Has anyone left a good long term relationship because they felt like they didn't mess around enough/their body count is too low?

intensely_human · 2021-11-24T18:03:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PuroPincheGains · 2021-11-24T16:59:04+00:00

Sounds like you already know what you want to do. Don't frame it as you feel like you bodycount is an issue, it's not. You want to sleep with other people, that's all there is to it. That's detrimental to a relationship, so sure, break up and go do it. You will regret it. That doesn't mean it's not the right choice though. You'll get over that regret with time. Just know it's gonna hurt more than you think.

H1DD3N_LURK3R · 2021-11-24T18:47:57+00:00

Trust me when I say I've been feeling this for a long time.

Long term relationship of 8 years. 8. Freaking. Years. But honestly what held me back from settling was because I never fucked anybody else other than her - I constantly suffer from "the grass is greener" syndrome. That is, until I broke up with her and tasted "freedom" for a couple of months. All it took was one "bang" with another girl to realize that I couldn't see a long term partner in ANY of them.

The only thing that happened was that I learnt my ex was probably still the best and I'm probably going to work on us instead. It's really true what they say - you don't know what you have until it's gone. I decided that it really wasn't worth throwing away the potential love of my life for a bunch of mindless hookups, or at least, I knew that wasn't the life I wanted.

If you want your grass to be green, water it instead.

gangoni · 2021-11-24T16:08:07+00:00

It’s your life, live it how you want.

The girls that want to settle down probably have had their fun, if you want to fuck do it.

brandonmadeit · 2021-11-24T16:25:35+00:00

My last ex, she was a great girl but I was at a point where I realized I never approached women or been the “hunter”. So I wanted to learn game and I knew I’d have to end my 2+yr relationship because I wouldn’t be satisfied. Looking back I made the right decision, because having lots of meaningless casual sex gets old eventually but I now knew if things didn’t work out I could always jump out and cold approach without a doubt. I stayed in a lot of relationships longer than I should’ve because of scarcity. Once you gain the abundance mentality and have 2-3 women you can call whenever, it makes it easier to vet women for relationships because you know what you like and don’t have to settle.

No-Platform-2184 · 2021-11-24T17:05:41+00:00

I have, I ended a very long relationship because of this. I had settled too early and never stopped wishing I could put myself out there again. This ultimately led to the end of things, but way way too late. However, that was my own number, I had more experience than she did. I would make sure that you take a deep look at why you are concerned about the difference in your numbers.... if it's just retroactive jealousy then it may pop up next time no matter what the numbers are.

Questionnaire7 · 2021-11-24T16:40:03+00:00

I'm in my 30s and wanting to sleep with a bunch of girls. Just want to feel like I have the social skill to do it. You definitely need to get that out of the way in your 20s. Also you have more testosterone in you in your 20s so go lift and fuck girls. Settle down when you mature

Or just check it all at the door and mature now. Your choice

Hexro1230 · 2021-11-24T19:19:05+00:00

This feeling of missing out heavily contributed to the end of my three year relationship. I think its something i needed to do or that thought would always be there nagging me.

I value making the decision to get it out of my system, but it was not worth losing a great women/relationship.

GhoulChaser · 2021-11-24T17:21:02+00:00

The average person sleeps with at least 3 people in their lifetime. With this new era in having access to different forms of ways to communicate and create relationships. It truly is your choice if you want to continue to have fun. Just know that after a while of just screwing around it becomes boring in a sense that you feel like you’re missing something,and you start to want to settle down with someone that isn’t just ass to you( for some). My advice fuck until you get bored of it, and ready to settle with someone you truly feel you want to be with.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-11-24T17:39:18+00:00

This happened to me while I was married, and it sounds shitty, but I think it contributed to my divorce.

I met my ex wife when I was 23, I didn’t have a lot of experience with women before that. We were together 15 years. During that time, I always had a regret that I didn’t date and have sex with more women. It wasn’t the only factor in things going downhill, and I didn’t cheat, but I was definitely emotionally not faithful in terms of constantly lusting after other women.

When I got divorced, I went through a period where I went on a dating binge. I experienced dating and having sex with women of varying ages and cultures.

I’m now currently in a long term relationship, and not sure if I’m headed down the path to marriage again, but I feel like having experience with multiple women was needed. Not only do I wonder ‘what if’, but I have confidence I can attract other women. It helps me not have a needy mind frame in my relationship. If things don’t work out, I’ll be ok.

My advice to any young guy who was in the same situation I was, and is thinking about marriage, but having these type of thoughts is to have a period where you date multiple people, experience having sex (being safe) with them, and not being attached.

This not only gives you a sense of confidence, but you also learn what you like. Having a varied dating experience allows you to figure what you want in a long term partner, and especially what you don’t want.

Dojaa · 2021-11-24T18:26:28+00:00

If you feel that way now it probably won't age well. However it's strange times in human life now that everyone has access to sooo many options for casual hook ups & relationships. The paradox of choice is real.

UGoEffyourself · 2021-11-24T19:35:38+00:00

Been there. Needed to learn the grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass may be prettier but relationships are built on more than physicality. The experience, for better or worse, made me a better man. I got more in touch with my feelings and what I want/need in a partner versus what I thought I wanted/needed.

Many prettier girls later and I still have buyer's remorse.

Would I go back? In a heartbeat. Sadly, hindsight is 20/20.

pikecat · 2021-11-24T20:02:21+00:00

That's what you think when you're young. Your feelings on that come from expectations of other people.

I didn't get into a relationship early on because the girl was a wait until you get married type. I then went through a lot of girls, it was a fabulous time. But I never really found someone as good as that first one. Even when you do, they don't necessarily want you. Hot doesn't make up for character. This was a harder choice.

Had I gone the other way, I wouldn't know what I know now. Can't know. But I could never forget her.

You can only make one choice in life. It really depends on the quality of the girl. How would you feel if you dumped her and she found another guy and had a great relationship with him.

You know that you can get other girls, do you just need a higher count to feel confident. How about you possess a great girl instead.

Having a relationship is a valid excuse to not sleep with many girls.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2021-11-24T16:08:21+00:00

Depends what you're looking for. Are you looking to seduce multiple women while you're young? Or are you happy being with a girl that is perfect in almost every way, as you put it?

Keep in mind you still have lots of time in your life to seduce women, you're only 23. If you really like this girl and want to spend time with her, then focus on that for the time being. Your feelings might change in a year or two and you'll be back on the seduction train.

Or if your desire to seduce is higher than your desire for this one girl, then before breaking up with her, see how she feels about bringing other girls into the relationship. Either by having threesomes together or by having an open relationship. If she's not into that, then make a decision and break up with her if you feel like sleeping around is more important to you.

It's your decision to make and which one is the right one depends on what is going to personally make you happy.

Either way, the fact that she's been with more people than you have shouldn't even affect you. Like you said, you were in an LTR for 3 years.

neondream666 · 2021-11-24T21:03:41+00:00

Never ask someone’s body count. You don’t need to know how the sausage is made to enjoy it lol.

KIXTENZ · 2021-11-24T19:58:01+00:00

The best thing you could do is tell her how you're feeling, as she has a higher body count she's likely to understand. I went through something similar and that feeling that I was missing out never went away until I experienced the life I wanted to. If it was meant to be, you'll find her again in the future

Mog_Melm · 2021-11-24T20:48:15+00:00

Almost did. Don't leave someone because of FOMO. And don't stay just because you don't know if you'll meet someone as mediocre as her again. So have high standards for her character and mind, and stick with a high quality woman through Hell or high water!

GabberFlasm · 2021-11-24T21:03:38+00:00

High chance you'll regret it and always wonder what could have been. But, sleeping around with a lot of people will ease any insecurities that you have, and it'll teach you what you want from a person/relationship. At the same time It's also a double edged blade, there will be someone that you like that is put off by your high number or is jealous about the things that you've done. Personally I'm glad that I've experienced a lot, its easier to defend your past than to speculate on what might be out there.

Spread your legs and fly bubba.

shittyfuckdick · 2021-11-24T21:11:25+00:00

Yes and I deeply regret it. I’ve never been more lonely in my entire life.

2021-11-24T18:02:32+00:00

this was literally me. i was in a happy 4 year LTR. she was the only person i was with since i was 18 and i wanted to mess around deadass

intensely_human · 2021-11-24T19:57:08+00:00

I was in this position. My college girlfriend was my first sexual partner, and she had had two before me.

It wasn’t just the numbers though. She never wanted to do drugs with me, she didn’t want to have sex very often, and basically I felt like I needed to look around and see if I could find something better.

I can’t say I regret it, because my subsequent history of exploration and tragedy helped me grow. But looking back over my life I can see that she was the highest quality woman I’ve ever been with.

I had other things to do in life. I wasn’t ready for a nice stable climb to success like she was (she grew up in a mentally healthier family than mine).

She’s now the CEO of a large corporation, has a couple of kids, and looks so fucking good. And has her maiden name, I can’t help but notice.

However, I don’t regret it, because I think I needed to slum around and get into fucked up situations in order to heal, and if I had stayed with her I’d be my broken self in a beautiful life.

Also because I have a policy of not regretting things. Something I learned from her, incidentally.

RobMosaku · 2021-11-24T19:40:18+00:00

There are studies that kind of coincide with higher body counts for females = less probability of relationship success long term. It's called pair-bonding, look into it. And what others said is mostly true, when they are ready to settle down it's because they've already had their hoe phase bro. Advice as an older guy ( 27 ). Don't settle down yet man, your brain won't even fully develop until around 26-27 like your going to look back and go who tf was that young guy? If you keep reading and challenging yourself you'll grow so much mentally and intellectually it's insane.

OhNoItsMarco · 2021-11-24T20:05:36+00:00

Regret is a tough thing to live with. You may regret losing this girl, you may regret not sleeping around. Follow what feels right

DankyBongBlunty · 2021-11-24T21:22:00+00:00

I've been in your position and I can sympathise, even though you know they're silly thoughts, those thoughts are deafening at times. Like the other commenters have said though, it's not a good reason to leave a relationship. You'll leave and get laid a lot and still end up thinking about what could have been if you'd stayed.

Also, I know it's been done to death and it's incredibly hard to believe, but having the freedom to shag whoever you please isn't all it's cracked up to be.

neoda1 · 2021-11-24T20:07:34+00:00

your talking about body count at age 23? lol

A_solo_tripper · 2021-11-24T21:12:21+00:00

No one here can tell you what to do because if you constantly feel you need to get your numbers up, even if you stay with the girl, you'll always strive to do that.

The question is, what do the numbers mean to you? What number do you need to get to? What happens when you reach that number? What happens if you don't meet that number?

Women will generally have a higher body count than men. Women can date whenever they want, where men have to go out and work to get chicks. Just like people give chicks free food all the time, men have to work to eat.

BTW, you're not 'in love' if this is your mindset. When you are in love, you wouldn't care about her numbers or your numbers. You would just want to be with her.

kurapikachu020 · 2021-11-24T18:47:34+00:00

I will never understand why it's such a big deal to mess around or have a high body count.

OldEdgeyRiff · 2021-11-24T20:20:03+00:00

That is possible the dumbest thing I have heard in a while

putcoolusernamehere · 2021-11-24T18:31:07+00:00

I have gotten the itch in a relationship to meet new people. At the time I thought it was something I should just bury beneath the surface and forget, but in hindsight, it was just a symptom of a really bad relationship that I subconsciously desperately wanted out of.

You need to ask yourself if this desire to be with others is internal or external. Is it because you're young and not ready to be committed and value the thrill of the chase, or it because you're insecure about your body count. If it's the latter, I'd power through, if it's the former I'd break up with her.

Personally the vibe I'm getting from your post is it's more about insecurity than genuine desire to sleep around, in which case I'd advice you to stick it out in the relationship.

the-original-chad · 2021-11-24T22:06:19+00:00

You’re young as fuck and as a guy you’ll only get more attractive. Just stay with her and it’ll prob go south at some point like most relationships. After her then start slaying the puss until you get to where your secure about your number then go to settle down mode. You have another 10 years of fucking where you’ll get hotter and hotter girls. I did the same as you and left a “perfect” girl cause I was in player mode at 28. Now I’d love to marry/date her. At some point in your 30s sleeping around will become boring, tedious, and too much work. Every guy experiences it. Just stay with her and see where it goes.

Complex-Indication · 2021-11-24T18:27:32+00:00

If it's just about "body count" and sex, why not have both? I mean it's modern world, there are things like polygamy, open relationship, swingers, etc. That is if you're dead set on being honest with your partner.

paco9208 · 2021-11-24T23:29:28+00:00

This tension between loving someone and forming a long term partnership and exploring your sexuality and having lots of fun with other people, is self inflicted. Consider non monogamy, more and more people are coming out as poly and you can have both things.

suburbanite · 2021-11-24T19:08:33+00:00

Open relationships are a thing, and can be especially valuable for people in your position - those who find someone they deeply care about at a time when they still in an exploratory phase of life.

Establishing myself as non-monogamous has allowed me to have 25+ years of dating experience, many of those relationships 2-7 years long, in the last decade, as well as finding 10x more partners then the whole period before I was non-monogamous.

SithLordJediMaster · 2021-11-24T18:44:57+00:00

Grass is greener on the other side

jam-unam · 2021-11-24T19:46:15+00:00

Ya, I left a girl that was really cool although we had gone through some pretty traumatic stuff, I still did feel like I just had exploring to do in the world as a free man, hooking up with girls or not. I just wasn’t ready to stop exploring the world.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2021-11-24T18:19:07+00:00

Except for the fact that she's had sex with significantly more people than I have.

How is that a flaw?

poly_nerdy_panda · 2021-11-24T18:32:58+00:00

If she's the one make sure she's not on birth control!!! because this can fuck up her brain chemistry !! I'm close to 40 years old slept around lets just say and too many times younger guys come to me and tell me their girlfriend changed after getting off the pill so much so its something like 8-10 guys break up with the girl because she becomes unstable (unlike her old self). just google birth control brain hormones if you don't want to take my word for it

Harucifer · 2021-11-24T20:31:40+00:00

Ive had sex with north of 150 people, stopped counting at 100 a few years ago. I dont ever want to settle down.

rogue_52 · 2021-11-24T19:49:35+00:00

Dumb reason tbh

delusionalubermensch · 2021-11-24T20:00:56+00:00

I left but not because of this but because of a horrible dead bedroom situation. I went on and learned game and quintupled my body count from before but still have the emotional trauma from that dead bedroom situation with me. I tried another ltr recently and ended up in a toxic trauma bond situation. Lesson: do what you want with fooling around but take care of your trauma and mental emotional issues before next ltr or you’ll just end up fucked again.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2021-11-24T20:02:01+00:00

FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

youcheekydelinquent · 2021-11-24T20:17:56+00:00

Hey man. No Rugrats.

Tiko853 · 2021-11-24T20:35:28+00:00

No that could lead to some big regrets. If you don’t feel happy in your long term relationship ok that’s fine. But it is pretty fucked up if your leaving just because you think you haven’t slept around with enough women, that is insanely shallow and pretty dumb. I might get downvoted for this but trust me, the way you are framing the question looks bad

Shadow__Account · 2021-11-24T20:52:31+00:00

I think the body count would be the dumbest reason ever to leave the relationship. That being said, you are super young and inexperienced and I could be wrong but I would assume you have a long way to go in terms of finding out what you really want in a relationship, finding out who you are and what you want in life and what role a partner needs to play in that journey. I have been totally in love when I was younger and now that I look back at those relationships I am glad as hell they ended and I didn't end up married or with a kid. I just grew so much as a person since then and even though I thought those relationships were perfect, I grew out of them and in hindsight I realised they were anything but perfect. Bodycount is a dumb concept. Experience though is more interesting and there is something to say for that. I personally feel like experiencing abundance with women is something every man should go through as some sort of evolution, for him to calm down and let go of scarcity and really find out what he truly wants in a woman. But than again the only purpose for that is to be more ready to find the best possible relationship, which you already have according to what you write. We can't make the decision for you, but I'd say find out if you are really happy in your relationship and if you are, don't go with that millenial, the grass is always greener on the other side instagram lifestyle bullshit, but do always keep developing yourself and keep your own life and find out if that urge is really just about bodycount or maybe you are missing something.

Josep1205 · 2021-11-24T20:58:23+00:00

what do you mean by sleeping around ?
do you mean non-serious relationships?

sonofrevan · 2021-11-24T21:19:41+00:00

The whispers in your head are lies meant to harm you. Just do what is right.

loosetingles · 2021-11-24T21:33:34+00:00

You could throw a hail mary and suggest a open relationship

Live-Ad-6309 · 2021-11-24T22:19:12+00:00

Tbh I think it's a stupid thing to do. I would have done so when I was 18 had I been in a relationship. But really, what's the point? You date because it's fun. So if you're having fun in a healthy ltr, why leave?

Narcan9 · 2021-11-24T22:32:28+00:00

You shouldn't be getting married or having kids before age 28. No reason to get locked down now. Go have fun, live life, mature, and then find the right girl.

ChefArtorias · 2021-11-24T22:41:16+00:00

Is your current relationship a good one? You should probably not dump a woman you're in love with just to try and get some strange.

Mobrowncheeks · 2021-11-24T22:53:36+00:00

Been there, was 23, she lost hers to me though. Thought I was going to do “ better” even though she was what was “better” already. Don’t do that dumb shit lol

spenray1234 · 2021-11-24T22:54:24+00:00

Left a girl who wanted to marry me, several months later I realized I wanted to marry her. It still hurts but she’s moved on and now I too am trying to move on.

UncanniestDanny · 2021-11-24T23:32:26+00:00

I’m 24. I had the same issue. I left her and now I’m regretting it.

Ok_Skin320 · 2021-11-25T01:49:17+00:00

Yes and it's been quite the shit show.

mikejamesone · 2021-11-25T12:30:24+00:00

I know 3 guys who were married with kids and filed for divorce simply because they found out about pick up.

I myself got out of a relationship to keep on gaming so yes.

Title	Has anyone left a good long term relationship because they felt like they didn't mess around enough/their body count is too low?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	195
Comments	122
Date	November 24, 2021 3:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r18dkl/has_anyone_left_a_good_long_term_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/has-anyone-left-a-good-long-term-relationship.1271801 https://theredarchive.com/post/1271801

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