Have anyone of you guys completely left dating since Divorce?

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-29T17:08:03+00:00

> I also feel too old to do the things I was doing before getting married like playing metal shows, art shows.

"Old" is a state of mind. I'm twenty years your senior, and have rekindled all the things I had abandoned when I married because my ex didn't like them.

Invest one year into yourself for self-discovery, renovation and revitalization. Find things that you've always wanted to do, learn and experience and enjoy those things for a year. Develop your skills and knowledge in these things (rock climbing, playing a musical instrument, billiards, etc) and you'll find yourself making more time for them. If you do that well, you’ll have the foundation for a lifetime of happiness.

Then what you'll find is that after this investment in yourself, the women that come into your life won't be competing against other women for your attention. They'll be competing against things that really bring you joy and fulfillment. And it will take a truly exceptional woman to accomplish that.

Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:

You fear being alone.

You seek validation from a partner.

You’re still renting headspace to your ex.

When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready. Don’t be surprised to find that you don’t have the time to date once you’ve started enjoying your new found freedom.

Alatornio · 2023-03-29T18:22:50+00:00

The women I am attracted to are not attracted to me generally. I could care less and wont settle for some cow just to get laid.

Other stuff to do.

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-03-29T20:10:26+00:00

Yes, I'm in my late 30s and haven't been on a date since my divorce a bit over 2 years ago. Haven't been laid in 4 years, either. I don't feel like dealing with a lot of today's women after what I went through during my marriage and divorce. Maybe one day, but I'm fine for now without a woman in my life.

RiKo2020 · 2023-03-29T21:11:00+00:00

I’m 42. Since my horrendous divorce a year ago, I have zero interest in women. I am not happy alone, but I am happier alone.

azwildcat74 · 2023-03-29T18:30:36+00:00

This is going to blow your mind so I hope you're sitting down: Did you know that you can have sex without marrying?

Dramatic-Ad7192 · 2023-03-29T17:57:11+00:00

Not intentionally. Had a few dates but modern dating (apps) sucks and I have no game for pickups

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-03-29T22:15:27+00:00

I’m 30, 31 soon. My divorce is almost done. She is being a fucking vindictive B. She decided to leave. She feels entitled to my money and my pension that my body had to pay for. Idk wtf is going to happen but the divorce is gonna be over soon.

I feel hella jaded from this marriage. I gave this women everything I could give her (which is the biggest mistake). I wanted to finish school as it’s something I’ve struggled to do since I was 23 in the Marine Corps. So many years having to drop a semester , fail one, and now I had to leave my state school for an online one. I’m still not done because I let a women do this to me. I even encouraged and paid her way through a school just for her to be mad that my school “is more important “. This is with me making money while I go to school, while i had to pay for her school.

I love my youngest to death, but she trapped me. She was supposed to be on birth control but decided to take it off since I mentioned I wanted my kid to have a sibling once. She “surprised” me one day two weeks after having a divorce conversation after the lease ended. Yeah I’m a dumb ass who fucked her but damn that shit felt like she took advantage of me. She knew how important it was for me to have my children with me young. Don’t get me started on the constant abuse of alcohol and threatening suicide (look at some of my posts).

Here I am now. A father of 2 girls. With a vindictive stbx, who has both alcohol and substance abuse problems. Kids in a home with weird men coming in and out while she works at night. I will never fucking do this again. I went to a few bars and HOLY FUCK were these women the trash of society. Easy to sleep with. Granted most were 2-4 but fuck that. The sheer thought of getting caught up with pregnancy or something like that is awful.

I’m also not wanting a relationship with a women with kids since it’d be the “right” type of relationship for me. It’s also pretty much all that’s out there. Think about it, in a serious relationship,I’d have to provide 100% for someone else’s seed and have them more. While I only have my kids 50% of the time. If they’re boys? Even worse with the risk of having daughters.

Nah brother, I’ll fuck if I can but I’m never doing this shit again. The girls who are 5-7 think they’re 10s and want you to treat them that way. I’m just gonna focus on my fitness, money, fatherhood, and hobbies. I want success in a career or entrepreneurship. Being a positive male figure for my daughters. Getting back into shape and health. Finding new hobbies. I got a puppy now and he is filling my companionship. Might as well pay for 📦 if it ever comes to that.

Edit: after thinking about it. I think cohabitation is what I don’t want. Or investing money in someone like that. Dating whatever we can just split.

chubbs_golf · 2023-03-29T22:06:12+00:00

Well I agree that age is just a number sure I am older and can't do what I did when I was younger. (60 years old). What I take away from the split is not the sex or her being female. I lost my best friend, that person that is always there and interested in life and you care about her. I survived before I met her and I will survive after she is long gone. I see it is just another challenge of life. No I am not going to get remarried but I want some female friends.

rhett342 · 2023-03-29T21:10:26+00:00

For now at least (separated 6 months, not finalized yet) have no desire to date or anything else. My ex is.still remting too much space in my head for anyone new. At this point I'm just waiting for an early grave all alone.

Retying3043 · 2023-03-30T00:28:24+00:00

I have been monk since my divorce. Two years and I don’t regret it. Not interested in repeating the same mistakes. Taking the time to do some serious work on myself before getting involved again.

Acceptable_Photo6956 · 2023-03-30T00:34:37+00:00

No way never again. I miss the closeness feeling of belonging both to and with someone, but if nothing else, I have learned from this that I'm not relationship material. If this is how it goes. I don't want to date or hook up or any of that. I'll get my life untangled from hers and if I live and die alone so mote it be.

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2023-03-30T00:44:17+00:00

Slowing down on all fronts makes a lot of sense when you have any big life change. Everytime I got impatient and wanted something it ended up being too soon.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-03-30T06:00:55+00:00

Not completely, but this is my last turn of the wheel. I have a long term GF whom I don't live with (and never will). I've made it very clear we will never marry and that if she's not ok with that then shes free to leave at any point with no hard feelings. If/when this one dies out I'm probably not going to bother again, I'm nearly 50 and have no desire to go through the utter shit show again, I'd rather enjoy my friends and hobbies without having to "put her first". In the OP's shoes I'd avoid any serious dating, maybe have a few fun nights out, the odd hook up to get the urge met, but keep them all at arms reach. Women say they hate emotionally unavailable men but ultimately chase them, so you can have your cake and eat it. You sound not ready for a relationship, so don't have one. As soon as they get a bit clingy, move on, but always remember to wrap up and protect yourself...the very last thing you need right now is any baby drama.

Happy-N-Healthy777 · 2023-03-29T17:07:28+00:00

I have. Took a while, but I have started seeing someone. We both agree we don't want to be married again.

DeadlyFern · 2023-03-29T19:25:27+00:00

Went through my Hank Moody phase. Now happily volcel. I like flirting with females and that's about it.

Objective-Apple-7830 · 2023-03-30T09:14:59+00:00

Date and have a good time...but don't get sucked in tying the knot so soon.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-03-30T15:38:10+00:00

It took me about 5 years post-divorce to hang up the towel. I have grown very comfortable with my peace.

I may change my view after the kids are adults and are on their own, but right now my free time is premium time.

2023-04-08T13:20:00+00:00

Still married but I was seriously contemplating divorce a year ago. I’m 100% certain I would not date again if I got divorced.

I don’t see the point. The company or short lived intimacy will never be worth it. When I analyze my relationships objectively I see they’ve all ended the same way. To repeat this for the sake of not being lonely or having sex is not worth it for me.

I see people as flawed (myself included) and selfish. I don’t know what would compel me to meet a perfect stranger and give them the power to hurt me. Pretty faces ain’t worth it for me anymore.

I used to fantasize about the idea of finding a kind and loyal woman to share my life with but I understand that it’s just that - a fantasy.

It breaks my heart to be here but I’d be a fool to keep repeating the same cycle of pain and heart break.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-03-30T01:42:27+00:00

Passed my 5-year monk anniversary many months ago.

Couldn’t be happier. I still safari a few times a year, but North American women aren’t worth the hassle. The average American woman is in my weight class. And I ain’t no welterweight or even a middleweight. These girls out here fighting at light-heavyweight (despite being 5’3”).

Masculine, mouthy, promiscuous, and slovenly. Why the hell would I want that in my life?

No, thank you.

TitansTaint · 2023-03-29T19:19:41+00:00

I'm leaning more and more towards dating guys. I've always been curious and I think I'm going to give it a shot. I downloaded Grindr last night. I'm still not ready for a relationship but I can prob find a cuddle buddy without too much problem.

RichardCleveland · 2023-03-29T18:28:37+00:00

My divorce hell just started, I lost all trust and respect for my wife. I spent 20 years enduring her insanity, and she is 100% going full in batshit to destroy me now. YET... I would like to date someday. I will for sure take time to reflect on myself, and with that and therapy heal as much as I can. I already though DID make the decision to never get married again. I figure down the road that it will help at least alleviate a lot of complications. I don't really want to live with anyone either... but casual dating? Sure why not..

Age wise? I am in my 40s with several kids. I am just thankful all this happened before I got any older. It would be amazing to be at 31 right now.

Of course I am not to your point yet... so my opinion probably isn't worth much. But I am trying to stay somewhat optimistic that I won't be alone the rest of my life.

geraltofoblivia · 2023-03-29T23:43:14+00:00

I met the woman of my dreams about 9 months after The date of separation. I wasn't ready yet but she was also going through a hard time and we bonded quickly. Almost a year in and I've never been happier. I was having the same problem brother, seeing the same qualities in all the women I was talking to. Then I found her, or I should say she found me. It's been heaven ever since, not without the occasional difficulty but that's life. Give it some time, you'll get back out there when you're ready and you won't see those things and everyone anymore 👍

ranger69danger · 2023-03-30T00:02:28+00:00

That old D will bring you back to drink from the gutter again. Play it safe this time!

Source: happily starting a family whilst divorcing.

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-03-30T02:30:44+00:00

I'm 31 as well and do not date. Had a month long fling 6 months out with an old friend and while it was great, she had a young child and boyfriend issues, so we both decided to end it. Really a blessing, because i really fucking enjoy being alone. I'm so much less stressed when it's only my kid and I. It's been an amazing year after separation for the most part. I don't date at all. The value of my time is priceless to me. Someone interesting crosses my path, I'll consider trying out a friendship but I'm not actively looking for a date or partner anytime soon.

polarshred · 2023-03-30T03:51:07+00:00

My libido is tell me to date but I still have lingering resentment towards women in general.

But my divorce was only finalized a few weeks. I'm gonna take the standard advice of this sub and take a year for myself.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-03-30T04:00:33+00:00

I’m about to be divorced. An I have absolutely zero interest in women my age (30s) an even less interest in the younger super dim self centered feminist of GenZ.

I’m trying to fin happiness is things that used to bring me joy. So far it all seems pretty bleak and boring but, I’m sure something will spark my happiness again sooner than later.

Hurricane1323 · 2023-03-30T12:31:07+00:00

31 is not too old to play metal or get back into tattooing. If you loved those things, get back at it. Explore what parts of you shut down in order to appease your wife. I hear you on the question about whether to date- I'm 46, separated for a year from a woman who abandoned the marriage without explaining why, and have been on a couple of dates and realized the apps and the dating seen just isn't for me, I'd rather meet someone naturally and I'm ok if I don't for now. You also may have some version of abandonment trauma from your wife leaving. Nothing to be ashamed about, but it will color how you see relationships, it does for me at least, and so I know I need to work through that and become the best version of myself before I want to be with anyone. If your libido is crazy, get back into tattooing and playing music and I'm sure you'll have ample opportunity to have casual sex, if that's what you want. If nothing else, you may meet someone great with similar interests. If you do go the casual sex romp route, be a good man about it and be up front with your partners that you aren't looking for another wife or LTR, and treat them with respect. Also know that there are some women who hear that but don't really hear it and think that they can entice you- they may be wanting children, etc. Anyway, good luck to you, your future is bright!

No_Analyst_9131 · 2023-03-30T15:13:48+00:00

I am 32, live in a major city, and damn the dating scene is a shitshow. I purposely picked an apartment in a "happening" part of the city (tons of bars, restaurants, entertainment, and parks nearby as well) to get myself out and about... and haven't really found it to be worth it. Dating is a joke these days; dating apps are burning dumpster fires of women who either want a sugar daddy, someone to make OF "content," or are desparate due to their friends getting married and having children. I have been on dates in all 3 of those situations, and the only vaguely appealing one was the one who wanted to make OF content (get paid to have sex, why not) and she ended up not being willing to share the portion of money from what I was willing to help her make.

Long story short, dating is literally a shitshow, and now that my libido is raging (gym 5x a week kinda does that) I am realizing a majority of women today aren't worth a damn. What is worse is that the type of women I am attracted to (wickedly smart and wild in bed) are all pretty much snapped up, and only the absolute dregs are left. No thanks, I will keep working on myself and getting joy from that instead.

suddenlysingle1984 · 2023-03-30T23:28:54+00:00

I’ve found myself in a friends with benefits situation that helps scratch that itch. I’m a year out from my separation date and the thought of dating new people has no appeal to me. It’s nice to have zero strings attached sex when our calendars line up.

Do what feels right. I may date again but don’t see it in the near future.

Title	Have anyone of you guys completely left dating since Divorce?
Author	starspawnrecords
Upvotes	38
Comments	80
Date	March 29, 2023 5:02 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/125txex/have_anyone_of_you_guys_completely_left_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/have-anyone-of-you-guys-completely-left-dating.1207517 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207517

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