Opposite Sex Friendships

MicrospathodonChrys · 2022-05-30T13:10:19+00:00

My boundaries are a bit different than what i usually see on here. They were learned via trial and error…mostly me violating them in a previous LTR and then realizing after the fact that I’d crossed a line, tbh.

1.) Don’t intentionally exclude your partner from hanging out with you + your opposite sex friend. If your partner is available, you should give them the option to come with you. E.g. don’t make them sit at home while you’re on your friend date.

2.) Don’t complain about your relationship to opposite sex friends. At this point I believe that if you feel a semi-frequent need to complain about your relationship at all, that’s probably a red flag. But if you must vent, save it for same-sex friends. Even opposite-sex friends that feel totally platonic to you could potentially see this as an open door. (I guess an alternative that may also work for bi folks would be to save any relationship-problem venting for friends who are securely partnered.)

EulenWatcher · 2022-05-30T08:05:16+00:00

I don't think there's one recipe for all, some people are okay with opposite sex friends, some aren't and there are different boundaries people are comfortable with.

My husband and I don't mind friends of opposite gender, but we do have different boundaries with them compared to same sex. It's mostly about physical contact and sleep overs/trips. It's better to avoid situations that could be misinterpreted or make your partner feel uncomfortable. Although I feel like having different standards for male and female friends doesn't make much of a practical sense considering I'm bi, but I value my husband's comfort so I don't mind it. Plus, we have an agreement that we can ask each other to stop seeing a new friend of opposite gender if it makes us uncomfortable. Neither abuses this right though.

NockerJoe · 2022-05-30T07:45:26+00:00

Any problem a man can possibly have in a relationship gets swept aside as insecurity and jealousy. Those words have become essentially meaningless.

Ylduts · 2022-05-30T14:24:39+00:00

I have unrequited love for my male best friend. We are close and have a little bit of history. When he starts seeing someone, I back way off, mostly out of respect for his chick. If I started seeing someone, I’d have to be honest about this person, and either cut it off or put crazy boundaries in place. It’s not appropriate. Not saying that’s common or the norm. But I’m my situation, I can honestly say that our “platonic” relationship is and should be threatening to other romantic partners.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-05-30T16:12:42+00:00

I think opposite sex friends should just be friends of the couple. If you only see them in groups then it will never be a problem.

Vtridolla · 2022-05-30T07:44:29+00:00

No i call it the same thing. I’m a cis man and anytime I meet a woman and she is tripping about women I’ve been friends with since I was a child it’s usually a red flag. They are usually very insecure people in themselves. So, I don’t think it’s out of pocket to think of people as such.

I don’t really do too well with unconfident people so I’ll friendzone women or just move on with my life if they feel some type of way. Cause again insecurities don’t work with me.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-05-30T09:14:42+00:00

No. You shouldn't date people you don't trust. If they want to cheat, they'll find someone to do it with, so there's no point controlling their friendships to try to stop them from doing something you see as inevitable. I'm dating a straight man and the thought of treating his different friendships differently just seems weird to me.

BecretAlbatross · 2022-05-30T11:47:27+00:00

If you respect your partner, you will do your best to avoid bad optics and ask them to try to do the same.

AnnoKano · 2022-05-30T12:32:32+00:00

"When it comes to opposite sex relationships Insecurity and jealousy are words that are commonly tossed about when the man has an issue, but it’s generally called an inappropriate relationship when the genders are reversed."

No it isn't.

toasterchild · 2022-05-30T14:56:05+00:00

I don't see it as a gender issue but a boundary issue. The best boundaries to follow are those of your partner, if you can't then you have a fundamental relationship issue.

Carloverguy20 · 2022-05-30T20:31:54+00:00

I don't get this at all, why does gender matter in a friendship, you could be friends with anyone, man and woman. Not every male gets along with other males, and not every female gets along with other females, especially if their hobbies, workplace skew more towards the opposite gender and whatnot.

This is how people become close minded, why should I have to exclude 50% of the population from my social circle, because my partner is so insecure about herself. I don't care that much if she has male friends, and I expect her to do the same.

Anykindofland · 2022-05-30T21:27:16+00:00

If a potential gf wants me to change how I interact or even cut ties with my female friends because jealousy thats a red flag. A relationship should be based on trust and if she can't trust me that a platonic female friend is nothing more than a platonic female friend, thats a pretty shaky foundation. It reeks of “Accuse the other side what you are guilty off.”

The_Entertainer217 · 2022-06-03T13:23:36+00:00

People on here seem weird about opposite sex friends which is so weird to me tbh, because most of my friends are women, I have like 3 actual good male friends and they’re from childhood and none of them live near me. I just get along better with women than with men in general. Most men seem to just want to talk about sports or video games or things I don’t care about. I suppose it would be different if I could find more men who were interested in relating on a deep emotional and spiritual level, but that seems few and far between.

Novadina · 2022-05-30T09:05:11+00:00

I’ve never liked men that were overly concerned about the gender of my friends or would get jealous easily, and I don’t care or get jealous if my partner has same sex friends either. Because many of my friends are men it would never work for me to have a partner stressing out thinking I was going to cheat all the time just because I have friends. I have never discussed with my partner any special boundaries with friends and it’s never been an issue in 15 years, he’s an adult and can do what he wants and same with me. Anything sexual would be cheating, regardless of gender. I don’t believe having rules makes someone not cheat - that’s totally on them, they can make their own rules for their friendships if they want or need to but I’m not going to micromanage that.

ruboyuri · 2022-05-30T17:05:32+00:00

You can use the brain that Cthulhu gave you to make choices based on sensory information

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-05-30T08:09:19+00:00

If I ever feel jealous, I recognise it as illogical and bury it. Never mention it to anyone. I trust my partner completely and he trusts me. No amount of same sex friendships changes that.

SkookumTree · 2022-05-30T11:44:11+00:00

There is no such thing as friendship between men and women.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2022-05-30T08:10:59+00:00

My partner trusts me with my male best friend. I hang out with him, sleep over at his place too (on the couch). Only once or twice a year though since we live in different countries. My partner is soon going on a trip to a different city with his female friend to go on a concert. I fully thought they would just stay together in one hotel room, but they actually booked two separate rooms which in my eyes is a waste of money! So we are just fine with it.

wtknight · 2022-05-30T14:33:23+00:00

Men and women can’t be friends.

throw-away-518 · 2022-05-30T16:53:31+00:00

Men and women cannot be friends, plain and simple. I know it’s a hard truth that many people don’t want to hear.

Ylduts · 2022-05-30T07:51:17+00:00

Let's put it this way. If your relationship is in such shambles that your partner hanging out with friends of the opposite sex is an issue, your relationship is already over at that point. You just don't know it yet.

Yummylicky23 · 2022-05-30T13:03:56+00:00

How does this work of you’re bi? No friends ever?

flamingoinghome · 2022-05-30T14:29:01+00:00

In my personal relationship, perhaps we are both naive, but my partner and I tend to be of the opinion that if either of us secretly wanted to bang our friends, we would bang our friends without all the cloak and dagger.

Heck, both of us have friends who are either exes or former FWBs. That part of those friendships had ended before my partner and I had ever even met each other, so it's really not a big deal.

Personally, I think if you feel the need to creep around and fret over your SO's friendships, it says something about you, your SO, or your relationship more than anything.

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Strict-Position2151 · 2022-05-30T10:16:25+00:00

It’s very difficult to have opposite sex friends without your partner is suspicious, unless you or the other person is gay. I think it’s best to not have a large group of friends anyways. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-30T11:10:25+00:00

My wife is jealous of female friends, so we have clear boundaries. I can't be alone with them or stay the night or anything. So, I would expect the same for her male friends.

MaliciousMack · 2022-05-30T12:18:52+00:00

For me personally, have your own friends regardless of gender; it’s important to have friendships outside of romantic relationships (after all if you want to vent about your wife/husband’s behavior you don’t want to complain to their family.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-05-30T14:09:14+00:00

Well I don't have friendships with women that I'm attracted to or find attractive , and I advise all men to go down that route if having a female friend is that important to you, so even if I was monogamous my wife wouldn't have anything to worry about as far as that goes.

But yeah different people have different boundaries, it's important to talk these things out once you get serious with each other

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-30T15:12:51+00:00

If anyone makes either one of us uncomfortable we tend to just phase them out. As it is, my wife has gotten so close to my ex that I’ve ended up in some awkward conversations with them.

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-05-30T19:03:27+00:00

Men know men, platonic relationships with a straight dude are very, very few and far between. To be clear, I'm talking about going to a club, dinner, hanging out without your significant other etc. I have female friends at work etc. We text about work, hobbies (hiking) etc.

jackedsoon · 2022-05-30T20:10:39+00:00

they can, but the woman has to be gay in my case. all my good female friendships involve a lesbian.

ProseccoIsLife · 2022-05-31T08:48:44+00:00

A bit different perspective her, as I am a bisexual woman. For me the boundaries for opposite sex friendships are the same as for the same sex and, considering what I see around, they are pretty loose. It's normal for me to sleep in the same bed with friends, cuddle with them, sit on the lap, kiss their forehead. My closest friends are like a family to me, they are my "chosen" siblings. The same goes for my male partner - I am be more than happy that he can get platonic intimacy from people around him, no matter their gender. I trust him and believes he values me as a partner so much, that he will not strive into sexual territory. I know, that this type of behavior is not for everyone and I consider its acceptance one of deal breakers in a relationship.

Willow-girl · 2022-05-31T10:43:45+00:00

WRT opposite-sex friendships: unless the people are thrown together by circumstance (for instance, they work together) someone in the equation wants to fuck.

2022-05-31T22:59:33+00:00

I trust my partner. If they cheat. I leave. I don't have time for to set up rules. Friendship is friendship. If you fuck them. I'm down. I don't have time for insecurities.

MOProG2 · 2022-06-01T13:13:12+00:00

Do whatever you are comfortable with. Generally they are a bad idea unless it's a business relationship and nothing deeper is created. Humans are made to procreate. Pheromones can make things confusing. But jealousy always creeps in. If you want to avoid the drama just say no to opposite sex friendships.

Title	Opposite Sex Friendships
Author	Ylduts
Upvotes	25
Comments	169
Date	May 30, 2022 7:38 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/v0uwp4/opposite_sex_friendships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/opposite-sex-friendships.1118039 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118039

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