We had been married for 22 years, living in the wonderful no-fault state of Oregon. Last month, my wife (f50) changed drastically. She stopped talking, hanging out or saying much at all to me (m50). She wore her air pods and sat in another room. One day, I discovered she had changed the password on our mortgage management account, and she had been asking me about finances and taxes. She had also been suddenly interested in improving herself, whereas before, she would bathe around once every 3 days or so unless she left the house. At that time, she was close to 30lbs lost according to a shared app. We were also waiting on adoption paperwork for another child from the extended family. I asked her about this multiple times, and she pulled the name, rank, and serial number routine. She kept saying she just wanted to get through the holidays without conflict. I finally came out with my opinion on this and told her that it appears that she was going to divorce me and that we should stop the adoption. That's when she finally spilled the beans. She was going to wait the entire month to finally drop the divorce on me when the adoption went through.

I agreed to wait for the adoption to go through, and she would go easy on me. The first offer she made was decent. No alimony, and we just divide everything down the middle. We would both end up moving to an eastern state where the prices were cheaper. I even offered more so she could get into a bigger house. I was still kind of in shock. I didn't like the idea that I'd be moving so far away from friends and family, but I could be close enough to our two kids. I started coming up with a plan and began to accept it. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

I tried the reconciliation talk several times and she kept coming back that she was not interested and that I would never change. She said she had been miserable the whole marriage claiming that i hadn't been emotionally supportive. And she thought I was only interested in the sex. She basically withheld sex until her fertility charting time was good for getting pregnant and left me high and dry the rest of the time. We have been both holding onto hope that we shouldn't have.

Two days later she changed the plan and instead made a new offer where she kept the house and we then had to use every bit of our liquidity to pay off the home we had been living on and she would get that and I would keep my retirement accounts. Basically, it was a 25/75 split of net worth where I she would pay a lump sum alimony- around half of my portion of the assets, just over 250k, after the split. I'd be down to 2k month child support and no spousal maintenance. I don't really make enough to support two households in the Oregon area we are in. The housing market is still pretty inflated and the interest rates are really sucking. I have a decent paying job and she works for just under quarter what I make (around 185k tc). To live here I wouldn't be able to buy a house in this deal without making myself very house poor and renting for 10 years would be about the same.

She decides she wanted to unplug the day after that deal and told me she was going away for the whole new years weekend and wasn't coming back until the 2nd. She also told me where she was going was none of my business and left at oh-dark-thirty Friday morning. I ended up canceling my plans which were essentially doing the same thing- just getting some time away from this mess. She came back on the 2nd really late.

Around this time I was around 26lbs and her about 35lbs lost for the month and almost no appetite. I had to force myself to eat and I'm pretty sure she is in the same boat, We both are obese with me being closer to overweight now. She is much bigger. We both have been exercising in an attempt to destress.

So that's where I'm at. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to hold jobs at this level. I'm already 50 and agism is definitely a thing. The looming recession is pretty scary to be without cash too. The maintenance calc has me at 3600÷ month with our incomes. I don't want to disrupt the kids, but it feels like I'm being bent over hard here. Is there any better way to split this? Should I just take the second offer and only pay 2k month for CS for the price of 250k+ of my net worth, or should I push for a more equitable split? Is it a good deal?

Tldr; payout 250k for lump sum alimony or call in the big guns.