You don’t choose to be in the competition. It’s easier to say “I’m not even trying” than admit you gave up

TotalTravesty · 2023-10-03T02:39:39+00:00

Is it so hard to believe that some people find peace in not being in a constant state of competition? This is a similar flavor of impotent rage as when “DEBATE ME!” guys are told “Nah, I’m good” by the general public.

richard_golbes · 2023-10-03T03:06:40+00:00

the comments were filled with people in relationships refusing to think someone can steal their partner. Even if they won’t leave you, they’d still sexually cheat if the right person is presented in front of them therefore you’re in competition to maintain your relationship even if you don’t see your competition.

No. Some people have good values.

toasterchild · 2023-10-03T02:57:22+00:00

Nah. If someone takes my man away they just saved me the burden of being with someone faithless. I'm want a partner not a carnival prize.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-10-03T02:57:08+00:00

I am a person in a relationship.

I’m not in competition with other women for my partner.

If he decided to cheat, it wouldn’t be because someone else “won” him; it’d be because he lost all sense of morality and loyalty.

Why would I want him after that?

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-10-03T02:54:44+00:00

1) Yes,you choose to "be in competition"

2) To give up means you went through this first. If you don't participate from the beginning, you don't try

retal1ator · 2023-10-03T07:16:42+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss the point by saying that people in love should not fear competition. Let’s be real and admit that some overt competition is always happening, because unless you live on a deserted island with your partner there is always some chance that if you neglect them they might start looking elsewhere.

Neglect in this context means lowering the quality of what you bring to the table, may it be looks, effort, care, etc… If you get fat, become insufferable, not return affection, and not put efforts in; then it’s a matter of time before your partner loses patience.

The cognitive dissonance is especially unsurprising in women, as they seem to be the most vitriolic and aggressive in the comments; but that seem to be in tune with the modern mantra that only men have to work for their romantic successes. It seems as women don’t want to deal with the idea that they need to put efforts in.

Your partner chose you because of good qualities you have. What if you, as a woman, start letting yourself go and neglect your partner? Of course you’re in competition because if you start doing so eventually you will increase the chances of your man getting tired of you. And eventually going somewhere else for their needs.

And the same applies to men, always and pervasively. If you as a man stop working out, get fat, let yourself go, not care for your woman, etc… you will increase the chances of your woman looking elsewhere.

Please note I don’t mention cheating because I don’t think cheating is or should be the answer in these scenarios. But I do get the possibility of being disappointed in someone that stops putting in effort because I have experienced it. It shouldn’t and won’t lead to cheating; but it will lead to you getting tired of the relationship.

If a partner starts reducing the value they put in a relationship, it’s just human nature for someone to start wondering if it still makes sense for them to continue being with them. So yes, we’re all in covert competition in a way or another - but generally as long as you don’t give up on your partner and keep putting effort in you should be fine.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-10-03T09:15:47+00:00

There's a great dignity in walking away with your head held high. Admitting to giving up isn't a bad thing tbh.

DesertShifter · 2023-10-03T02:35:12+00:00

its easier to say you're not even trying than admit you gave up

The easiest is "its out of my hands", we know that like 45% of dudes do not approach women IRL at all and yet there is a massive amount of cope here about how them being lonely virgins is out of their hands. "I have a mental illness that stops me from socializing properly" but the mentally retarded patients, downs syndrome patients, the deaf, the mute all can socialize, so really mental illness isn't the big bust people say it is. "Oh I just can't find someone to relate to", well if you're barely approaching (and almost half of you statistically aren't) then no wonder you're fucked.

On the mens side this really is a shitshow, with tons of them pretending that hitting on a woman will get you arrested or fired when you avoid being fired by not hitting on coworkers and you avoid getting arrested by going away when she tells you shes not interested. There is a serious amount of BS that dudes here will sell you to rationalize away their own personal failures.

Flat_Pollution2541 · 2023-10-03T02:45:17+00:00

Even if they won’t leave you, they’d still sexually cheat if the right person is presented in front of them therefore you’re in competition to maintain your relationship even if you don’t see your competition.

I don't get your thought process, your essentially saying there's always someone better who could take your partner. With that logic why would be in active competition if there is someone who can take your partner no matter how good you are?

Elixier_55555 · 2023-10-03T03:56:44+00:00

I am not in a competition with any woman especially over a man. The man l choose to be with will not be in competition with anyone else because he's the one I've chosen to be with. If my man treats me really good, why would l need anything else?? Or make him think he's fighting other men? Of course I'll get asked out by other suitors, l am young & attractive. But so what?

If the person you're with has such a mentality & think they can find something better, let them go, they weren't meant for you. Yes, others do grow out of love or stray. But that has nothing to do with me at all...Its on them and their personal choices & rotten morals...

No one can "steal your partner" either. Relationships are not human trafficking...It will be the men or women with such a mentality that physically fight other people that got with their partner instead of dealing with the actual problem;their partners. I find it extreme humorous because how low do you think of yourself such that you put yourself in physical danger for someone that humiliated & publicly disrespected you?? We know you'll stay anyways since you don't love or respect yourself so why bother??

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VoltairesBarista · 2023-10-03T04:35:58+00:00

I don’t your premise that anyone will cheat if the right person is put in front of them, this applies to some but clearly not everybody.

Havel68 · 2023-10-03T10:58:57+00:00

I'm a woman and yes men make their interest in me known on a regular basis, even very attractive ones but its irrelevant I'm taken, I love someone else and wouldn't throw a good relationship I am happy in away on a whim. I trust my DH to do the same. Is it a possibility, sure, I could also fall down a sink hole or be hit by lightning doesn't mean its going to happen and that I should let it control my life or thinking, that would be very unhealthy.

If you have a good relationship, and good relationship skills, if you are a halfway intelligent person then you maintain your relationship, you tackle issues as they arise, you talk and dealing with each of those things not only prevents one or both partners feeling so alienated that they look elsewhere or are suspectable to the attentions of another person but it makes you stronger than before. You really value the fact that you can both overcome an issue together and still be happy and in love, that the person you are with supported you and didn't turn their back when you struggled and you now not every attractive person who tries to flirt with you would do that. That kind of relationship becomes precious.

I am surprised and feel sad for the people who cannot conceive of a relationship where they wouldn't always be looking over their shoulder at the competition, those people don't know what love is and they also probably lack the requisite skills to maintain a good relationship if they ever stubbled into one, very sad indeed.

itdoesnotmatterlolol · 2023-10-03T13:32:22+00:00

Women compete in indirect ways. It's well documented. It's why they dress up, wear makeup, gossip.

alchemist10000 · 2023-10-03T15:35:18+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy...there will always be someone better at something. Better to focus on maximizing what you can control instead.

punapearebane · 2023-10-03T17:27:13+00:00

If a man makes you feel like you are still competing with other women while being in a relationship with him - RUN.

ItIsnt0verYet · 2023-10-03T18:25:58+00:00

I assume my partner has the same feelings as I do about our relationship. There is no competition for my affection because I don't entertain other people. If you want to live your life in a teen drama, that's fair but I don't see value in assuming I have to fight for the love of my partner forever. I'm not so bitter that I assume he will cheat on me. If he does, obviously, our relationship will end but there is no competition there, just betrayal.

Ok_Smile_60 · 2023-10-03T18:58:31+00:00

Like that for everything, even wimpy egos need protecting

onion_rings_addict · 2023-10-03T19:57:37+00:00

I met a hot guy (a friend of a friend) but I also noticed a girl I like was already trying to hook up with him. So I stay away from them when they are having a 1:1 convo

so no, I'm not competitive

Title	You don’t choose to be in the competition. It’s easier to say “I’m not even trying” than admit you gave up
Author	RRT_2_PA-C
Upvotes	17
Comments	110
Date	October 3, 2023 2:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16yfz96/you_dont_choose_to_be_in_the_competition_its/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/you-dont-choose-to-be-in-the-competition-its.1233832 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233832

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