Double Standard

-Blatherskite · 2024-07-31T01:06:43+00:00

I like to spoil my husband. He was 26 and still living with his parents when we met. I owned my own condo, etc. Literally no one has ever said anything of the sort to me. Everyone acts like he settled and I'm so lucky he tolerates me. Including my family.

EulenWatcher · 2024-07-30T21:41:53+00:00

Some people are into more traditional dating dynamic. It's fine as long as they're consistent and they don't try to push everyone into the dynamic they find desirable. The reverse of it would be a man cooking or cleaning for his partner - there are people who are fine with women doing it, but they'd call a man doing the same a simp/cuck/beta/whatever. Some people are just hypocrites and want to have their cake and eat it too.

I make more than my husband and I don't think I "date down" or "don't know my worth". My in-laws aren't exactly happy with it, but they're generally more into traditional dynamic. I just ignore their comments. In my family or among my friends no one has ever told me anything close to these lines. In my family there are several couples where a woman makes more or has supported her husband through unemployment/illness.

egalitarian-flan · 2024-07-30T23:27:41+00:00

Personally I don't think it is. I make significantly more than my man, and take great pride in making life comfortable for him.

I imagine that for those who see it as "dating down", they're almost certainly in favor of traditional gender roles and think anything that doesn't conform is wrong.

Corbast7 · 2024-07-30T21:18:02+00:00

Both takes are sexist and dumb. A lot of sexist attitudes are still mainstream today, both misogynist and misandrist.

apresonly · 2024-07-30T21:29:10+00:00

i actually have a couple friends who have always made more than their male partners and enjoy being the feminist boss lady (in a loving, healthy way) who is able to use her intelligence to provide for her and her man.

growing up, my mom made more than my dad, no one ever said anything like this to her or about her that i know of (and i heard plenty of negative shit about my mom)

people also call these women sugar moms or cougars. they can be seen as successful women who haven't been lucky in love who essentially "buy" a boyfriend to keep around. (they can also be seen as desperate losers who have to buy love).

leosandlattes · 2024-07-30T21:17:47+00:00

Historically women have cared about income-based hypergamy. Men do not. We are also all socialized into the same cultural norms where men are providers.

But over the past may decades, more couples being equal financial partners is growing and will continue to grow. So get in whatever relationship you want - there's no shortage of women who want to contribute financially to a relationship.

optimistic_entropi · 2024-07-30T21:19:19+00:00

Culture.

People have ideas about people's place in society based on their gender. Women making money equivalent to men is fairly recent and cultural acceptance of this is going to take a minute to settle in.

Inevitable-Ear-3189 · 2024-07-30T22:36:35+00:00

I've been the breadwinner and I've been the one earning less in a relationship, but I can't answer your question because I never gave two shits what anyone thought of it.

beautyloser · 2024-07-30T22:47:54+00:00

it’s culture and stereotypes about who is supposed to play what role in relationships.

i reject both perspectives as sexist in their own ways. i’m looking for an equal (or near equal) partner in both income and contributions to running the household, as are many women i know. choose social circles with similar values to your own.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-07-31T02:22:02+00:00

I spoil the shit out of my fiance. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I don’t need him to make a ton of money; I make enough for both of us. I am acutely aware of my worth and anyone who has met my man would not say I’m dating down.

Sounds like you’re just surrounded by shitty women

bluepvtstorm · 2024-07-30T22:29:49+00:00

Men who make less money rarely pick up more of the chores. So now they are being supported and doing was than me in the household. No thanks.

SaBahRub · 2024-07-30T22:06:16+00:00

Gender roles and biology

Novadina · 2024-07-31T03:03:43+00:00

I make way more than my partner. I’ve never once had anyone tell me I was “dating down” or that I “don’t know my own worth”. Who exactly is saying that? Is it conservatives? They are really into gender roles, but not everyone is, I don’t really hang out with people all strict about gender roles as they are judgmental and sexist.

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Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-31T11:39:59+00:00

Because it’s assumed she’s contributing more in terms of household labor and childcare, while it’s assumed he isn’t. Is this always true? Of course not. Is it true more often than the other way around? Yeah.

Anonynymphet · 2024-08-01T11:22:52+00:00

My answer is basically the same as every woman in this forum who earns more than her partner: I’m definitely not punching down just because I earn significantly more than him. His mother makes far more than his father did, and he had a lot of respect for that, and in turn, respect for me. If anything, he’s PROUD of my achievements, and makes him strive to work hard himself (currently studying to be an accountant). No one has ever said I’m punching down because we’re pretty similar in appearance, and everyone knows he treats me well, even if it’s not financially.

TheMedsPeds · 2024-07-31T05:24:56+00:00

Hm, pretty sexist of you to aim this question at women. That would lead me to believe that you believe all of us or at least most of us think that.

I certainly do not. Now maybe she isn’t “knowing her worth” if the guy not only works some bottle of the barrel minimum wage job but also doesn’t cook or clean. Sure, then we can start to talk about her knowing her worth. Because at that point isn’t he just giving you a couple hundred bucks and keeping you company? Is he a partner or basically the equivalent to a teenage son with a summer job.

I’ve made more money than 4 out of 5 of my BF. My current BF makes $10 more an hour than I do and I still get dinner maybe 25% of the time.

half_avocado33 · 2024-07-30T21:29:30+00:00

Women are still stuck with more chores and child rearing. This would at least give the man more time to make money. And he fails.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-07-30T22:43:04+00:00

Men making more money than their partners in relationships helps to uphold a system where they have power over women.

Title	Double Standard
Author	Big_Hour_520
Upvotes	23
Comments	77
Date	July 30, 2024 8:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1eg4glx/double_standard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/double-standard.1525822 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525822

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