According to a survey in Sweden, men want to pay for dates more than women want them to pay and are more negative to splitting the bill than women are.

Paranoidexboyfriend · 2022-10-22T16:46:22+00:00

Man paying on the date is the norm. While equality is nice, usually when a man goes to pay on a first date and a woman insists on paying half, that’s her way of saying “I just want to be clear that we ARE NOT having sex or even kissing, so don’t try it” those women want to pay so you won’t complain after that she was using you for a free meal.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-10-22T18:43:11+00:00

68% of men and women in the US believe the first date or dates should be split 50/50 or pay for yourself/separate checks.

In my experience people who get super super aggressive about paying the entire check on the first couple dates tend to act like you "owe" them something if you relent and let them pay.

_revelationary · 2022-10-22T15:53:38+00:00

Sweden is more progressive than the U.S. in many ways. I think the U.S. will see this as the norm soon (IMO it’s getting close to this already). Cultural scripts and expectations just don’t change overnight. I have never had an expectation that a man pay for anything for me.

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-10-22T16:04:51+00:00

Women didn't start expecting it for no reason they expect it because previous men have done it willingly.

MarBitt · 2022-10-22T16:14:35+00:00

So according to the statistic you quoted, 20x more women expect a man (or other person) to pay than men expect a woman (or other person) to pay.

Otherwise, note that the statistic does not say that men want or desire to pay. But that they think they should pay. That is, that it is expected of them.

And it's much less rude to go on a date and expect that I'll have to pay for it. Rather than going on a date and counting on the fact that the other person will have to pay for it.

mistressusa · 2022-10-22T16:58:33+00:00

I wouldn't have believed this a couple weeks ago, but now I think there's more truth to it than I thought. Last week my daughter (22yo) called me for advice. She was telling her bf of 8 months that she did not think it was right that the woman her guy friend was dating expected the guy to pay for everything. Long story short, daughter's bf told her that daughter being so "low maintenance" freaks him out and she needs to let him do/pay more for her.

Taipanshimshon · 2022-10-22T17:30:53+00:00

Since I don't live in Sweden this wouldn't apply. It's slightly more than half the population of NYC. Culturally and ethnically monotonous.

How would that apply anywhere else?

Aluminiah · 2022-10-22T21:44:36+00:00

To be fair this sounds like an example of internalised misandry, no?

Like the fact that men have had to pay for so long has caused it to become ingrained as a social norm, and so they feel they have to pay or they aren't meeting the societies expectations of who they need to be?

Seems like we need to educate men that it's OK to treat women as equals in the realm of paying for things (and probably in other realms too).

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-10-22T15:53:38+00:00

Sounds accurate

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-10-22T15:46:38+00:00

Cool, all the dudes that want to “go Dutch” can go to Sweden!

That__EST · 2022-10-22T16:15:24+00:00

I'm a woman who dates women and is nearly always the more dominant one and the one who pays (because I want to). When a woman seems to be adamant that she wants to split the bill, I take it as a clear sign that she does not want to have a second date and she hasn't enjoyed herself.

Weatherornaught · 2022-10-22T16:17:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Teflon08191 · 2022-10-22T16:15:30+00:00

I think relying on self-reported surveys to determine what women expect or don't expect is a really bad idea.

rootsnyder · 2022-10-22T17:49:08+00:00

Surveys =/= real life. Lets drill this into our heads. What this survey says, is when women are asked about going on dates, they say that they don't care if a man pays, this is far from the reality of what happens. Also this was done in Sweden which is a long shot from the rest of the worlds culture.

Please try again with something useful

Valuable-Marzipan761 · 2022-10-22T16:00:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Katatonicsnake · 2022-10-22T18:03:37+00:00

My experience on this is pretty mixed. Before I started dating, I didn’t have expectations for men paying. It was a surprise for me to that so many men had strong opinions on this aspect of dating, it felt uncomfortable even. For example, men refused certain date ideas because they couldn’t afford it, no matter how many times I would offer to pay for both of us. Most men were very strict about going Dutch. I usually paid for myself and it wasn’t an issue.

When I met my husband, he was absolutely adamant that he should pay for everything. I have to admit that it was cute, but also a bit confusing. He’s still mostly like that, no matter how many discussions we have about it. And to be honest, he’s more determined to pay than I am not to.

I’m from a neighboring Nordic country so I believe our statistics might be pretty much the same.

monkymonkk · 2022-10-22T17:29:14+00:00

I prefer and expect the man to pay for the date. This has never been an issue for me as the men I have dated always insisted on paying. I always offer to split, no one has accepted, but if they did I wouldn’t be interested in them afterwards.

JumboJetz · 2022-10-22T16:04:09+00:00

Men need to worry how they look responding to questions. Of course they will pick an answer that makes them seem generous.

It’s a bit like how a mom will lie on a survey about how often she feeds her kid McDonalds.

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fickerjackson · 2022-10-22T18:06:22+00:00

Id never split the bill when going for coffee. Thats like a few euros. Doesnt matter if with a girl or some friends, i dont split the bill for a few euros.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-10-22T16:34:49+00:00

On the dates I have been on men have insisted on paying. I think it was their way of trying to demonstrate value to me. One guy was extremely upset I even pulled out my card.

In my relationship? Based on the expenses we designated he is mostly responsible for food. But I do like to ball out and get a $400 dinner every now and again and treat him.

Moneydamjan · 2022-10-23T12:10:54+00:00

its because they are ugly and feel using money is the only way they can compete for women

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-23T13:50:22+00:00

The women there act like women.

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-24T00:45:42+00:00

As a woman who paid for a few dates, I learned not to do that. Men do not appreciate it. They say they want this, but when you split or pay for the whole thing, they don't say thank you, they look disgruntled, and behave kind of bitchy.

I learned very quickly they don't want this equality, I assume because they think it means I didn't enjoy the date. I've had to learn other ways to spot a guy back, like cooking dinner or getting him other thoughtful treats. They don't enjoy being treated out typically.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-10-23T05:22:07+00:00

This is an area where surveys of conscious opinions only go so far. Base your behavior on what women do and not what they say. I bet the men in Sweden are acting on that intuition.

domdomdom333 · 2022-10-23T12:51:25+00:00

As a man who's been on dates, we've always split. I have been raised to expect to have to pay but women always insist, very adamant that they let them pay their share or won't go on another date with me.

The unanimous response is that they don't want to feel in debt to anyone, especially if the guys starts asking, sometimes even demanding "favours" merely because she's in "debt" to him.

Glittering-Roll-9432 · 2022-12-20T11:23:31+00:00

I've had multiple women pay for a first date.. damn didn't know it was that rare.

Title	According to a survey in Sweden, men want to pay for dates more than women want them to pay and are more negative to splitting the bill than women are.
Author	sparklyyblueberryy
Upvotes	32
Comments	142
Date	October 22, 2022 3:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yar1tn/according_to_a_survey_in_sweden_men_want_to_pay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/according-to-a-survey-in-sweden-men-want-to-pay.1136897 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136897

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