So I waited awhile to write this post. But I’m finally doing it. I’m dropping my ex of 2.5 years and focusing on me and my life. It was really hard, he had a lot of seemingly HV traits. But what it came down to —

I didn’t trust him.

I tried to let it go, but it just kept coming back. I would be nervous when he was on his phone. I would have strong urges, and would find myself snooping for hours. I couldn’t talk to him about it without getting every excuse/denial/defense/silence in the book. I started having bad dreams.

He never came forward with information, I always found things out. I know deep down, that he is and will be deceptive about certain things. And then he will say and do things to try to confuse me, when confronted.

I didn’t want to spend my hours trying to play detective. I could feel the effects of his gaslighting? start to affect me emotionally. I could feel the insecurity getting greater.

I spent a lot of time on a couple other subs (not sure if I can name them here), where I read such devastating stories. 5yr, 10yr, 20yr+ of women having to deal with lying and betrayal, over and over, with their partners, and the toll it took on them. I did not want that to be my future.

These are hours and energy that I could be putting towards my security, my career, my relationships, my life.

So I am choosing my sanity. I am choosing me.

Also, my boundaries were eroding over time with him. I'm so grateful for this sub. It has helped give me strength and hope, and remembering who I was and that I deserve to have my boundaries.

Edit: Thank you for all the support 😭I'm saving this and re-reading all your comments whenever doubt starts kicking in.