Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climate

ColdHandGee · 2023-09-18T10:22:47+00:00

I am 54 (55 in november) and i am still single. Had a horrific ex-wife who put me through the meat grinder for 25yrs. I finally divorced her back in 2020.

Not looking for a gf yet as i was in therapy due to the abuse i suffered. I have worked on my physical mental spiritual and financial health. But when i do start dating again she will get the best version of me without the hangups i had.

Right now i look amazing (honestly!) I stopped drinking alcohol for 3yrs non smoker and i am in peak phyical mental shape. I haven't felt this good since i was in my 20's.

OP, when you are ready to date, make sure you look and smell amazing. Women love us who take care of ourselves and not looking like hobos!

soontobesolo · 2023-09-18T12:19:03+00:00

I did. Over 20 years since I dated last.

But after a little practice and a few mistakes, it's getting much easier. Just remember the people you are dating are largely in the same situation.

Embrace the apps!

HereinPA1 · 2023-09-18T11:10:32+00:00

I’m 52 and the thought right now just brings such dread. I’m only 3 months into separation so not even close for me to even try.

I used to talk with friends, before she walked out, about dating these days and how thankful I was to not have to do it. Now? I’m going to have to live it and I can’t even believe it. I will try my damndest to stay off of OLD and hope I can find someone out in the wild, somehow.

RideATX · 2023-09-18T14:40:09+00:00

Nah man, you just have to sort through the island of misfit toys until you find a good one. I had a lot of fun dating after my ex filed. Had a pretty great run for 2 yrs before one hung around long enough and never gave me a reason to move on.

xjeeperx · 2023-09-18T15:44:07+00:00

I really just have no interest in dating. I’d rather build my life how I want it and not worry about someone taking half of it.

Jedzoil · 2023-09-18T12:26:32+00:00

I can’t even imagine it. Apps, social media, and all that circus is not for me. I’m just gonna stay old school and if that’s a problem for someone than I’ll save myself a lot of time.

zugabuga · 2023-09-18T14:08:35+00:00

I met my ex-wife when we were 17 so while we technically dated, pretty much we were inseparable right away. Fast forward 26 years and I divorce her for being a serial cheater. So in my mid 40s, I enter the dating world with virtually no dating experience. I tried the apps, finally met someone that I seemed to get along well with. We meet in person and date for four months.

Over those four months, I start to realize how abusive this person is. I 100 percent would prefer to be with my cheating ex-wife over the abuse of this new person. Broke up with her almost a year ago and have no intentions of dating for quite a while. Like someone else said, it’s not bad being single, I can do whatever I want with my time.

I realize this post makes dating seem scary, I would just recommend meeting someone in person. The dating apps are filled with people that have BPD and other cluster B personality disorders. People can present themselves a certain way on the apps when in reality, they are not that way. Makes it hard to weed people out.

gudachi · 2023-09-18T14:13:03+00:00

One positive about dating when older is that there is less pressure and you can take your time and be more selective.

We know now what red flags to look for and not settle for just whoever is willing to sleep with us.

Also, it is fun to meet people and hear their stories.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-09-18T16:34:38+00:00

When you think about what the dating world really is, a subset of the normal population actively looking to find a partner, its not an ideal place to be. Their focus on finding someone is almost guaranteed to lead to disappointment. You just got out of a marriage, do you really wanna go right back in?

I would suggest pressing the pause button on dating. Figure yourself out, date yourself, go on a journey to discover who you really are. Rediscover your joys and cultivate them. Then when you are ready, you may find that you really don't need anyone in your life, maybe just FWB or a long distance girlfriend. If you decide you want a special someone, then think about the woman you want in your life, imagine her qualities and what she does in her free time. You might realize she isn't the type to be in the dating world at all.

Mopstick86 · 2023-09-18T14:34:39+00:00

Dating is tough. I’m 36. Divorce isn’t finalized but we’ve been separated 5 months. I meet women I’m not that attracted to but the personality is the best. Then the very attractive ones I want are already dating someone. I had a popular post a month ago about a woman who wanted an exclusive commitment after our first night together. That’s something I have to figure out.

It’s been weird. I met a beautiful woman at a sports bar Sat Night. We talked for a good 30 mins, laughing and really clicked. Showing pictures of travels, talked about what we like, laughed so much. We exchanged numbers and agreed to have a date soon. I texted her my name and nice to meet you. Still never got a response smh. That’s the ghost and flake culture I forgot about and hate.

I have to remember I’m like the 10th guy she probably talked to that night. I’m excited like I met someone amazing and she’s probably just enjoying the free attention.

rb577511 · 2023-09-18T11:08:18+00:00

What I have learned is that, after 40 or so, women bring next to nothing to the table. Dating for older men is not worth it. My dog is great company. I can cook, clean and decorate pretty well. It's just not worth it.

Snowbirdy · 2023-09-18T17:04:41+00:00

Easy to find dates, difficult to find someone worth dating. I think I have found a worthwhile woman, but am taking it slow. You should not be in any hurry, given both where you are in life and what you’ve been through.

Reflog1791 · 2023-09-18T23:36:51+00:00

I’m 32 once I understood online dating it was easy. Gym is a requirement. Good vibes only on your profile, none of this depressed divorced man baby bullshit.

Good pics, no bio, quick how ya doing decently clever joke and get the number. If they like your appearance you will get the number. Then get the date set for 48 hours later and shut the fuck up. Confirm date same day. Expect to get stood up so do this 3x to secure one date. From there you’re on your own.

I’m 5’10 kind of buff bad teeth (got Invisalign) and nobody is calling me the most handsome man on earth. There are thousands of lonely single women in your area who are down to go get coffee, take a walk in the park, verify you’re not a complete nut job, and head back to your place.

Most people who “hate dating apps” are so wrapped up in their own insecurities they can’t be convinced to do 50 push-ups a day and get a haircut.

Just hit the apps, optimize your profile, figure out how to get a phone number and ask somebody on a date, don’t take rejection personally, and bust as many nuts as you want.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-09-19T01:25:32+00:00

Yes! Surrounded by young, beautiful women who only want my money. True love has come and gone, twice over. I will never find a partner and I need to accept that.

MNCPA · 2023-09-18T11:14:40+00:00

It might be helpful to add your age group because the climate is different for each stage of life.

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-09-18T14:45:13+00:00

I think either you use a dating site.. and hope you find someone that matches there, or you just stop looking and if it happens, it happens. Someone you once knew or went to school with, a friend of a friend you met (or meet) at a party or something, church for those that do that, etc.

ranger69danger · 2023-09-18T14:52:50+00:00

I avoided dating by selecting for that one most trusted former partner, my HS sweetheart that i was dating on 9/11/01. Thank dog she wanted a family too.

thrownaway41422 · 2023-09-18T16:20:54+00:00

I've been separated for a year and divorced for a little over a month. F I ndi ng someone new sounds great but I have zero clues on what I'm doing.

NefariousNaz · 2023-09-18T17:49:57+00:00

I just gave up on American girls and dated internationally. Best decision I ever made. My new wife looks like a model rather than a gremlin

Blackbarnabyjones · 2023-09-18T18:23:03+00:00

DIFFICULT? Dude, passing a kidney stone is difficult.

These broke, scheming, deceptive, selfish, ignorant, damn near evil HOES make it outright IMPOSSIBLE to lay down next to one after a fuck and turn off the light.

Better you go home and sleep alone, so you wake up with all your kidneys and cash.

I've NEVER SEEN so many women with the "I've gotta get married/get help with these kids/bills/get access to someone's retirement/401k" mentality in my life.

And they LEAD with that. They DON'T EVEN CARE that you know.

And what do you get?

A pound of catfish left out in the sun too long and two fried eggs hanging on a nail running way from the enter of her chest.

These women ARE HABITUAL ABUSERS and THEY SUCK at covering their tracks, that's why they're alone. The man wised up or died and either way, he's gone.

So when you mess with these women out here over a certain age, you're lying on a operation table hoping the mob-doctor your using don't take more than she needs.

Good luck.

lyricbaritone2 · 2023-09-18T10:51:32+00:00

I'm done with women. Dating is just an evolved form of prostitution. The back 40 all belong to me. My potential was taken by the se women sucubai. Why would I go back to the abuse?

jimsmythee · 2023-09-18T17:38:32+00:00

I’ve been out of the dating market for 5 years now. But i was 42 and newly divorced out looking for a girlfriend.

It’s tough! Gotta weed out the scammers.

Gotta weed out the time-wasters. The ones that are too skittish to go out on dates and only want to chat.

Then reach first date. From there, gotta weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses.

Then gotta weed out the ones that only want to bring people into their church.

Then weed out the ones that hate sex.

Then gotta weed out the ones that make poor life choices and need a man to financially rescue them.

It’s tough!

idiskfla · 2023-09-18T12:36:55+00:00

I recommend traveling to Asia for half a year if you can. It will change your perspective and help you realize how skewed things have gotten in the US (divorce laws, alimony guidelines, feminist extremists, gender roles).

I’ve been out here post-divorce. Feel more confident about dating in the US again. Like one commenter said, this isn’t a fun experience for many women either, but unlike for guys, women tend to be in denial because they carry this false assumption that a guy wanting to sleep with them is the same as a guy wanting to marry them.

From my own experience, women in Southeast Asia might be simpler and less educated, but they’re not in denial that men will do anything to get in the sack. It’s wild to me how many women in the US pretend to want something when it’s really the opposite of what they want. I’m not saying women don’t enjoy sex. They do. But it’s less guilt-free for them than it is for men. They’re just in denial about this, so they’ll blame men for it.

Due-Cranberry8690 · 2023-09-18T13:01:54+00:00

Dating is easy. Just make sure you are presenting THE BEST version of yourself and you will attract the best version of what you want in your future GF

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-09-18T16:16:10+00:00

I'm 30. Things should be super easy, but of course I have two children. At this age, all the women who I'd be interested in have rushed into their first marriages and are having kids. The pickings are extremely thin. Dating apps are all fat chicks with three kids that think they're tens.

Classic_Dill · 2023-09-18T20:45:54+00:00

If you look at recent research, youll find this is one of the worse times to date unfortunately. I think both sexes have mistreated each-other so badly, for so long, that no one even wants to bother. However, i have had plenty of dates, it just takes time and proper vetting.

True_Scorpio23 · 2023-09-18T14:33:12+00:00

I hear this argument on both sides but I don’t understand it. I’m still in the middle of a contested divorce battle. My attention is focused on the case and same with my finances. It’s not like I’m out here trying to date. But even before I got married, this argument was made by people all the time. Could you describe “the climate” you are referencing? As I understand it from my point of view the economy is shit, the political climate is shit, Covid fucked a lot of things, social media has continued on a downward spiral, and other than that we have just gotten older. Could it be that you are looking for something g that doesn’t align with your situation and that’s what makes dating difficult? One other notion that I see get thrown out there is that one side think the other partner is out there fucking everything that moves after they separate, and you’ll see women and men make this assertion. This all leads me to believe that our current (middle of divorce or recently divorce) fucks up out judgement and confidence in ourselves.

animalx3 · 2023-09-18T18:37:50+00:00

I didn’t read the previous comments. But if you read dating for men, and no more mr nice guy, twice, and do what’s suggested you’ll be fine. I found dating to be fun but not necessarily for me as I was aggressively dating many and I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted. Maybe you’ll have same experience.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-09-18T23:00:08+00:00

Its mission impossible.3 years 6 dates nothing in the last 1 year and only a few times get lucky on those dates. Its just rough so i have to be ok to be alone if its comes that way.

Might its for the best.

b757pilot · 2023-09-18T23:41:52+00:00

Yep. dont like what i see

Rollercoaster72 · 2023-09-19T04:19:52+00:00

I am using old but just as a kind of social experiment cause I am not ready for a new relationship. I am testing photos from myself and checking out which work best. There are tools online to check your photo before you use it in your profile.

Check out: https://www.photofeeler.com

There are also a lot of good tipps about what kind of photo you should use. I never made selfies and made photos from myself with a tripod... the photos which got a high ranking at photofeeler turned out to be best. There are also some ai websites which can check your photo too... have to look them up...

Title	Who has found getting back into dating difficult in this climate
Author	DeanG30
Upvotes	31
Comments	125
Date	September 18, 2023 10:08 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16lrfw2/who_has_found_getting_back_into_dating_difficult/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/who-has-found-getting-back-into-dating-difficult.1232216 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232216

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