Unconditional love doesn't exist

-ShesACarnival- · 2022-03-27T13:48:38+00:00

and its a good thing, unconditional love would in fact be close to evil to me. i want to be loved FOR things, for my virtures, my appearance, my personality, my mind, my heart, my special place ive managed to carve out in a mans heart. to be loved unconditially is to be loved for nothing, to not be an individual. the call for "unconditional love" usually really means "love me despite my utter worthlessness and ineffectual losery depression, whining , my neurosis and fecklessness. do not love me for my barely extant virtues, love me DESPITE my bundle of unredeemed flaws"

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-03-27T12:36:01+00:00

Unconditional love doesn't exist for anything or anyone except babies, puppies, kittens, etc, I'm on board with that

But you're dead wrong in trying to summarize "love" as some sort of short term chemical response created to raise offspring.

Love between two adults may be conditional, but the conditions are very obtainable, and that love is able to last for decades, until both parties die...

Barneysparky · 2022-03-27T12:39:49+00:00

Why would anyone want unconditional love? If you act like a jerk don't expect people to want to be around you.

Barely-moral · 2022-03-27T12:12:38+00:00

Oh and trauma bonds aren't love either. Many couples that "love" each other are just cases of borderline personality disorder and narcissism. Or mommy issues/daddy issues paired with fear of abandonment.

Potato potato... That is just semantics. You are altering the definitions to suit your argument. If unconditional love can exist by creating it out of disorders or extreme circumstances then it exists.

Also, fuck that. We humans create what doesn't exist. Even if unconditional love doesn't exist that is not a reason not to look for it or put effort into finding it/creating it.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-03-27T11:36:20+00:00

Love doesn't need to be unconditional to be true. Even the truest love you can think of would swiftly end if one party tried to kill the other, for example. So that's a condition on their love and that's fine and good and makes sense. Most if us here have loved someone, even if not a partner, for a few months, and a few months is only how long the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship lasts before it potentially settles into deeper and more enduring love. We're animals designed to love family members including partners, creating strong bonds to stick together and mutually raise and provide for children and grandchildren. I don't think you really know what love is, which is why you're painting it as something unattainable, even though there would be no point in giving this label to something that didn't exist.

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-03-27T12:56:11+00:00

Conditional love is pretty wonderful, though.

NockerJoe · 2022-03-27T16:37:14+00:00

Theres a difference between conditions like "Treat me with respect, act like something resembling an adult, and don't be a psycho" and conditions like "you must make an at least upper middle class income, must always be in perfect shape, but must also always find time for me even if that other shit is a 60+ hour time commitment per week".

I mean yeah, if I turned into a crackhead and stole from all my family members that'd probably strain our relationship(but even that hasn't stopped many from what I've seen), but if I go on unemployment for a bit or stop going to the gym for a while or my career stalls out I expect support and not demands or ultimatums because thats kind of what love is, and if you're dating with the intent of a long term relationship leading to marriage you're essentially dating to expand that family. If someones love is contingent on you never needing their support then it flat out isn't love.

SirTruffleberry · 2022-03-27T22:27:36+00:00

Even your dog won't love you if you don't feed it. I guess it will still be excited to see you, but the loyalty won't be there.

But this observation isn't so remarkable. You might as well say "effects have causes". I guess some need it pointed out though.

AquaChip · 2022-03-27T12:46:56+00:00

Unconditional love shouldn’t exist. Your love should always have conditions.

-ShesACarnival- · 2022-03-27T15:08:01+00:00

[Selfless love] would have to mean that you derive no personal pleasure or happiness from the company and the existence of the person you love, and that you are motivated only by self-sacrificial pity for that person’s need of you. I don’t have to point out to you that no one would be flattered by, nor would accept, a concept of that kind. Love is not self-sacrifice, but the most profound assertion of your own needs and values. It is for your own happiness that you need the person you love, and that is the greatest compliment, the greatest tribute you can pay to that person.

ayn rand

watdisonmyarm · 2022-03-27T11:54:47+00:00

I’d say “love” that is described in books and songs isnt real either.

Vtridolla · 2022-03-27T11:07:26+00:00

Eh this is your assumption. As you’ve stated, though humans are capable of some very remarkable things. UnConditional love I would assume to be one of them. Keep your head up loved one.

Choice-Instance-8409 · 2022-03-27T11:17:32+00:00

So your telling me when a man sold his house and property, lost his job because he can't concentrate in work worrying about his wife with cancer not an uncoditional love?

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-03-27T11:11:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DyingMisfit · 2022-03-27T14:41:06+00:00

The closest you have ever been to true love was probably through your parents.

Absolutely not, that's bullshit, love doesn't exist, never did and never will. Cause if it did, humans wouldn't.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-27T11:52:11+00:00

I mean it exists for some, that doesn't mean that it's enough to keep a relationship going ( even a familial relationship ) but doesn't mean you don't love the person anymore, I do agree that the terminology gets overused but it's not a totally fake concept like "toxic masculinity" or anything like that

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-27T13:06:43+00:00

This is a hard no for me. Unconditional love may be uncommon but definitely does exist. I think most love between couples is conditional, and those conditions tend to be attainable, however that doesn’t mean that unconditional love doesn’t exist at all.

faeimpy · 2022-03-27T13:49:49+00:00

You’re realistic and I appreciate that

xsurferdude123x · 2022-03-27T15:48:10+00:00

Behind everything pessimist is a disappointed and deeply let down optimist.

AutoModerator · 2022-03-27T11:03:27+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Odd-Dark · 2022-03-27T11:52:14+00:00

I am not saying unconditional love exists, but all you've really done with this post is tell us under which circumstances you can love and do love.

2022-03-27T15:14:29+00:00

Nobody has ever questioned this.

And I'm a chick lol

raju1462 · 2022-03-27T15:15:18+00:00

I wouldn't say unconditional love does exist but with time when two people spend years together, there is a decent chance of near unconditional love.

There are people who are willing to sacrifice a lot for their loved ones and will forgive a lot of horrible things their loved ones have done. Not everything. There are limits but people can go to extreme lengths for their loved ones.

Even when they go NC from them and never see them, there is some love somewhere. They still aren't indifferent.

To reduce all that to "Love lasts a few months, we're animals and love is a chemical used to make sure that the offspring survives." is just an edgy take at best.

Vuahan_0208 · 2022-03-27T15:48:48+00:00

How do you define unconditional love? Because it sounds abstract to me. How do you think unconditional love should be? Should someone be dead for the sake of their loved one? Of course you should show some respect, treat your partner as a special one because she/he is a totally stranger. How do you expect “unconditional love”? Right? Days gone by, you guys went through thick and thin and that’s how does love represent 🤷‍♀️

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-03-27T17:04:16+00:00

Yes, but not for these reasons. I'll argue love from a woman doesn't even exist at all under RP concepts. It's because AWALT, which means there are no unicorn men that'll make her unconditionally love him, because there are no unicorn women that'll feel that way. AWALT. Trying to be her unicorn man will get you burned. That is why Briffaults Law is a thing. Women leave "HVM" all the time and will do so if he cuts off his utility or stops performing as he is expected to.

RP men here are all scrambling to be 'alpha' aka the unicorn man that makes a distinction without difference and doesn't exist in any tangible reality. That is literally why it is advised to just spin plates. RP seems to be a redundant waste of time under this argument regarding "love".

Initial_Chemical7121 · 2022-03-27T18:41:16+00:00

Love is conditional for adults. We do not possess the innocence that babies and animals do for unconditional love. However, it’s a really big claim to say love disappears after a few months. A lot of people stay together for a long time, and love each other. It’s not just our monkey brains

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2022-03-27T19:30:36+00:00

Love can only happen naturally and organically, and 95%+ of people aren’t capable of true love, not in the world we live in. Even though love technically is real, that super idealized love… the vast vast majority of people will never ever have it or experience it. People might think they feel love when it’s really just infatuation or adoration or co dependency or countless other things. I suggest anyone who feels like they aren’t capable of true love and ever want it in this life time to read “The Power of Now”, it’s a great book about life, death, the human condition and how the majority of adults live all their lives in an airplane mood state, not in their true essence. People are very attached to all the physical things on the planet and fall in lust not in love. They immediately allow countless negative emotions to influence them, envy of other men having sex, or for women jealousy of other women having a specific girl. Countless emotions people have, even many they consider harmless or insignificant or even great for love like possessing the other person prevents love from ever becoming real. There probably isn’t any point in humans finding true love in their last times, beyond selfish reasons & the ego, and again all of that is anti true love. But if someone wants to seek it just like seeking enlightenment they should be mindful every day.

PurpleKittensRock · 2022-03-27T19:40:41+00:00

I also believe that absolute, unconditional love doesn’t exist.

But I wouldn’t equate attraction/lust with love. The former is chemical, but the latter is built through emotional bonding and through life events experienced together. Also love is something that is created, it’s not something that just “happens” to you - it’s constant work to maintain (although if you truly love your partner, it does not feel like work)

Edit:spelling

Randomguy34455 · 2022-03-27T20:35:55+00:00

If someone is able to make things last they can last through time. But the infatuation of the first days goes away obviously... It can return sometimes.

ogsimpology · 2022-03-27T20:41:39+00:00

Only a psychopath or a brainwashed individual can love unconditionally.

Give any extreme condition and you'll instantly disprove the point.

"What if she kills your entire family?"

But the extent of some love lives might aswell be called unconditional. That's the point...

2022-03-28T02:51:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HazyMemory7 · 2022-03-28T06:43:42+00:00

It exists, but only from your family realistically.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-03-28T15:28:06+00:00

I don't think love should be unconditional. If you think about it the concept of unconditional love is pretty fucked up.

EasternToe3824 · 2022-03-28T16:01:33+00:00

I think it is more about what kind of conditions we are talking about. If the conditions lie outside of my control, then the „love“ is worthless.

Own-Boat-5374 · 2022-03-28T16:51:13+00:00

It exists for women and children

Transmigratory · 2022-03-28T19:12:30+00:00

Depends how you'd like to view it, tbh. But generally, yes. Love as most people conceptualize it is not real. Most women, especially pretty women, like to think that they will find a HVM that is interested in them for something beyond their looks... but that isn't true.

Likewise, a man would like a pretty woman not interested in him for his status/money, or even his looks nowadays... but that isn't true. Its a trade-off.

If you're not comfortable living in a world where you know different views like this exist and may very well be real. Then, perhaps you ought to grow up.

On the contrary, perhaps there ARE people who can love unconditionally, but most of us gravitate towards damage people because it is easier to try to heal damaged people, or we find something familiar about them while they seem appealing due to the natural trade-off I outlined.

Thus we trick ourselves in believing unconditional love is an illusion. If you continually use a shitty sample, and keep getting shitty results while unknowingly filtering out quality samples, you'll never obtain quality results.

Selfish people can't be expected to know what compassion is, and that is a presupposition is unconditional love.

Hereforthememes5 · 2022-03-28T19:23:16+00:00

Who hurt you?

Admirable_Bee_8714 · 2022-03-28T21:41:41+00:00

You want unconditional love get a dog. Between men and women it is entirely transactional love.

42nanaimobars · 2022-03-29T05:15:02+00:00

Unconditional love does exist.

therewasguy · 2022-03-29T15:01:11+00:00

it does exist it's just rare

Title	Unconditional love doesn't exist
Author	pferdchenpojuzt
Upvotes	53
Comments	68
Date	March 27, 2022 11:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tpho0v/unconditional_love_doesnt_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unconditional-love-doesnt-exist.1110023 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110023

Comments