If two men who are strangers meet and have a conversation as equals, make some small talk, and show some interest in the other person, this is just basic, polite, well socialized behavior. But if a person treats you if you're beneath him, shows disinterest, disdain, an air of "why are you talking to me" you're going to think he's an asshole. He's probably a stuck up, self-absorbed narcissist.

Imagine in a work scenario where a new person starts who is your subordinate and you introduce yourself and he acts as if you're beneath him. In that situation you're literally above him in the hierarchy of the workplace so for him to act that way just shows that he's an asshole with poor social skills.

Or imagine that you meet a celebrity who is very friendly and seems genuinely interested in you, you're going to think "wow he was such a nice guy". But if he acts rude and treats you like you're beneath him you're going to think he's an asshole. You both know he outranks you in the social hierarchy, so there's no reason for him to act that way and rub it in. It's just an asshole move. The classic "don't you know who I am" type of narcissistic behavior.

I think women see this behavior and assume that it means the guy actually has high status. If a guy acts disinterested and treats her as if she's beneath him she'll think it means he genuinely is higher value than her. And he won't come across like all of the other overeager thirsty guys.

In a male environment if a guy acts like he's hot shit but can't actually back it up with his skills and performance in the field, every man in that social/work environment is going to know he's a phony asshole. But a woman from outside the group might fall for his unearned arrogance and mistake it for confidence, assertiveness, and high status. When really it comes from a place of insecurity because he and all of the other guys know he isn't shit.

I think this is mostly what guys mean when they refer to other guys as assholes and it's something we pick up on within the first 30 seconds of meeting. Women are bad at picking up on this so they get together with these narcissists and only consider asshole behavior to be all of the other narcissistic abuse. They think he's an asshole because he cheated, because he was abusive, etc. but any guy who met him knew he was an asshole right away so the other stuff is "yeah no shit, didn't you notice he's an asshole"?