Unplanned Parenthood?

sarkington · 2022-04-20T16:18:32+00:00

If I don’t want a baby, I don’t want a baby

And that is not something I would hide from someone who claims to care about me

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-04-20T15:59:17+00:00

I'd tell him directly, but I lack a common sense.

houstongradengineer · 2022-04-20T16:56:24+00:00

I told my husband straight up what I was gonna do hypothetically, regardless of his feelings and even before I lost my virginity. He has a right to know in an actually timely manner, but not a right to pressure me.

2022-04-20T18:38:44+00:00

I realize you want one of two options chosen, but if I had truly not wanted a child, I would not have told anyone (boyfriend, family, anyone) and would have gotten an abortion.

The only reason I feel the two choices don't really work is because this requires a ton of contradictions that would make it hard to pop up in real life. For one thing, I'd be on birth control if I didn't want to get pregnant. For another, it feels like I'd know my partner's thoughts on kids by this point, so it's not like I'd have no idea how he'd react to the news.

If we assume this unlikely situation happened, I'd tell him I had it done; I wouldn't lie and say it was a miscarriage. He'd leave me, but so be it; if he really wanted kids so badly he should be with someone who wants them, not me.

KekeSmall · 2022-04-20T16:14:05+00:00

A. I have nothing to hide, and no need to lie about the decisions I choose to make about my own body. I also would appreciate him not telling family unless we’re planning on keeping it.

delight-n-angers · 2022-04-20T19:27:41+00:00

I'd tell him directly, we'd never get to the point of family being excited or him being thrilled because i'd be telling him about the decision to get an abortion at the same time i'd be telling him about the pregnancy. there wouldn't be enough lead time for him to tell family/friends or get excited about it.

i think the issue here isn't the decision to get an abortion against his wishes, but rather to let him get excited and share the news with friends/family - that's cruel.

EulenWatcher · 2022-04-20T16:40:19+00:00

A. I wouldn't want to bear this kind of lie with me.

But I also don't think I could bring myself to end pregnancy if he was really excited about it, even if I didn't feel ready. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, I lean heavily pro-choice, but even when I got a pregnancy scare at 17, I still was thinking about keeping it.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-04-20T16:29:53+00:00

If I wanted an abortion I'd get it before he even found out I was pregnant.

But I can't really imagine this scenario because I would never want to abort the baby of someone I'm in love with.

rosephase · 2022-04-20T16:20:14+00:00

Family would not know about it. I would absolutely tell my partner I would want his support and understanding. But I only date men who also absolutely don't want kids. It's basic compatibility.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-04-20T17:33:15+00:00

No one would even know I was ever pregnant. Not him. Not his family. It would just be gone and never spoken of.

GlowingAsItDazzles · 2022-04-20T16:01:27+00:00

when you say "with" do you mean married or "some boyfriend"? if we were married i would not consider an abortion if he wanted it even if i didnt so much, if he was just some BF he can marry me immediately if he wants it or its getting flushed

2022-04-20T16:07:27+00:00

I’d be open about it if it were a serious relationship. However this conversation would be happening before family is told. I think this wouldn’t be something I’d want numerous opinions on

Orange_Paisley · 2022-04-20T16:49:15+00:00

I'm not of an age where I am likely to find myself pregnant and if I did, I'd probably miscarry but if not, I would be inclined to keep it if all the prenatal testing came back normal. If it did not, I would consider an "aberration'. And I would tell him all of that when found out I was pregnant so we could support each other through it and figure out the best plan for us as a couple and potential family.

YoviQ · 2022-04-20T17:33:13+00:00

I would just tell him. In the end, the choice is going to be up to me no matter what. If he wants to break up with me over it, then oh well.

YouAskedIt · 2022-04-20T17:39:08+00:00

I am pro choice for others, but I couldn't do it unless it was a rape or something. I also never want to be pregnant so I had my tubes tied.

extrachromozomes · 2022-04-20T22:02:07+00:00

I wouldn’t get an abortion (unless medically necessary) if I was in a happy relationship with a man who loved me and who I loved back

Bekiala · 2022-04-21T01:18:16+00:00

OP, this isn't really answering your question but I wanted to thank you for posting it. The topic is a good thing to think about for anyone who is sexually active both male and female.

The best time to communicate about this is before a pregnancy and your question may well get people questioning and talking. Well done you.

It is always dicey for everyone even if they agree before a pregnancy. The woman may not be able to go through with the abortion she thought she would be okay with or on the other hand, not be able to go through with a pregnancy she thought she would be okay with.

Irk . . . .I am a woman but will never be in that circumstance. I would make the best decision I could for myself and tell him before I took any action. That he has already told his family is not a great sign of good communication between us and a decision against his wishes may well end the relationship.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-04-21T02:07:37+00:00

Definitely A. No point in lying.

2022-04-20T19:08:17+00:00

I would never consider abortion unless my life is seriously on the line.

Even then I would consult a priest for spiritual guidance and absolutely tell my BF.

mcove97 · 2022-04-20T21:53:14+00:00

You're with the guy that you're in love with, so this is not a fling or a one night stand and you get pregnant, he is absolutely thrilled ,

Holdup. The guy I'm in love with doesn't want children, and if he suddenly wants children if I get pregnant unintentionally, then to me that's a dealbreaker and not only would I get an abortion, I would also break up.

family is excited

I never do what my parents tell me to do with my life, but how would extended family be happy if I didn't even tell them in the first place? Obviously I wouldn't announce to my parents and their parents that I'm having an abortion. That's a private matter they have no business of sticking their nose in, not to mention some of them are strongly anti abortion Christians.

everything, however YOU are not, and you decide to get an aberration ( you know which word I mean but I don't know what reddit flags anymore lol) are you

A. Going to tell him directly?

Depends. If he'd try to force me into being an incubator for a child I don't want, I wouldn't tell him. If I didn't think he'd force me to stay pregnant and that he would respect my decision to get an abortion, I'd tell him, but it depends on the context of the situation. I'm all for being honest for someone who deserves honesty.

B. Get the procedure done behind his back and pass it off as a Ms. Carrige ?

If I did it behind his back it would be after breaking up with him as I don't want to be a parent or want to be with someone who wants to be a parent and I don't want to be an incubator for a child and I find it gross that someone would be okay with ruining my body and risking my health so they can have a "cute baby" (ffs adopt a cute pet) and I do not want to have a child as that means financial responsibilities I absolutely don't want, including other motherhood responsibilities I absolutely do not want. I can barely afford my own expensive lifestyle lol. Plus why spend money on diapers when you could be spending the money on the finer things in life?

KikiYuyu · 2022-04-20T19:54:46+00:00

If you're gonna kill his kid you better at least be honest about it.

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Cupcakelover1985 · 2022-04-20T16:29:53+00:00

Is this a husband or just a boyfriend? And how far along is the pregnancy?

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-04-20T16:33:11+00:00

Women here saying they’d go ahead with an abortion, that’s extremely sad.

Never, ever, have sex with someone you wouldn’t be prepared to raise a child with.

avoriure · 2022-04-20T17:53:20+00:00

i probably wouldn’t tell anyone before i got it, but if i told him and THEN changed my mind.. then we’d just have to talk. my decision wouldn’t change to get it but i would at least try to explain my reasoning for doing it

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-20T18:48:24+00:00

Easy

Yes
No

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-20T18:48:50+00:00

Easy.

Yes
No

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-04-20T20:56:27+00:00

Tell him. He deserves to know but for as long as we’ve been having sex we have had the “discussion” about what we both want so this situation doesn’t have to happen.

AtTheEnd777 · 2022-04-20T21:33:50+00:00

Be direct. Nothing he has to say will change my decision but he'll know.

2022-04-20T22:41:06+00:00

A - tell him directly. I know I’m in the right so doesn’t matter what he says but he has a right to know

Trylena · 2022-04-21T02:42:12+00:00

A. I have discuss this with my boyfriend. I am studying and cannot take care of a child at this moment of my life.

Reisiluu · 2022-04-21T09:15:07+00:00

I would tell him and and ask him if he wanted to get married and keep it, or get rid of it. I wouldn't tell my family about a pregnancy I wasn't going to keep.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-04-21T11:16:37+00:00

Tell him, the only situation I would t is if I didn’t feel safe

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-20T16:38:28+00:00

I'd just tell him. He'd already know what decision I'd make in this scenario and support it for us to have sex in the first place, otherwise I would never take that risk. I also wouldn't imagine he'd be thrilled at a pregnancy I obviously don't want.

Sophiatab · 2022-04-20T17:31:30+00:00

If I felt abortion was the best option. I would tell him and he could deal with it. However, if he wanted to tell his family or friends it was a miscarriage (for whatever reasons) I wouldn't stop him.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-04-20T18:59:19+00:00

I straight up said that if my bc failed and I wasn't ready then it wasn't happening. So I assume I'd be straight up if it actually happened

Title	Unplanned Parenthood?
Author	PlayfulLawyer
Upvotes	11
Comments	83
Date	April 20, 2022 3:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u7zq6x/unplanned_parenthood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unplanned-parenthood.1111888 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111888

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