She left after 33 years

UseResponsible4368 · 2024-01-13T18:41:42+00:00

> She now wants to find herself(53 years old)

Think of how "amazing" our society is where a person can claim this and anybody take her seriously.

> Now she says maybe after a week or 2 weeks she might want to start dating me again too see if she still can love me or not

LOL, as the kids say these days, the Delulu ("Delusion") is strong with her.

Ok_Cat5539 · 2024-01-10T05:05:09+00:00

I am working on my bedroom. Getting walls painted got new sheets and comforter and just set up an appointment to get rid of this horrid carpet she had in here. The wedding picture is now replaced by a nice size photo of a largemouth bass jumping out of the water.

So now I decided to change the room around according to Fung Way (sorry spelling sucks) to get some better energy from my sleep time.

Got one wall painted today with all the tape and ceiling edges and floor boards done. I thought I did pretty well. I hurt like hell from doing so much but it's been an ok day. Had some issues with her but tried to disconnect during her womanxplaining how clothes soap works.

Keep up the positive thinking. I'm fighting like no other and hope others fight to stay positive.

I'm going to see a pastor this week. I think he may help with the self-destructive tendency. Gotta work on ones self when needed.

Thank you everyone.

ww3historian · 2024-01-09T05:46:44+00:00

She's for the streets now

Ok_Cat5539 · 2024-01-09T00:39:03+00:00

Will said. Lots of great advice. I didn't have such clear answers before since I seriously only know one person that got a divorce and he was an idiot and a heavy drinker.

What I have been doing when she isn't trying to get me upset is that I'm working on my bedroom. I don't think she is coming back but if she does the bedroom will look like a guy decorated it. LMAO. I do have a sister that helped with some colors to paint the room.

So I still have a lot of work but I'm on my way to doing better when she shows up unannounced and just even without seeing her things are so much easier and smoother thinking. Not erratic or jumbled thoughts.

Funniest part of me decorating my bedroom is that my home EC teacher just laughed at me during room decorating classes. She said don't worry you are a guy and someone will help you when needed. She still passed me!

Thank you everyone for making my mind to work just a little easier.

God bless all that need it.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-01-08T19:41:53+00:00

Not that you should save this marriage but if you want to the only option is to pretend you simply don't care. Go dark. Don't give her emotional supply...that will show her that she still has you.

File immediately and it may snap her back to reality. You should just divorce her but walking away is the only power men have. If we try to play games, it just gives them more of what they want.

joemoorcarz · 2024-01-08T03:05:43+00:00

She says maybe after a week or 2 weeks she may want to start dating you.

Bull she's trying to string you along until she's either Shure of the new guy or has all her preparations for getting the most out of you in the divorce.

Odds are she's already playing with a new guy. But isn't Shure he's going to work out.

After 4 years she found a therapist.

Basically she's either been cheating or wanting to cheat she just wanted to find a therapist to tell her it's ok.

South_Masterpiece543 · 2024-01-07T16:25:51+00:00

There is some work you need to do on yourself. Ideally her craziness should not disturb you so much. Check out this YT channel to help you understand her behavior and how you should react to it:

https://youtube.com/@thehappywifeschool?si=dV1Jwu6oh5RFGeWL

Also check out r/marriedredpill to help you work on yourself.

wittyid2016 · 2024-01-07T23:39:44+00:00

Have you tried therapy?

grandpaharoldbarnes · 2024-01-07T20:30:23+00:00

Story time:

I used to live in North Idaho. A quiet and beautiful place between Coeur d’Alene and Sandpoint by the name of Cocolalla. My place sat on 12 acres and we were surrounded by other farms and ranches with more acreage. Lots of huge Tamaracks, Douglass Fir, Ponderosa Pine and Birch nestled amongst the pastures for cattle ranchers and dairy farmers. We had hay and horses.

I came home from work one day to a message blinking on our answering machine. It was my neighbor telling me how he’d put all of his animals either in my barn or in my fields and an ominous indication he wasn’t going to be around much longer. I walked out and found that he had indeed left his dogs, chickens, pigs, goats and horses on my property.

Then a Bonner County Sheriff’s helicopter flew over followed by sirens in the distance. As the chopper hovered over me fire trucks and sheriff’s came flying up our mutual dirt road. A Sheriff came and took my answering machine.

Apparently my neighbor had been served divorce papers by his wife and she had surreptitiously moved out of their house with their two kids and were in hiding. They were afraid he would kill them all. He had called and said, “If I can’t have you, then nobody can.”

Authorities tried contacting him by phone and called out to him over their PA with no response. As they moved in to find him he set fire to their house. He holed up in a small outbuilding after poisoning their well, shooting at Sheriffs and Firemen if they came within sight. Ultimately he blew his own head off with a shotgun. The family was devastated.

The most influential part of your post was when you said you had taken all your firearms and given them to your dad. Thank you. I appreciate that even if no one else does. I hope you stay strong and get through this. It hurts, but it’s not the end.

Dunkman83 · 2024-01-07T17:51:45+00:00

theres someone else(probably younger).

theres ALWAYS someone else.

WildernessHuntin · 2024-01-07T17:21:34+00:00

I’m truly sorry to welcome you here. Reading about other men who had the same thing happen, felt destroyed and came out stronger, helped me so much. Read all of these men’s stories and take solace that despite your pain it does actually get better if you work at it and stay the course.

Don’t show her emotion, beg, or plead. If you slip up, it’s ok, don’t be hard on yourself this shit is hard enough. Just get up and get back on the path.

When you feel like you can’t take it and you’re gonna crawl out of your skin, exercise. Even a walk, sometimes I ran twice a day.

When you feel like it will never get better look through this sub, look for positive posts by men who went through it, made it out the other side and are doing well. It helps give you perspective you need.

It’s hard to give someone advice on whether they should accept a spouse back, there are too many intricacies that only you know. So that’s your call. I got the “I need space to figure out who I am.” I think a lot of the time when they want space to reinvent themselves OUTSIDE the marriage it’s because they are interested in the one thing they can’t get in a marriage, a different man. Not always, but either way if they reinvent themselves outside of the marriage, you have purposely re-crafted your identity not as a wife or spouse, but as a single person. Once the commitment is killed enough to walk away I don’t think it will ever be what it was, you will always wonder. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life, wondering. I couldn’t do it.

We often want them back, but you are pining after the version of them you had, that isn’t what is coming back to you. If they leave let them, and don’t be a back up plan. If you’re not first your last, and who among us wants to be last.

henrysmyagent · 2024-01-07T17:04:15+00:00

Men are loyal to themselves, to friends & family, institutions, and ideas.

Women are loyal to their emotions...and nothing else. Those 33 years together mean fuck-all to her

Do not let her play you while she hunts for your replacement. Throw her ass in the street along with all of her shit.

Grey Rock her in person and block her everywhere else. File for divorce ASAP.

If you try to get her back, you will deeply regret the time and energy wasted.

No man has ever regretted divorcing an unfaithful wife.

South_Masterpiece543 · 2024-01-07T16:50:23+00:00

After reading enough of these stories it is starting to make sense that for thousands of years women always had fewer rights than men and there were strong social guard rails that shamed bad behavior. With equal rights it seems the average woman has chosen to kill their babies and destroy their families.

swrdfsh2 · 2024-01-07T16:47:52+00:00

This marriage is a wrap. It sucks and you're going to go through a roller-coaster of emotions. Take it easy on the alcohol and be very careful with anti-anxiety meds.

You'll find this story told, verbatim, hundreds of times on this sub-reddit. Follow the advise here and prepare for a prolonged situation.

As for the suggestion to go snooping on her phone / social accounts, it probably doesn't matter unless your state has a provision for adultery. Even then if asked how obtained the info you may incriminate yourself. If it is a factor hire a PI.

You have lots to do, so get to work.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-07T16:05:49+00:00

Use the grey rock method, act like nothing she does or says phases you, try to stay away from her as much as possible and start looking for divorce lawyers.

sicrm · 2024-01-07T15:25:00+00:00

Now she says maybe after a week or 2 weeks she might want to start dating me again too see if she still can love me or not. I'm really just screwed up in the head. Does she want out? Is she just using this to control me somehow? And besides that how can I trust that she won't get bored again soon after getting back together.

never let someone put you on layaway while they “make up their mind”.

book a consult with a lawyer to see what you’re looking at.

ApprehensiveTiger683 · 2024-01-07T14:26:40+00:00

I have been where you are 7 months ago. Went from trainwreck to doing a bit better. The holidays didnt help tbh. I still have setbacks now and then and keep feeling, angry, sad but most of all betrayed. I feel robbed of 20 years of my life which i could have spend with someone who also was in 110% no matter the problem at hand.

upandatom85 · 2024-01-07T14:16:39+00:00

This is a copy pasta I share with everyone who needs it. Most of this will apply to you. If you think part of it does not apply just wait a bit... this is what is known as the list. Feel free to add to it. It will only help others.

Don't drink. It'll only hurt the situation. Trust me. You need to stay calm drinking will not help with this.

Do not lose your temper. If you do not stay calm you will lose. She wants you to get upset. She wants to be able to call the cops on you.

You can be darn sure she is going to try to get an EPO (emergency protection order) against you. All she has to say is there is escalating behavior and she is afraid for her life and boom. It'll cost you 10k minimum to fight it and have it thrown out.

Give your firearms to someone so she can't say that you threatened her. She may try to have your firearms taken away. It is difficult to get them back from the police.

Record every conversation and prepare for false domestic violence accusations (CUBE ACR records calls automatically and can also record on your phone in the background. Its free in the app store). Check your local laws regarding recording. An illegal recording proving you innocent is better than none at all.

She will try to provoke you to get you to say things to use against you. STAY CALM! RECORD EVERYTHING!

Lift heavy weights.

Walk. Daily.

Learn to meditate.

Get therapy. Honestly, it will help. No matter how tough you think you are we can all use a little help.

Change all passwords. INCLUDING YOUR PHONE! Mutual or not. Be sure she does not have access to your accounts of any sort. Get a new credit card. Fully separate finances. Figure out what you still need to pay and what is her fucking problem now.

She will try to clean out your account and will take anything she is able to. You need to prevent that. Chances are she is way ahead of you on this.

Secure important paperwork including tax information and anything she can use against you in a safe location.

She's 10 steps ahead of you. She's already told her friends/family/attorney. She's got big plans for your money and property.

She will try to get you out of the house. Do not leave your home! If she wants to end the relationship she can leave. If you are gone from the home she will claim abandonment and keep rights to the home.

Document every fucking thing. Keep a notebook in your phone(New safe password). Record interactions and important notes. Record all interactions. Women lie! Sucks, but it's true.

She will try to rewrite history. Things that happened will not have happened. What was said or done will not be the same as reality. This is called GASLIGHTING. Look it up and understand it! She will make you question your grip on reality. She will rewrite your history to make you the bad guy in her story, to justify what she is currently doing to you and what she has done to you.

If you're wondering if you need a lawyer then you needed one last month. Lawyers suck and are expensive. Get a good one.

Research GREY ROCK/180 METHOD, then implement It.

Research MONKEY BRANCHING and understand the female imperative. If she's leaving you she probably already has someone else. Sorry.

Research and understand BRIFFAULTS LAW.

Research and understand the LIGHT SWITCH EFFECT.

Research and understand DARVO TACTICS.

Look up FEMALIE SOLIPSISM.

This is a catch all list. It may or may not completely apply to you. Most of it will I'm sure. Good luck. Stay strong.

Books: the first one is a Canadian book!

-Surviving your divorce by Michael Cochrane

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zc0Sso1K8tOMjdg9BIrLi0qyyzLzEtXqMwvLVJIySzLL0pOBQDu5g03&q=surviving+your+divorce&oq=surviving+your+&aqs=chrome.1.0i355i512j46i512j69i57j0i512j46i512l3j0i512j46i512.7999j1j4&client=ms-android-rogers-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

NO MORE MR NICE GUY is a book you should read.

If she cheated.... check out LEAVE A CHEATER GAIN A LIFE. And/or CHEATING IN A NUTSHELL.

If anyone has any advice or info they would like to add to "the list" please let me know.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-07T13:44:11+00:00

Now is the time to go full throttle on divorce. Find my self just men’s have sec with other people and have you ot for it ‘man.

Look, everything thing she is telling you is small truths and lies. The lies is to stall you from putting her out on her own. You’re the resource daddy. Close the bank.

iSurvivedltd · 2024-01-07T11:34:20+00:00

Not the wrong place. We will all support you.
I’ve seen this story far too often. My friend-prepare for war.
Do NOT take her back. Nothing good will come from that. Show her, your kids and more importantly yourself self-respect.
Stop having her come around. Tell her you feel unsafe in her presence. This isn’t a community centre where you come and go as you please. She wants out-and wants to “find herself” at 53-stay out.
Get your shit together and get ready for the fight of your life. I think you said you have grown kids. Good. No child support. Any bank accounts you two share-take money out you contributed. Any credit cards you share-cancel. U don’t want her accumulating debt.
Lean on a buddy or close friend YOU trust. Hopefully it’s not a mutual friend because you WILL need someone to talk to.
Pick up a hobby and stop taking meds. That shit fixes one thing but compounds another.
Stay strong. Stay level headed and don’t make any rash decisions. Think of yourself and yourself only…………she did.

Classic-Ad8157 · 2024-01-07T10:37:59+00:00

This is an all too similar story.

Women get unhappy with their situation, they seek advice from anyone who will validate their feelings and they go to “find themselves” once someone tells them to do so.

My STBXW served me papers after three therapy appointments, that’s all it took.

Her decision will likely be the largest gift that she’s ever given me, but I was still blindsided by her actions

Ok_Record · 2024-01-07T08:53:12+00:00

I hesitated posting this, but "find myself" is usually code for "I want to bang and date other men". In fact, she might have already been having an emotional or physical affair. Sometimes, they just have somebody in their sights that they want to aim for.

We all hear variations of the same few scripts. It's actually jarring how similar the themes are across so many different stories here.

If you can access her texts, emails, Facebook messenger conversation, WhatsApp conversations, phone, etc. in secret, I would do so and check.

You could also check the phone records to see if there's a particular number she has been calling a lot recently or sending a lot of texts to.

You might not think that she's the type to do this, but none of would marry a woman that they believe would be capable of this.

This is painful as hell to go through man. I'm sorry.

Now, assuming she is not cheating and you want to keep her, if you want any chance of this working you have to emotionally detach. You have to initiate the divorce, as you originally did, and act indifferent. Do not show her any emotion. Look up the gray rock and 180 method. She doesn't respect you right now. You need to minimize communication with her as much as you can. She needs to miss you, and the only way to do this is by pulling back as much as you can. You have to care less than she does. Even if you don't, you have to give that impression. This will not be healthy if you fight for her and beg / plead for her to stay. She has to pick you.

Complicatedlogic · 2024-01-07T08:20:04+00:00

Right place, don’t delete. Sounds like she caught up in what I’m seeing a lot of lately. I’m sure many have similar stories

Title	She left after 33 years
Author	Ok_Cat5539
Upvotes	43
Comments	67
Date	January 7, 2024 8:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/190nctz/she_left_after_33_years/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-left-after-33-years.1242428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242428

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