When it comes to sex, what are the responsibilities or expectations from women?

CimZim · 2021-12-20T00:09:45+00:00

Totally separate thing, but do you take medication that prevents you from orgasming? Because the idea of not reaching climax during sex 99% of the time is not normal for most people, especially men...I cannot imagine ever wanting sex if I wasn't guaranteed at least 1 orgasm.

Or do you maybe have vasoconstriction problems? That's what my lover has, hence the sometimes need for stopping the sex and doing a massage before getting back to it. Have you had any of the women do that for you?

cuckspace · 2021-12-20T05:20:08+00:00

You can’t find the clit? Have you ever seen a picture of a vagina? It’s not that hard to notice. Sounds like you not only don’t like the smell of pussy but also don’t like the sight of it. Are you sure you’re on the right path?

lostandconfusedhaha · 2021-12-20T01:46:59+00:00

You brought up a lot of fair points.

1) Catching cues. Men have erogenous zones just like women. A woman doing “dead fish” will make it very hard for a man to cum. Women have to pay attention to men’s cues, and vice versa to do what feels best for each other.

2) Foreplay. Is for both men and women? The build up makes it feel so much better for the guy. Women need it for the vaginal walls to relax and to get wet. This is for pain-prevention. But the actual pleasure of foreplay that is felt during foreplay and leads to better sex — both gender benefit from that. It’s not just for her, and it’s not just the guy’s responsibility.

3) Lasting. This is why foreplay is important. For some women, you have to bring them to the brink before penetration. But, this is something you should want to do, and shouldn’t feel like a burden. What’s a greater turn on than knowing you made your partner cum? Keep in mind too that some women feel pressure to cum quicker (which doesn’t help them to actually cum), because they know that when the guy finishes, it’s game over. Not everyone blames the guy, some blame themselves. Really, you both should see this situation as a learning experience for the both of you that you can have together.

4) Not lasting too long. For the guy, if she comes before him... this really isn’t and issue. If she still realllly wants you to cum inside her, then that’s just going to be something she has to accept. But, the enjoyment she shld feel when you cum shld be satisfactory even if it’s not inside her. You can still finish outside her, or bring yourself to the brink and penetrate her as you cum. She comes, you come, it’s all a win. If you tell her beforehand that it’s a chronic thing with you, and absolutely not about her, then she shld understand.

5) Making her cum. You’re both there to make each other come. It takes more time for her, but it’s a good time, so it shouldn’t feel like a “responsibility”. She has to be in the right headspace, too. And she has to be familiar with her own body. There’s a contribution to be made from both sides.

6) Having skill. Blowjobs, hand jobs, getting to know his erogenous zones, riding him good (for as long as the riding lasts), foreplay, picking up his cues... these are all about skill. She’s bringing her game too.

7) Silent/mannequin behavior? Nobody shld be like that during sex. Women get turned on by men expressing their pleasure too. If anybody is acting like a dead fish, they’re the ones who are bad at sex.

8) Asking for indications during fingering: communication is good! You’re just showing your desire to make her feel better. If she gets turned off by your lack of skill in that department, fine a girl that gets turned on by your desire to learn, and which she shld know will only lead to more pleasure for her down the road. If she complains about communication that’s her problem.

9) Finding the clit: can be hard for some guys. It’s only so natural to us as women that we know exactly where the clitoris is, but you just have to be patient with a guy you just started having sex with, especially since every vulva is different! Some are hooded. Just try not to moan when he doesn’t hit the spot, otherwise he’ll think he’s doing fine. It’s not much to ask for as far as a guide to find a little nub that can look different on different girls, and is surrounded by similarity colored tissue. Again, it shows a desire to make her feel better.

10) If you don’t like the smell, that’s reasonable. I’m sorry ladies but there just isn’t as much ventilation for women as there is for guys. There is no shame in showering shortly (a couple hours or less) before expected oral. If guys had the same thing, we wld be expecting the same thing out of them. It’s only fair. But be modest about it. She can’t smell if like you can, the most she can do is put her hand down there and smell the hand. Gently suggest you both go shower before sex, and tell her how much you want to go down on her.

With all that said, it’s pretty obvious OP that you’re not the greatest at sex. Just take the advice! You’ll get there. Remember, whatever partner your with had to learn, too (maybe some of them still have some learning to do).

quiturbitchn · 2021-12-19T23:54:48+00:00

The vagina has a smell just fyi and you shouldn’t ever clean the inside of the vagina, only the labia with gentle soap and warm water.

Lasting 4 hours sounds like a literal hellscape and I’d be in tears too.

The clit isn’t hard to find hate to break it to you, it’s literally a sphere and incredibly hard to miss.

My expectation is that you not be so friggin out of touch with female anatomy. If you want to use it for pleasure you need to know where shit is and not be pawing around like an animal. Oh and my orgasm is a must otherwise I just end sex

NotTheBestMoment · 2021-12-19T23:38:53+00:00

Cold hard truth is that the work involved in sex is mostly on the guy. We tend to be stronger and have more stamina to thrust, that’s just how it is. Most women cannot/will not get up on your dick and ride it for even 5 minutes. That’s a thigh burning exercise for most of them. As far as foreplay, results may vary imo

Sure-Vermicelli4369 · 2021-12-20T00:21:48+00:00

If you're thinking about responsibilities during sex, you're overthinking it. Just go with the flow.

BoofThisCheesecake · 2021-12-20T00:17:51+00:00

Yikes. How to tell the world you’re bad at sex…

I’m hoping this is due to age and lack of experience , but these experiences sound lacking of mutual respect and attraction and feeling comfortable around each other. Sex is not about responsibility. It’s about wanting to please your partner and enjoy each others bodies. It doesn’t sound like you enjoy a woman’s body

CimZim · 2021-12-19T23:46:04+00:00

My responsibility/self-made expectations are:

I will make my guy orgasm.
I will orgasm, probably 2-4 times.
I'll most likely be on top, or on top for more than half the time.
I'll probably be the one to initiate.
I'll make sure to keep communicating with how he's feeling, if he wants to switch things up, if there's a certain lube or toy he wants me to grab, etc.
If he's having trouble relaxing enough to cum, I'll do a pelvic massage and blowjob, which always works.

evanstown21 · 2021-12-20T00:21:43+00:00

All the same responsibilities that you listed but also I would cry too. That sounds like a horrible experience over all. The fact that you don’t know how to touch a girl or don’t want to go down in a girl (what straight guy or lesbian doesn’t love going down on a gal!?) makes me think that you might just be not that good at sex or just not a good fit for that girl

Left-Antelope-6823 · 2021-12-19T23:42:06+00:00

I understand that if you are not giving her a oral, then you are not requiring her to give you a blowjob?

Educational-Cut4177 · 2021-12-19T23:54:08+00:00

You don’t like oral? Boy you better start liking it Sex is not about responsibilities. If you see teasing, foreplay and oral sex as responsibilities then it sounds like you don’t enjoy sex too much.

Atlas-B-Shruggin · 2021-12-20T02:18:11+00:00

Jesus christ you sound atrocious

dysonRing · 2021-12-20T00:02:34+00:00

Have you tried just dating women that orgasm vaginally as opposed to those that do clitoral?

Basic hygiene aside, the only oral I won't do are on are the women that legitimately don't like it.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-12-19T23:48:16+00:00

Being ready whenever I want it

Technique and enthusiasm, especially when it's her turn to do something (Riding, blowjobs, etc.,)

Communication

Making the sandwiches afterwards

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januaryphilosopher · 2021-12-20T00:09:51+00:00

Many things are up to the individual couple, but universally women should catch cues and communicate with their partners, perform foreplay, and have some kind of effort and participation in all activities.

06534956 · 2021-12-20T00:48:29+00:00

I don’t participate in hookup culture or anything close to that.

It’s my responsibility as the woman to train my guy so he knows what I like. If I’m really turned on, I’ll throw him signals, and 98% of the time he gets it. All I need to do is give him “the look” and he will be all over me.

If he’s the one initiating, my job is to put the brakes on and make sure he’s doing his job right.

Sex is about me, it’s for me, and my enjoyment first.

shygirl449 · 2021-12-20T01:37:33+00:00

I would feel disappointed too if my man couldn't finish. Half of my satisfaction comes from his pleasure. Never really have that problem though.

For me there has to be some form of clit stimulation to make me finish. Some days I want him to give me oral, or I'll touch myself during penetration. I really enjoy a vibrator with penetration, it's easy for both of us. I'll decide in the moment what would get me off best, if it's oral, i make sure he feels energetic enough that day.

I'm usually happy to give oral any time. sometimes I initiate oral and keep going until he says he wants to fuck me, or if I'm super horny I will just get on top after a bit of oral, or if I'm in the zone I will keep going until he finishes in my mouth. So rule of thumb is whoever is most horny for a position/action will get it, and we modify if one of us is tired.

If I don't finish before him I'll have him stay inside me and kiss my ears until I do. If I just don't think I'll finish /too worn out or whatever, it's all good, we giggle and wash up and hang out.

Willow-girl · 2021-12-20T11:33:30+00:00

I once had a girl literally cry because I didn't come after 4 hours. Then it was followed by 30 minutes of me reassuring her telling her how that was normal to me since I've never come whena having sex (more like 99% of the time).

Sounds like a case of "death grip"!

Good news: the problem will fix itself if you refrain from masturbating for awhile.

TrueStorms · 2021-12-20T13:51:40+00:00

This seems like a personal problem

midwestufohunter · 2021-12-20T21:05:27+00:00

"As a guy it feels like 90% of the whole process is on me in the sense that I have to catch her cues, foreplay, place, lasting more than 5 minutes, not lasting too long, making her cum, and having skill."

Because you think of dating as "i have to do everything right or else I won't get sex"

and not

"I'm going to be myself so we can both determine if we are a good match based on the other person's real personality not a mask they put on to try to extract sex from as many women as possible."

JoanGreenCat · 2021-12-20T00:37:20+00:00

Are you addicted to porn ?

Title	When it comes to sex, what are the responsibilities or expectations from women?
Author	Sleight_Hotne
Upvotes	1
Comments	144
Date	December 19, 2021 11:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/rk8wte/when_it_comes_to_sex_what_are_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-it-comes-to-sex-what-are-the-responsibilities.1091608 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091608

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