. When I started following this subreddit, I escalated with a girl I knew and was immediately making out with her. Overwhelmed by my success, I reverted back to an AFC hard and said the most neediest things. Basically the most insecure shit a dude can say. I cringe while thinking about it. Within a day or two, she texted me saying she just wants to be friends. It's important to be chill.

It also may have nothing to do with you. Maybe a relative died. Maybe she just wants to concentrate on school. Or her job. Before following Seddit, I avoided escalating things with a girl I was into because I was in the process of failing all my classes. Maybe she just realized she's a lesbian. Maybe she became a born-again Christian. The point is you don't know. If you ask her if anything is going on and she doesn't give you a straight answer, cut her off. If you've internalized abundance mentality, a girl shouldn't be able to mess with your head.

KaptainKid · 2013-02-10T17:44:14+00:00

You've probably left the ball in her court and she knows she can do what she wants and you'll still chase, whereas it should be the other way around. She could have lost interest because you don't seem as interested anymore, she's found something better she likes, or she simply just wants something new. It shouldn't be any offense to you, girls are weird like that.

choc_is_back · 2013-02-10T18:08:07+00:00

Speaking from a guy's perspective, I also have this happen quite a lot: there's some fun initially merely because of the newness of a person, discovering who somebody is and how they think (and, well, all aspects of their body :)) etc etc... But as soon as that's gone, you realize that she actually makes you go kinda 'meh', and even answering texts/messages becomes a bit of a chore.

And of course, saying flat out "I'm not interested in you anymore" sucks, nobody likes to be the asshole and hurt people, so you kinda try to look for excuses and/or avoid the matter entirely and hope it blows over. All the more because, who knows, on a lonely day you may want to hook up with them again, so you don't feel like burning the bridge entirely.

I actually have something like that going on right now - I realize that for her it sucks to be on the other side of this, but what can you do...

I think for girls it's kind of the same mechanic: at the core of it all is having options, or at least having the feeling you have them.

ICEFARMER · 2013-02-10T17:29:30+00:00

She could be just done with you (a lot of relationships are short). It could be cat string theory example (what changed over those days? Did you start chasing her too hard). Perhaps you gave no reason to continue the relationship (you hooked up and that's all she thought it was and maybe she wanted something different/more than an FB). Maybe she met someone else. Or it could be a test (seeing if you'll chase her). Could be a lot of different things.

whitewidow16 · 2013-02-10T18:32:57+00:00

forget her and move on.

murrayjm · 2013-02-11T00:57:25+00:00

The problem with this question is that you're trying to logically figure out why a woman did something. Women function on emotion not logic. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure them out.

Dorman010 · 2013-02-10T18:17:17+00:00

You were probably too available for her. You thought "Hey, I've been seeing this girl for a while, we got something going on, now I can allow myself to be more available for her!" Wrong. Being available all the time is a huge turn-off. Once a girl sees that you've become too available, she'll lose interest.

RonnieLibra · 2013-02-11T04:15:20+00:00

Easy. Incongruence.

There's something you did that threw up the red flag.

I have had similar experience in the past. Mostly they happen when a girl does something I call the "Girlfriend test". However it may have nothing to do with that if you were just incongruent in something you did that put her off.

Maybe, due to inexperience, you did/said something or acted a certain way that didn't fit the way she perceived you when you met. Maybe you came across at first as a confident guy with a lot going for you.

But then maybe you put off the vibe of neediness, even in the most subtle way, when you were with her. That would kill her attraction to you.

On the other hand the Girlfriend Test I like to talk about it if your game is a little more advanced.

Girls will throw out these VERY TINY tests to see if you're a keeper. I'll give you 2 examples.

1 - Girl who really liked me wanted to come over and spend the night a day after I fucked her. I tried to play it "too cool" and tell her, "Nah... I can't tonight. I'm busy," and I wasn't. The next day she was Ghost. Interest was gone. All her, "I really like you. You're so amazing. You're so different. I love being with you," all TOTALLY GONE.

2 - Girl wanted me to spend the night at her place after we fucked for the (much like you) third time. I really couldn't. My dog was at home and I had to let him out and make sure he was ok.

She didn't say anything, but the next couple days she sent me a text saying she couldn't hang out anymore.

In BOTH cases these girls wanted me to be with them as a boyfriend. I showed them by action I wouldn't be there for them when they needed me.

So - 2 Ways that I can think of:

Incongruence. or You blew your shot at being reliable to her and a mate.

gabriot · 2013-02-10T20:00:49+00:00

She mighta been only mildly interested in you, wanted some dick so she fucked you a few times, but maybe could see you were a genuinely good guy and didn't wanna continue the relationship to a point where feelings would get involved knowing that she wasn't interested in you in that way (and in turn didn't wanna crush you since you were a good guy, kinda funny how that works but it's the truth)

I doubt it's anything like "you were too needy" or anything, everyone on this SR always says that but c'mon she fucked you 3 times in a row that's obviously not the case if she's just dropping off the airwaves all the sudden.

determined22 · 2013-02-10T18:51:09+00:00

Thanks for all the responses! --- I should add a little bit of information, I didn't want to at first because I didn't want to make the post about one girl, but I think that this scenario could help a lot of guys.

We hooked up three times before winter break (I'm in college). and she stayed over at my place for the night. During the break we went back to different states and I went on vacation with my family for half of the break. We had one conversation on fb before we went back to school. Whats crazy is I was really unsure if I even wanted to keep hooking up with her before the break when she was available, but now that its not an option I want to more than ever. We have classes together so I can't avoid her, and I definitely wasn't needy. I dont text her unless I'm trying to set up a time to hang out. I didn't change how I acted at all, all I've done is try and hang out with her on the weekends but she gives excuses (some legit and some I'm not so sure). In the meantime I keep going out trying to meet more girls but no serious luck so far, just a couple hookups that I dont want to continue.

Is the best thing to do in this situation to get lunch or something and talk to her about what happened? Its just confusing when it seems like you haven't changed anything at all and yet the girl is responding completely differently.

Sqaure1988 · 2013-02-11T03:56:10+00:00

Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate eachother.

nittutt · 2013-02-10T22:44:00+00:00

Complete break of rapport. Failing to fulfill her expectations (example: Giving off the "bad boy" vibe but after a few hookups turning out to be a complete "nice guy"). Bad sexual performance. Met another guy. Turned lesbian.

ozenglish · 2013-02-10T19:58:47+00:00

Soon as you say messing with your head, it is time for evaluation of what is in your head, and whether she is worth having around. Either way, something is going to have to change.

shitsfuckedupalot · 2013-02-11T03:19:27+00:00

For the most part, they don't want to get attached. It's the same shit all around. She liked you enough to sleep with you, but she doesn't like you enough to date you. that's all it comes down to.

itsmevichet · 2013-02-11T17:07:17+00:00

Finding out that the guy isn't who she wants.

She. Doesn't. Want. You.

Sorry, dude. There's nothing special about that. Just get over it.

Remember, just because a woman bangs you today doesn't mean she'll like you tomorrow.

Berfaderf · 2013-02-10T19:56:59+00:00

Sometimes a girl just wants to hook up a few times, and nothing more.

AtheistAgnostic · 2013-02-10T22:18:34+00:00

Hey, I went through this too recently. Anyone wanna give any insight?

James_Coook · 2013-02-11T00:05:43+00:00

Who the fuck cares! Next the girl. If she tries to re initiate just be casual about it.

andre07 · 2013-02-11T01:08:13+00:00

They have multiple choice. If she's hot, there's a good chance she has 4 other guys waiting in line to bang her. Fuck her. Move on to the next one.

chrome__Scrotum · 2013-02-11T03:16:36+00:00

She can also be going through a ton of personal shit.

keptit2real · 2013-02-11T05:36:26+00:00

Truth is man, we will never know. Even if she tell you it may be something totally different.

Its part of the GAME

2013-02-11T12:41:00+00:00

bad sex

HumanSockPuppet · 2013-02-11T02:13:17+00:00

What could cause a girl to lose interest so quickly?

Abundance.

There are literally men everywhere lining up to court them. No single man is valuable to her, unless he truly distinguishes himself.

andytdj · 2013-02-11T00:52:49+00:00

Think of it this way. She, like most girls, is recieving constant attention every where she goes. Buying a sandwich for lunch, stopped at a stoplight, or customers at her job. Now put yourself in her shoes. Imagine girls constantly swooning for your attention, smiling all the time at you, and flirting with you. This kicks ass at first, but over the years it starts to get incredibly boring. In her eyes, you are extremely replaceable. My piece of advice: find that unique quality (we all have it) and make that your "selling point" more or less.

TL;DR She lost intrest because she got bored.

Braddowski · 2013-02-10T22:11:55+00:00

Could it be a shit test?

Someoneoldbutnew · 2013-02-10T23:16:56+00:00

other options

whatchumacallit · 2013-02-11T02:36:32+00:00

If you're giving her the same shit different days. Whatever the shit may be. Mix it up. Keep her interested.

determined22 · 2013-02-11T04:10:21+00:00

Wow! The support you guys give here is really incredible. So you guys really got through to me what I should have known (and probably did know but didn't want to admit) - that there is no point in continuing pursuing a girl when she starts acting like this. Until (if) she were to hit me up again there is no point. Its tough to admit that, for whatever reason, a girl just isn't into you anymore but it really seems to be the right thing to do.

2013-02-11T04:10:54+00:00

Your personality

2013-02-11T12:47:25+00:00

Girls just wanna have fun

2013-02-11T15:01:22+00:00

I feel like what an AFC will worry about is being almost too chill, making an HB think that the AFC isn't interested anymore. So, you end up unintentionally losing the HB because she thinks that you don't care anymore.

RedInHeadandBed · 2013-02-11T01:38:14+00:00

She's got her eye on someone else.

jimii · 2013-02-10T19:58:15+00:00

She found someone better looking.

Title	What causes girls to lose interest so quickly?
Author	determined22
Upvotes	119
Comments	79
Date	February 10, 2013 5:06 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1893st/what_causes_girls_to_lose_interest_so_quickly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-causes-girls-to-lose-interest-so-quickly.1347176 https://theredarchive.com/post/1347176

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