Tired of feeling like I have to prove myself as worthy to women

corporate_robot_dude · 2024-06-26T17:17:17+00:00

I think many guys are feeling the frustration and are starting to realize it's not worth the effort. Our natural instinct is to want to be a provider and do all those nice things, but in modern dating culture the women hold all the cards. That's just the reality.

My rule of thumb now is if we met online, then I'm only doing coffee dates or walks. I'm sorry that you expect to be spoiled but if you're online it's guaranteed you're also talking to a dozen other men. I don't even take online dates seriously anymore. Even women who I met naturally in person and click with...will also do the same ghosting or mind games.

So the unfortunate by product of this is creating a generation of emotionally unavailable men. Ironically, the women are no better off either as they jump from relationship to relationship, unable to ever actually get commitment or settle with anyone because they always think they can do better. When they finally lose their looks and the attention suddenly drops off, you get a bunch of empowered women asking "where are all the good men? "

meowwaifu · 2024-06-26T17:33:34+00:00

It’s just the shitty culture we live in unfortunately. You definitely don’t need to prove yourself. The number of good women are decreasing unfortunately, and hold men to such an unrealistic standard.

Throwaway5617368 · 2024-06-26T16:53:40+00:00

It’s the environment we are forced into. Every woman we date, has us in competition with dozens of other men at the same time. They pick the one more fitting to their needs, discarding the others.

We cannot win this rigged game. Don’t play it, don’t chase.

Jbr74 · 2024-06-26T17:05:30+00:00

So, stop.

Women tend to flock to the mysterious assholes anyway.

Future-AI-Dude · 2024-06-26T17:44:08+00:00

the only use i have for women anymore is to fill the intimacy void. I have one gal and we have sex, and then we get dressed and live our lives until next time. To me that is the only benefit a woman holds for me any longer.

The ROI in dating is 0%. I’m with OP, chasing is all we do and i’m fucking done with that.

ShennongjiaPolarBear · 2024-06-26T18:34:25+00:00

Honestly, stop. You tried to centre your life on women, and you realised it's not worth it. Time to stop.

I don't understand the gynocentrism that gets beaten into men. I guess men-loving-men are less susceptible, but I don't get it.

Even on the bromance sub someone posted about how he'd like to live in something like a frat house with guys from all over the world.

Invariably someone piped in with "it'll be so much fun when we invite the girls."

Or just guys having a barbecue. Some simp always chimes in with "we just need some women here now."

Like wtf why.

GrandpaTheBand · 2024-06-26T18:38:39+00:00

Welcome to modern times, where we are still expected to act like men, but can get ruined by any women we talk to.

I can only say, not only are you worthy of any women, the fact that you are looking for a worthy partner and not a hook up speaks volumes.

Women, these are the kinds of men you are disparaging. Think about what you are actually fighting for.

Gunslinger1925 · 2024-06-26T18:18:08+00:00

As others have said, don't. Live your life, pursue your goals and hobbies, and build yourself how you see fit.

I equat it to casinos. I know mathematically the odds are not in my favor. I don't hate them, but I'm not going to waste my time and resources going to them. Same with the lottery.

I'm instead going to pursue other things that'll bring me some growth, interest, or joy.

herp225577 · 2024-06-26T18:28:50+00:00

I think this highlights something that needs to be discussed more. So many posts talk about the issues and costs of finding a girlfriend these days where the number of options available to women has greatly exacerbated their hypergamy. I think the costs are even greater to keep that girlfriend (maintenance costs). You so hit the gym, practice talking to women, plan dates etc. and finally get the girlfriend. The energy you put in is just getting started to keep her happy and her hypergamy satisfied. Even then, they are one DM away from Chad to monkey branching away.

The ROI is not even close to being worth it.

Kir141 · 2024-06-26T18:39:51+00:00

If you don’t write to her, and she is silent, then she only needs those relationships in which only you do everything, and she is the consumer. You have begun to understand their nature and you are on the right path. The result can be a feeling of loneliness as you end relationships with those who only need you as a resource. This is false loneliness, in fact it is liberation from the usual parasites that fed on your life.

OkSundae3514 · 2024-06-26T17:13:35+00:00

MGTOW is the way

WhereProgressIsMade · 2024-06-26T18:01:46+00:00

Dating has changed. Back in my dating years (1998 to 2005) what worked well then (for me at least) was to get the ball rolling by being the conversationalist, entertainer, planner, etc, but then pull back. Let her think you have options and have a busy life -- just this was enough back then to often trigger her hypergamy and get it to work in your favor. If a woman was interested in you, she'd often then step up and plan a date, call, etc. The ones that did were the ones I was interested in seeing if there was a future. The ones that just expected me to continue to do everything, I cut loose.

I think my 3rd date with my wife she planned for example. A GF I had before her once bought plane tickets for me to come visit her for a long weekend. From what you guys describe now though, it seems like there are fewer and fewer of those kind of women out there unfortunately.

Ok-Visit5628 · 2024-06-26T19:43:11+00:00

They have had it so easy for to long. When get everything laid down in front of them in so many areas throughout life, so that they can walk around holding the high standards about what they find worthy.

Fat, short, only fans, three kids, ugly, no personality, never take initiative, egirl, dogs girls and so on. Those last years have been enough for me so I could give a fuck about them.

I you have stable income and that isn't enough for them. Know that females are going to take you out of your life and have control. They dump people for the dummest thing. They blame us for everything. They cannot acknowledge that they are wrong. They use different ways to manipulate.

Getting a dog and then get more back from it then a female who is a dog.

Haven't eaten yet so I'm hungry and I'm not sure if I meant everything, but I'm probably not far away.

gabriel-kornilov · 2024-06-26T18:46:06+00:00

Don't do it then. Simple as that, now that you know. You don't need women to thrive. As a matter of facts, thrive on your own and they'll be all over you to ~~leech~~ enjoy the benefits of your success. Guaranteed.

TheEYL · 2024-06-26T19:27:16+00:00

Amen.

You are worthy and I mean it, kind stranger.

Don't do shit for the bitches.

MrSaturn33 · 2024-06-26T17:14:43+00:00

https://i.ibb.co/p3Fft90/how2atttractyourlifepartner.png

Zuboy333 · 2024-06-26T19:06:46+00:00

Especially when ur short in height, cause they won't tolerate the mediocre treatment from you but will from a tall man

Frird2008 · 2024-06-26T17:46:16+00:00

If the ratio of the cost to the benefit in regards to the ratio of effort I'm putting in to results I'm getting in return becomes too high, I wish the other party good luck & move onto the next.

randyoftheinternet · 2024-06-26T18:11:07+00:00

You don't have to

aBlackKing · 2024-06-26T17:48:10+00:00

Just not worth dating in this kind of environment. I’d rather spend more time on hobbies or kick back and relax than waste time on fruitless endeavors.

kkkan2020 · 2024-06-26T18:15:11+00:00

Just walk away. Do your own thing and enjoy the rest of your days ..at this rate we don't have too many days left

LobYonder · 2024-06-26T20:49:05+00:00

If you are too eager to please you just feed her superiority complex and let her think you are low value. Get to know her and spend a moderate amount of time and effort but don't compromise your time or effort early on in dating.

Kafir666- · 2024-06-26T21:29:32+00:00

Oh I stopped doing that shit a long time ago. It's not worth it. I don't even need women in my life and realizing that made me much happier. Felt like a weight off my shoulders. I will not live my life according to their rules and I do not need their drama and interference in my life.

ggleblanc2 · 2024-06-26T17:02:03+00:00

Men have always had to prove themselves to women. Historically, the proof was available to a large number of men.

Chivilary raised women's standards.

Presently, women's standards are too damn high. Women have hundreds of choices that are good enough to sleep with. As u/Throwaway5617368 said, We cannot win this rigged game. Don’t play it, don’t chase.

tiredfromlife2019 · 2024-06-26T19:32:30+00:00

Then don't bother with dating. Simple as that.

I'm sorry if this comes off as callous but I'm just being frank with you.

That's how women are and that's how society is.

hasbulla_magomedov · 2024-06-27T01:02:02+00:00

I totally agree. I haven’t even ventured into the dating world as much as most of you probably have but it seems so draining. Like as a man you have to put in much more than you get in return. Like you said, you have to prove yourself and make yourself seem worthy of her, and if that succeeds then you’re expected to pay for everything. Like what do we seriously get out of it?

MadleyMatter · 2024-06-26T18:41:49+00:00

This should only being happening to a small degree, at some point BOTH should be putting in effort, even if you’re not a guy, don’t put all your effort into someone who doesn’t return that same energy

HelloFuckYou1 · 2024-06-26T21:30:13+00:00

put this on your mind: STOP PLEASING WOMEN!!!

one thing i have learnt is that western women (yes, all of them... even the ones that claim to be good) will orbitate towards the ''good'' (aka the three 6s) and that they discard dudes like you because all in all, you are pushover....

so start to work on yourself, for yourself and take that value elsewhere.... and see how women prove themselves to you

__DannyBoy · 2024-06-27T00:38:01+00:00

All facts! Men will respect time, and we don’t appreciate our time being wasted. Move on, and it’s always her loss. Men are too important for games and bs.

LogicalSecretary3464 · 2024-06-26T21:47:30+00:00

Spot on. Good for you. I feel you.

fake_naim · 2024-06-27T02:16:18+00:00

I feel like I'm going to make this seem way too simple, so forgive me if I do, but don't date someone who doesn't offer to go Dutch when it comes to dates. It's not the 50s. Women can and will pay their own bill during a date. At least the decent ones will. This way, if either of you isn't interested, you're not out a bunch of money. Any woman who is turned off by you for not paying for the entire date is not worth your time. You'd be dodging a bullet.

AvailableAd1232 · 2024-06-27T03:17:02+00:00

Women are just not worth the trouble in terms of romance.

healingman55 · 2024-06-27T03:19:30+00:00

Totally get it- I am not a clown, here for your entertainment. I am here to work. Want to work with me and have some fun along the way? Sweet!

I will remain single until an adult driven by more than emotions comes along. Definitely on the look out but its rare!

Roamer56 · 2024-06-27T04:13:37+00:00

Focus on hobbies and making money. I have and I don’t regret it one bit.

Attk_Torb_Main · 2024-06-26T19:20:17+00:00

Men have been the pursuers across all cultures and all eras.

BreakinLiberty · 2024-06-27T04:56:45+00:00

All our lives men are treated as we have to prove our worth.

Idc this life is passing. Nothing we do truly matters so why should i have to prove myself to anyone. I am who i am and if women expect me to prove anything then they wont get it

springy · 2024-06-27T06:33:41+00:00

I live in Europe, specifically in Prague, in the Czech Republic, where dating is still pretty much like it used to be. I have read, however, that in the USA women are now all encouraged to see themselves as "I am a 10", which in turn makes them feel entitled to be with men who are actual 10s. Anything else would, for these women, be "settling" and they will look down on you no matter how hard you try.|

This is, of course, not a very nice situation for men. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, the "I am a 10" woman will not respect you. I have no advice, other than in those circumstances, I wouldn't bother dating. That's not easy, since it is natural to want to date women, but the current dating climate will just drive you crazy.

Daddy_Parietal · 2024-06-27T07:32:26+00:00

As someone who was fortunate to find my SO in school, I have found a trend that most women that are single by the time they leave college are usually not worth it, and the longer that goes on, they justify their own standards and behaviors so much thats it not even worth trying to court them.

Also women that tend to be single through college are the ones that only focused on studies and not on themselves, and tend to have alot of unresolved issues that you better be willing to sign up for when trying to court them.

BuyOk5222 · 2024-06-28T07:56:05+00:00

Honestly I feel like this is a deep rooted problem is western culture in general. Especially with the concept of chivalry. Original men would have to court women to gain their attention, but back then perusing women was actually worth it, since most of them weren’t whores, fuck it, even the whores weren’t that bad and got their act together after marriage. Now it’s just a fucking mess. We’re applying old courtship tactics to women who aren’t like the women of the past.

InitiativeTop7029 · 2024-06-29T00:24:44+00:00

“Why are ‘creepy’ men always ‘following’ me at night????”

“Why aren’t any men making the first move anymore?”

Roamer56 · 2024-06-29T19:37:16+00:00

IMO, just stop dating and use the money on yourself. Stop feeding their entitlement.

…and don’t be sorry for venting, dude.

Yung4Yrs · 2024-06-27T03:00:55+00:00

OMG guys! Now I graduated from high school in 1970 and married my HS sweetheart. Two kids and over 3 decades before self respect required a divorce. I'm single and it's Jan 2020. Remember? Covid just getting going. "We're all gonna die!!!" Friend had been egging me on to get on "Our Time", online social dating for over 50. He was using it kinda as a numbers game seeing how much he could get laid. Worked on a profile finally and put it up. (I'd had one on Match.com, etc. but nah, no thanks.) Connected with a gal who was getting ready to give it up on Our Time. We went back and forth some and then I invited her on a date at a local tavern/hot spot/karaoke. 3 hour fun date.

Long story short so that's about 4 & 1/2 years ago we're still together, now married, and I'm having the best time with a woman of my life. I'm in pretty good shape for my age. She's a pediatrics nurse and was a widow 10 years when I met her. I devoured a bunch of Red Pill, MGTOW, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" kinda stuff and completely understand the dynamics being discussed here. For my own self I decided IF I ever got in a relationship again my emotional needs HAVE TO MATTER. Further, I am wired as a high desire male so in an exclusive relationship my sexual needs need to addressed as legitimate and in a caring context. And also that I enjoy oral sex. A woman doesn't have to. But I don't have to be married to her either. It's a free country. I have told guys I've counseled on the subject here's 3 qualities you need to look for. Tolerance, flexibility, and generosity. If she's stingy tipping the waitress, she'll be stingy with you. All the time. The spirit of the day with the female gender is a disconnected from reality, selfish narcissism. I think my wife tips a little too much. Guess what I get at home. And in bed. Every day. Like make your hamstrings quiver. :))) I think I forgot to mention she's 18 years younger than me.

You are welcome to comment on how lucky I am. I do think there are a lot of women in the culture who are generous. And understand a relationship is give and take and requires commitment to make it work. They are most definitely in the minority and most are already taken. I agree with most everything that's being said here. Leave a little bit of space for the good ones that are left boys. Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. I know I'm hanging onto mine. My baby that is. After I ditched the Mr. Nice Guy in my personality? I call my wife "baby" very regularly. First time in my life using that term of affection with a woman. And I don't make any apologies to feminists or white knights over it either. :)))

CordCarillo · 2024-06-26T18:02:46+00:00

Everyone has to prove themselves worthy.

Worthy of someone's attention, a job, a home, a car, etc.

If someone told you life was easy, they lied.

dskzz · 2024-06-27T05:51:26+00:00

dude your trying to hard/thinking about it too much. just be. the woman is incidental. at least until shes the mother of your child. pick that one very carefully.

throwburneraway2 · 2024-06-27T06:35:54+00:00

Welcome to adulthood as a male

Conscious_Luck1256 · 2024-06-27T08:24:56+00:00

it's just how it is as a man. thats why i wish i was born a woman. i wouldnt have to prove myself in order to be deemed worthy by a potential partner or generally people. i absolutely hate the male role, makes you feel like you are simply less worth by default.

Main_Following1881 · 2024-06-27T13:09:06+00:00

the thing about women is that they do chase but they only chase people that would never chase them, so what you need to do is become better looking.

Arise212 · 2024-06-27T16:10:54+00:00

I am going through something similar. I feel like I am the one constantly chasing this woman I am dating. We get together & have sex about twice a week. That is great, but other than that she is not emotionally available. Never texts me unless I text her first. I send her flirty texts & she doesn't flirt back. I feel like she is not that into me. Other than sex a couple times a week. I always am taking initiative & it's like she is like whatever about it.

skllyskullstyle · 2024-06-27T20:47:59+00:00

Been there sir. We've all been there. What I'm doing is just waiting and reporting until we make things right and get our due process.

inpeace00 · 2024-06-27T21:02:16+00:00

i learn something after dealing with girls online dating apps....just can't be truthful at all but say what they want to hear, if not get sudden ghosting. I know myself worth and alot of desperate women out there.

Delivery-Subject · 2024-06-28T09:59:52+00:00

Go gay, or move to a non feminist country, like turkey

ParanoydSchizo · 2024-06-28T12:59:36+00:00

Get some self respect you don’t need to prove anything start accepting who you are and be yourself….i can relate to this on a million levels i was the people pleaser the hard worker and the veteran and I wasn’t surprised to find out it wasn’t gonna be enough for people that supposedly gave a shit about me so I took off and am living much happier now….you got this brother 🫡…..the average American woman or anybody in general is just not worth giving your energy to…when those people see you as somebody to easily throw away when not needed

solarsalmon777 · 2024-06-28T19:54:48+00:00

All the women are competing over top 10 men by lowering their requirement for reciprocity and yelling "all men are awful!" when those men aren't willing to be seen with them in public. Ascribing "fuckboy" behavior to men in general it feels better than admitting that their looks-match is someone they'd find repulsive. BTW, wanna talk about rape culture? How about the fact that men who stop wanting to have sex with a woman, aka "fuckboys", are publicly hated and ostracized? Like, what could this possibly achieve other than having men fear saying "no" to you?

Character_Map_6683 · 2024-06-29T04:30:47+00:00

Modern dating stemmed from working class poor trying to have some cheap fun. Now a days it is for the elite. It is like peasant food soups that they now charge $45 at a Michelin star restaurant.

Courting is more natural but obviously usually tied to religious life. And that is tough in itself and not a guarantee of quality. I think it really is passport bro time.

SleepLivid988 · 2024-06-27T06:04:48+00:00

I like this sub, and I hope you guys are ok with a woman’s perspective. If not, let me know.

The good women are like the good men, it’s all about perspective. I don’t look for a guy who is “nice”, “has money”, “a certain height”, etc. I hope to meet a guy who I can get along with as a friend and also have an intimate relationship with. I want someone who “completes” me, as cheesy as that sounds. I have had that, so I know it’s possible. I also strive to be that person to the guy I like.

I’m in my early 40s, am divorced (he had an affair and left me), then widowed (had cancer). I’m past the age to want children, even though it’s possible. I just want a partner. Someone who I can enjoy life with. There shouldn’t be stipulations. We all deserve to be happy and loved.

lilyliveredghost · 2024-06-27T12:12:07+00:00

Pretty sure I'm gonna get crucified for this but I honestly just wanna help you guys out with some insight. I'm a single woman. I've entered the online dating thing since last September - tbh I don't open the dating app too often because I feel stressed out every time I do. I feel scared and tired when talking to my matches - scared that I will allow myself to be vulnerable only to be ghosted or love-bombed or to realise that the person already has a wife/connected to his ex (has happened too many times by now, one guy I went on a date with actually came across as somewhat pedo). So, instead, I end up filling most of my time with painting, hanging out with my friends and family, working, hobbies, exercise, etc. It makes me feel safe and content.

In my experience, as a recipient of the several dating app likes, the competition is not between you and other men, it's between you and whatever makes her feel safe and okay. You could try visiting the libraries or pottery classes and stuff like that... Most of the one-man type ladies are at home reading a book or attending some niche hobby related meetings. Hope it helps and I'm really sorry if I have offended anyone here.

Hope you guys find your soulmates!

xyzyxzyxzyxyzyxzxy · 2024-06-27T07:09:12+00:00

It's beautiful to see how the traditional roles of men being the strong and dominant leaders are completely backfiring these days. Eventually both men and women will realize that complete equality is what we really want and need, let's ditch those fucked up regressive conservative role models. Thanks.

Baka_Burger · 2024-06-26T17:54:43+00:00

What does this have to do with men's rights?

Title	Tired of feeling like I have to prove myself as worthy to women
Author	HourWeakness8912
Upvotes	456
Comments	143
Date	June 26, 2024 4:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1dp39d5/tired_of_feeling_like_i_have_to_prove_myself_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/tired-of-feeling-like-i-have-to-prove-myself-as.1522445 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522445

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