This is a community that I first found about 8 years ago. It started when I read The Game, as it must have started for many of you guys too. It’s been a wild ride and as I’ve grown older I’ve learned quite a bit about picking up girls, and respecting myself. But there’s one thing that I think this community gets wrong, something that is unhealthy for both the PUAs and the girls we try to pick up. Here are some simple ideas about how to maintain your self-respect, your respect for women, and still get laid.

  1. Women want to have sex with you.
  2. Not every woman wants to have sex with you.
  3. It’s fine if a woman doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s not your fault.
  4. You can build a small relationship with a woman without any tricks.

There’s the most important things you can take away from this small piece I’m writing. Let’s get into it.

A tiny bit of backstory on me: I could never get laid for the life of me even in college. I’d consider it lucky if I had sex more than twice a year. I joined a frat, I asked friends for help, I did everything I could but nothing seemed to work for me. Eventually I read The Game, and started using some of those ‘tricks’ to get girls to not only pay attention to me (that was always easy since I’m a jokester) but to actually be attracted to me.

A revelation hit one day when I gave a girl – who was way out of my league – a genuine compliment and then walked away from her. Thirty minutes later we were making out on the couch. Since then I’ve been trying to find out how to find my own style of building attraction with girls; one that doesn’t involve me asking ridiculous shit like what color cube she is, or making sure I stand on my back heel and only give her eye contact when ‘she deserves it.’

Lately I’ve been traveling around a lot, and while that certainly makes it a lot easier to meet girls naturally and hook up, it’s not everything. Now I’m going to tell you the biggest secret I’ve learned in the last 8 years, and it’s something that I’ve verified time and time again in the past few years:

Pay her a compliment she’s never heard before, and make sure it’s genuine. I’ve told a girl that her eyes turn into really beautiful crescent moons when she smiles; I’ve told a girl that she has Hayden Panietierre’s eyebrows. I’ve told a girl that she dresses like a badass; that she has an eye for color and she’s definitely an autumn; that I’ve never met someone who has so much confidence behind her smile.

All of these are out of left field, and if you take this approach you’ll often get, “Um, thanks? I’m not sure if it’s a compliment.” Just assure her that it is, and then leave it. Go back to talking about the weather, go back to playing with your phone or reading your book or whatever it was you were doing before you said that. After a few minutes she might come up to you, she might not. Remember the four points I made at the top of this list. After a while you might say something else to her, ask her what she does for a living or if she’s just in town visiting.

The important thing is, this puts you two into a certain kind of relationship off the bat. You’re not some dude who’s acting friendly to put the moves on her later, so she can put her guard down. She knows what you want, and how she responds to this will let you know what she wants.

Remember the numbered take-aways. Rule Number One means that you don’t need tricks to get women to like you. You just have to let them know that you’re attracted to them, in a real way. The genuine, off-beat compliment does just that. It shows that you’re attracted to her, it shows you have some personality, and it shows that she’s worth more than a “How much does a polar bear weigh?” style of pick-up line. You are attracted to her. You’re not just some dick with a body attached looking for a hole to plow into. You paint yourself as a human being, attracted to another human being. That’s important.

Rule Number Two means that she might be weirded out by it, and that is completely OK. Maybe she went out with this guy last week that she’s head over heels for; maybe she’s just getting over a break up and wants to drink her coffee in peace. Maybe she doesn’t like your haircut. Whatever. It's OK. It’s all OK.

Check this out: she lives in a world with almost infinite choice. As an attractive woman, she can go up to almost any guy at any time and get a date – or get laid if she’s in a hurry. Now imagine a realm in which you have infinite choice: Netflix. You scroll through shows and movies that look interesting or not based on very superficial things: The title, the cover art, the category that you place it in. If something looks decently interesting (maybe one in ten) you’ll read the description. Maybe you’ll watch an episode and decide if you want to watch another. You have so much choice in the world that you get to be selective about how you spend your time. Now imagine if dating was like that. Imagine if you got to be that choosy about girls. This is the world that women live in. You are a movie in their Netflix queue. If they skip over your movie, that’s completely fine. She knows she doesn’t like mysteries. It doesn’t mean that your movie sucks, or that nobody will ever watch you. It just means that she’s not interested in you today, for one of a hundred million reasons. It’s totally fine, and you’ll find a girl who wants to watch your movie if you just keep putting yourself up in the queue. That sums up Rule Number Three.

Now for Rule Number Four. It’s important to keep the first three rules in mind as you go. Some women won’t want to talk to you, some will. You’re valuable, but not to every person at every time. By paying her a genuine compliment you can determine if she’s interested in you just by the way she responds. If she gives you consideration and starts a conversation, there you go. Keep it going. If she looks at you sideways and doesn’t reply, no follow up needed. Go back to playing on your phone. Keep the first three rules in mind and respect the unspoken boundaries that are developing naturally between you. Don’t try to force anything to happen and don’t get mad at yourself for whatever does happen. Don’t get mad at her for skipping over you based on the name of your movie and your cover art. Maybe she doesn’t know what she’s missing, but maybe she’s genuinely not interested in what you’re able to offer her.

Drop the compliment and go from there. Be personable, don’t go overboard, and don’t assume anything too quickly. Escalate. Practice the art of small talk, of flirtation without degradation or tricks. You don’t need them.

This is how people have flirted for centuries. Nobody says it because the ones who know this, don’t think it needs to be said. The ones who don’t know it obviously can’t say it. I learned it the hard way, through trial and error and a lot of periods of VERY difficult self-reflection (and sometimes self-hatred, both because I couldn’t get laid and because I got laid a lot but for the wrong reasons).

You’ll probably read this and see its truth but have a hard time really internalizing it. That’s completely fine, nobody expects anything else from you. Try to see its truth and gradually adopt it into your mindset toward women and toward yourself. You’ll get more genuine relationships, you won’t grow to swallow ‘the red pill,’ and you’ll respect yourself and the women you meet much more than with any PUA method.

TLDR: Pay women genuine compliments and drill the four listed rules into your mind.