how abnormal is it for women compared to men to have a very high libido?

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-08-01T06:22:19+00:00

I've always been high libido, and it's no different in my 40's.

I noticed something interesting last year - my male friends claimed they "only" wanted sex 2-3 times per week, while the female ones claimed that they wanted more sex, which would have made it 2-3 times per week. If that's a generalisation, then both men and women want about the same amount of sex, it's just framed differently by societal influence. According to the men 2-3 times a week was less than they felt they should be wanting it, while the women felt 2-3 was more than they should be wanting to have sex.

Sensitive-Event-6935 · 2023-08-01T05:25:44+00:00

In my first two relationships I had the higher libido and it was frustrating and led to the relationship ending both times. I know how men feel when they keep trying to initiate sex with their partner and get rejected. It’s very disheartening and a real blow to the ego. Because of those relationships I thought I was the problem, I thought I was abnormal. My husband has a higher libido than me most of the time, when I’m ovulating mine is higher. I think men usually have a spontaneous sex drive and are down for it whenever but for women it’s usually a responsive sex drive and we need to be put in the mood. I seem to have a mixture of both, I’m not sure how common it is.

ThorLives · 2023-08-01T07:31:39+00:00

If I were trying to make a guess at this, I'd look at the research on frequency of masterbation.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/chalabi-datalab-masturbation-2.png?w=610

Based on this infographic, if we assume that everyone with a masterbation frequency of 4+ times per week is "high libido", then among 25-29 year-olds (i.e. when libido is highest according to the chart): 5% of women are high libido and 20% of men are high libido.

If we count "2+ times a week" as "high libido", then: 13% of women are high-libido, and 43% of men are high libido.

As a side-note, it's interesting to see how much it falls-off with age, particularly for women. Among people 60+ years old, only about 0.5% of women masterbate 2+ times a week. For men aged 60+ years-old, it's 14% (for 60-69) and 9% (for 70+).

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-01T05:02:34+00:00

I’ve always had a higher libido than my partners. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, but even now after 10 years with my husband. However when I didn’t have a partner my libido would gradually slow down, I wouldn’t think about sex that much, and even masturbation stopped after a while. So despite me being higher libido in a relationship and lower libido when single, it seems men want it all the time regardless.

Also PPD men think we can look at a man and decide right away if we want to sleep with them, because that is how their attraction works. Mine doesn’t work that way. I can develop crushes and such, but usually after getting to know someone, and I’m not generally thinking of sex before kissing even happens.

beleidigtewurst · 2023-08-01T12:05:27+00:00

Weight the consequences of sex in a historic homo sapiens setting. (99.99% hunter gatherer).

Men: minutes of fun, maybe will get kids as a side effect, might or might not need to help with the kids.

Women: knocked out as fully functioning human for 9 month, tricky birth giving process in 9 month, left with a kid that resembles dude that she didn't even like that much.

It is obvious, that "high libido" is very impractical for one of the genders.

That being said, it doesn't rule out that for any given couple it would always be men, who want more sex. (aggravated by the fact that men tend to want sex with... not necessarily with exact same woman)

Check this out:

Coolidge effect

The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon seen in animals, whereby males exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new female is introduced, even after sex with prior but still available sexual partners. To a lesser extent, the effect is also seen among females with regard to their mates.

And before anyone goes "OMG, but that's animals", homo sapiens are, wait for it, primates.

Applejinx · 2023-08-01T08:52:01+00:00

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Ok_Repeat_7347 · 2023-08-01T05:11:04+00:00

I’ve always been high libido and the older I get the worse it gets. 30s women are supposed to be some of the most horny. As long as whatever your libido is you make sure it’s compatible with your partners then you’re fine. The only issues are when one wants it more and the other isn’t willing to oblige. You do need to be willing to meet your partners needs to some extent. Women are more selective but this isn’t due to lack of desire. Men would fuck a donut if it had frosting tits.

Helmet_Icicle · 2023-08-01T10:01:15+00:00

How can we really know that?

Peer-reviewed, evidence-based scientific literature.

Libido between genders is not comparable whatsoever. Testosterone is a helluva drug.

Gender differences in behaviour: activating effects of cross-sex hormones.

The relative contribution of organizing and activating effects of sex hormones to the establishment of gender differences in behaviour is still unclear. In a group of 35 female-to-male transsexuals and a group of 15 male-to-female transsexuals a large battery of tests on aggression, sexual motivation and cognitive functioning was administered twice: shortly before and three months after the start of cross-sex hormone treatment. The administration of androgens to females was clearly associated with an increase in aggression proneness, sexual arousability and spatial ability performance. In contrast, it had a deteriorating effect on verbal fluency tasks. The effects of cross-sex hormones were just as pronounced in the male-to-female group upon androgen deprivation: anger and aggression proneness, sexual arousability and spatial ability decreased, whereas verbal fluency improved. This study offers evidence that cross-sex hormones directly and quickly affect gender specific behaviours. If sex-specific organising effects of sex hormones do exist in the human, they do not prevent these effects of androgen administration to females and androgen deprivation of males to become manifest.

Is There a Gender Difference in Strength of Sex Drive? Theoretical Views, Conceptual Distinctions, and a Review of Relevant Evidence

Across many different studies and measures, men have been shown to have more frequent and more intense sexual desires than women, as reflected in spontaneous thoughts about sex, frequency and variety of sexual fantasies, desired frequency of intercourse, desired number of partners, masturbation, liking for various sexual practices, willingness to forego sex, initiating versus refusing sex, making sacrifices for sex, and other measures. No contrary findings (indicating stronger sexual motivation among women) were found. Hence we conclude that the male sex drive is stronger than the female sex drive. The gender difference in sex drive should not be generalized to other constructs such as sexual or orgasmic capacity, enjoyment of sex, or extrinsically motivated sex.

Sex Differences in Succumbing to Sexual Temptations

Men succumb to sexual temptations (e.g., infidelity, mate poaching) more than women. Explanations for this effect vary; some researchers propose that men and women differ in sexual impulse strength, whereas others posit a difference in sexual self-control. These studies are the first to test such underlying mechanisms. In Study 1, participants reported on their impulses and intentional control exertion when they encountered a real-life tempting but forbidden potential partner. Study 2 required participants to perform a reaction-time task in which they accepted/rejected potential partners, and we used process dissociation to separate the effects of impulse and control. In both studies, men succumbed to the sexual temptations more than women, and this sex difference emerged because men experienced stronger impulses, not because they exerted less intentional control.

Human Sexuality How Do Men and Women Differ?

First, on a wide variety of measures, men show greater sexual desire than do women. Second, compared with men, women place greater emphasis on committed relationships as a context for sexuality. Third, aggression is more strongly linked to sexuality for men than for women. Fourth, women's sexuality tends to be more malleable and capable of change over time. These male-female differences are pervasive, affecting thoughts and feelings as well as behavior, and they characterize not only heterosexuals but lesbians and gay men as well.

Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli

Men are generally more interested in and responsive to visual sexually arousing stimuli than are women. Here we used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to show that the amygdala and hypothalamus are more strongly activated in men than in women when viewing identical sexual stimuli. This was true even when women reported greater arousal. Sex differences were specific to the sexual nature of the stimuli, were restricted primarily to limbic regions, and were larger in the left amygdala than the right amygdala. Men and women showed similar activation patterns across multiple brain regions, including ventral striatal regions involved in reward. Our findings indicate that the amygdala mediates sex differences in responsiveness to appetitive and biologically salient stimuli; the human amygdala may also mediate the reportedly greater role of visual stimuli in male sexual behavior, paralleling prior animal findings.

Gender differences in sexuality: a meta-analysis.PDF here

This meta-analysis surveyed 177 usable sources that reported data on gender differences on 21 different measures of sexual attitudes and behaviors. The largest gender difference was in incidence of masturbation: Men had the greater incidence (d = .96). There was also a large gender difference in attitudes toward casual sex: Males had considerably more permissive attitudes (d = .81). There were no gender differences in attitudes toward homosexuality or in sexual satisfaction. Most other gender differences were in the small-to-moderate range.

Sex Differences and Similarities in Frequency and Intensity of Sexual Desire

Only within the past decade have social scientists commonly recognized the phenomenon of sexual desire as a distinct and vital component of human sexual response. Of the various factors believed to be associated with sexual desire, gender (biological sex) is presumed by many theorists to be one of the most important. Limited empirical work suggests that men experience desire more frequently than do women; however, sex differences in intensity or level of desire have yet to be examined. This study explored both the self-reported frequency and intensity of sexual desire among an ethnically diverse sample of 676 men and women. As hypothesized, men reported experiencing a higher overall level of sexual desire than did women. Sex differences also were found with respect to frequency of sexual desire. Men reported experiencing sexual desire more often than did women and, when asked to estimate the actual frequency with which they experienced desire, men's estimated frequency (37 times per week) was significantly higher than women's (9 times per week). These results do not imply that men always feel desire or that women lack sexual desire. In fact, virtually every participant in this study reported feeling sexual desire on a regular basis.

The experience of sexual desire: Psychological correlates in a college sample

The results indicate that as a group, males report experiencing sexual desire more frequently than females. Males appeared to rely on similar indicators of desire as females, specifically genital arousal and sexual daydreams. For both males and females, sexual desire was significantly correlated with sexual arousal (r = 0.50, females; r = 0.44, males) while the correlation of desire and love was nonsignificant for both sexes. However, desire and sexual behavior did not necessarily co‐occur, as both males and females reported engaging in sexual behavior without desire. These data suggest that greater attention be paid to the definitional features of sexual desire in nonclinical samples, in an effort to clarify current diagnostic categories and to provide population base rates.

Sexual interest and behavior in healthy 80- to 102-year-olds.

Sexual interest and behavior of 100 white men and 102 white women ranging in age from 80-102 were studied using an anonymous 117-item questionnaire. Subjects were healthy and upper middle-class, and living in residential retirement facilities; 14% of the women and 29% of the men were presently married. For both men and women, the most common activity was touching and caressing without sexual intercourse, followed by masturbation, followed by sexual intercourse. Of these activities, only touching and caressing showed a significant decline from the 80s to the 90s, with further analyses revealing a significant decline in this activity for men but not for women. Except for past enjoyment of sexual intercourse and of touching and caressing without sexual intercourse, all analyses revealed sex differences reflecting more activity and enjoyment by men. Current income and past guilt over sexual feelings showed very low but significant correlations with some frequency and enjoyment measures, and marital status, extramarital sex, and church attendance were significantly associated with continuing to perform and enjoy some sexual behaviors. Past importance of sex was significantly correlated with present frequency and enjoyment of both sexual intercourse and touching and caressing without sexual intercourse. Correlations between past and present frequency of sexual behaviors were substantial and significant for all but frequency of sexual intercourse, suggesting that current physical and social factors play an overriding role in this area.

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PrestonHolden · 2023-08-01T05:49:37+00:00

Not at all it’s actually pretty normal

obviousredflag · 2023-08-01T09:08:31+00:00

How often do you want to have sex per week? There are certainly stats that you can compare yourself to.

mcove97 · 2023-08-01T05:04:17+00:00

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TigerBiting_A_Katana · 2023-08-01T06:25:49+00:00

My past three girlfriends, including my current one, are both very high libido. It seems I keep ending up with these types of women—not that I’m complaining of course, being high libido myself. My current girl and the one before, were unable to orgasm during masturbation, and could only climax from intercourse. It’s like my reality is the exact opposite of what I read or hear about regarding women’s sexuality.

nemicro · 2023-08-01T05:55:55+00:00

And don't forget the main hormone that makes us horny is testosterone. For both women and men. Who has it more? Right. And who is evolutionary used to have sex with as much partners as it possible? Again men. Because this is how biology works. Women want sex either. But not in such amounts (there are exclusions but rare) and there are so many reasons why the woman loses her drive so on average it looks like only men are interested. Ask married couples or long term partners. I have a good looking face and fit body. I also have many positive character traits. I'm taller than average and have a sense of humor also with high IQ. Women want to date me a lot. But every time I start serious relationship - their drive goes so low so I can barely keep this relationship alive

Ok_Repeat_7347 · 2023-08-01T06:59:55+00:00

Society shames women who have a high libido EVEN if deep down they really crave sex. That's why the term 'good girl' exists.

nemicro · 2023-08-01T05:47:23+00:00

Women are selective? They're just have a lot more attention and due to this fact - they're choosing the best looking men. The problem is that the best looking men are not willing long term partner. They have so much women wanting to date so they're just enjoying their lives. So with time women learn to choose more average guys with whom they're not feel as much drive. Also I assume due to overwhelming attention in their youths women struggle with real relationship because there are disagreements and troubles sometimes. And they're just simply don't want that because they're used to have only neverending fairytale full of compliments and attention.

FourthHarbinger · 2023-08-01T11:40:28+00:00

Women only get aroused by a very small pool of the most attractive guys. They will have a high libido for them but no one else

No-ConspiracyTheory · 2023-08-01T05:04:10+00:00

Women want lots of sex with 1 men

Men want sex 1 time with lots of women

aboutbeingfrench · 2023-08-01T05:15:19+00:00

One theory is that they have very high libido due to the historical licentiousness of their fathers. Women have inherited this personality trait from their fathers. It's called the "Player's Penalty Tax". Interesting.

Skylarias · 2023-08-01T07:45:19+00:00

I've had a higher libido than my last 3 guys... aka every one since I no longer identified as asexual.

But men are more willing to hookup with strangers because they're less likely to get murdered/raped/assaulted. Hence the falsity that men have higher libidos.

I don't have a link to the study I read, but self-labelled high libido women want sex more often than their high libido male counterparts.

I can't remember the stats for how low libido men and low libido women compared though.

The major difference in sexual desire is responsive and spontaneous desire. Women TEND to usually have responsive desire, whereas men tend to have more spontaneous desire.

But higher libido women also tend to have more spontaneous desire than average or low libido women.

JulesK00044 · 2023-08-01T07:34:53+00:00

I have a very high libido always have since a girl and certainly know some of my friends some that are older than me that are just as horny too. But a lot seem to be indifferent and seems to be the ones with life pressures like young children or that are married that are in a sort of see it as a chore attitude. Men seem to not be as affected in that way so it is certainly more common in men to have high libido until they reach older age. Quite a lot of older men struggle with a drop in libido. Women are just more selective

Mentathiel · 2023-08-01T07:35:11+00:00

I thought I was medium libido and responsive sex drive based on my previous relationships. With my current partner, I realized I was just bad at recognizing my own horniness because I sort of repressed it and subconsciously signaled interest to get the man to initiate and avoid rejection. He kept pointing it out whenever I did it until I learned to recognize it myself. I now realize I have a much higher libido than him and it's not only responsive at all. And when it comes to responsive, I'm really easy to get in the mood.

I think it depends a lot on how safe you feel to express it and how attracted you are to your partner.

I don't want to project, I'm sure there are women who just have different physiology and just biologically have a lower libido than me, but after going through this I think exploring the psychological side to see if there is anything blocking you is important.

Particular-Ad-1123 · 2023-08-01T07:47:30+00:00

I only knew one girl that was like this, and to find this out after she moves to Canada lmao while I’m in the U.S………… I would have been having that every night, a true shame

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-01T08:54:29+00:00

Very common, it just depends on different factors. Men also will interpret things such as how many random different strangers you're willing to have sex with as libido, which isn't it. It's how frequently you desire sexual release. Women's libidos are more frequently responsive than passive, meaning they depend on context more rather than just keeping to the same rate and can be much higher in the context of relationships in particular.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-01T09:23:34+00:00

I got a little extra testosterone in my mix from birth and too much estrogen from endometriosis at puberty. It turned me into a slutty teenager, a horny adult and a bad ass bitch at work.

ReferenceImpossible2 · 2023-08-01T09:40:38+00:00

If you ever wanna know what normal NON Reddit weirdo women think, take the opposite of what’s said here by PPD women. This should be the metric for all Q4W based threads in the future

Albion_the_tank · 2023-08-01T11:48:02+00:00

I’m sure there are plenty of women with low libido, but I think the myth that women hate sex and men are the only ones who like it is mostly religious nonsense. I’ve been married for 10 years to a woman with an incredibly high sex drive.

Unboundaries · 2023-08-01T15:06:52+00:00

It's not abnormal at all. When they're physically attracted to and emotionally connected to their partner it should be high especially towards that one person. I'd be questioning the chemistry or if the spark is dying out if the girl only wanted it once or twice a week

daddysgotanew · 2023-08-01T17:26:55+00:00

All women have a high libido for the right man. If she’s cold to you/shutting down your advances, she’s not sufficiently attracted. Spend your time on women that are hot for you instead of just lukewarm.

pagan6990 · 2023-08-01T20:35:44+00:00

Here is an article about the largest meta-analysis of sex drive studies ever done. Over 200 studies.

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2022-10-stronger-sex-men-women.html

The authors of the study said this about the differences-

“Frankenbach said between 24% and 29% of women appear to have a higher sex drive than the "average" man.”

For the sake of this discussion let’s say the average male sex drive is to want sexual activity 4-5 times a week. This would be the 50th percentile point if we made a bell curve of the male sex drive.

Since we have a range for the female sex drive let’s set it at 25% for this example. If we took the male and female sex drive bell curves and laid them on top of each other the 75th percentile of the female curve would line up with the 50th percentile of the male curve.

If we had a room of 100 men and woman, each one representing a point on their respective bell curves, There would be 25 women who wanted sexual activity 4-5 times a week or more compared to 50 men that wanted sexual activity 4-5 times a week.

At the extremes it would be even worse. Let’s say for every one standard deviation (15 points) sexual desire increases by 2. The 65th percentile of the male curve would then correspond to wanting sex 6-7 times a week. The equivalent point on the female curve would be the 90th percentile. So in our hypothetical room you would have 35 men that wanted sexual activity 6-7 a week and only 10 women that equaled or exceeded that.

Theunknownreap · 2023-08-02T03:48:35+00:00

Women are more horny than men lol

Disastrous-Midnight4 · 2023-08-02T18:09:01+00:00

As with most gender related differences, it’s important to keep in mind that individual variability typically trumps differences observed between the 2 sexes.

Further it’s probably important to also note that libido often presents itself differently between males and females.

As a man I can attest that my sex drive is generally directed towards immediate sexual gratification, the idea of rubbing one out if you will, usually followed by some kind of refractory period of close to zero sexual desire. The friskier I am the more wide I am willing to cast my net to satisfy my need, which is probably quite a wide net in the beginning. But yeah once the deed is done, my immediate need for gratification basically disappears. Also into the equation comes the Coolidge effect, which basically means that I will get more aroused by Nobel experiences than any female I have already been with.

So both those things taken together make men a creature that is always down for new sexual experiences, the quality of which comes as a secondary aspect.

It’s this qualitative side where I think women differ a lot. Even if they have a strong sex drive, female’s sex drive is rarely satisfied as simply and straightforward as those of males, especially during intercourse. So while men can climax quickly purely from the novelty of being with a woman for the first time, women first need to let their guard down, i.e. feel safe about engaging someone physically stronger and potentially dangerous.

Then climaxing for a women takes a bit more and typically quite a bit longer than it takes a guy. And if there is no climax event for the woman, what’s the point for her?

Title	how abnormal is it for women compared to men to have a very high libido?
Author	Ok_Repeat_7347
Upvotes	36
Comments	121
Date	August 1, 2023 4:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15f2hbk/how_abnormal_is_it_for_women_compared_to_men_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-abnormal-is-it-for-women-compared-to-men-to.1227106 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227106

Comments

Coolidge effect