An unfortunate case of wife saying no to abortion at the cost of her life. Husband has no say and will be left with two kids to raise.

countrymace · 2022-10-21T19:32:36+00:00

Regardless of my views on it, she clearly sees the fetus as her baby and is willing to die for it. Not much that can be done about that.

anoncitizen4 · 2022-10-21T19:51:29+00:00

I'm all for men's rights but I can't see anything in men's rights justifying forcing chemo on someone who doesn't want it regardless of their reasons. It sucks for him but ultimately all he can do his share his opinion with her. She's the one who has to make the final choice.

pyrolover6666 · 2022-10-21T20:24:24+00:00

Mensrights isn't about controlling people

inferii · 2022-10-22T00:29:36+00:00

What do you believe should happen in this case? You keep saying he should ‘have his say’ - what would this would entail?

arrouk · 2022-10-21T20:07:06+00:00

I hate to say this but in her shoes I would likely make the same call.

After seeing what cancer treatment is like I'm not sure what I could endure.

nkw1004 · 2022-10-21T20:17:40+00:00

I’m not really sure you know what him having a say is. He’s saying abortion, she’s saying no, that’s his say and her say, they’re just saying different things. You can’t force someone to do something with their own body. Also they’re married and there’s extenuating circumstances, it’s not like he’s a single guy and just doesn’t want to pay child support. This isn’t really a men’s rights issue

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2022-10-21T22:15:10+00:00

She wants to go out on her own terms. Respect.

NITAREEDDESIGNS · 2022-10-21T19:10:42+00:00

So...live a few years...give your child life...

I would choose the same.

bilgediver · 2022-10-21T21:05:17+00:00

this is not a men's rights issue, this is a patients rights issue.

this is a no-win situation as she is going to prob die eventually anyway, this just hastens her death. At least with the baby he has one last part of her that can live on.

and this isn't the same as abortion. This is treatment that only prolongs her probable demise, while going through immensely difficult process. I know a lot of people who choose not to go through chemo just to have a better quality of life at the end instead of going through the painful process of chemo.

Watch My sister's keeper for what that can look like.

mrcarrot213 · 2022-10-21T20:26:08+00:00

This is a whole different situation than your regular abortion. I don’t think there are any parents who would pick chemo.

javerthugo · 2022-10-21T23:30:40+00:00

The replies to these threads are beautiful

Schattenauge · 2022-10-21T21:09:08+00:00

I'm with her here.

2022-10-22T01:29:58+00:00

Can't say I agree. The unfortunateness is that she was in the position where she had to decide what to do in the first place.

Here are some statistics for the 5 year survival rate for different types of stage 4 cancer:

https://www.verywellhealth.com/stage-4-cancer-5092070

Breast (female) 30.0% Uterine (endometrial) 18.4% Kidney, renal pelvic 15.3% Colon and rectal 15.1% Bladder 7.7% Lung and bronchus 7.0% Pancreatic 3.1%

"Rather than focusing on curing the cancer, treatments work to slow or stop growth, relieve symptoms, and help you live longer and enjoy a high quality of life"

Stage 4 symptoms also include high levels of pain and the treatments themselves can also be painful. Furthermore, the husband won't have to spend years seeing her experiencing all this pain.

Not sure why this is in "men's rights".

Either-Rain4148 · 2022-10-22T01:53:42+00:00

Nah bruh. I'm with her on this. I'd never force chemo on a loved one

Anderfail · 2022-10-21T20:05:14+00:00

I’m a man and I agree with the wife here, I’d do anything to save my kids even at the cost of my own life. You don’t have kids so you don’t get it.

tired_hillbilly · 2022-10-21T23:04:03+00:00

She's an amazing person, giving up her last few years so her son or daughter can have ~75. That's so courageous.

isthebuffetopenyet · 2022-10-21T21:08:53+00:00

She's trading a couple of years of her own life for a full life for their unborn child and a sibling for her other child.

You're painting this motherly sacrifice as a men's rights issue, you need to go and rethink your life I'm sorry.

ReWildingOfMen · 2022-10-21T20:09:37+00:00

While I can sympathize with the situation for all parties.

I assess that she's making the right choice on every level.

While I believe that YES of course a man should have an important say in what happens to an unborn baby.

So too I believe that ultimately it is the woman's choice to make in the end.

And the mother choosing to save the unborn life they have created together, over and above killing their baby so she can have chemotherapy and a few more years of 'life.' I believe is wisdom. And no matter the understandable upset for the husband. He should honour and see the wisdom in her wishes, and make the most of the time he has with her and their children together.

Yes it's an impossible situation. But also this is the right course of action in this impossible situation.

I hope this man has good friends and family to rally around him to help him cope with the grief, and with the raising of these children after she has died.

Much love to you all.

TAPriceCTR · 2022-10-21T23:37:28+00:00

You're mad that she's putting her child before herself? That sucks to lose her but at least he had this long with a woman who knows how to be unselfish. Hopefully if he remarried he chooses just as wisely next time.

Early in my marriage my wife made me listen to "the promise of stardust". She has made it clear that at no point am I (in event of her incapacitation) to medically save her over any child she is carrying.

EviessVeralan · 2022-10-21T20:49:57+00:00

While this is a horrific situation that no one should ever have to experience, i completely understand why she is doing what shes doing.

I wouldnt personally trade a couple months of life at the expense of my unborn child.

GingerHitman11 · 2022-10-21T22:16:33+00:00

And how would she feel that in her last few years her husband wanted her to kill the child?

TrilIias · 2022-10-21T21:48:33+00:00

I can see two reasonable arguments here.

Abortion is murder and she should not have the right to an abortion.
Abortion is not murder, this is a personal matter for the mother an she should have the right to chose.

I don't think there's a third option where the father has the final say. I mean sure, I'd hate to be in his position, but there's no scenario where it's his decision. Though if I were him, I'd at least be happy that his unborn child is going to live.

matrixislife · 2022-10-21T23:42:03+00:00

He's undoubtedly had a say in it every day since the diagnosis was made. If this is what she really wants with her own life on the line then that's what should happen here. Giving anyone ultimate power [of life and death] over someone else is wrong.

2022-10-22T02:38:42+00:00

What exactly are you suggesting? Anything other than giving her the right to choose is monstrous. Do you expect the government to step in and force her to have an abortion? Or for the kid to be forced to be raised in foster care?

AtemAndrew · 2022-10-22T07:24:15+00:00

It's truly a terrible choice to make, but she's protecting a life at the cost of her own. This is a situation where it IS her body, and her choice... but her body isn't entirely her own - something she's also chosen to respect. One might argue that the first child might be a little too young to remember their mother - depending on how many years were bought - your friend will be left with two permanent reminders of her. For better, and for worse.

PurpleDragon9 · 2022-10-22T07:41:28+00:00

It's her choice in this situation, she's putting her children first. It's not as if she's forcing the guy to not be able to be with his kids or anything, I can understand him being very sad and heartbroken about her refusing treatment, but those are his and her kids, and as sad as it is she doesn't want to kill their children for herself.

Icy-Start5536 · 2022-10-22T08:24:37+00:00

Still she did the honourable thing. I would be distraught but proud my wife did that. I see no point in this post.

NorthernWombat · 2022-10-22T09:09:13+00:00

I understand the position your friend is in, but this isn’t the subjugation of a man’s rights here, and while I personally disagree with the choice, this is the purest form of a mothers sacrifice for her children. Her autonomy over her own right to life, and death, is a very different box of frogs to male/female rights.

bakalabalak · 2022-10-22T00:49:37+00:00

It's still her right, her body, and she obviously sees the baby as her own child already. It's a horrible situation but it's how it should be.

2022-10-22T01:10:00+00:00

So she should give up her kid for her own life? Just let her make her own choices

nowhereisaguy · 2022-10-22T01:17:12+00:00

This is the woman’s decision. It’s her life. Not his.

This isn’t about abortion. It’s a terrible situation and If she is willing to die for her child, that’s her choice alone.

Le_ed · 2022-10-22T01:32:21+00:00

I am all for men's rights, and regarding abortion I support the idea of paper abortion as an option for men.

However in this instance, the decision has to be entirely up to her. It would be completely immoral to force someone to have an abortion or to go through chemotherapy. I get that it is a terrible situation for him, but still it should be 100% her decision.

maxcorrice · 2022-10-22T03:28:54+00:00

This happened on house

Like twice I think

DarkCrowI · 2022-10-22T09:01:34+00:00

If he can't raise two children alone he might want to consider giving the baby up for adoption, he would relinquish all legal rights and responsibilities.

Calerid · 2022-10-21T20:38:03+00:00

This isn't a men's right issue. You are just advocating for killing a child so he doesn't have to do more work if she dies. She has stage 4 cancer. She will die eventually, with either no treatment or treatment it's not long.

She's choosing to carry the life that they already made, she may not have a life of her own after - either way.

ebony-mori · 2022-10-22T00:52:17+00:00

It’s not his body. It’s hers. The final say on what happens is hers alone, and should remain that way.

This is not a men’s rights issue. Just a god-awful situation you are attempting to turn political.

IkerB · 2022-10-22T08:45:01+00:00

Dude, this isn't a men's rights question. That mom is an angel. You are asking if your friend should be obligated to move on with 2 kids, in case she passes? This is not a question for MEN.. I apologize if I'm misunderstanding but I think your talking about your male friends feelings only. Yeah, go to feminine men advice, perhaps

AureliusPhobos · 2022-10-22T11:02:01+00:00

I disagree with this. The choices affecting her body must be her own. Otherwise we couldn't justify the choices of the man affecting his body be his own.

Dr-Crobar · 2022-10-22T17:45:04+00:00

Cant force someone to get chemo, this sittuation is an actual "my body my choice" scenario. Not in the womens rights sense but in the patient's rights sense.

awhatfor · 2022-10-22T01:17:47+00:00

Totally agree. I mean, i am pro euthanasia, and i don't think family has a right to demand this sort of things,. If she decides to die, let her die, she has no such obligations, but this is a different situation completely.

She has none with the 2 yo boy, she got cancer, but she does with the one that's about to be born. The father doesn't have the obligation to take care of it on his own. And society is unfair, if a woman were to be alone/without the father and she decided to abort rather than grow the kid herself, she could do it. But not a man.

But ig thats not the core of the argument, the core is how is it fair that your wife leaves you... Futhermore, i understand that even if the husband had no obligation with that kid, how fair is it to endorse that on him when there is already a brother? In cases like this, abortion should be the father decision 100%. She might look selfish, but... on the other hand, its really hard to be about to die, man. People on that situacion i would never judge... you rlly cant.

I don't think she is selfish like that... but if she is, if she wants to die with some dignity, and for once, not after 2 years... if she wants to feel like she has a reason to... you know, perish. Its fucked up. I hate cancer.

You deserve some dignity when leaving, and if you can choose how you go... well, death is something you can't share, no matter what. You should not say sorry for dying. Unless you are a soldier who failed his duty, ig.

DouglasMilnes · 2022-10-22T01:32:21+00:00

The man is not in a "horribly helpless situation." Sure, it's tragic, and would be regardless of whether his wife lives 1 year or 4.

But men are perfectly capable of raising children on their own. Many have done so and raised great kids. His situation is that he has a child currently and another coming. He will be able to be a father to them and so long as he doesn't see himself as some kind of perpetual victim, will be able to have a happy family.

jcoope91 · 2022-10-22T01:37:43+00:00

I’m appreciating all of the comments.

aThoughtLost · 2022-10-22T13:10:25+00:00

She might see this baby as an extension or her life. That was my motivation to have kids, so part of me will live on with my wife after I pass. A lot of people count a cancer diagnosis as fatal even when it is still very treatable.

UnconventionalXY · 2022-10-22T13:26:07+00:00

Life is unpredictable but what is important is honouring a persons right to autonomy over their own body. He's being selfish, especially as he will still have options of putting the children up for adoption, re-marrying, to help with the responsibility.

Often it is the husband who dies, leaving the woman with the sole responsibility for raising the children.

I have known men who were encouraged to have treatment and the extra time they were given was a misery of suffering that they would have rejected if they had known what it would be like in advance.

crazycoconut247 · 2022-10-22T14:45:47+00:00

She'd rather give her baby a chance at life at the cost of her own. It's selfless and brave. Personally, maybe she could be induced early but I agree with her. It's her decision.

Slow_State_1793 · 2022-10-22T15:28:48+00:00

Mens rights is against forcing anyone into chemo or abortion. This isn’t the place to emasculate a father or vilify a mother for making sacrifices to protect their offspring. Both of them are being 100% selfless and prioritising their family. He isn’t the one in a horribly helpless situation and powerless, you are. I hope you get help for yourself and try to be there for your friend. This situation is very tragic and I’m sorry for everyone but this is not an injustice for mens rights.

goinsouth85 · 2022-10-21T23:08:37+00:00

And what would him having a say entail - Forcing her to kill their unborn child and submit to chemo? I’m sorry, but that is not his choice to make. And quite frankly, his wife’s choice to put their unborn child’s life ahead of hers has to be the most noble acts a human being can do. I don’t envy his position, but to call it helpless and powerless is like saying “when men die in war, women are most affected …”

A6000user · 2022-10-22T18:00:42+00:00

This is NOT a men's rights issue.

Traveler_8 · 2022-10-22T03:23:20+00:00

You all know that if this is in the States he can elect to give the kid up for adoption? What she decides isn't his choice. She loves the child enough to die for it.

He has a choice. Keep the child his wife was willing to die to save or give it up for adoption. Heck, he can give them both up.

I get upset when the man wants to keep the child and the woman kills it. In that case the man should be able to have a say. Life is always worth fighting for.

xUnlmtdTTV · 2022-10-22T02:50:39+00:00

This is a stupid post for this sub.

It has nothing to do with Mens rights, and men should never get to choose whether a woman has an abortion, unless the obvious power of attorney, etc.. Period.

Their circumstance is unfortunate. But it’s clear his wife recognizes she’s going to die. Her pro-life decision is admirable, and I think most families would make the same decision in that situation. She won’t get to see her beautiful babies grow up, but she’ll pass knowing 2 pieces of herself are still here to grow and spread love (hopefully).

It’s not a line I often use, but in this case, your friend will need to man the fuck up.

Zipdox · 2022-10-22T01:38:44+00:00

Does she not realize the burden she's placing upon her husband? Or does she just not care?

Kookaburra-Chan · 2022-10-22T01:03:55+00:00

Keeping the kid is a selfish, shitty thing for the wife to do. I don't think he has a right to dictate her choice of chemo, but now the poor guy is stuck with an extra kid as a single parent. My dad got cancer when I was a kid, died. My parents decided to stop trying for more after the diagnosis because my mom didnt need that extra stress. I wish for your friend his wife will do the same. Being a single parent to 1 kid is brutal enough.

2022-10-22T00:22:58+00:00

I’d abort for sure. It all sounds selfish. It’s selfish to give someone all that work after I died just because I think I’m doing something right. No one asked to be born in this world.

stompin77 · 2022-10-22T01:09:36+00:00

How awful his wife will pass. How beautiful your friend will be able to raise angels left for him from his wife. That is so beautifully tragic. Why anyone would suggest anything but keeping them is just unfathomable to me. Adoption is not something you throw around like an option FFS.

Adoption is CPTSD TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA!!!!

Why the hell would anyone suggest to choose that. Its this guys children FFS. Why would he give them up at all??? What is wrong with people?

equalRights111 · 2022-10-22T18:31:03+00:00

I think that, in this case, I am inclined to agree that she should have the choice. She is likely to going to die either way, and this is clearly a very emotional decision for her. I think that as her husband, he should support her decision whatever the choice. Of course, this doesn’t apply in general abortion cases, just this one.

trolsor · 2022-10-22T00:23:37+00:00

Ok there is a pregnant women with stage 4 cancer . People here talking about killing a child . Scream about that is mothers decision nothing about the men s right . And of course nothing about 2 years old toddlers right to have couple of years with mother. Also seems like everybody here act like every pregnancy has %100 end up live healty birth . Which even healty womens doesnt have god given guarantee paper for that. If baby stillborn at 8 month will be late for mother too..

Noone thinks here mother is actually gambling . Does she thinking straight ? Under given health conditions ?

People also say this is nothing about mens right . No her decision ties him rest of his life after her death. Other option is he can give them to adoption so both kids can have life with mom and dad.. if she know this possibility.. do you think she will make the same decision ? She is already gambling like she had a guarantee paper in her hands .

MotorCityTrucker · 2022-10-21T22:23:12+00:00

My wife and I would consider raising this baby.

Shitpostradamus · 2022-10-22T02:48:14+00:00

OP, let your selfish friend know that I’d happily adopt the new baby , since it’s so much “work” for him. Jesus Christ, man

Ok-Obligation235 · 2022-10-22T19:39:27+00:00

Holy shit, poor kids and husband. I can’t believe how she could make such a bad and egoistic decision. This is coming from a woman.

randomguy7277 · 2022-10-21T20:38:55+00:00

She might not be thinking clearly if it’s brain cancer, tell your friend to look into power of attorney. If it’s not brain cancer well it’s a shit situation for all parties and she is of sound mind w her decision. He would know her better than all of us. I have cancer myself, bone cancer. It sucks. One day my wife might have to make MY decisions. But that’s how it is. They won’t give it to him if she is of sound mind.

PmMeAnnaKendrick · 2022-10-22T07:13:07+00:00

He never had a say in anything since the day he was born. That's the patriarchy folks.

Technical-Net-9435 · 2022-10-22T16:58:50+00:00

Alright guys, relax. Shitty situation for both people.

It’s definitely unfair that she’s technically just gonna give birth and then die and leave the child with the father (sorry if this sounds insensitive). To me, it’s no different than a man raping a woman and then her getting pregnant.

I think you should follow health professionals’ advice, and if it doesn’t work, the child is gonna have to be put up for adoption or something like that unfortunately

Njaulv · 2022-10-22T02:44:44+00:00

What he should do is leave her ass right now, maybe she will change her mind after realizing she has to go through treatment and raising a newborn alone, and if she sticks him with the kid later, he can give it up for adoption. There is a high demand for newborns and babies.

TaruAmara21 · 2022-10-22T02:10:22+00:00

Agreed.

Ok_Secretary_8243 · 2022-10-22T04:27:12+00:00

If she dies at least it’s her own f***ing ignorance, not because she wanted to get an abortion and the law said no. Now let’s see: She can have an abortion and the baby dies or not have one and then the baby dies anyway automatically when she dies.

John_Q_Amalekim · 2022-10-22T10:25:13+00:00

It’s a woman’s prerogative to die in defence of her children.

Danterahi · 2022-10-22T12:53:20+00:00

Since it’s already Stage 4, what are her odds of beating the cancer even if she does accept all treatment?

Mobile-College-4156 · 2022-10-22T13:55:54+00:00

Yeah but it happens think about this you depressed that the love of life died and it could have been avoided for the time being if she had a abortion you not thinking straight you see the child that you blame for you love death sorry to bust you bubble but the real world isn't all sunshine and rainbows it can be dark sometime

Mobile-College-4156 · 2022-10-22T14:09:15+00:00

And no it not outside of the scope of post because I told you to watch you friend he if he show shine of be depressed or if he start blaming the baby for stuff call somebody

No-Umpire9632 · 2022-10-22T17:57:43+00:00

As the great Dave Chappelle said a woman is allowed to abort or have the child it is her right but as a man if a woman decides to have the child you have no financial obligation if you do not wish to have the child

FearlessHamster4486 · 2022-10-22T18:00:17+00:00

So what kill her baby for a few more years of suffering?

Monkeydisease1 · 2022-10-23T12:09:28+00:00

She's a hero

Potential-Mountain61 · 2022-10-24T04:38:29+00:00

This case, I don't think men should have any say. I mean, the only question is whether she should have the abortion or not and it's decision entirely. I mean, it's within the limits ig, so it's entirely a question of her choice.

ImplodedPotatoSalad · 2022-10-25T02:03:05+00:00

Thats one seriously fucked up woman. She literally denies herself to her first child.

shittycommentdude · 2022-10-26T02:19:32+00:00

I think this reddit post is relevant to this situation

AccounrOfMonteCristo · 2022-12-28T13:05:13+00:00

She might be figuring that she's likely to die with or without treatment. Saving her baby makes her at least feel she has some control and one final accomplishment. Unfortunately it seems the dad will resent the baby.

Title	An unfortunate case of wife saying no to abortion at the cost of her life. Husband has no say and will be left with two kids to raise.
Author	elyf87
Upvotes	373
Comments	223
Date	October 21, 2022 7:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ya1tjm/an_unfortunate_case_of_wife_saying_no_to_abortion/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/an-unfortunate-case-of-wife-saying-no-to-abortion.1208362 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208362

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