Deep depression

Newdustinyork · 2024-03-31T23:32:33+00:00

Exercise, get a pet, see family, go on a road trip. I keep busy and with that it seems to be easier.

boomboomusa · 2024-03-30T07:41:27+00:00

Exercise. Move your body. Actively search for a new partner.

thrownaway41422 · 2024-03-29T20:57:23+00:00

Been there before, my friend. I can't say I'm back to good but getting my testosterone levels checked and then starting replacement therapy has at least made me functional. Beyond that, I just try to stay busy working. It keeps me out of the house, busy, around other people, and helps me rebuild financially at least. Emotionally, I still have issues.

WindowFuzz · 2024-03-29T11:31:27+00:00

In addition to the things others have written, another thing that helped me was gratitude. I was grateful for my family, my friends, my kids. What was especially helpful was that I also told these people how grateful I was to have them in my life. In person, or on the phone, I would describe something specific they had done that I really appreciated. Like when they invited me to stay over when I was feeling down-that meant so much to me to know that they were there for me after my wife had abandoned me. In daily life, I tried to find the silver lining in each moment-if it was raining, I tried to focus on how beautiful the glistening streets looked, not how my feet were getting wet. When you start looking around, you will be amazed at all the kind and caring things your friends and family have done for you. They will appreciate hearing it and knowing that they helped you, it will encourage them to stay in your life in a positive way, and it will lift your spirits to know how much you are loved.

therightside · 2024-03-29T11:28:53+00:00

Do this one day:

Excercise for 30 minutes
Pray/meditate for 30 min
Fix or build something around the house.
Do something to help someone else.

Report back.

RiKo2020 · 2024-03-29T06:06:40+00:00

Same. Just gotta try and keep going best you can!

Phyrexius · 2024-03-29T04:57:13+00:00

You're doing something to cause yourself to be a repeat. Analyze in therapy and see what's leading you down the same path. Are you talking to her? Cut it out. Even if you think you can get back together, break it off. It's having a toll on you. Reset and severe that limb

Ok_Trade_1405 · 2024-03-29T03:47:51+00:00

Hey man just know there's a million of us just like you, live one day at the time , no future no past. Today only. Be thankful to God for today. And remember one thing, if you have clean water, if you have a job to wake up to ,and if you can eat a meal every day, you are in the better place than 60% of population. Be thankful for good, fpr bad, because that is what life is about.

Beantownpuzeatrr · 2024-03-28T22:08:47+00:00

I’m like a year n a half from dday. Like the guys have said below focus on work hobbies and what you like. Therapy n antidepressants will help you to break this funk. Stay positive! 🙏❤️

malsell · 2024-03-28T21:36:00+00:00

Every single day. I don't have the time or money for therapy or anything of that nature. I just try to stay busy and keep going the best that I can

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-03-28T21:22:26+00:00

Well bud, join the club.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.

• Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.

90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.

• You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP. The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
MGTOW
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for the kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy). Visit the subreddit theredpill and read the sidebar articles as well.
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube

saygrace2 · 2024-03-28T20:36:43+00:00

Yes, but only cause I’m broke as shit now. Once I get my money back up I’ll be fine.

4rdfun · 2024-03-28T20:14:44+00:00

I feel you, I probably would’ve checked out by now if it wasn’t for my two sons, ages 17 and 8. The teen lives with me, but the other one I only see every other weekend now which really hurts, she really tried the character assassination approach with the court, all kinds of accusations, I’m an abusive alcoholic, financial, abuse, etc., etc. insulted me in text messages, telling me I’m not a real man, etc., etc.. this is somebody I was with and provided for for close to 20 years, it all feels like a lie now. Sadly, this spun both my teen and myself into significant depression. Divorce isn’t quite final, but I think we have a settlement agreement or I have to pay off her attorney. To top it off my son and I finally moved out of my parents house and ended up with a really shitty landlord, life just keeps piling it on.

I tried Lexapro when this all went down, which helped a lot, but it made me really fatigued all the time. Recently, I went back on it because I needed something, I wasn’t able to function, I’m in therapy, but honestly, I don’t know if it helps at all.

I used to have my shit together, meditated daily, journal daily, at the gym on the regular, mountain biking, planned out my days. Unfortunately, I let all that go. I think many of us have the tools, but that’s the shitty thing about depression, it robs you from employing them.

I know time heals, but the problem is I don’t know how much time I need and what to do between now and then.

I’m hoping a few months on Lexapro helps me get those habits back and then I can wean myself off of it. At least that’s the plan.

I tell you, I had a life plan. We owned our house and the mortgage is low, she was a stay at home mom, I was going to retire in about four years at 55 now will be working much longer and doubt I could ever afford to buy a place where I live in California again.

Good luck to yourself and anyone else reading this, I do find this forum helpful to realize I’m not alone and with these struggles and put things in perspective, some people have a lot worse than I do.

LeftySmithy · 2024-03-28T19:47:39+00:00

Been there.

I swing in and out of it still.

Don't give up.

You are TOUGH ENOUGH to make it.

organicwilly · 2024-03-28T16:00:37+00:00

I'm wavering in and out of mine, even though I filed and wanted the divorce, and I'm ecstatic she's gone.

I have some of the best dreams lately, but when I wake up is when the nightmare begins.

People here say the gym helps, physical exercise, getting together with men and talking, seeing other women, you name it. Mine just persists day after day.

I come here to read and vent. That helps, it's like a form of therapy.

Just remember you're not alone and don't give up. Read the stories about men who made it through.

Good luck

DivorceDaddy · 2024-03-28T15:32:46+00:00

Yeah, I spent 5 years there.

Anti-depressants made me numb. I did not enjoy that time in my life.

I got to the point where I realized that the fight wasn't worth it. I just gave away whatever my ex wanted (except for time with my kids). She could have it -- I'd just make more.

I used the anger as fuel -- which worked for a while.

krazykanuck · 2024-03-28T14:30:27+00:00

Are there known root to your feelings? Do you spend time beating yourself up? A light bulb moment for me was when my therapist saw how I treated myself vs how I treated a friend. I was not kind to myself, not forgiving. He told me to picture myself feeling the way I do, and asked me how I would treat a friend in that same situation. He then asked me why I don't do that to myself. It blew my mind. It's taking time and effort (because it doesn't feel normal), but I'm treating myself a lot better now. I am much more forgiving/encouraging and I try to do things that will make me feel better when I'm down.

FarmD_4_Life · 2024-03-28T14:29:51+00:00

I feel you man. I’m in the same boat. It’s the loneliness that kills me. I work from home which makes it worse. Most of my friends are in relationships and rarely do we hang out outside of watching a football or basketball game. Sucks being alone.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-28T12:41:49+00:00

Divorce is a temporary issue. All of us here are either going through the same hell, or are out on the other side of it. I spent 12 months living with my STBX during the divorce, and it absolutely sucked. But here I am six years past my divorce and life could not be better. I am living my best life that I could never live while married.

In my experience, the best therapy is lifting heavy things. If you've never done it before, it's easy to get started with Stronglifts: https://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5/workout-program/#what-is-the-5x5-workout

When you're squatting, deadlifting or bench pressing, there is no room for that little bitch voice in your head beating you down. Part of reconstruction, which can start during divorce, is kicking your STBX out of your head where she's renting space.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-28T12:10:19+00:00

Yes sir, I felt completely paralyzed for about 2 months. Couldn’t function. I would say I was clinically depressed for at least 6 months but didn’t seek professional help aside from getting a prescription for Concerta so I could at least perform at work. I got off that 4 months ago…

There’s a lot of good advice on here but what worked for me was channeling her words into motivation. So my ex cheated on me, there’s a lot more to the story I won’t get into. Basically when I confronted her about her affair she went nuclear, threw water in my face, told me the only thing she lied about was loving me, that I was a huge loser and she shouldn’t have married me. That she made a big mistake and was going to go marry a rich guy that was way better than me.

Those words stuck with me. At first it hurt, bad. Then when I would lay there I would think of those words and tell myself NO bitch, get up and DO SOMETHING. I won’t let her win. I won’t let her do better. I am the prize. I will be wealthier, better looking, in better shape, more interesting than any man that will ever even look at her. That was my motivation. She won’t win, she won’t because I’m driven.

Anyway it’s been over a year now since that awful night. I used to lean on those words for motivation but now I don’t need them. Honestly I think she did me a favor, I had gotten complacent and was going through the motions of life. Just needed a spark. You got your own spark 2 years ago, it’s up to you to fuel the fire or else you’ll just sit there and wither away to nothing.

Good luck man.

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-03-28T11:32:54+00:00

Similar time frame for me

It’s not as bad as it was 3 6 9 12 months ago Etc

Would be better if I had a job

I’ve made some new friends which helps

It’s just time

I’ll never be fully over this after 30 years together (25 married if you count the past two years which don’t really count

Mundane-Surround-325 · 2024-03-28T08:18:05+00:00

First: Pain becomes less if you are able, with all us others in similar situations, to realise and also accept, that your perception of humans and females in particular, was too hopeful. It is a pill to swallow, but realising it, gives relief. It is not about you, specifically.

keencone · 2024-03-28T06:15:37+00:00

Dude, I feel every part of what you’re saying about how this shit feels on a daily basis. All of it…

How’s your current emotional/physical status compare to 6 months, 1yr, 2 yrs back?

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-28T05:31:00+00:00

Yeah man I think a lot of us have been there. The finalization of the divorce is a turning point for sure. Keep doing things that you know are good and healthy.

One thing that really helped me was golf. I was not interested in it before I just took a desperate shot at something new. But the elements of golf are all divorce depression cures. Nature, socialization (you get paired with random people who become great friends), something really complicated and technical to keep your mind busy, exercise, etc.

Urge you to think outside the box to find something to get you out of bed in the morning. Could be bowling league or dance classes or 1000 other things.

But yeah keep grinding and doing the healthy things; this too shall pass! And when it does little problems don’t bother you anymore and it’s quite lovely.

Title	Deep depression
Author	AdventurousTrash1645
Upvotes	40
Comments	48
Date	March 28, 2024 5:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bpnr0x/deep_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/deep-depression.1513596 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513596

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