What does it mean to "Lead" a relationship?

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-04-08T17:02:36+00:00

'Leading', is just a means for feckless men to feel a degree of power in their powerless lives.

Desiring to be led is also an avenue for mediocre women to give up autonomy because they think capitalism is complicated.

Ultimately water finds its own level, so hopefully feckless men and mediocre women can find each other so they can pantomime tradcon dynamics despite neither one giving two thoughts of Traditional Conservatism before they stumbled upon it via tiktok or youtube shorts.

novaya_iskrennost · 2024-04-08T16:34:35+00:00

Well, in my relationship, my wife is the leader. She handles our money and decides how we will spend our time.

That being said, I do have a say in something. You see, I am a cuck, and I get to choose the bull for my wife! So, in this area of our relationship, I am a leader!

Purple_Cruncher_123 · 2024-04-08T17:05:53+00:00

But what does it mean to lead a relationship to you? Is it being the person who primarily pushes the relationship into its various phases? Someone who's primarily 'responsible' for the relationship's health and prosperity?

This seems fair.

What dictates this as the man's 'role'? And what 'role' is the woman meant to inhabit? Do you feel as if it's just some vestigial remnant of a time we no longer live in?

It's not only a man's role - at least, it doesn't have to be. Women have led households privately for millennia. Some men are merely figurehead leaders in their own house/externally, the same way King Charles is technically King of England except he has no actual governing powers.

Modernity certainly calls this into question further, though I think the pendulum often swings too far the other way. A democracy of two is incredibly inefficient - it helps to have a tiebreaker model where you take turns being situational leaders.

And frankly, being a one-stop-shop, skillful leader is beyond most people. I wouldn't bet on it as a default model just because it 'works' historically.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-04-08T16:59:55+00:00

To me it means someone is making the decisions and is "in charge" of a hierarchy. Whatever happens in the relationship is ultimately because they want it. I don't think romantic relationships should have anyone in charge. If one person makes more suggestions or whatever that's fine, but nobody should feel they're being led about and don't usually have a say.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-08T16:47:54+00:00

But what does it mean to lead a relationship to you?

I think that's a question directed to tradcons since my relationship is structured way different

serpensmercurialis · 2024-04-08T17:31:35+00:00

In a healthy way, it means to lead the same way someone effectively leads in any other context, but applied to relationship processes. In an unhealthy way, it means dominating and subjugating the other person so that you have more power in the relationship and they have less. It's not gendered.

_jay_fox_ · 2024-04-09T13:28:40+00:00

IMO it's an excuse for the other person not to be a responsible adult and an active participant.

Basically the "leader" has to invest most of the effort, make most of the decisions and take all the risks, while the "follower" can just coast along with minimal risk or downside, conveniently blaming the leader for any problems.

I would never want to be with a partner who expects me to "lead" the relationship.

Leadership should be assigned only in a specific field with clearly delineated boundaries, such as a manager in a workplace, not for a whole relationship!

spaffjizz · 2024-04-08T23:17:28+00:00

It's best when each person 'leads' the areas of their lives in which they're most competent.

TheDerInDisorder · 2024-04-09T08:45:16+00:00

Leading in this context typically means doing all the actual work. I avoid those losers like plague.

Think-Pick-8602 · 2024-04-08T17:15:38+00:00

I think this is defined on a case-by-case basis. I lead the relationship with my girlfriend. I make/get final say on most decisions about dates, I tend to budget and plan finances (we bothhave our own money too), I sometimes ask her to wear certain things or do stuff for me. In exchange, I pay for most stuff, I spoil her and I plan things.

However, to be clear, none of that would happen if she's said she didn't want it as well.

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Razieloo · 2024-04-08T21:56:33+00:00

To pay

LettingHimLead · 2024-04-09T13:31:22+00:00

It’s mostly when a married couple come to an impasse on a particular decision. Who makes the final decision? In our home, it would be my husband, since that’s the dynamic we’ve chosen. We agree on 99% of things, so it rarely comes into play. But when we don’t, he decides and then has to own/take total responsibility for that decision.

He also makes lots of fun plans for us, cleans, washes and gases up the cars, fixes all the things that break, keeps the yard in pristine condition - women act like this structure is horrible for them, but when you marry a good man, the workload is way more for the man than the woman.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-04-09T22:39:26+00:00

To provide vision for the future of the relationship, find and employ means to facilitate that vision into reality.

There's this semi crazy youtuber chick TealSwan, she says that men need to "contain" their women. Not manage, not lord over, not order around, but "contain". I like that phrase.

LoopyPro · 2024-04-08T16:51:18+00:00

Being a leader means to have the authority to make large scale decisions and to be responsible for those decisions in order to achieve a certain goal. There is an implied hierarchy, but this only applies to decision making and should not be mistaken for one individual inherently being more valuable than another. The goal itself can be formulated by all the people that are involved.

You can compare the dynamic to an actual ship. The captain of the ship is the leader, they delegate smaller scale tasks to the first officer, but could also be advised by that officer. Another example is ballroom dancing where traditionally, the woman follows the man's lead. Without a leader, there is no dance.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-04-08T18:38:54+00:00

Know what you want and where you are going. Make decisions. Don't ever say "me too, honey" or "whatever you want to eat, honey".

I think the biggest problem men here have is that they have been so passive their entire lives, letting life happen to them that they have no idea how to take charge or even have any direction and purpose in their lives. Women want to attach themselves to a man who knows where he is going and NOT to a little boy who is waiting for mommy to kiss his boo-boo and pat him on the head with approval.

obviousredflag · 2024-04-08T17:13:19+00:00

I don't know about you, but in my understanding, "to lead a relationship (with someone)" is synonymous with "to have a relationship (with someone)". It's not about leadership.

Intellect7000 · 2024-04-08T18:55:38+00:00

Lead in a relationship - take charge, be assertive

Nihi1986 · 2024-04-08T18:56:25+00:00

Making the decissions but also most of the efforts, like elaborating/finding a plan... Anyway, it's too vague. Leading in bed (taking the initiative)? Telling your partner what you are going to do in general or having your opinion being more important?

I think no one should lead. People will have different levels of motivation for different things, and sometimes a partner won't know what to do for holidays, for the weekend or whatever, but sometimes will definitely want to do something specific. Same in bed, btw.

So I guess leading means something different depending on the context.

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-04-09T08:28:35+00:00

Idk because one person can't really lead a relationship. It's a combined effort, or why else would it be called a companionship.

One person can't push the relationship into various phases. They both make that decision together, as it requires consent, and acceptance of both ppl, to go anywhere other than where u are.

One person can't be responsible for the relationships health. If person A wants to go to couples therapy, but person B doesn't wanna, then that relationship will remain unhealthy.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-08T16:46:34+00:00

I think that's a question for tradcons

Sad-Climate-1074 · 2024-04-08T16:31:18+00:00

It’s the new Mumbo jumbo from unhappy women. 10, 15 years ago relationships were more equal and no one was upset. Now women went traditionalism back because capitalism is hard.

KayRay1994 · 2024-04-08T17:02:15+00:00

To me, being a leader in the relationship means taking the big step and action, be the first one to jump kinda thing. To me a leader is someone who acts in service of those he is leading, this also means not acting against those you are leading’s wishes and taking that responsibility very seriously.

morixo · 2024-04-09T05:42:34+00:00

It means to direct the path of the relationship. Dates are planned by you. Most bills are paid by you. Security, protection and provisions are provided by you. Very simple concept.

Title	What does it mean to "Lead" a relationship?
Author	OnePotatoeChip
Upvotes	10
Comments	73
Date	April 8, 2024 4:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bz270n/what_does_it_mean_to_lead_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-does-it-mean-to-lead-a-relationship.1514487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514487

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