A nice summary of some of the common red flags we hear about on FDS

lansburysoda · 2021-09-20T05:27:18+00:00

When you feel on edge and you don’t know why

When you suddenly develop an “anxiety disorder”

When you feel confused and can’t think straight

When you get a break from him and viscerally feel like you can finally let your guard down and relax

When you start thinking you might be crazy/broken/worthless

When the rest of your life starts falling apart

When you’re crying all the time and blame yourself

Playbackfromwayback · 2021-09-20T06:55:44+00:00

When your keys go missing and you call him in a panic because you ——- again——— ‘lost’ them. And he comes back over and ‘finds’ your keys to…. I guess… feel like your hero. Why i ignored this kind of chronic bullshit is beyond me.

Never. Again.

The massive red flags i ignored because i was afraid of being alone/didn’t think i was worth more/didn’t think i could do better.

NEVER FUCKING SETTLE.

On another note- look closely at the family he was raised in. Very carefully evaluate how those people interact. Do they support each other, or do they bite at and compete with each other? This is another issue we should all be looking at in selecting a partner.

Edit- interestingly enough, after i shitcanned my husband, i never ‘lost’ my keys again. Or my purse. Or my briefcase. The abuse that fucker put me through is absolutely insane, and when i was IN it i just couldn’t SEE it.

Thank you, mg FDS sisters, for reading my story and hopefully getting some benefit from it.

ylang_ylang · 2021-09-20T06:15:33+00:00

I have some to add:

1.) teeth gnashing during a fight. 2.) name calling of any kind at ANY time. 3.) avoidance 4.) picking fights out of nowhere 5.) Eye rolling( John Gottman claims this is a tell-tale sign a relationship won’t last and a sign of contempt).

Lessons of a LV relationship

queen-wannabe · 2021-09-20T05:19:31+00:00

His behavior when he’s mad

When he raises his voice at you to prove a point

These hit hard where they didn’t need to 😔

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-09-20T07:24:54+00:00

Getting angry if his risky driving makes you flinch.

Gawking at other women.

Gay mannerisms in a genuinely straight guy (very, very dangerous sign, like stalker/bat.terer/serial killer shit. It's not actually "gay" behavior but sort of pathological age-regression. Run).

Emulating celebrities but not in a joking way.

Too many moments of being checked out, dissociated or "spacey."

Turning mean when they have you in a bind (for example, you're starting a trip together with nonrefundable tickets, etc.).

Nasty or passive aggressive mother.

His friends drop hints he's a manwhore.

Does not immediately set hard boundaries when other women flirt. Seems to detach from you in public.

Tragedy posturing (sighing in despair at any inconvenience) and intimidating drama vibing (cursing and giving off mini rage vibes if, say, stubbing a toe). These things are meant to make you scurry to calm and appease them until you start doing this all the time without realizing it. A big cheater tactic.

Etc.

august-27 · 2021-09-20T07:48:41+00:00

You find it necessary to force yourself to laugh at his “jokes” (he gets mad or hurt if you don’t).

He seems amused by your discomfort.

You feel compelled to “go along with” his ideas; it’s his way or the highway; you’re not sure how to safely disagree.

You try to rationalize his behaviour. You know your true family/friends wouldn’t approve of his actions, so you find yourself preemptively “defending” him.

That sinking feeling in your chest. Your heart pounding. That overwhelming nausea every morning. The itchy rashes randomly popping up all over your body. The uncomfortable vaginal discharge. Your body knows.

fireforestfairy · 2021-09-20T11:31:30+00:00

If he's already showing red flags when you two are dating (or before you two start dating) then things are just going to get worse after marriage.

manalitta88 · 2021-09-20T11:16:40+00:00

His harmless sexist jokes and his behavior when he is made are the biggest red flags in my books because that's what tells you who they really are behind the mask.

msromperstomper · 2021-09-20T15:15:38+00:00

His reaction to you when you have an opinion that differs from his own. Are you terrified to answer no to the question "are these the best mash potatoes you ever had?", Then you have a problem. (And yes, this is a real example).

HamburgerFries8 · 2021-09-20T08:16:22+00:00

I feel too anxious about these things to even have a relationship. I'm always going to be afraid of the first time he gets angry at me. I ask myself, what if his anger turns me off? I know everyone gets angry but I'm ultra sensitive and have a phobia of people yelling at me. I wish my dad didn't have such a pickme attitude when it came to me. I'm lonely for the idea of a relationship but I don't think I'd be happy in one.

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-09-20T04:56:19+00:00

Found this on Instagram from BoxlessDesigns. Thought it might be a nice reminder for our community on common red flags we need to be wary of!

kortiz46 · 2021-09-20T13:19:29+00:00

His behavior in front of everyone else versus behind closed doors. I had an abusive ex that acted like the kindest, sweetest boyfriend if someone was watching. The caring person I saw just absolutely vanished when nobody was there to monitor him. Then he would cuss at me, ignore me, threaten me.

Determinedblonde · 2021-09-20T06:58:14+00:00

I like pictures like this. These are great and we should have them posted a lot!

cakewalkofshame · 2021-09-20T19:48:47+00:00

Jealousy/possessiveness needs a mention. Double standards. He can have female friends but you can't have male ones. He wants you to pursue women for a 3way but expects to have complete control over every little interaction between you, flips out if you do anything without his express consent.

LR_today · 2021-09-20T05:08:02+00:00

Anything praising Trump (or equivalent in your country)

everythingandlove · 2021-09-20T16:33:06+00:00

I would add: ANY porn use.

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Title	A nice summary of some of the common red flags we hear about on FDS
Author	BusinessTwistofLime
Upvotes	1559
Comments	49
Date	September 20, 2021 4:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/prnz4b/a_nice_summary_of_some_of_the_common_red_flags_we/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-nice-summary-of-some-of-the-common-red-flags-we.1075457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075457

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