When looking for dating advice, the best people to give it would be those who are not that different from you when it comes to attractiveness, but has been more successful than you to get a decent partner

throwaway164_3 · 2024-06-21T18:09:15+00:00

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GridReXX · 2024-06-21T18:30:47+00:00

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sweetalison007 · 2024-06-21T19:24:54+00:00

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serpensmercurialis · 2024-06-21T17:59:47+00:00

The best advice comes from someone who knows you or understands what is going on. Your best friend may be nothing like you, but they likely have a good idea of your flaws, for example. Meanwhile people have a tendency to downplay flaws that they share with others that they consider more similar to themselves.

caption291 · 2024-06-21T21:05:01+00:00

The most successful athletes don't make for the best coaches.

Why? Because understanding why you succeed is not necessary for success.

So I think that instead of looking for someone most similar to you, you should look for someone who is good at coaching people who are most similar to you.

Coaching is different from dating advice but the principle is the same. It feels really obvious that the metric we should use to judge if someone is good at giving advice is the success of the people they advise, not their own success.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-06-21T19:43:22+00:00

A good % of people just as attractive as you with better partners is due to luck and perseverance. Dating is a numbers game for a good match.

DarayRaven · 2024-06-21T18:02:33+00:00

The only advice you need is watch more Bojack horseman but yea most advice is utterly useless

sweetalison007 · 2024-06-21T18:22:34+00:00

I think most people wouldn't let their ego get hurt to believe someone "on their level" was being more successful than them.

It's easier for many to think it's because of unattainable things that's their problem, so they don't have to look in the mirror and recognize they are the ones holding themselves back, and they have to actually put effort in to changing.

Agreed tho.

SaBahRub · 2024-06-21T19:42:20+00:00

I assume most people are asking their friends and family

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-06-21T19:54:22+00:00

While that is very true, there are also some generalities that apply to our times, like what people (generally) value, how relationships work under different circumstances, etc. But you are right, context like that matters.

Zabadoodude · 2024-06-21T20:18:09+00:00

It's similarly terrible when it's from someone that has had a string of bad relationships.

Like a lot of these dating gurus are in their 40's and by their own admission all their exes were awful. Sit down. No one wants your life

GridReXX · 2024-06-21T21:05:54+00:00

I agree in theory, but in practice the odds of finding someone with your exact looks and quirks who you are able to successfully grok some behavioral learnings from is rare.

So it behooves people to introspect and do some internal analysis themselves. And to deduce the learnings they can from imperfect and non-identical examples.

LimpJongUn · 2024-06-21T22:00:55+00:00

I agree with your thesis. I'd like to add a counter point to your thesis which is not only is advice from a more attractive person of your gender useless but advice from opposite gendered people who are different caliber than your target is also useless.

For example, a beautiful successful woman giving advice to an average man trying to wheel an average woman is useless and an average woman's advice to average men trying to wheel a beautiful high status woman is useless.

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-06-22T18:55:13+00:00

True for attractiveness for women but for men you’d also have to include natural charisma otherwise it will be just as useless.

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AcephalicDude · 2024-06-21T20:45:27+00:00

I kinda agree. But it also helps if the person also has the same values and priorities as you.

Spicy_take · 2024-06-22T03:24:40+00:00

I've been told I look like Chris Hemsworth, and I’ll tell ya, most dating advice you get as a guy is worthless no matter what 😂

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-06-22T09:40:36+00:00

It's a problem when people like you are rarely succesful so there is no advice.

Ok_Landscape_592 · 2024-06-22T20:21:06+00:00

that's why if i'm going to learn from a guy who's very successful with women he has to be one ugly mfer

b/c if he's making it happen you know his methods are legit

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-06-23T04:34:17+00:00

99% of men's problems is alot of you all don't wanna approach in RL... OLD is a shitshow.... if more men grew a spine and just took rejection as a teachable moment most of you wouldn't be single... also while she might reject you if you take it with class and dignity her friends or other women might see this and come over to chat or talk because you just showed them you're in control of your emotions

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-06-23T14:03:53+00:00

Yeah, you need to take advice from someone in the same situation as you, same looks, similar income and status. Otherwise you just get advice from people suffering from survivorship bias.

Individual_Speech_10 · 2024-07-01T12:13:42+00:00

Every woman I know that looks like me has been in relationships before and I haven't. I have not done anything differently from them and have taken their advice. Still nothing.

throwRA-lifeadvice · 2024-06-21T18:37:13+00:00

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lgtv354 · 2024-06-21T17:59:18+00:00

its not about messenger. its about the message

TRTGymBroXXX · 2024-06-21T20:18:56+00:00

You assume people here actually want advice on how to improve their success.

apresonly · 2024-06-21T21:06:28+00:00

the problem is i dont want any woman i know's husband or relationship so their advice is unhelpful.

FunkGetsStrongerPt1 · 2024-06-21T21:56:25+00:00

Salma Hayek is fugly. I would bet OP looks ten times better.

nightcall379 · 2024-06-21T21:43:10+00:00

Taking advice from men is a tricky thing

So much of a man's ego and sense of self worth is tied to his success with women that it's stupid to believe anything they're saying

Confident-Ad-6978 · 2024-06-22T00:34:47+00:00

What "strategy" does a woman need? Lol

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