To the ladies who are in and or read this sub: Do you enjoy when a guy approaches you in public? at the store? coffee shop? out in town?

omegam4n · 2022-09-13T19:53:03+00:00

I hit on a girl in Target yesterday and, while she shot me down, she also said "that kinda made my day..."

curisax · 2022-09-13T16:45:03+00:00

I saw this asked before on this sub and the general consensus was along the lines of (paraphrasing from memory):

''I actually don't mind being approached, as long as it's not at a time when I clearly look like i'm busy or i'm doing something where i need to concentrate like i'm working on something etc. Most importantly I need them to be able to take a hint and stop trying to 'win me over'. I'll make it pretty clear after you've approached if you're someone I want to be approached by (you're my type) and when you're not. Know when to walk away''

UglyDucklingRevolt · 2022-09-13T15:43:34+00:00

When I was single, I preferred in-person approaches rather than trying to start something on an app or social media. For me, the best approach is if someone came up to me with a relevant question/statement.

For example, one time at the gym, I didn’t realize I was using two different plates on my deadlift, and that sparked a conversation with a guy who was nearby. Another time, I was on the treadmill and a guy got on the one next to me and without any prompt, told me I looked like a bunny…needless to say, one conversation I pursued and the other I shut down.

So I guess my point is, don’t say some random shit. Try and find some common ground and use that as an approach and gauge follow up based on her reactions.

revente · 2022-09-13T15:35:25+00:00

The subset of women that visits r/seduction probably isn't very representative.

modidlee · 2022-09-13T16:54:09+00:00

It’s not as simple as a yes or no. Women don’t just want any guy approaching them. They want the charismatic attractive guy who’s a good conversationalist to approach them. And before you say “what if I’m not charismatic or attractive” you should know that oftentimes the only difference between the charismatic attractive guy and the non-charismatic unattractive guy is the charismatic guy actually THINKS of himself as charismatic and attractive. He doesn’t even question whether she wants him to approach. He thinks she’d be LUCKY if he does. He feels he’s doing her a favor by speaking to her. The non-charismatic guy is the type to worry about whether she wants him to approach. Women will complain about guys overestimating their attractiveness but don’t pay that any mind. In this society a man HAS to think highly of himself because you’re constantly told that you don’t really have any inherent value to others. So you have to see yourself as valuable even if no one else tells you you are.

lollypup12333 · 2022-09-13T20:12:07+00:00

I approach more than I get approached. I find cold approach to work best for me. Pretty much I introduce myself and then immediately get into why I walked over to the guy. If they think I’m attractive it works. Thankfully most of the time it works lol. I find making eye contact with the guy before approaching works best for me. Usually I’ll make eye contact with them and hold it. If they hold it too I’ll walk over. Say something like, “hi my name is blah. I think you’re really handsome. I came over to properly hit on you.” Pretty much works every time.

There’s not really an unspoken way to see if you can could approach someone. Basically just check them out and if they notice and check you out too, you’re good. I’m sure it’s easier for me cause I’m a woman, but basically if the person finds you attractive you will be successful. If they don’t find you attractive you won’t be.

princessdiv · 2022-09-13T21:15:47+00:00

I don’t mind being approached anywhere. I usually get approached at the gym.I go on the weekends and prob one out of the two days I go someone will stop me.I’ll be nice no matter how attracted to the person I am because it’s always flattering! Even if it’s in between sets. Mostly because I work from home and get my groceries delivered so I rarely interact with people. I also love practicing the art of conversation. The best experience I had was a guy complementing my work ethic at the gym and letting me know that I inspired him or when a guy asked for tips on how to get abs. I don’t think I have ever given a signal to a guy that ended up approaching me it usually catches me by surprise. If I’m attracted to someone I’ll give them a 2-3 sec look but usually chicken out before they even notice lol. Once I threw out a complement and it did end up in him asking for my number

POPLOVER1114 · 2022-09-13T23:22:22+00:00

I don’t mind being approached what I hate is being stared at and made to feel uncomfortable. Just talk to me I’m not an alien. I love compliments and I don’t care about how great you are, ask me questions listen to me and compliment me. Just not too much because then it’s just annoying

Legal_Network6458 · 2022-09-13T18:35:09+00:00

Yes, I do appreciate when I'm approached in public. Most recently a man who was working in a food truck came out of the truck and gave me my food and then helped me select the best condiments to compliment my food (it was a Thai food truck). He then gave me a piece of paper with his name and number on it. I get approached a few times per year. I smile and make eye contact and flip my hair. Best experience was when a man pulled up to my car and air dropped his number to me. Dating apps are the worst!

Imaginary-Score7574 · 2022-09-13T20:50:01+00:00

If they are respectful and know it when im not interested, then yes.

figuringMylife · 2022-09-13T23:25:11+00:00

yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. just having a normal conversation and being talked to like a human being then suddenly realizing this stranger might leave me we should exchange numbers - those are my fave.

i get approached when i put effort into my looks and im on the street, in a bar/party environment. typically at least once depending on the day/environment.

i may lock eye contact and smile, or i may not even be looking to see if anyone is checking me out so i don’t mind an appropriate conversation

2022-09-13T23:16:22+00:00

It would make my week.

What a huge compliment!

2022-09-14T12:41:46+00:00

I don't mind being approached as long as it's in a respectful way. I appreciate it takes effort to approach a woman and one that looks like she's mad! If I'm interested in a man, i try making eye contact and try to smile but I think i just scare them off with my death stare 😆

mulletmoth · 2022-09-14T15:22:46+00:00

i think it depends on the social setting, i was recently approached at a collage party and then i hung out with the guy for 4 days in a row. not sure where it lies now

2022-09-14T15:38:20+00:00

I love how you asked for opinions from women on whether or not they like to be approached in public and STILL several men had to comment with what they think women prefer.. like they somehow know better than us.

Anyway, just don't approach women if they look busy (or if they are at their place of employment). Looking busy includes, but is not limited to:

Talking on the phone
Wearing headphones
Reading a book
In the middle of a conversation with someone else
Walking very quickly/appearing to be in a hurry
Exercising

Times that might be appropriate to approach her include:

When she's waiting for her to-go food order/coffee, etc.
At a farmers market/festival/concert, sporting event etc.
If she's shopping and doesn't appear hurried/rushed, etc.

underratedspooks · 2022-09-13T19:17:42+00:00

The answer is not a simple one. There is a time and a place that is appropriate, walking home alone at night, waiting for the bus, working at my job, all of these are inappropriate. If she is busy, working, alone, or in a situation that is inescapable like on the bus it feels very inappropriate. For example if I'm in Tesco buying some food it's not appropriate for you to approach and start trying it on. Keep it to places that it is expected like bars, clubs and social spaces. Most importantly however don't persist and harass under the assumption you can "change her mind" or persuade her, if she's uncomfortable or says no then leave her alone.

ShameAffectionate15 · 2022-09-13T21:02:56+00:00

Dude this is reddit. Most of the women here have high anxiety and are nerdy so they will usually say “no dont approach us” as if anyone would want to. Most girls CRAVE it!! It majes their day/night and they will talk about the approach with their friends.

Bennifred · 2022-09-13T19:04:29+00:00

Don't approach when they are busy - the worst thing you can do is bother them. Only approach a woman when she is clearly not busy. If they show interest, you might get somewhere or they could be bored/nice. Don't push if they are dismissive

buginarugsnug · 2022-09-13T18:35:50+00:00

When I was single I would only find it enjoyable and be open to flirting back when a guy approached me in a pub / bar / club. If I’m at a store or in a coffee shop working or at the gym I’m there to get stuff done and don’t want social interaction

starshineblueyes · 2022-09-14T06:07:14+00:00

It’s the only way I’ll get to meet and talk to someone 🤣😭

GlitteringPause8 · 2022-09-13T19:01:24+00:00

This question is asked here at least once a week and it always gets hundreds of replies. A simple search would get you answers

DarkSun18 · 2022-09-13T20:12:28+00:00

I've been single for so long I'd welcome a man approaching me buy I don't really go anywhere where it could realistically happen lol.

Nervous-Violinist-36 · 2022-09-14T00:40:55+00:00

Men asking women for advice is wrong. Stop being a beta and do whatever the f you want.

Alittude · 2022-09-14T07:23:50+00:00

[deleted]

Dakessian · 2022-09-13T19:23:05+00:00

What does in town mean?

noopynu7 · 2022-09-13T21:29:21+00:00

Yes :)

angie-1964 · 2022-09-14T00:31:17+00:00

I am VERY flattered, and have on a couple of occasions gone out w guys I met this way.

Best experience was at a bike shop...we ended up going for a ride on a local trail the next day, and then dated for a bit.

Not real often...and if I am wearing a ring, I am offended, cause that is why I wear the ring.

This is a tough one, but I have initiated conversations a few times, and they didn't take the hint. Or, just were not interested.

CreepBasementDweller · 2022-09-14T00:39:50+00:00

Ladies, what would you say is your ideal way for a potential partner to go about doing it?

Any advice for a socially awkward, but funny and witty, 30ish causcasian man who stands at 5'5", and is often told he looks younger than he is?

Andrew__IE · 2022-09-14T01:25:38+00:00

There is no overall consensus and you’ll get different answers from every girl so why not just do it anyways. If she doesn’t want to be approached it should be obvious when you do.

Don’t let the few responses of girls saying they don’t like being approach stop you, because you won’t end up finding the girls that do like it.

ThrowAwayChick1997 · 2022-09-14T01:38:56+00:00

I love it, but if you pick up on a vibe I’m not interested, then leave me be.

Villah · 2022-09-14T02:12:45+00:00

It depends on the girl. What didn’t work on UglyDucklingRevolt would work on another girl and some girls don’t like being approached at all. Most girls are cool if it feels organic though

Professional_Leg844 · 2022-09-14T02:20:44+00:00

As long as he had a kind and gentle vibe I'd love it. No creepy vibes. No fuck boy vibes.

macaroniprincess · 2022-09-14T02:32:34+00:00

Honestly depends on my mood and the level of approach. If you’re hitting me up hard while I’m grocery shopping, fuck off. But if I’m in the club or at the bar please do! Even if we don’t vibe we like the boost of confidence and I feel like I always try and give the guy the time of day even if there aren’t initial sparks. Coffee shop if you’re being casual flirty.

To be fair I don’t think most women are annoyed with men approaching them. It’s more so when they won’t take no for an answer.

LLORD_FARQUAD · 2022-09-14T03:28:32+00:00

Yes! Best thing ever. I wish it happened more often

ellakstone · 2022-09-14T04:05:17+00:00

I dont mind it as long as it starts off friendly. Like if you haven't said more then 1 word to me before asking for my phone number its not going to happen. I dont understand how getting a number without a clue what to even start off with. Like comment oh I like those shoes or man that food/drink looks good what is it?

cytomome · 2022-09-14T04:10:33+00:00

It's pretty easy to tell if women want you to approach them, men just don't care a lot of the time ("Gotta shoot my shot!"... no, you don't have to be a nuisance) and instead focus on irrelevant junk (Can I hit on women in X environment?). You can hit on women anywhere... IF SHE WANTS YOU TO. Which involves eye contact, repeated glances, smiles, etc. Most women want you to approach, and we hang out here to give tips because it's great done the right way and horrible when the creepy "game" tips make their rounds. Above all, know when to scram. If she's going about her day... leave here alone.

I think a huge tip is just breaking the ice and then GOING AWAY, and if there's interest there's always room for further interaction. This is great at coffee shops or bars where you're both occupying a space, just not in the same area the whole time (you might pass on the way to the bathroom, and see each other later at the bar). One of my favorite pickups was a guy I'd smiled at across the room, and later I went to get a drink and he made this "Here's the line! Come stand by me" gesture. It's not putting anyone on the spot (putting people on the spot murders flirtatiousness, as plausible deniability is key to a good flirt) and it gives them room to be proactive and approach YOU in return. If they don't...leave them alone (why would you want to force it anyway??).

I use this principle religiously with women. If they aren't picking up your thread and flirting back, that's a good enough sign they aren't interested. But in order to let them put in that work, you have to give them room by stepping back. Just a bit. It's a fun dance, not a one-time "ARE YOU INTO ME Y/N??" I've brought women out of their shells by this little repeat-exposure thing, and it's worked on me as well. It gives people time to notice YOU instead of just feeling like prey.

onewander · 2022-09-14T05:16:01+00:00

I’ve never heard of a girl who cold approaches. That’s really cool. Do you mind sharing why you started doing it?

Uh-huh_okayhoney · 2022-09-14T05:17:54+00:00

Yes!! Please approach! If I have headphones in or I’m on the phone or talking with someone don’t interrupt, but otherwise always approach. I mean the worst that happens is she (in most cases) politely declines you, and even tho you just got turned down, you still made her day and most likely flattered her. As long as your approach isn’t inappropriate or insulting.

economistinheels · 2022-09-14T05:18:27+00:00

I would also prefer in person approach than online meeting. Though I have not been approached in person. Lol.

Electronic_Move3823 · 2022-09-14T05:38:56+00:00

I personally love when guys approach me, although it doesn't seem to happen much any more (maybe because I'm getting old :P). I will get approached at corporate events, but it seems like that's from married men trying their luck, which I am not into at all. I'm still flattered, & who doesn't like a little ego boost?!

I think that if you see someone you're interested in, then you should approach them & gauge their reaction. It doesn't even have to be with some well thought out comment, keep it simple, if they're not interested in talking they'll keep it short, if they're happy to talk, you'll know. Just keep in mind that a friendly person doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in something more, you may need to ask at some point if you can take them out for a coffee some time...

Ultimately, you will regret the things that you hold yourself back from doing. Better to just give a go, knowing that you likely will get knocked back more often than not (not interested, already have a partner etc), but at least you have put yourself out there & hopefully something comes from it.

Grackboundcheck · 2022-09-14T06:13:36+00:00

My dude you're making this wayyy more complicated than it should be, it doesn't matter where you're approaching (take that with a grain of salt obviously).

You will for most of the time NOT get an "approach signal" for lack of a better word from girls.

So you really just have to do it and not expect result.

As heartbreaking as it is, it's just how it goes.

Sometimes you will clap cheeks sometimes you won't.

In the times of social apps etc id say it rarely happens that they get approached but then again I'm not a woman i wouldn't know.

Embarrassed_Friend8 · 2022-09-14T06:25:34+00:00

A guy complimented me on my outfit at a shopping centre and then asked me for drinks. I wasn’t attracted to so I let him down as politely as I could but still praising his confidence because it takes guts!!

Then another guy approached me in the airport and introduced himself and complimented my outfit and we exchanged numbers. Got talking but I was on my way to see a guy so I let him down easily and again, let him know that he’s very confident and super attractive, and praised him for the guts he had to shoot his shot!

It was nice to be approached when sober rather than out in a bar where people have liquid courage. I’ve been approached by guys at a bar and I can never remember the encounters well because I’m tipsy or drunk myself. Then when we meet up, it turns out we had our beer goggles on and our inhibitions were lowered, and it fizzles out very quickly.

Moral of the story, shoot your shot. I guess complimenting an outfit is flattering but make sure you’re not sexualising the person? Gauge how they respond and proceed from there. Don’t be offended if they turn you down, it can be intimidating (and scary especially for a woman since we’re very skeptical about men/their intentions).

That’s just my experience/opinion!

the_manatees_mind · 2022-09-14T06:26:05+00:00

Only in relevant circumstances- When I was single I talked to lots of people where people are supposed to meet ie. The coffee shop a bar a Walmart the book section. The key is to feel out if she wants to keep talking, and walk away if she doesn’t

anewstart1315 · 2022-09-14T06:34:41+00:00

It always depended on how I was approached. In public is fine if the guy is low-key and not intense. Like just chit-chatting is awesome, then leaving his number or getting mine (I preferred leaving his number). If he came on too strong I was outta there fast. I hate love bombing, it’s a huge red flag.

Here’s a story from before the www existed :) I was studying computer science and working at a PC store in 1993, where I built clones and repaired them. We had a long bench where people could hang out and watch us repair their PC on the fly.

So this really cute guy came and I took his PC and repaired it. Except I was busy doing my job, and didn’t notice him. As a girl building and fixing computers in a shop I was used to getting stares and stuff. About a week later he comes back to the store, strolls up to the bench, and asks me to help him pick out some 3.5” diskettes for a project he’s working on. So I take him to the aisle where the diskettes are located and start showing him different brands, when he pipes up and says ‘uh well I didn’t really come here to buy diskettes, I came here to see if you’d go out on a date with me’ and he was so nervous when he said it. I thought it was so cute my heart just melted in a little puddle lmao. I dated him for a few months.

Infinite_Fae · 2022-09-14T07:16:23+00:00

I don’t mind being approached….but be genuine and start a conversation (even if it’s “you look really good tonight is it for an event/date/ insert something relevant here) I love talking and learning about peoples perspectives. Even if it’s just a friendly chat as I’m in a relationship, and I let the person know I’m in a relationship (politely, mention I’m here with my BF, or introduce my bf but then if I’m open to conversation I ask an open ended question to continue the conversation) this is a boundary that’s set and needs to be respected. Just cause I’m social doesn’t mean I want to f*ck.

Also this doesn’t apply just to “6’+ attractive rich dudes” it can be anyone. Most women just want a man that puts effort into taking care of himself (bathed, not scruffy, cloths fit right (and are clean not rumpled or messed up))

drssjay · 2022-09-14T08:21:05+00:00

Almost every week. On the occasion I’m very interested I’ll hang around him when he moves away

Informal-Line-7179 · 2022-09-14T08:37:41+00:00

I really enjoy in person approaches when im doing normal every day things. You feel the chemistry so much stronger and sooner . If it’s awkward or creepy its over quickly (though i feel like this negative side is uncommon). Ive been asked out as an uber driver, asked out paying for things at walmart, in physics tutoring, asked to go home with people after house parties, while playing poker, while backpacking, and they have all been fun. This doesn’t happen extremely often, and i think covid/doing more things from home has lowered the number of approaches or even interactions in general. But i think if i was open and putting 2 way effort into flirting more i could get it 1x or more per month. The norm is way lower. In a long term relationship atm so its not happening much these days, haha.

Just having a good random conversation can be fun. If im looking at soap and you make a stupid joke about what’s on the shelf, your basically winning my heart over 😂

gentlec00k · 2022-09-14T11:27:42+00:00

Approach me like a human and not something to gain and it should be ok.

paperpicasso · 2022-09-14T11:50:04+00:00

I care more about how the man handles rejection than whether they approach me or not.

And also the location. I've been in some vulnerable positions before when dealing with unwanted advances mainly being on public transport when sat alone in a train carriage or bus. I also had someone from the garage I dropped off my work van to call up my work to ask for my name and then drive to my place of work to approach me. All of these situations were extremely uncomfortable for me because they offered no escape.

If someone came up to me out on the town or while I was having a coffee I wouldn't mind at all as long as they were friendly and handled rejection well.

Personally I would make it very obvious or make the first move if I was interested in a guy I spotted in public so I would say the best bet is to catch her eye and smile at her and see if she gives you a genuine smile back or gives an awkward smile and diverts her eyes.

Octosatan · 2022-09-14T13:23:16+00:00

Yes, I'm always glad when somebody talks to me. I mean everything can be an opportunity for a friendship or more, why not? I can always decline yk.

notade50 · 2022-09-14T13:25:46+00:00

It almost never happens. I don’t know why. I’m a fairly attractive woman. But when it does, I find it incredibly flattering.

KidKetamine_ · 2022-09-14T13:29:02+00:00

We all know it depends if they’re attractive to her or not

Real_jaritzaa · 2022-09-14T13:31:53+00:00

Most-Muffin4028 · 2022-09-14T13:34:18+00:00

Yea we do enjoy it. It makes me feel special but deep in mind we have this thought that he approaches many women everyday.

OkPangolin9483 · 2022-09-14T13:54:40+00:00

I do like it when I’m approached. However, that rarely happens lol I’m a good looking girl, bubbly personality and I’m very social. But idk why, men just don’t approach me.

Odd_Delay_603 · 2022-09-15T21:46:40+00:00

Absolutely not, being approached by anyone makes my survival instincts activate lol

Such_Quarter_6576 · 2022-09-18T02:15:44+00:00

Approach slow and steady.

I almost never get approached.

I let a guy know he can approach my making eyes at him.

Title	To the ladies who are in and or read this sub: Do you enjoy when a guy approaches you in public? at the store? coffee shop? out in town?
Author	The_Advocates_Devil_
Upvotes	169
Comments	249
Date	September 13, 2022 3:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xda95r/to_the_ladies_who_are_in_and_or_read_this_sub_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/to-the-ladies-who-are-in-and-or-read-this-sub-do.1250080 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250080

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