Hitting the gym….

One4All992 · 2023-12-10T01:42:15+00:00

I think the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" explains it best. For me it was a feeling of guilt or selfishness. After listening to the book I feel like such an idiot for thinking this way. For a time I was also in a deep state of depression and was literally just trying to get through each day.

HawksNation91 · 2023-12-10T01:20:52+00:00

Hit the gym, you will feel like a million bucks and will get abs. It’s pretty cool.

Lack of time previously raising kids and caring about my wife more than myself.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-12-10T04:14:41+00:00

Number one answer is routine. A shitty wife creates chaos and instability. You just give up trying to get any free time. Once divorce is final, you have total control. You set the plan when you have the kids, and when you don’t, you plan your day. That simple.

daniel22mckee · 2023-12-10T01:27:13+00:00

I was busy trying to take care of everything my soon to be ex-wife wouldn’t, but in hindsight, I should’ve prioritized my health. Chalk that up to another life lesson. divorce has been painful but I’m trying to learn from it.

VVeeky · 2023-12-10T01:32:54+00:00

I was working 2 jobs while she was stay at home mom to raise our child. When she left me and her affair came to light, I quit my second job and had a good amount of time to go to the gym. Been going 2 months straight, feel like I have a good amount of energy and it’s seems to have cured my brain fog.

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-12-10T05:03:58+00:00

She and I combined our worst habits. Kind of like a fucked up Voltron.

I exercised a lot. And I ate a lot. She sat on her ass. And she ate like a rabbit. Together we sat on our asses and ate a lot.

darweter_DPI · 2023-12-10T02:58:12+00:00

I just did not think about myself much, mostly her and the kids. Worked 2 jobs 7 days a week, etc. I started hitting the gym after I moved out. The current physical state is such that I have never been stronger in my life, not even when I was 18.

ADHD_247 · 2023-12-10T02:09:55+00:00

I was in peak shape. The warning signs came 8 months ago and to deal with the frustration, I had to double down on my runs.

I'm in better shape today then when I met my stbx!

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-12-10T02:44:42+00:00

Lifting is a natural part of my life. But, I would walk, stretch, yoga, ab work, high volume, lots of mobility work. That kind of thing.

During my divorce- I lifted heavy. Got strong AF. Something about lifting heavy and trying push as much weight as possible that gets rid of all that bullshit toxic energy that builds up.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-12-10T03:37:36+00:00

I was pretty jacked before I got married, when I got married I was working 6 days a week, plus the so called wife didn’t really cooked her idea of dinner was either fast food or frozen dinners, rarely worked out cause I was tired from work I didn’t get fat but lost a lot of muscle mass been trying to pack on muscle been considering trt

BaldieGoose · 2023-12-10T04:02:45+00:00

My ex didn't pull her weight so I was exhausted from all the stuff including kids she wouldn't do. I just needed an escape that I could do late at night with zero energy. So I just played video games until I fell asleep. She over planned our days and weekends mostly with shit her mom wanted to do.

Plus she always dragged in tons of junk food.

Once I had time and controlled my own diet I lost 75 lbs in a year.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-12-10T03:21:25+00:00

I’ve been active throughout my marriage and my life

But still. The gym is what I count on to feel better afterwards.

I don’t go hard enough when I’m working out alone

But I’m very very consistent.

If I could pass on the IPA’s I might have something something going on

lol

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-12-10T04:44:19+00:00

I also kept myself tidy when I was married as much for mental health as looks. Running, gym & yoga.

When separation was inevitable it just gave a bit more of a reason or aim. By the time we physically separated I was in v.good shale (for a 50m). I’ve done alright, it’s been fun.

lifeisallihave · 2023-12-10T06:11:22+00:00

Mine was a lack of time. I was always running all over the place doing things while she was away. I didn't even have time to play videogames, imagine that? I was always tired while she will sit around read the newspaper and having a cup of tea. Now I have time to take care of myself and going forward I will never allow this to happen to me again.

warrior_up · 2023-12-10T11:52:05+00:00

Time mostly, but also being able to get away from the constant psychological warfare, fight or flight, threats and toxic worry over losing my kids - I was also able to get sober. Have been for 2.5 years now

I’m 6’3 and now 245lbs of lean Dad beef. Look better at 40yrs old than I did playing college baseball 20 yrs ago. It’s fun going to my boys baseball games and watching all the other divorced single moms stare at me like they want to eat me - sadly for them I don’t date single Mothers.

Edit: it’s more so therapeutic for me than anything else, if I don’t work out I feel off, stressed and lack drive. Once I get the Music going, even if I only do a quick 20 mins, I feel like a new man

Gattsama · 2023-12-10T06:00:35+00:00

I was working out pretty regularly during the marriage: bjj and triathlon. But I still spend lots of time with choosing chores, taking care of her, etc. My time was not solely my own.

After the divorce, at one point, I was doing: calisthenics, 3-5mi run, yoga, 25 pullups/25 chin ups, and 100 push-ups & 100 squats daily. Lost 2-3 inches off the waist, and I was feeling great. Feel off the last few months but slowly getting back on track.

icemountainisnextome · 2023-12-10T01:34:18+00:00

Dude yes!! I'm trying to get over my depression (3mo ago she left) and this is obviously the number one advice I received. I actually texted my neighbor who I never speak with. They're gym goers. Always in gym gear and fit. I don't have any discipline to go my own so I asked if I could tag along and have them kinda train me, force me into going. She said they'd love to get some plan together. Hopefully soon I'll be hitting the gym too. I put on quite the dad bod the last couple years. I also made the decision to quit smoking pot too. I'm telling myself it's not a new chapter it's a new book. Time to get healthy. I even started a skin care routine last week and put it in the calendar every 3 days. Let's glow up, guys.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2023-12-10T02:21:32+00:00

I just hit the bottle. I mean seriously. So far I've been able to control it but I'm worried.

probebeta · 2023-12-10T18:06:25+00:00

During marriage? Well if she doesn't take care of herself it's kind of pointless for me to be ripped. Now, however, I can date whoever I want and don't have to feel bad about it. Naturally being fitter gives you better overall results so yes absolutely all guys should be hitting the gym, I think...

NilEntity · 2023-12-10T07:35:19+00:00

No, I definitely was not in peak condition during the marriage. Why didn't I work out ... Lack of motivation, laziness, just being too comfortable in the married life. I now regret that, and a lot of other things, wasted too much time doing mostly nothing. I did pretty much nothing but "enjoy the good life" during the marriage, no self-improvement etc. (got worse over time, definitely didn't start out like that, I was in the best form of my life at the beginning ...).

When I started going to the gym (like 2 days into the separation, because I saw the advice a lot and it was an easy, productive way to "escape", spend some time away from her and not hit a bar or something) I realized I like the gym, working out.

If I had spent those years working out... Damn, the form I could have been in....

QuestionsOnlyLeach · 2023-12-10T15:36:27+00:00

I was at my lowest when she left, included my physical self, and I believe if I wasn’t she would never have left. So I can take blame for losing time with my kid. But then I go back to feeling deceived about her saying what I meant to her. Now I’m on trt and getting in shape spending all my money on child custody and enforcement bs

sak144 · 2023-12-10T16:23:31+00:00

You can do it. I was definitely not in peak physical shape. But am now. 50 years old and I could easily kick my 25-year old self's ass in just about any physical activity. Never could do a pull up before, now can do a bunch. Have pecs instead of man boobs.

But that took about 9 to 12 months of 4- 5-day a weeks in the gym.

It takes time, but man, is it worth it for your self confidence and well being. Create a routine for yourself. For instance today, I've given up on my favorite football team because they suck, so gametime is the perfect time to hit the gym. No other men there and it's filled with hotties who hate football. LOL

Take care of yourself first and everything else will start to fall into place!

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-10T17:17:37+00:00

I was running and biking 6 or 7 days a week, on my way to the best shape of my life for two years before the other shoe finally dropped. It's fitting that my ex told me to get the fuck out of the house and go to the gym or something, which gave me the escapist outlet I needed to mentally prepare for the inevitable.

I actually was in the best physical shape of my life when I met my new wife, and I'm glad my ex literally did not get the best of me.

Physical fitness has a profound effect on your mood, sleep cycle, ability to focus. Your skin looks better and your clothing fits better. You just feel better. Starting from that higher point, it's going to be harder for anything or anyone to cut you down.

Direct_Cattle_6638 · 2023-12-10T23:09:10+00:00

This was me, visible abs and multiple strangers complements about my physique throughout the whole marriage. She used to say “wow Ryan Reynolds is so hot” whenever she would see him shirtless in a scene. So I trained to look like him, then the goal post moved to “wow Chris Evans is so hot” in captain America, so I put on more muscle again, then the goal post moved again. Somehow it made her hate me more when her friends would ask about how often I worked out or why their husbands/boyfriends couldn’t find the time or look like me. She was allowed to be fat and no matter what level of support I offered it was never enough. I tried it all, had all the 6s for the last 3 years of marriage thinking maybe if I’m higher value she would want me again, turned out I wasn’t the problem. If you’re in good shape the feeling of biological desire from most women is intoxicating. Being out of the marriage for 6 months now all I can say is lift, lift heavy! You can essentially have your pick of the litter if you have a v shape and visible abs. Anyways sometimes you just pick shitty and you have to make difficult decisions instead of succumbing to the sunk cost fallacy. Lifting will make your life better in every way though

Title	Hitting the gym….
Author	ragingredditir
Upvotes	24
Comments	39
Date	December 10, 2023 1:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18es5di/hitting_the_gym/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/hitting-the-gym.1240384 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240384

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