People are Mean to My Wife

WhyMensRightsIssue · 2012-02-10T05:47:09+00:00

Why is this Men's Right related?

People assume a random man is forcing his wife to do what he wants
People assume a random man is potentially beating his wife

Who else is discriminated against?

Women
- because people assume the OP's wife cannot make her own decisions
- because people assume a woman cannot possibly want to be a housewife

sTiKyt · 2012-02-10T13:12:11+00:00

Woman here. I get that all the time. I am currently working, but right after me and my husband got married, I spent about 5 months at home. We both liked it and it worked so well. But every time I talked to my friends, they told me that I was "whipped" or something.

On female subreddits (ahem... TwoX), it's even worse. I complained about the negative reactions and they all started with the sexism bull crap. Over all, society needs to get over the stereotype of all young people working full time jobs right out of the gate.

Celda · 2012-02-10T05:59:20+00:00

You gotta stop hanging out with idiots, simple as that.

carchamp1 · 2012-02-10T17:13:50+00:00

How is that not the dream of the majority of women? Sounds to me like her friend is jealous.

Getting to stay at home all day and have someone support me would be terrific. My wife and I plan to do something similar when I graduate, and I don't see anything wrong with it.

SpeakToTheSky · 2012-02-10T13:08:42+00:00

You're setting yourself up to get royally screwed if she divorces you. You will be amazed how fast "I want to be a homemaker" will transform to "My husband made me stay home, so I need all his assets and alimony."

The_Patriarchy · 2012-02-10T09:48:08+00:00

As long as both of you are happy with the situation, then fuck everyone else. Just don't react negatively if/when she decides she wants to get a job/etc. and you won't have to worry about her (probably jealous) friends trying to poison your relationship.

carchamp1 · 2012-02-10T12:35:09+00:00

As long as it's your choice. Do be careful as you're in the perfect spot to be hit with alimony if things go south.

Sounds like you got a good one though. Many years of happiness to you both.

rogersmith25 · 2012-02-10T20:36:11+00:00

I think that this is terrible. My mother was a home-maker and my dad went to work to support the family. My mom always sure that I appreciated the fact that my father worked many long hours to support the family and that him being at work was a sign that he loved us. But my father also made sure to emphasize the fact that my mother decided to stay at home to care for the family and home so he would be able to go out and work and support us financially. Both my parents were equally important in my upbringing, though they had completely separate roles.

I think it's tragic the way that women look down on my mom for choosing family over her career. Women who chose to work and let someone else care for their children try to shame my mother and it really upsets her. I've never met a man who treated my mom like that - it's always other women.

I'm not surprised that women who are career oriented shame women who decide to be mothers first and workers second. Men are more competitive in their jobs, but women are more competitive within their peers. There is an honor among brothers that men have with their male friends that women don't have. While men will often band together as a team, women will form into small gossipy cliques.

If you look at the statistics of falling female happiness and satisfaction correlating with the disappearance of the traditional home-maker role, it's unsurprising that a strong social backlash is needed to prevent families from reverting back to traditional roles.

TL;DR - Many men feel they are not appreciated for their hard work; to expect that respect, we also must pay it back in kind to the women and men who choose to care for their families allowing their spouse to work as it is a very important role as well.

fondueguy · 2012-02-10T17:15:57+00:00

This comes back to the reality that they support a woman's right to do anything she wants with her life... except being a housewife.

It's fucking nuts.

melb22 · 2012-02-10T09:17:00+00:00

Attitudes will change as you get older. Once women turn 30 and have kids, only a minority want to continue full-time paid work.

NiceGuysSTFU · 2012-02-10T15:14:38+00:00

As long as it's a mutual decision between you and your spouse, it's really no one else's business. Just don't come back here saying she's a golddigger and lazy if you ever split up.

chocolatebutterr · 2012-02-10T15:13:16+00:00

People need to mind their own fucking business and let you and your wife live the way you choose.

DankJemo · 2012-02-10T17:21:13+00:00

Look man, you don't need to justify this to anyone. The people that give her and you shit for it are ignorant, close-minded fuck-offs.

If she WANTS to be a stay a home wife that's her choice. You aren't forcing it on her and honestly, "Home maker" is a respectable position to hold. I grew up in this traditional family setting (my mom had a part time job.) But, this is basically what she was.

My Dad didn't force it on her, she wanted to have a stable and comfortable environment for me to be raised in, she wanted her husband who worked 70+ hours a week to come home and not have to worry about all the extra chores. He obviously pulled his own weight around the house too.

The thing that these short-sighted morons aren't gleaning from this is that it's her choice... Isn't that what female empowerment was all about? The freedom to choose what is right for you and your family? The next time someone brings it up, make them eat their fucking words. There is no reason to be nice to them, they don't deserve it at that point. Anyone who looks down on a woman (or man for that matter,) for taking care of their family first needs to shut their fucking mouths, especially in this day in age.

iggybdawg · 2012-02-10T17:59:03+00:00

She chooses her life, You choose yours. You two are a thing of beauty.

I had a friend who's mom was one of the haters and was asking her to leave her husband and "go live her own life". She told her mom "being his wife IS living my own life!"

dangerpantz · 2012-02-13T21:10:37+00:00

This sounds like it's less about feminism and more about the stupid people you and your wife hang out with.

carchamp1 · 2012-02-10T11:23:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-02-10T06:26:51+00:00

First post?

Is it her decision? Who knows, one sentence from her will re-write any amount of history. Which is sadly why this could easily be a troll.

ss_camaro · 2012-02-10T05:45:17+00:00

Damn. You sound like me down to the dirt poor stuff. FYI, I'm divorced.

It sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. These other women Do Not Stop. Trust me on this. They cannot stand to see a woman being a woman while they are jealous of her.

I hope that your wife is strong enough to reject it but she won't be for long. My suggestion is to get her to start working, at least part-time. Make sure you take over any responsibilities she can't handle as a result of working.

Roddy0608 · 2012-02-10T12:55:47+00:00

You must both learn to not give a fuck.

2012-02-10T14:38:40+00:00

Uh to the contrary I would think she had the upper hand if she got you to work and split your income with her while she chills out at home...? Sure she cleans and cooks.. but that's never going to be as hard or stressful as working.

2012-02-10T09:16:52+00:00

Most people are stupid and biased. Don't listen to them. Shit, don't even listen to me.

Legolas-the-elf · 2012-02-10T06:39:13+00:00

I've never really understood the "homemaker" label. It doesn't take all day to cook dinner and clean the apartment. What does she do the rest of the time?

2012-02-10T15:05:56+00:00

In any healthy relationship, the people in that relationship should fall into the roles that work best for the relationship as a whole. If the two of you are able to have the lifestyle you want, and only one of you has to work, then by all means do it.

Seriously. Working just for the sake of "Being in the workforce" is bullshit. It's total bullshit. There's nothing encoded in our DNA that says that you both have to be "Anything" to do "Anything" beyond suitably survive.

What your wife chooses to do to fill her days is a different story altogether, but any friend who would begrudge her not working is no friend worth having

nycjohndoe · 2012-02-10T16:36:02+00:00

it is great that you have a good and working marriage. but honestly the opportunity cost for her not working and having a second fully realized breadwinner in the house may come back to bite you both in the asses later.

akuta · 2012-02-10T17:11:27+00:00

In the end, the situation is just as you two decided you wished it to be. If they don't like it, they can get lost.

My girl likes to make me dinner and do other home-maker-like things. She works, but she works part time and earns enough money to take care of her own financial obligations. I work full time. Our situation is very similar to yours; however, none of my friends would ever think of accusing me of "keeping her at home" or "oppressing her." Why? I'm guessing it's a) because they know me well enough, b) she works part time or c) they know I'll tell them where to stuff it as it's our lives and we can live them how we like.

TL;DR: Thumbs up to you and your wife. You are living in a situation that makes you both happy. The people who don't like it can get bent.

2012-02-10T18:29:19+00:00

You know what...American people LOVE giving advice..I had same expierience as you. Why do people care?? Just leave them alone!!!!

chavelah · 2012-02-10T18:32:48+00:00

This is something that time will cure. As kids come along, many of your friends (and not just the moms) will find themselves dropping out or scaling back in the paid-work part of their lives.

I was exactly where your wife is at ten years ago (except it sounds like she's a better cook than I was!), and all that bullshit really did evaporate as couples became families.

coldvault · 2012-02-10T19:35:32+00:00

People assume that you beat your wife?! Christ on a bike. Do not associate with those people, or at least try to ignore their ridiculous assumptions.

croupyavenger · 2012-05-28T09:26:25+00:00

I don't really know how you should deal with the people trying to convince her she's being oppressed. It's kind of weird. If it makes her angry/uncomfortable, maybe you guys should avoid those people.

I was a stay-at-home mom. I loved it. My husband was/is supportive.

Man, stay-at-home mothering is freaking awesome. Teaching kids stuff, going to the park every day, going to the beach in the middle of the week, museum hopping, visiting science centers, hikes, finding interesting eateries to try with the kids, etc. You don't have to deal with office politics. You get to leisurely read books, expand your cooking repertoire...the list never ends. Taking care of infants and toddlers isn't easy, and it sometimes took an hour or so to get ready in the morning, but it was pretty enjoyable overall. Yeah, sure, our day trips were occasionally thwarted by occasional, developmentally-expected meltdowns now and then, but for the most part, fun stuff.

The only thing that I'd be concerned about with your wife is enriching her life. What does she do all day? If all she does is stay home and watch TV, clean and cook, I'd be concerned. Maybe you can figure out how she can challenge herself. It'll be good for her physical/mental health. Maybe you can get her to train for a marathon. Maybe she can attend some culinary classes at a nearby community college? Maybe take some creative writing classes? I don't know.

ghebert001 · 2012-02-10T12:19:46+00:00

For one, you're lucky that you can afford that type of life, two...haters gonna hate! If your friends can't understand that this is your wife's choice and it makes her happy then nothing will change their minds.

It's funny that they think your wife is being "oppressed" when they're the wage slaves and actually the ones being oppressed.

silveradocoa · 2012-02-10T17:49:08+00:00

because most people your age are still childish idiots?

2012-02-10T15:14:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

carchamp1 · 2012-02-10T13:47:00+00:00

This is the worst possible scenario for you. Put quite simply she is playing you. Housewives have a bad rap for a reason. She is the embodiment of the "ball and chain".

Do whatever you can to get her back to work. If she refuses, and I'm guessing she will, divorce her NOW. Do not wait.

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE YOU WILL EVER RECEIVE. IGNORE IT AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

Jazzeki · 2012-02-10T10:16:46+00:00

can your wife cause a scene? can she if nececary cry on comand or maybe this is taxing enough on her she at kleast can in these situations? if so make he start wailling and ask these people why they will not let her be happy. the responses are sure to be hilarious if nothing else

2012-02-10T19:17:21+00:00

It's the sound of slaves to mundane jobs jealous of a slave who escaped. But your wife may listen, to your and your childrens demise.....this is what Feminism has done to America.

2012-02-10T11:06:45+00:00

We need new mods. This is blatant trolling.

carchamp1 · 2012-02-10T19:09:23+00:00

What I find completely amazing is that you have all these good friends, and, no doubt, parents (right?) telling you how stupid this is BUT YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.

You apparently "love" your wife and there are people who no doubt care about her saying how stupid this is, but it's not registering WITH YOU. I was not going to say this, but I have to. If you really cared about her, the woman you apparently love, you would urge her to get out of the house and work. As a father with a teenaged daughter YOU ARE MY WORST NIGHTMARE. You are actually encouraging her not to work AND BE FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT ON YOU. That, please don't mind me saying, is what all controlling personalities want. Is it not apparent to you that her friends might have her best interest in mind MORE THAN YOU?

JeremiahMRA · 2012-02-10T07:53:14+00:00

You sound like a walking wallet.

Title	People are Mean to My Wife
Author	Snooves
Upvotes	63
Comments	244
Date	February 10, 2012 5:27 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/pizm5/people_are_mean_to_my_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/people-are-mean-to-my-wife.1027927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1027927

Comments