Single for years after divorce

dog_fart_tacos · 2023-10-12T10:55:00+00:00

Coming to grips with the fact that I needed a lot of self work. I went on one date and realized I was nowhere ready to date much less be in a relationship. It's not always a quick road to go from accepting that something needs to change, motivating to start making that change, and then going through the time and process it takes for the change to take hold. I wouldn't have wished freshly divorced/separated me on anyone.

Agitated-Fee-6497 · 2023-10-12T14:58:57+00:00

I suppose for me when I got married it was about building a life with someone. Now that I'm divorced that is no longer a goal of mine. It's been challenging to find someone to compliment my life so I prefer to stay single and just be me without limitations. I'm financially secure and love to travel and just live life. I don't want to worry about how someone else feels about xyz....or did they get upset about something I said or did....I just enjoy the peace.

FuriousSasquatch · 2023-10-12T14:24:20+00:00

The number one factor is that the vast majority of woman have very little to offer me. Sex is cool and all, but you don't even really need to date if that's all you are after. Wading through the sea of trash to even attempt to find someone that brings more to the table just isn't worth the investment of time to me, at least currently.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-10-12T12:18:33+00:00

Life events and the realization that I (introvert) prefer my own company more than anyone else. Plus, the ability to decide things without external considerations. It's also a cool excuse when negotiating where to go to do the deed.

MagnusRexus · 2023-10-12T20:10:08+00:00

A lot of my reasons have been mentioned here already, but one I've experienced but haven't seen listed here yet: after jumping back into the dating pool after over a decade out of it, I just hate the dynamics of modern dating. Maybe it's because of online dating, or my own poor partner choices, or maybe most men are just too fucking thirsty for their own good these days, but every woman I've dated post-divorce seems to treat dating like some fucking game show where they are the prize and men are the contestants. Like, I have to be on my game with her 24/7, because if I slip up in the slightest way whatsoever, she's got a line of dicks on a leash just waiting for their shot, and she will not hesitate. It's exhausting, and why should I exhaust myself over someone who's essentially just toying with me?

It makes me feel like a beggar, or a cheap, disposable commodity, despite knowing I have value. I dated for 2 decades before I met my ex, and it was never like this. It seems women were more interested in commitment/monogamy back then, whereas now it seems it's all about narcissistic self-validation. I was caught up in this whole competition mindset for a while, until I realized I don't like these games, so I stopped playing them.

MNCPA · 2023-10-12T17:47:37+00:00

I enjoy the peace too much.

pk2at · 2023-10-12T16:58:42+00:00

Number one factor is loneliness and lack of social interaction

Ever-learning271 · 2023-10-12T14:38:08+00:00

Self-care; rumination makes this difficult at times but ultimately I need to be ME for me & my kid…no woman I have met gives me grounds to change my focus yet and given the quality of women thus far, I am not hopeful. I’m happy and well as myself, alone but not lonely. Good Luck❤️‍🩹

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2023-10-12T17:40:35+00:00

A combination of things. Her leaving completely shattered my life and it's been three years and I'm still healing. I'm older 62 and my drive to have a partner is much less, and I'm an introvert and shy.

Just trusting that at the right time, the Universe will introduce me to some nice compatibility lady.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-10-12T22:43:09+00:00

Been separated for 10 months in the process of divorce haven’t dated or f’ed anyone just enjoying my single hood. I don’t even try to hit on girls, I work, go to the gym, and relax at home with my dog and work on my hobbies

DeadBedroomRealTalk · 2023-10-12T12:04:58+00:00

I’m on the path to divorce so disqualify my opinion of you want since I’m not technically divorced.

So many guys think because their wife said “yes” and they had kids they get to drop everything. Hobbies, fitness, good habits, etc.

The average man in the US is pitifully weak, poorly groomed, and has nothing interesting going on. Buying a pull up bar or gym membership and getting to a lean state, looking clean, and having a hobby or two that puts you out there will put you above 60% of guys who are overweight or obese and have nothing going on.

Beyond that, money, looks, and personality will separate you.

Classic_Dill · 2023-10-12T16:25:45+00:00

Time to heal, I'm taking a break from dating, ill go 3 months on and 4 months off, i dont date if i simply dont feel like it. Would like to be with someone, but I'm not desperate and rather take the time, to search out someone whose highly compatible. Were Relationship woke and we just see the red flags quicker in people, so it takes a lot of vetting.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-10-12T16:16:07+00:00

You can only Learn and Grow I’ve realised if you’re NOT tied up in obligation. Once I’d “won” and returned home I shed people who didn’t help me when needed, shed possessions and habits I didn’t need and avoided making new ones till I’d learned what makes me tick , what caused my past patterns / blind spots.

I have zero sex (by choice .. plus I retired while ahead) but if I met someone (not as in females flirting - I politely shut those down) I’d ensure it’s under controlled circumstances and with clear Rules. (Not on my premises, I’m not sorting your ‘shit out, psycho-drama - you walk.)

I read, I exercise , I work on “admin” . Not missing anything … I’d been in continuous relationships for 25 years - they add NOTHING to your life. I earned that opinion in the field .

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2023-10-12T16:20:34+00:00

Self work.

Then realizing that the majority of woman income across are not worth the effort. There is very little good ROI from what I put into the relationship to what I get out of the relationship.

So far it hasn’t been worth it to me to not be single.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-10-12T20:19:14+00:00

I'm not officially divorced yet, but I've been looking since about a month after my wife left. I've been on one or two dates, but there is just absolutely no one viable. Not in my area, at least.

MrInbetweenn01 · 2023-10-13T04:40:52+00:00

Been single 10 years.

Having been blindsided by someone I trusted so completely makes me realize this is actually a common behaviour with women and I never want to be put in that position again.

Also when it is all added up for me, being single has more positives to it than being with someone else. I will never be in a relationship again but understand not everyone is like that.

I think our genetics are setup to believe that the first 6 months or year is how it will always be, the issue is, it never is. Those that get on facebook and make this quite frankly, dreadful posts about how wonderful their wife is are actually the ones I have the most sympathy for.

nothing says the wife has her husband by the balls as much as those type of posts.

Also whenever I go shopping and I see a family with the wife whining about something unimportant or being critical while their kids run and scream all over the place and I notice the resigned, dead eyes of the poor guy pushing the trolley.

Also the women I am interested in are no longer interested in me although that changes during visits to Thailand and Columbia. I fall in love at least twice a year for a couple of weeks and that is enough for me. Enjoy the good times before their dark passenger appears.

Perhaps I am just a bit cynical

mrk177 · 2023-10-12T20:46:40+00:00

Been single over two years. I don’t feel that women have a lot to offer. Some don’t even try at all. I don’t care enough to care another relationship on my back. Prefer to be single. I feel like the only thing I’m missing out on is sex.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-10-12T16:22:11+00:00

I'm older. Dating is much different.

In my 20s, it was all about buying a home, having kids, and growing together.

In my 50s, it is all about keeping whatcha got. It's all prenups and individual retirement planning.

There should be three demographics of people I can date. (1) There should be girls who are financially worse off than me. Check. These girls are abundant. (2) There should be girls who are financially better off than me. Yep. Except there are so fucking many. I can't believe how well women are doing. And (3) there should be someone in my ballpark class who wants to get back into the housing market, or buy a rental, or upgrade/downgrade or otherwise SHARE finances. And I have yet to meet anyone like this. 100 dates and 0 so far.

Let's face it. Marriage is 95% finances. Without shared finances, it's more like pimping.

TL;DR. I only meet people who I will have to support or who will have to support me.

DC2500 · 2025-01-16T00:48:31+00:00

My advice to everyone take the needed time heal yourself after divorce you always need little to reflect and learn where things went wrong. Being nice guy never does pay because people will walk all over you without even respecting you my first girl friend.

whiskey_piker · 2023-10-12T15:35:06+00:00

People that stay single fall into one of the following categories: depressed, haven’t properly coped w/ their divorce, not physically attractive, not socially competent, not wealthy.

Careless_Payment9298 · 2023-10-13T12:06:05+00:00

I learned to notice red flags early and end relationships before they get serious.

tellmemorelies · 2023-10-13T16:38:56+00:00

Because I will not get remarried - full stop.

Title	Single for years after divorce
Author	DeanG30
Upvotes	26
Comments	59
Date	October 12, 2023 10:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1763f7o/single_for_years_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/single-for-years-after-divorce.1234897 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234897

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