Different Sexual Expectations For F-Buddies/FWB and Actual Relationships

CimZim · 2022-11-27T02:05:07+00:00

Basically, when a woman is horny and in the mood, she may just call up the guy for sex and they do the deed. The relationship is purely sexual and no feelings are involved and the woman is just trying to get off because she is horny. There is no extra fluff needed here for the sex to happen.

Uh, this does describe fuck buddies, sure. But it's not a FWB. Those letters are an acronym...Friends With Benefits. You kinda forgot all about the friendship part where you hang out, eat together, go to movies, watch each other's pets, pick one another up from the airport or train station, provide comfort and a listening ear during rough times, maybe play some games or take short vacations.

With FWB there is no "just fuck and leave". You do have an emotional connection, albeit not the same as a bf/gf one. But it's definitely not remotely the same as fuck buddies and booty calls. Think of it as a balanced in-between of Boyfriend and Fuck Buddy.

northernlights190 · 2022-11-27T01:28:32+00:00

The familiarity and routine that comes from living with someone over a long period of time changes the sexual dynamic considerably from someone you call up occasionally when you’re in the mood. So many couples have to develop new approaches to ensure you’re maintaining the sexual spark.

This also isn’t unique to women. While male and female sexual responses have differing tendencies, with men’s tending to be more spontaneous and women’s more responsive, you often see quite the change over the course of a relationship from how men relate sexually to a long-term partner versus a short-term one, with there being often less sexual spark overall.

It’s difference between fucking like bunnies during the honeymoon period of a relationship, to getting to the point where you’re reading in bed while the other one plucks their nose hair and falls asleep. For a lot of couples it takes a little bit more work at that stage to maintain desire.

MistyMaisel · 2022-11-27T02:33:41+00:00

Hello, I am the slow cooker. I've never had a fuck buddy or a friends with benefit. I would never want one. The idea makes my skin crawl.

These aren't two different requirements, these are two different women or the same woman at very different stages or needs in life.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-27T09:49:54+00:00

A woman who is honest said this once

A giy wbo is okay looking has to be a bf dor sex and why should he expect otherwise

A good looking guy with a good body is good for just sex

I also knew a guy whe would lie about not having a good job to get casual sex

Providers don't get the best sex or the easiest time, they get "intimacy" and all the costs associated

A woman's love is the most overvalued thing in the world

NockerJoe · 2022-11-27T01:12:08+00:00

I get the sense you're describing two different women. If a woman needs a shit ton of work she probably isn't into casual relationships. Which is probably why a lot of men are struggling to get a relationship in that they want a prudish Good Girl who'll fuck them like a slut.

baresquad · 2022-11-27T01:58:03+00:00

Nobody needs to flirt with their wife throughout the day and bring home flowers just to fuck. That’s a sign of two people who are sexually incompatible and don’t belong together.

The best rationale for why the fuck buddy has what might be perceived as an easier time is because in a relationship there are factors at play that don’t exist in causal situations that affect the general well-being of the relationship.

Her fuck buddy isn’t responsible for her happiness and well-being the same way that her boyfriend or husband is. And when her boyfriend or husband fucks that up, it hurts way worse than it would than had it been her fwb. Those are the type of things at play when it comes to this stuff and that responsibility is what you commit to when you choose to become her boyfriend or husband.

GhostofCamus · 2022-11-27T01:32:28+00:00

I'm the fwb in some cases, and you wanna know what I do when she complains about her boyfriend? I stick up for him, and try to explain why he might feel a certain way without dismissing her concerns. I'm a goddamned boyfriend advocate that will never be appreciated by the men I'm trying to get laid.

Ok_Bus1797 · 2022-11-27T02:42:29+00:00

Many guys don’t get it when it comes to casual sex. They automatically perceive themselves to be higher-value than me when I agree to casual sex with them. Fuck buddies are fuck buddies to me. I don’t care for the dick owner more than a normal human being. I just want a live dick and almost anyone can be accepted into this short term job, no more like a couple fucks. In fact, I prefer “fucking down” so I don’t end up developing feelings for said guy.

FWB is different for me though. These guys are really beyond my league. They are those I want to date/marry but can’t. So out of no choice I propose FWB to them just so I can hangout with them in and outside of the bedrooms, for as long as I can.

throwaway572883 · 2022-11-27T03:35:00+00:00

Men have different expectations of women in these situations, and that affects how sexual a woman feels too. I once found a hookup from a dating app, because I was tired of dating feeling like an interview, and we were very clear what this was. Before he came over he was spicy in his texts, but the minute he came to my house and saw my books, my pictures, me, something changed and he talked to me and asked me questions about who I was and what I believed for four hours until I made him stop and kissed him. After that, he wouldn’t say dirty things to me anymore, and while I appreciate being respected, what turns me on is being wanted in a primal way too. I don’t think it’s disrespectful to think of me sexually, but men feel like they’re being disrespectful if they do that to women they respect. If you treat me like a wholesome good girl all the time, it makes it uncomfortable for sex because I want you to fuck me like I’m not. If men could accept that women can be both, that would be great.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-11-27T01:19:44+00:00

The requirements/expectations are not for sex, but for becoming friends, bf/gf, husband/wife, or having a more meaningful relationship.

neetykeeno · 2022-11-27T06:12:10+00:00

Well the flip side is the FWB gets that text or call and if he doesn't come running because of work school being drunk whatever well that's that...it might be quite some time before she spontaneously thinks "hey I feel like dick" again. And he can probably organise to come round do friends stuff and try to motivate her but that's the same deal as the husband isn't it only more effort because they don't cohabit so it can't be in between the events of normal living.

Nincompoop6969 · 2022-11-27T07:01:25+00:00

Relationship takes years off your life and there is always a high chance it'll take a turn and end in disaster. And a good relationship is done when it's with someone who's genuinely your friend that you care about as a best friend before anything else but then you are gambling losing that person the more moves you make.

Honestly being a fkbud is a better route imo until you really got the major things figured out. You evade so much drama but still have the excitement of the unknown and don't have to worry about being cheated on.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-11-27T12:17:09+00:00

There's a slow cooker for the hookups too. It's just that they're only called when she's ready, rather than being around her when she's not horny.

toasterchild · 2022-11-27T14:46:52+00:00

I feel like this is a huge misunderstanding of a few common things that go wrong in LTRs. Most women do not need a slow burn to get turned on, but they do need to know in advance when to expect sex. If they are in a FWB situation, they likely know in advance when they will be free and able to hook up. They think about it all day and get in the mood as the day goes on.

If they live with their husband it could happen anytime. Since they can't just stay in the mood perpetually they wait for it to just happen or be convenient. If we don't do it tonight there is always tomorrow. This is what makes the slow burn necessity, if you make her think of sex all day its very likely to happen at night. The same thing can really just be handled by scheduling sex, it sounds way less romantic but it also gets rid of resentment and making the guy feel like he had to jump through the right hoops to make sex happen.

The other common issue is resentment, if you are just generally pissed at your partner most of the time good luck ever getting in the mood. This is the relationship death spiral, you just get more and more resentful until someone finally leaves.

warramite · 2022-11-27T15:29:38+00:00

To be a fuckbuddy typically means she finds the guy sexually attractive to be a husband all it means is she couldn't get Chad to commit so she settled for a beta

2022-11-27T18:12:13+00:00

never had a fwb where there were "no feelings" involved.

Rahim556 · 2022-11-27T21:25:11+00:00

I have 3 comments about this topic:

1) Chad is definitely in the FWB/ Fuck Buddy category (even though she wants to lock him down)

2) Guy #2 is having to do all the extra tangibles and intangibles, while Chad just had to get in the Uber (that she paid for), get his dick wet, and then get back in another (paid for) Uber.

3) So in this specific scenario, guy #2 is losing, because he's having to "pay full price for what Chad got for free (actually, got paid to do)"

Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-11-27T22:15:47+00:00

I’ve been married before, the relationship lasted 8 years and I can’t tell you of one time she’s turned down sex (I’m pretty sure it has happened, but can’t put my finger on it), actually pretty sure most times she initiated it, not me.

But yeah the expectations are higher, like you can’t argue about things and expect that to not influence sex. It’s just that there’s nothing to argue about with a fuck buddy

throwaway164_3 · 2022-11-27T04:06:12+00:00

The FWB needs to be significantly hotter than the husband though.

There’s a price

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-11-27T01:28:48+00:00

Married couples have a lot more sex than FWBs. If the man only wanted to have sex once in a while, when the woman was spontaneously horny, there'd be no need for marital "mental foreplay".

hari_hbp · 2022-11-27T04:34:19+00:00

Eh. With some men, women need that emotional connection to feel attracted to. With some men, they're ready to go without it. You could relate that to the man's attractiveness and the woman's needs at the time.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-27T07:41:13+00:00

No one is calling their fuck buddy when they a tired stressed or not horny

We have been together for a decade and we have had times we have had less sex. What we have gotten very good at is working out why.

The reasons I may not be in the mood, exhaustion, feeling down about something family work relationship etc.

For him exhaustion, emotional wrung out, like when he was going through a custody battle.

The secret is to talk about it. Sorry darling I’m not in the mood because I have had. On average 3 hours sleep a night this week. Ok why don’t you go to bed straight from work and catch up I’ll sort everything tonight Chances are the other one will be rested and wanting g to the next night

Other stresses talking them through often really helps.

Dead bedrooms would drop so much if the couple spent time working out why

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-11-27T05:08:23+00:00

I’m just here to find all the dudes who jump on every men don’t want to just fuck they want emotional connections arguing against this.

Seriously I’m going to need y’all to stop acting like meaningless casual sex is the epitome of manhood then when we believe you and repeat these words get told we’re dismissing men’s feelings.

NewWayNow · 2022-11-27T01:59:10+00:00

Male commitment is actually a libido killer for women. In her mind at a subconscious level, the fact that he committed to her means she’s the best he can do. The guy who won’t commit to her is perceived as being in a higher realm. Therefore he is sexy.

2022-11-27T03:40:43+00:00

The nest egg and the fuck buddy are not always the same man (or woman).

I can say for certain that a woman I would only want to have sex with once or twice is not the same as the woman I would want to casually date and neither are the woman I would consider living with, but there’s some overlap between the second two.

Women work the same way, more or less, even if they won’t readily admit it like men will.

That said, once a man gets hooked on a woman in an LTR she might as well be in either category as far as the bedroom is concerned because men generally latch onto women much harder than women do to men.

Diamond-Breath · 2022-11-27T14:52:16+00:00

I believe that it all depends on our mood, not on the person/relationship. Sometimes I want spontaneous sex with my boyfriend, other times we are pretty busy so we flirt with each other throughout the day. I've never been into the casual scene though, so I don't know how people do it in that case.

rft24 · 2022-11-27T07:55:41+00:00

this dichotomy makes no sense to me lol. i’ll just link a comment i made on another similarly ridiculous post that basically targets the issue i have with these stupid af/bb posts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z3b8kt/i_never_understood_this_concept_when_it_comes_to/ixl9bqr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

i assume men believing women think like this is male solipsism and projecting because they believe in the whole madonna/whore thing. young men in particular are always projecting their experiences of sexuality and attraction onto women, and that’s exactly why so many of y’all struggle to understand them.

revente · 2022-11-27T18:15:40+00:00

The man has to go throughout his day flirting with his woman, giving her flowers and catering to her before she is in the mood enough to want to have sex.

Have you actually ever interacted with a real life woman? Because your post is fucking weird mate.

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ChudBuck · 2022-11-27T03:08:27+00:00

...I think you spend waaaaay to much time thinking about this... Preferences are something that change from person to person and this feels more like a two dimensional character being described rather than an actual human lol

Title	Different Sexual Expectations For F-Buddies/FWB and Actual Relationships
Author	macalph21
Upvotes	21
Comments	156
Date	November 27, 2022 1:02 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/z5nb7f/different_sexual_expectations_for_fbuddiesfwb_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/different-sexual-expectations-for-f-buddiesfwb-and.1141728 https://theredarchive.com/post/1141728

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